Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

by Gina Valley

Like all parents, I’m constantly asking my kids what’s going on and who did what to whom and who needs to be where & when and what that stain is.

Sometimes, it seems like my job is to know everything about everyone and everything at every moment.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell MeBut, sometimes, I don’t want my kids to tell me.

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

#10.  I don’t want them to tell me why all of my son’s clothes, including underwear and socks, are still neatly folded and in the same stacks they were packed in when he returned from a week away at soccer camp.

#9.  I don’t want them to tell me how the dog ended up with bubble gum stuck to her rear end.

#8.  I do not want them to tell me why the chocolate covered almonds are no longer covered in chocolate.

#7.  I do not want them to tell me what is oozing out of the bottom of my son’s backpack.

#6.  I do not want them to tell me why my 2 youngest kids just ran into the bathroom, giggling, with the jar of Nutella.

#5.  I do not want them to tell me how long it’s been since my youngest knew where his tooth brush was.

#4.  I do not want them to tell me why my daughter’s shoe is filled with dog saliva.

#3.  I do not want them to tell me why the brand new soap I put in my kids’ bathroom a week ago when theirs ran out still hasn’t been opened.

#2.  I do not want them to tell me how much the container has swollen up because my son accidentally left a tub of yogurt on his desk for 2 weeks.

#1.  I do not want them to tell me, much less show me, how stiff PE clothes get when they have not gone home to be laundered for an entire semester.

I don’t want them to tell me.

Just five minutes. Please. I just want to sit here and finish my tea.

And, I do not want them to tell me.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What do you not want to know? Anything oozing out of your kid’s backpacks? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

As always, I appreciate your taking time to read my humor, and am grateful for your efforts in sharing it with your family and friends on your social networks. Thank you!

Please be sure to join my subscription list at the top of this page so you don’t miss a giggle.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Today, Sons Are Easier

Today, Sons Are Easier

by Gina Valley

I have 4 sons and 3 daughters.

At least I think I do.

When they move fast it’s hard to tell. Sometimes, it seems like a lot more.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Today, Sons Are EasierAs the leader of a pack, I’m frequently asked which is harder to parent, sons or daughters. My answer is always “day” dependent.

“It depends on the day.”

Today, sons are easier.  Definitely easier.

Today, my daughter needs the perfect formal gown.

So, today, sons are easier.

It’s not my daughter’s fault.

It’s not her fault she needs a dress. It’s not her fault she can’t just walk into any mall, and find a store that will rent her an appropriate, perfectly fitting, head-to-toe, footwear and hat included, outfit for any formal occasion like her brothers can.  It’s not her fault that she has to come up with, not only a long dress that fits her and isn’t 2 feet too long for her petite frame, but also doesn’t look like any other girl’s at the event, and yet is similar enough to everyone else’s so as to fit in, but still is unique.

It’s not her fault.

But, today sons are easier.

And, it’s conversations like the one I had today, and have, for your convenience, included below, that make me feel that way.

The Customer Service Rep I spoke with, clearly, was doing everything in her power to help me prove sons are easier.

I think she was quite successful.

And, I wish I was making this up.

Join me about 5 minutes into a conversation about the perfect purple gown…

Me: You have 2-day shipping?

Customer Service: Yes, we have 2-day shipping.

Me: Can you ship this dress in 2 days?

Customer Service: Yes, we can ship this dress in 2 days.

Me: So, just to be sure, because she can’t use the dress unless it gets here in 2 days, you will ship it & it will get here in 2 days or less?

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am, we will ship it & it will arrive in 2 days or less.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Today, Sons Are Easier

Me: Great.

Customer Service: I can process that transaction for you.

Me: Ok, as long as it will be here in 2 days.

Customer Service: Yes. I understand. Here is your total charge, including our free, 2-day shipping. Please expect your package to arrive between February 18 and March 6.

Me:…Uhhh…today is January 20.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am.

Me: …Well, between February 18 is not in 2 days. That’s in 30 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am.

Me: You just told me you could ship it in 2 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am, it will arrive in 2 days or less, after we make the dress and process your order, between February 18 and March 6.

Me: She needs to be wearing the dress in 3 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am. With 2 day shipping the dress will arrive between February 18 and March 6.

Me: Does this dress come with any accessories, like, say, a time machine?

Customer Service: No, this dress does not come with any accessories.

Me: Then, I’m going to need you to cancel that order.

Customer Service: Okay, I can process that transaction for you. I just need to get some information from you. Firstly, what shall I put is the reason you have decided to cancel your order?

Me: …Insanity.

