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Is That A Hole?

Is That A Hole?

by Gina Valley

“There’s a hole in our kitchen door.”

I announced this to The Professor.

Without looking up from his iPad, he responded, “There’s supposed to be a hole. That’s how doors work.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Hole? DIYIf he wasn’t the straight man in our comedy-of-life team, I’d think my husband was trying to be funny. Chemistry professors are not often funny. Well, not on purpose, anyway.

“No, not the doorway. There’s a hole in the actual door.”

Hub looked toward the door with a suspicious, but clearly willed-to-be-blind-eye. “I don’t see a hole.”

Now, lest you think I’m making a mountain out of a door hole, you need to know that I would not usually even mention a hole like this to him. Normally, I would just fix it. But, this was his hole. Sort of.

A couple weeks ago, The Professor decided that in order to tighten the hinges on the door between our kitchen and dining room, he needed to take it out to the yard. I expressed doubt at not only the necessity of the door going on this road trip for such an adjustment, but also that said door would be returned promptly to its proper home.

That door is the only thing that prevents children and dogs from flying through our kitchen every time I open our oven.

I don’t know what it is about me opening our oven door, but it draws crowds more quickly than yelling “Fried chicken!” at the church potluck.

Some sort of bat signal must be sent off when I start to reach for the handle, which tells every child and pet in the region to immediately make a run through our kitchen.  Maybe the Boy Scouts are offering some sort of merit badge for anyone who can make The Valley Kitchen Run With Open Oven Door in under 12 parsecs (yes, I know a parsec is really a distance, but I was going for a Star Wars tie-in there).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Hole? DIY

So, I need that door in its assigned position, as kitchen security sentry.

The Professor assured me as he carried the door out to the yard that he would have it back and re-hung within the hour.  I was sure he truly believed that. I was also sure it would not happen.

After 2 days of the door still in our yard, I made it clear to my dear hub that I would be doing no cooking of any kind anywhere in our house until that door was back where it belonged. Then, for emphasis, I took our kids out to dinner (in retrospect that was kind of punishing me).

When we returned, lo and behold, the door was back where it belongs.  But, it had a hole in it.

That’s the hole we both stood staring at.

“There is a hole.  It’s right there.”  I pointed out. “You took it outside, you left it there, and now it’s got a hole in it. I can’t believe you are not seeing that.”

“All I see is a dent,” he noted.

“A dent?  You call that a dent? Well, if it’s a dent, it’s a well -drained dent, because you can look through it and see inside the door,” I retorted in my most dramatic, martyr-like voice.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Hole? DIY

“No one is ever going to even notice…” he began.

I decided to stop him before his safety became an issue.  “You do not want to finish that sentence.”

“OK. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” he said reassuringly. I was not reassured.

Today, after I got home from spending the afternoon shuttling our kids all over the SoCal area, I went straight to our kitchen door.  I wasn’t really checking to see if he’d fixed his divot. I was really checking to make sure the door was still there.

It was.

And, surprisingly, the hole/dent was gone.

Still, I stared at the door.

Not because the hole is gone.

But, because,

There’s a lump on our kitchen door.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you a do-it-yourself-er or a write-a-check-for-someone-else-to-do-it-er?  Is there a yard-pile-er in your family?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.  And, please, pass me the sand paper. I’ve got a lump to level.

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2 Responses
  • Ariel
    July 21, 2014

    Oh, that’s so sad & funny at the same time! I guess a lump is better than a hole though :). We’re the family that tries to do it on our own until we mess it up enough to call help.

  • I do most of the fixing up in the house, except when I don’t. Then I call my handyman who lives down the street.
    Lately, I have his phone number on speed dial and his email addy as one of my favorites. His wife and I chat on the phone and discuss life, kids, and all of kinds of stuff, and then get to the nitty gritty.
    He has a key to our house and brings his son along to play with our dog. Did I mention he lives down the street and he’s awesome?
    PLUS (super bonus here) he CLEANS UP AFTER HIMSELF!! TaaaDAaa! NO one in my house cleans up after themselves. NO ONE! It’s such a novelty!