Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military

Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military

by Gina Valley

I have the utmost respect for those who have and do serve in our military.  They and their families make tremendous sacrifices to keep me and my family secure.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military Veterans’ Day

I appreciate their service so much, especially since I could never do it.

Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military

#10.  I can’t have the different foods on my plate touch.  If the
mash potatoes get on my cucumber slices, we’ll need to call in a HazMat team to deal with that guck.

#9.  I eat chips with chopsticks.  I don’t often eat chips, but when I do, I use chopsticks.  I can’t stand that greasy feeling on my hand.  I don’t skip the fried chicken for health.  I pass over it because thinking about its grease getting on my hands gives me the shudders.

#8.  I have to have a variety of shoes.  I love combat boots as much as the next girl, but sometimes, it’s just not a “black boot” kind of day.  What if I drove the tank into a ditch and needed something to lift my spirits?  Running down to the PX to pick up yet another pair of black combat boots just isn’t going to do it for me.  A girl needs choices.  A girl needs options.  A girl needs stilettos.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military Veterans’ Day#7.  I have terrible depth perception.  Throw a Frisbee at me and it will bounce right off my head.  And, that’s if visibility conditions are optimal.  Make it dusk or windy or have a squirrel dash by and I probably won’t see you or the Frisbee at all.  “How far away is the enemy?”  “I don’t know. 100 yards? 10 feet? I’m not sure.  He does seem to be getting larger, so I assume he’s getting closer.” Yeah, that’d go over well.

#6.  I can’t remember what acronyms mean.  I even had to look up how to spell “acronym.”  Civilians start saying TBH, or YOLO, or WTH, and my eyes glaze over.   To think that AAA, RSS, HALO, and CASEX (I’ll wait here while you look that one up) all have totally different meanings in the military and civilian worlds ensures I would never be able to break through the letter language barrier (I’m still not sure if MRE is “meals – ready to eat” or “mess – refusing to exit,” but I don’t like the sound of it either way.  Something tells me that presentation, which Martha and Oprah both say is really the most important part of a meal, is somewhat lacking).

#5.  I don’t like being screamed at in the morning.  Although each of my children has taken a turn helping me to train in this area for years, I still don’t like it or respond well to it.  When faced with someone yelling at me, especially early in the morning, I tend to get a little Hulk-like, and I don’t mean in the good way, either.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military Veterans’ Day#4.  I hate camping.  I have camped. I’m sure I will camp again (I have children.  I think I’m legally obligated to sleep next to them outside in the dirt at least a minimum number of times).  But, I hate camping.  We have buildings and plumbing and washing machines now.  I don’t want to roast MRE’s over a fire (you see what I did there?) or to sleep in a “building” that has fabric for walls and a zipper in place of a dead bolt.  Isn’t this why God invented hotels with room service?

#3.  I’m not good at the wait around thing.  Just waiting 10 minutes in the carpool lane at my kids’ school is nearly enough to send me off of the deep end, and I’ve got a cell phone, laptop, and book to keep me busy.  I can only imagine how crazy I’d go hunkered down in an APC with 12 of my closest friends, waiting for days for some bad guy who may or may not happen into our area.  I’d flip out.

#2.  My room is never clean and organized.  Military corners on my bed?  I don’t even make my bed.  I do make an attempt when my mother is coming to visit, but it usually looks worse after I’m done than before I started.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Ways I’m Too Wimpy For The Military Veterans’ Day#1.  I don’t jump out of airplanes.  I’m not a big fan of the “fly in a giant airplane” thing to begin with.  But, once I’ve talked myself into boarding it, I see absolutely no reason to jump out of a perfectly healthy airplane.  Having a giant sheet in a backpack on my back would only serve to give me something else to worry about.  Are those things tumble-dry or do they have to be hung on a line to air dry?  Heaven knows you don’t want to shrink that sucker.

Bonus Reason:  Heat and humidity make my hair expand.  I’m not talking about a little endearing, pesky frizz or unruliness.  I am talking about life-of-its-own, ever expanding, animated, visible from space, no-helmet-could-contain expansion.  What good would it do for my peers to be dressed in camouflage, when my hair would signal to everyone on the planet, and on most other planets, exactly where we are?

I am so thankful for the men and women who serve in our military.

And, I am sure they are so thankful that I do not.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did you serve in the military?  What was your favorite part of serving?  What did you struggle with?  Do you have family members who served?  Are you wimpy like me?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

20 Responses
  • hollow tree ventures
    November 11, 2013

    This is so great – YES to all of it, especially the Frisbee. Those things are evil. That’s why I always throw them into a tree or on top of the house… on purpose… *cough*

    • gina valley
      November 11, 2013

      Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it. Always glad to share a giggle! :o) I tend to be a bit Frisbee-impaired myself!

  • Pamela R
    November 12, 2013

    I’m with on you on the shoes and airplane points LOL
    Great post!

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      Thank you, Pamela! Just think how easy it would be to lose a shoe jumping out of an airplane?!?!

  • Thanks for the laugh. Good to find someone with more quirks than myself 😉
    I am with you on the whole depth perception thing. How I managed to play competitive softball for years is beyond me! Plus, we must share the same head or hair. Seriously!

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      I’m so glad to get to share a giggle with you, Jennie! I wonder if the depth-perception thing is some how tied into the hair-with-a-mind-of-its-own thing? :o)

  • RH
    November 12, 2013

    Oh, wow, some of this really reminds me of me. Too, too funny. And who DOES like being screamed at in the morning??! Even when our infants/babies do it it can be upsetting. Lol!

    Great post. Love it.

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      Thank you, RH! I’m so glad you liked it!

      I totally agree with you. I don’t think anyone likes to be screamed at in the morning, or any other time, for that matter.

  • BeckyJane
    November 12, 2013

    My dad and son served in the Air Force. I totally see your point for #10. My granddad was the same way – no food can touch eachother on his plate…you are hilarious!

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      Thank you so much for the compliment, BeckyJane!

      Sounds like your granddad was good people!

      I appreciate your dad’s and son’s service!

  • Courtney~Mommy LaDy Club
    November 12, 2013

    This was great:) You couldn’t pay me to jump out of a plane, and camping is for young people.

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      Thank you, Courtney! I am so glad you liked it!

      Yeah, who jumps out of planes and sleeps in the dirt?!?! Crazy!

  • Marjorie McAtee
    November 13, 2013

    I’m not so fond of being yelled at, either.

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      It’s not a fun thing, that’s for sure, Marjorie!

  • Mitzi
    November 13, 2013

    Gina, these are great! I don’t like my food touching either.

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      Thank you, Mitzi! So glad to share a giggle with you!

      Yes, food touching is just wrong!

  • Roz K. Walker
    November 13, 2013

    I think I’d be pretty wimpy too…especially because of the lack of shoes and the yelling at me. 🙂

    • gina valley
      January 17, 2014

      I’m glad I’m not the only wimpy one! Shoes matter! ;o)

  • Andrea
    November 14, 2013

    You really eat chips with chop sticks??? Hmm…… LOL! Great post

    • gina valley
      November 15, 2013

      I do. Keeps the ick off of my fingers. I am so often multitasking and don’t want to get grease on my phone or laptop. Plus, it is an endless source of entertainment to my kids and husband.

      I’m so glad you liked my post! Happy Weekend!