I’m glad she didn’t ask me whose.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you had a less than service-filled customer service experience? Which do you think is easier to parent, sons or daughters? Shoot me a comment. You’re already here anyway, and I’d love to hear what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

The Great Meatloaf Project

The Great Meatloaf Project

by Gina Valley

I’d planned to make meatloaf for dinner, but my day had gone anything but as planned.

My family loves meatloaf.

I know that’s weird.

Most kids think meatloaf is nasty stuff, right up there with fruitcake and Brussel sprouts on the desirability scale.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf ProjectI remember, when I was a kid, thinking of meatloaf as some sort of bland, consolation meal we had when there was absolutely nothing else available. But, my pack loves the highly seasoned meatloaf I make. So does The Professor.

So, when I mentioned to my 13 & 14 year old sons that I wouldn’t have time to make meatloaf, I wasn’t surprised they were disappointed.

I was surprised when they offered to make the meatloaf as a favor for me.

They would be in the kitchen doing all the legwork to put the meatloaf together. I would supervise and provide gentle guidance, while working on my laptop, from our nearby family room.

It seemed like the perfect plan.

So, I really should have known better.

Rarely does anything thing that seems like a good plan work out that way. A perfect plan never goes as intended.

The first hiccup in The Great Meatloaf Project was that the recipe was only in my head.

Of course, I had to write down my recipe, as my kids cannot read my mind, no matter how much they think they can. But, I reasoned with myself, realizing the large amount of time it would take to list all of the ingredients and steps, not to mention trying to find paper and a working pen, that I’ve been meaning to start writing my recipes down, anyway.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

And, I had to convert my “3 big handfuls of this” & “a thumb-sized pile of that” & “enough so it smells really good of that other stuff” into real measurements for my sons.  The scientist in me was tempted to use the metric system, but, since most of our measuring devices are of the standard American English system, cups, teaspoons, and pounds won out over milliliters and kilograms.

Apparently, I determined, my 8 handfuls of chopped onions is about 2 cups, and my giant bowl of half ground beef and half ground turkey is actually 7 pounds. Who knew?

It took me about an hour to figure out all of the ingredients and their measurements, and to write them down. It took me another 10 minutes to re-write the whole thing after my 13 year old accidentally spilled his glass of milk across it, resulting in disappearing ink.

I didn’t realize milk dissolved ink. Lesson learned.

I recopied the recipe, and then made a copy of the recopy with our printer. Just in case.

I suggested, strongly, to my sons that they assemble all of the necessary ingredients and needed measuring devices prior to starting The Great Meatloaf Project. They ignored my advice. I don’t know why that surprised me.

I kept both ears alert as I sat down with my computer and got back to work.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

The sounds of two young professional chefs floated out from our kitchen. It sounded a lot like the chatter on Iron Chef.

“You’re stupid!”

“No, you’re stupid!”

“No, you’re stupid!”

I provided them with some gentle, directed parenting, “Hey! Knock it off!”

They were silent for at least 2 seconds, before they slipped into giggling, and what I hoped was the sounds of making progress on the meatloaf.  I was pretty sure I was hearing ingredients landing on the table, but it might have been my son’s taking turns jumping off the counter.

Sometimes it’s better not to know.

At one point my 14 year old asked, “Is the spoon with a capital T a tablespoon or a teaspoon?”

I answered, “A tablespoon.”

My 13 year old said, “Oh, well, it probably doesn’t make much difference.”

I asked, “What doesn’t make much difference?”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. Everything’s under control,” they answered in unison, which every parent knows is a frightening thing.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

I was tempted to go see what they were up to, but I decided it was better to maintain a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” stance.

I heard a crash, and some sort of avalanche. It sounded like they’d knocked over the rice canister, except that we don’t have a rice canister.  I was just hoping it wasn’t the brand new package of bread crumbs. They’d need those to make the meatloaf.

“Was that the bread crumbs?” I hollered.

“Uh..no?” my 14 year old answered, sounding like he wasn’t completely convinced himself.

“Do you need some help?” I asked.

“No! Don’t come in here,” my 14 year old said.

“Just relax, mom. We got this,” my 13 year old said.

I was not relaxed and I did not think they “got this,” but I really did not want to go in there. So, I didn’t.

After all, how bad could it be? The fire alarm hadn’t been triggered, and nothing was oozing under the door. Yet.

I decided to choose ignorance. They say, “Ignorance is bliss,” right? Of course, “they” weren’t going to come clean up our kitchen’s Post Traumatic Meatloaf Mess, either.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

Remarkably, no actual physical altercations between my two budding gourmets ensued during the Great Meatloaf Project, although they nearly came to blows while deciding who got to put in the eggs. And, surprisingly, my head did not explode due to the mess, although I do expect at least a week of breadcrumb-based nightmares.

By my calculations, my sons well-meaning gesture to save me the 30 minutes I’d normally spend putting together meatloaf for dinner caused me to spend about 2 ½ hours of pre meatloaf project prep & post meatloaf project cleanup (after they “cleaned up.”) (how did they get ground beef on the ceiling?!?!) . That doesn’t even take into account my mental anguish, pain, and suffering throughout the ordeal…I mean favor.

At dinner, everyone complimented my sons on the taste of meatloaf they’d put together. It was quite delicious. My 13 year old son said, “Hey, mom, since this project turned out so great, we should help you make the spaghetti sauce tomorrow.”

I don’t think I can survive any more help this week.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone helping you this week? Did you help out in the kitchen when you were a kid? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Two of my sons made dinner for us a couple nights ago. It was delicious, but our kitchen still hasn’t recovered, and I’m still having meatloaf-based nightmares. So, I figured my Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner post would be perfect for Throwback day this week.
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

My kids are helping make dinner tonight.

Right now 12 and 13 are browning meat for tacos.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner...Gina's Favorites Kids CookingYes, I made sure the fire extinguishers are ready to go.  No, I haven’t had a nervous breakdown.  Yet.

I’m trying to smile and to remain positive.  I think I’m actually grimacing and developing an aneurysm.

When I decided to insist that my children start helping more with the day to day needs of our family, I forgot that meant that I’d need to face the results of my children helping with the day to day needs of our family.

They’re still learning.  Having them more deeply involved in the processes that keep our home running has lots of far reaching effects.  It teaches them responsibility.  It reminds them about the efforts made on their behalf.  It’s raising my blood pressure.

Plus, there are some clear benefits to having my progeny help make our evening meal.

10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

#10.  Mystery ingredients keep your mind sharp.

#9.  No stress about washing the pots and pans.  You have to wash the whole kitchen anyway.  A couple metal vessels pale in comparison to that.  Might have to wash the whole downstairs.  One time, they even trashed our van while browning meat for tacos.  I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

#8.  No serving dish necessary.  The food is already “artfully” presented all over the stove, counter, floor, and ceiling.

#7.  The dog has been fed.  Repeatedly.

#6.  You have no trouble limiting your serving size, as you wonder how many body parts were scratched during the dinner creation process.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner...Gina's Favorites Kids Cooking#5.  It will qualify you to be an excellent candidate to appear on Kitchen Impossible or Dr. Phil.

#4.  It’s a great time to inventory your kitchen, as every cupboard and drawer, as well as the refrigerator and freezer, will be left open for easy analysis.

#3.  Dinner conversation will be effortless.  Between the I made this!’s and the What is this?’s all conversational opportunities will be filled.

#2.  Your kitchen floor will have a new, decorative design, and permanent non-slip surface. 

#1.  The following day your spouse will be much more likely to utter those three little words you so long to hear: Let’s eat out.

Maybe I’ll just have a cup of tea.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are the helpers around your place helping?  What do you wish you had more help with?  Is there a chore you like to do?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – utvcd

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter Tuesday Tickles – utvcTuesday Tickles – utvcd

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  “Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!

If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!

by Gina Valley

You could say that Monday mornings at our house always go smoothly,…

…if by “smoothly” you mean “not smoothly at all.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!No matter how well we start off on Monday morning, we’re always done in by a familiar, formidable foe: shoes.

On Monday morning, my kids not only don’t know where a pair, or often even a single shoe, that fits and belongs to them is, they also apparently suffer from some sort of weekend neurological impairment that makes them unable to remember what a shoe is at all.

“Shoes? What are shoes?”

“Aren’t those from some ancient tale Great-Grandpa Bernard tells?”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of shoes.”

“I’m certain I’ve never had to wear shoes to school before. I’m sure I’d remember something like that.”

Now, it’s not my first time at this rodeo. Don’t think I don’t require each of my kids to find and show me an appropriate pair of shoes on Sunday evening, in an effort to avoid the Monday morning madness.  I do.

I’ve even gone so far as to collect everyone’s shoes Sunday night, and, after my children are all asleep, to make them easy to find, I’ve lined the shoes up in front of our fireplace, creating what looks like some odd twist on the whole Christmas stocking thing.

But, to no avail.

When it’s time to rush out the door to start the school drop-off circuit, someone is always shoeless. Usually a couple someones are.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!! DisorganizationSo, imagine my surprise this morning when the pre-departure shoe check in our van revealed that every child was not only wearing shoes that belonged to and fit said child, but also had chosen foot wear appropriate for the chilly SoCal winter morning.

I was shocked. Shocked!

So much so, that I didn’t even notice The Professor knocking on my window as I started our van. Luckily, one of our pack mentioned that their dad was trying to get my attention before I drove away. Usually that sort of information goes the way of urgent phone messages, and isn’t mentioned until after a week or so has passed.

I was surprised to see him because I thought he’d left for work a half hour earlier.

“Why are you still here?” I asked, as I rolled down my window.

He said, “I can’t find any of my shoes.”

I rolled my window back up.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What disappears around your house? Are Monday mornings smooth sailing or rough seas at your house?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tickles – esvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter Tuesday Tickles – esvcTickles – esvc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  “Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Where The Heck’s Miss Manners?…Gina’s Favorites

Where The Heck’s Miss Manners?…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’m traveling with my family this week, so, to keep you in giggles, I’ve qued up some of my favorite past posts.
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites Throwback post.

Where The Heck Is Miss Manners?

I don’t like to offend people.  Most of the time.

I try to do the right thing.  Almost always.

But, sometimes it’s hard to know what to do.  Some situations present themselves at a time or place where Googling “What the heck should I do now?” isn’t a viable option.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Where The Heck Is Miss Manners?...Gina's Favorites Travel Etiquette Where is Miss Manners when I need her?

I’ve got some questions.  I need some answers.

What is the etiquette when the woman 2 rows in front of me at my nephew’s basketball game announces loudly, “But, I shaved my armpits”?  Did someone ask her?  Should I offer congratulations? Am I supposed to issue a fur status report about myself in response?

What is proper toilet paper etiquette when I’m traveling? What am I supposed to do when the tube is empty at my mom’s house?  I have come to realize it’s my sworn duty as a mom to change empty toilet paper tubes, but she’s a mom, too.  Which of us should change it?  It’s her house, but it was used up by my kids. Should I change the roll, or switch into kid mode and pretend I didn’t notice it was empty?  Is there some middle ground, like setting a new roll on top of the empty roll?  I don’t want to step on her toes.

What am I supposed to do according to public bathroom etiquette when a woman comes out of the stall in the bathroom at the filling station, bypasses the sink, grabs a paper towel, and heads out the door?

Do I start singing Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness in an effort to jolt her out of her filthy reality and back to the sink and soap?  When I see her preparing a chili dog for herself in the station’s minimart is it wrong to grab my children and run out screaming?  Is it acceptable to spray her with Purell?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Where The Heck Is Miss Manners?...Gina's Favorites Travel Etiquette And, when I get outside and back to our van and the woman at the gasoline pump in front of ours is smoking an extra-long menthol while she fills up her Rambler, am I required by etiquette to run over her to ensure her genes will be out of the gene pool?  Or, is it ok if we just get out of the blast zone as quickly as we can?

What does etiquette require I do when my youngest nephew says, “This sandwich is the best one I ever had, Auntie G! It’s even better than the ones my mummy makes!”?   Am I allowed to call and gloat, I mean share the cuteness, with my sister?  Or, should I just post it on Facebook for the whole world to see?

What am I supposed to do when I’m going through the line at the Big Red Store with my 2 year old and he takes a good long look at the extremely large cashier, and says, “Whoo, that’s a big one!”?   Am I supposed to dig my own hole to crawl into to die from embarrassment in, or will that be dug for me?  Should I bolt out of the store? Or should I stay and tell everyone that’s he’s a neighbor’s kid?

If you see Miss Manners, get her cell number so I can text her.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What questionable etiquette situations have you been in?  What did you do?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Secret Life Of Road Signs…Gina’s Favorites

Secret Life Of Road Signs…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’m traveling with my family this week, so, to keep you in giggles, I’ve loaded up some of my favorite past posts. 
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites Throwback post.

The Secret Life Of Road Signs

Ahh, the holidays!  The season of road trips is upon us.  Perhaps you’re planning a peaceful, family driving adventure over your kids’ school break, too. Here’s a little secret – Road signs are NOT there to help or inform you.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Secret Life Of Road Signs…Gina’s FavoritesRoad signs are the highway department’s little joke.

It’s a laugh on you.

Fortunately, because of my significant series of sojourns, I have decoded the true meaning of some vital signs, and I’m going to give you the inside scoop. I’m a giver like that.

That large, low, peeling billboard advertising Frank-n-Nittie’s Truck Stop & Taxidermy isn’t there to help you find something to eat and something to gross out your kids.  It’s conveniently placed there so your friendly state trooper has a hiding place to aid in nailing you for speeding.

