Tuesday Tickles – sdsvt

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share laughs.

Here’s some giggle-makers that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

My 2 year old wanted to wear her underwear to bed but I didn't trust her sleeping without a diaper so we compromised & it's on her head.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) July 13, 2013

I've decided to change my daughters bed time to 4pm so now when she will actually get to bed by 8pm.

— James (@JamesHudyma) July 13, 2013

I'm more of a ''the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces'' person.

— JoeJoeKeys (@JoeJoeKeys) July 14, 2013

Me walking away from a loud automatic flush toilet and not flinching is my "cool guys don't look at explosions."

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 13, 2013

I fight childhood obesity by eating all the candy my kids have been saving.

— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) July 13, 2013

Finally tried rollerblading to work this AM. In other news, spent the rest of the AM cleaning glass shards and curry out of my backpack

— Barmy Rootstock (@IbecameMyDad) July 11, 2013

With the right vest, valet sign, & location, you can pretty much test drive as many random cars as you like.

— Aristotles (@AristotlesNZ) July 11, 2013

Son: What does antiquated mean? Me: Look it up in the dictionary. Son: ??? Me: Google it. Son: Got it! Thanks dad.

— Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) May 15, 2013

Sometimes I go vegan when I feel like honoring all living things and saving the earth and having Oreos for dinner

— Fred Zipfel (@Fredzipfel) July 9, 2013

Just started a new diet where I eat a milkshake for breakfast, a milkshake for lunch & a sensible dinner. Also, I eat my regular meals.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 10, 2013

Called DirecTV to get service back & one of the options was "press 5 if you have a 2y/o & are sorry you got rid of the ability to pause TV"

— Ashley (@ashleycrem) July 2, 2013

The microwave knocks out my wifi while it cooks a Hot Pocket as if it wants me to just sit and think about the decisions that led to this.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 3, 2013

Me to my Wife: No, I don't think I'm exaggerating by comparing my paper cut to childbirth. Have you seen the cut?

— jimmyettele (@jetts31) July 3, 2013

The first time I saw a tire swing I thought, "Those people really hate cars"

— Jeremy Arroyo (@Jerry414) June 29, 2013

The guy in front of me at the cafeteria just purchased 20 cans of Red Bull. I'm pretty sure he's trying to see sound.

— Jen Mitchell (@buriedwithkids) June 29, 2013

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

— tpr2 (@tpr2) June 27, 2013

OMG! Just discovered that I can make phone calls with my iPhone.

— TedInJest (@TedInJest) June 22, 2013

All the checkout lanes here are "15 items or less" except one, which requires you to walk across hot coals while bring sprayed with acid.

— Kelley (@KelleysBreakRm) June 18, 2013

Didn't put my contacts in or my glasses on today so cleaning the house took 1/2 the time.

— Wendy Liebman (@WendyLiebman) July 10, 2013

Mommy, we're making buttholes and feet. Summer enrichment is happening in my backyard. Right now.

— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) July 15, 2013

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

 

Momspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe I said out loud to my pack this week):

Don’t lick your brother’s shorts!

Who dressed the vacuum?

Scissors don’t live in the refrigerator.

 

Kidspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe one of my pack said to me this week):

Don’t come outside for a while, ok? And, do we have more glue?

Why do we have to clean?  Who’s coming over?

I haven’t been able to find my toothbrush for 4 days.

 

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Don’t miss a giggle.  Be sure to “Like” up my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend.