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Why We Need The Morons

Why We Need The Morons

by Gina Valley

I didn’t stab anyone with a fork in the middle school parking lot yesterday.

I think I deserve a prize for that, because there were several candidates who were more than qualified to receive a forkus to their neckus.

But, in hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t mete out that well-deserved punishment.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Morons Bad Unsafe Drivers Middle School Obesity Physical Activity College Scholarships Genetics Mathematical SkillsPerhaps, justice would have been served.  But, at what cost?  Maybe those moron drivers serve a purpose in the greater good.

Let’s examine that, shall we?

Is it possible that what appear to be simply idiots behind the wheel are actually agents for the betterment of society?  I believe so, and here are a few reasons why.

Moron drivers in the middle school parking lot encourage physical activity in our children. Let’s face it.  We are becoming the Pudgy Planet.  All of the other planets are making fun of us.  And, our kids have not escaped our over-gnoshing, under-jogging ways. My friend, James over at Dads Round Table, made just that point last week in his Childhood  Obesity is Going Global post (I don’t know why, but that title makes me giggle).

So, maybe instead of judging these jalopy jockeys we should appreciate their contribution to our children’s physical development.  After all, the bobbing and weaving our kids have to do to make it safely to the curb increases their agility.    And, we mustn’t forget that the fear of death these dumb drivers inspire raises both our children’s heart rate and their velocity, as they make their run from the car to the classroom, for an excellent cardio workout.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Morons Bad Unsafe Drivers Middle School Obesity Physical Activity College Scholarships Genetics Mathematical SkillsMoron drivers in the middle school parking lot increase the likelihood of winning college scholarships by our kids.  Jumping out of the way as a bumper is bearing down on him or her improves even the shortest child’s vertical leap, and increases their chance at that college basketball or hurdling scholarship.  In these tough economic times, we need all of the help we can get to pay for our kids’ college education.

Moron drivers in the middle school parking lot help my children to understand genetics. Just yesterday, when a moron driver nearly plowed over a dad escorting his daughter through the crosswalk and to their car, the dad, clearly a geneticist, chose to give all within earshot a genetics lesson.

Now I’m not going to use the exact…uh…scientific names the geneticist used, but essentially he pointed out that the lineage of the moron driver included a canine mother, and the combined genes of a blind, brain-dead, apparently promiscuous goat, and something he referred to, in what I think was its Latin root, as a Stu Pidass.   Where else can our children get real-time genetics instruction?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Morons Bad Unsafe Drivers Middle School Obesity Physical Activity College Scholarships Genetics Mathematical SkillsMoron drivers in the middle school parking lot encourage our children to develop advanced mathematical skills. Trying to determine which lane the moron motorist is going to drive the wrong direction down helps our children to develop problem solving skills. It also provides an opportunity for them to learn to apply those pesky probability problems to real life scenarios.   That alone is going to boost their scores on the SAT.

So, moron drivers in the middle school parking lot, please allow me to salute you.

By raising this fork.

And bringing it down.

On your hand.

Or neck.

Whichever.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What is the deal with people being so careless driving around kids?  Or, driving in general?  Have you come across some world class stupid drivers?  Shoot me a comment.   I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Remember to hook up with an email subscription so you don’t miss a laugh. Just click the box up on the right.  Don’t worry – I promise to keep your email address confidential.

You can find more laughs about bad drivers and the honorary degree I’ve earned at my It’s Not A Road, It’s An Idiot Convention post. I’ll meet you over there.  As always, the click to get there counts as cardio.

17 Responses
  • Kristina
    February 13, 2013

    Bad drivers… they’re everywhere. They teach you to be aware, patient and very self-disciplined (I can no longer yell bad stuff because my kids just repeat it to others!).

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      It seems like the worst drivers show up when I have young company in the car. I suppose that’s a good thing, too, as it’s taught me to get very creative with my comments!

  • Vinny C
    February 13, 2013

    And let’s not forget “survival of the fittest”. With the help of moron drivers, kids will learn a vital rule about survival the cutthroat adult world by learning that, in order to survive, sometimes you have to be able to outrun & out-dodge the other guy. That’s important too.

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      That is an excellent point, Vinny. I don’t know how I missed that. Of course, it does call into question how exactly the moron driver has survived thus far. I guess it’s probably just dumb luck!
      I hope your commute to your new job is short so that you don’t have to deal with many moron drivers. After all, you already understand about survival of the fittest!

  • Yep, I get that. I have the same problem with grocery store aisle hogs. Playing bumper carts can be entertaining and it is much easier and less expensive then with a car in a school driveway… LOL.

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      Yeah, what’s with the people who park in the middle of the grocery store aisle? I’ll have to do a public service announcement post on that soon. And, why do they always look so annoyed when you scoot their cart out of the way?

  • Pamela Bluehs Rote
    February 13, 2013

    my mental fork gets a work out every day!!!!!

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      Mine, too, Pamela! Mine, too!

  • Cody
    February 13, 2013

    Way to find the positive in a frustrating situation. I will always try to think of this during a bout of road rage 🙂

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      I am happy to have helped out, Cody! Usually I just cause trouble! Lol!

  • Columba Lisa
    February 13, 2013

    I love sarcastic humor posts! Thanks for the laugh!

    • gina valley
      February 14, 2013

      Thank you, Lisa! I am so glad you enjoyed it. Sarcasm is my 2nd or 3rd language. It depends if you count “making up words to fit the situation” as a language or not. I hope you will check out some other posts, too, soon.

  • Unfortunately, these drivers are present in elementary school lots as well. Where the moving targets are smaller with shorter legs and less vertical jump. Nothing like a game of frogger to increase a young one’s response time! Great post…

  • Courtney~Club-Content
    February 16, 2013

    We have the bus stop at our driveway, and people just race up and down that street. They know the stop is there, and kids are there, but it doesn’t seem to register.

  • 조이 Czjai (@RebelSweetHrt)
    February 17, 2013

    I’ll look forward to your post about morons who leave their shopping carts smack dab in the middle of the supermarket aisle. They get on my nerves, too. Haha.

  • Kendra Krebs
    February 17, 2013

    LOL I like your sense of humor, I have yet to really open up with my wackiness on my blog 🙂 I like to say ” they need a good punch in the neck”

  • mamawolfeto2
    February 18, 2013

    I’m a middle school teacher, and can certainly relate to navigating the parking lot when it’s full of frantic parents trying to drop off their kids!