That sign that says “Rest stop 1 mile.  Next rest stop 55 miles” is not there so you can conveniently off-load and stretch your legs before what will be a long interval until your next opportunity.  On the contrary, it’s there to get your hopes up, your family awake, and the shoe hunt started.

After you wake your sleepers and convince them they have to go, whether they had to go or not, after the shoes are on, the seats are in a fully upright position with their tray tables folded away, and the DVD is paused, you will find the exit is blocked by bright orange cones and another sign ‘cause they are “working to improve for your convenience.” Excellent!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Secret Life Of Road Signs…Gina’s FavoritesAt this point everyone in your car, and heaven help you if you’re part of a caravan, will suddenly have urgent off-loading needs, and you’ll have to stop at Frank-n-Nittie’s Truck Stop & Taxidermy to use their facilities. Of course, their facilities are only open to paying customers, which is why, for the rest of your trip, Reggie The Rigid Squirrel will be wedged in next to your seat.  Make sure you get a receipt.  They will ask at the border.

That merging traffic sign, you know the one, is a sneaky bugger.  It looks like two arrows are performing some sort of act that’s illegal in 23 states.  It’s supposed to provide you with advanced warning that a lane is going to join the road and then merge into your lane.  In theory this would give you time to plan ahead to ensure a smooth, stress-free merge experience with the other vehicles.

But, what it really means is there’ll be no vehicle as far as the eye can see in either direction until you get to the merging point. At that very instant a 45 foot long motorhome will suddenly materialize and try to occupy the very piece of asphalt your vehicle is currently occupying, a Porsche Cabriolet will suddenly appear doing close to Mach 1 to pass you, and a tractor trailer will suddenly be coming head-on toward you as he attempts to pass the Prius in his lane.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Secret Life Of Road Signs…Gina’s FavoritesOn a positive note, you won’t need coffee to stay awake after that.  You might need an off-loading facility, though.  Hopefully, you’re near Frank-n-Nittie’s.

Lastly for today is that “Slow traffic keep right” sign, which means it’s time to choose between being sandwiched by angry, tailgating big rigs in the right lane or to have your rear run over by the Millennium Falcon as it cruises by ready to make the jump to light speed in the left lane.  Potato. Potahto.  It’s really your call.

Be sure to commit these to memory.  They will be on the test, or at least on the road.

Happy Trails!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What was your last road trip? Do you travel around the holidays? I’m looking forward to hearing all about it! Be sure to shoot me a comment!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After New Year’s…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After New Year’s…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’m traveling with my family this week, so to keep you in giggles, I’ve loaded up some of my favorite posts.  Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After New Year’s

There is nothing less revelry-like than trying to get to work after revelry-ing in the New Year. You’ve had relatives, cookies, and hyper kids to deal with.  You’ve had no sleep, a big plate of rumaki, and some iffy imbibing decisions.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons You Can't Go To Work The Day After New Year’s...Gina's FavoritesWhat you need today is to sleep without ceasing.  But, your boss expects you to show up ready to accomplish great things.

What if you don’t feel inspired?  What if you don’t feel recharged?  What if you don’t feel your legs?

What do you say when you call in to explain, knowing your boss is ready to come back with, “You haven’t been to work since last year!”?

Don’t worry.  I’ve got your back.  I’m a giver like that.

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After New Year’s:

#10  I was helping put the final touches on the floats for the Rose Parade, and I’m glued to a giant, purple flower-covered octopus.

#9  I ate too many Christmas cookies and I can’t squeeze my arse out of my front door.

#8  The battery in my clock is dead, so I’m still waiting for New Year’s Eve to end.

#7  I’m making my list of New Year’s resolutions and the first one is to finish my list of New Year’s resolutions.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons You Can't Go To Work The Day After New Year’s...Gina's Favorites

#6  The hideous Christmas sweater my Aunt Sheila knitted for me got tangled in the branches when I dragged our Christmas tree to the curb, and no one can find any scissors to cut me out.

#5  My dog ate my homework (that always applies, right?).

#4  We were acting out A Christmas Story and my tongue is frozen to a pole in the school yard.

#3  My cousin Bernie put all my underwear in the freezer, and I’m waiting for them to thaw out.

#2  The ladder fell over while I was taking down our Christmas lights, and I’m hanging from the rain gutter.

#1  I started my New Year’s exercise program yesterday and I can’t lift my arms, bend my legs, or turn my head today.

I can get you a note, if you need one.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Were you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, bounding out the door this morning?  Or, were you leaning more toward red-eyed and tail-dragging, crawling out the door?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission