I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas

I want a kids’ shoes tracking device for Christmas. We, as in me, spend more time looking for my kids’ shoes than for anything else.

Hopefully, the tracking device will come with a setting to help me locate my shoes when one of my kids has “borrowed them” (my black suede boots are particularly prone to “wandering” this time of year, apparently drawn toward the dangerous mystique that is my daughters’ closet).

If the tracking device also has a setting that allowed me to determine whether a child’s missing parka was left at school or on the soccer field, even better.

But, I’d be more than happy with a basic kids’ shoes tracker.

I’m betting Santy Claus has an amazing shoe tracker to keep track of all the elves’ shoes. He could pass that on to me. I don’t mind a little wear and tear, as long as the tracker works, and finds shoes, even if they don’t have pointy toes.

The Jolly Guy needs to realize I’m ready to put out for this, too. And, I’m not just talking cookies and milk.

I’m willing to throw in some very fancy eggnog with a big splash from a very old bottle, just the thing to put some spring back into his step on a long night of deliveries.

As long as I can find the bottle.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Something Completely Different…Sort Of!!!

by Gina Valley

Giggle along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of

I’m starting a new tradition, and I’m hoping you’ll all join me.

We all know and love the Facebook November “What I’m Thankful For” schtick (depending on your point of view that may or may not be typed in the sarcasm font).

Now let’s go with something a bit more down to earth and realistic. I’m calling it:

25 Days of What I Want For Christmas

#whatIwantforChristmas

*Notice the cool matching hashtag.

This new trend will not only rapidly sweep extra fun and frolic across Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest, it will also have all of the fancy bells and whistles of a full throttle Facebook trend, plus be compatible with Apple, Android, and Google. I’m not sure about LinkedIn. No one’s sure about LinkedIn.

I encourage you to join in for #whatIwantforChristmas. It promises to be great fun, if we all take it lightly, to be steady a source of eye rolls, if taken too seriously, and to be not nearly as creepy as that freaky elf on the shelf dude no matter what. <shudder!!!>

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the idea is to post about one thing you want for Christmas each day in December leading up to Christmas on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or all of them, but let’s fine tune this sucker a little before we get the ball rolling.

What you want for Christmas does not have to be a material or physical thing. For example, I ask for the same thing from my family every year for Christmas: a clean house and obedient children. I think they’ve never given me that because they aren’t sure how to wrap it.

Each thing you want for Christmas should be something somewhat unique to you. For example, we all want Peace on Earth and an end to world hunger. No fair putting that sort of stuff.

You can post about anything you want, but that doesn’t mean you should. My sister once posted about wanting spatulas for Christmas. She has received over 200 spatulas from friends and acquaintances since, and years of ridicule about “aiming high” from me. So, before you post about your love of tube socks, or anything “fellowship” related, think twice.

Got it?

Good.

So without further ado, mainly because I’m not sure what “ado” is, here is the first post for #whatIwantforChristmas:

(you can insert a drumroll here if you are someone who is into flourishes)

I took the most glorious nap today, and all I want for Christmas is another one! #whatIwantforChristmas

Please, Sir, may I have a nap?

I’ll be leaving out extra cookies for Santy Claus in hopes of scoring this gem this year.

I don’t even care if he wraps it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest so you see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing this post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

The Healthy Stuff Will KILL You!!!

The Healthy Stuff Will KILL You!!! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

That Healthy Stuff Will KILL You!!!

My go-to crunchy snack of late is almonds. They’re no Cheez Doodles, but they are a healthy choice. They’re low in carbs, high in protein, and yummy.

Usually.

I’ve also started taking a multivitamin. Technically, I’ve always taken multivitamins, but I’m not so good at the pill swallowing thing, so, for the last decade or two, I’ve had those gummy vitamins.

My sister, the doctor, recently pointed out that “someone your age should have a much broader spectrum of nutrients in their supplement to aid in brain sharpness than is available in a gummy bear.”

I pointed out that, first of all, they were not gummy bears; they’re gummy vitamins. And, that my age is 10 years younger than hers.

But, I knew she was right (nobody tell her I said that), so I found a multivitamin with all the bizarre brain sharpness supporting stuff in it she said to take, and I’ve done pretty well swallowing the giant pill each day for the past month. I think I’m almost a grown up now.

When I began this pill-swallowing-act-like-a-grown-up routine, I realized that my stomach was less than welcoming to the giant pill, and quite prone to reject it altogether (and to return it to sender in a most rapid and disgusting manner) if I did not have a little snack right before I swallowed the near-submarine-sized chunk o’ health. So, I usually eat a few almonds when I’m getting ready to trip the pill fantastic.

Today, I grabbed my 12 almonds (yes, I count them. OCD – the gift that keeps giving!), and started munching them while I got out my multivitamin and my fish oil capsules out of their bottles. Yes, I’m becoming quite the health nut (Chocolate is still healthy, right?).

I was just about done with my almonds when I bit into what I thought was an almond, but was clearly a minion of satan.

I immediately wanted to cry out “Something evil this way comes!” but I couldn’t because it tasted so bad I was gagging (and no one was home to hear it anyway, other than our dogs, who have never put anything into their mouth that they didn’t find delicious).

This taste was worse than the rotten, cherry cough-syrup taste usually gifted to me by the occasional bad nut in each bag (almonds are not technically nuts, but still). It was beyond-this-world horrible.

I gagged. I coughed. I spewed the rancid mess into our kitchen sink.

Then, I gulped from the faucet and swished and gargled and spit in an attempt to rid my mouth of the foul invader.

I was truly a vision of breathtaking femininity.

The nasty nut had crumbled and wedged pieces of itself in between my teeth. I briefly wondered if the power washer we rented to clean off the patio would fit in my mouth or if my dentist would consider opening his office on his day off to blast my teeth with that water jet thing they have.

But, it occurred to me that, were I to bite into some good tasting almonds, the pieces of those yummy almonds would dislodged the pieces of the evil almond, rendering them spit-outable.

Just as I was tossing the last two almonds from my hand into my mouth in an effort to get the foul remnants of the disgusting almond out of my teeth, I remembered the reason I was munching on almonds in the first place. I was preparing my sensitive stomach for the arrival of my multivitamin. The horrible almond, I realized as the last 2 almonds landed in my mouth, was not an almond at all.

It was my multivitamin. (how are vitamins good for us when they clearly are made out of evil?!?!)

And, I realized just in time to abort the first chew, those last 2 almonds I’d tossed into my mouth to save me from the evil almond, which was not an almond, were not almonds, either. They were fish oil capsules.

I think the multivitamin is not so much helping with my brain-sharpness.

So, I’m calling my sister, the doctor, to tell her, as soon as I get back from the store.

I’m buying some gummy vitamins.

And, a bag of Cheez Doodles.

They may not be good for me, but at least they’ve never tried to kill me.

Laugh out loud!

-gina

Do you take vitamins? Are you good at swallowing pills? What healthy stuff do you do? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

My Dad’s Dadisms …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s already been a month since my dad was killed in an accident. I will never get over losing him, but my family and I are slowly beginning to heal.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him help a lot with that process.

Smile along with me.

**Top 10 Ways to Be A REAL Dad**

My dad’s a pretty amazing guy. In fact, the older I get, the smarter he gets!

He’s truly got this whole dad-thing down. You can’t find a better example. If you’re wondering what you need to be a real dad for the long haul, let him help you out:

#10. You’ll need to develop a unique linguistic style. My dad has his own language. He’s the only person I know who uses phrases like “Dab gum it!” or “Don’t be a panty waist!” (I’m still not sure what that means exactly, but I always took it to mean “Quit your whining and move your arse”).

#9. You’ll need to be consistent. Every April 1st my dad goes out to check my mom’s car’s tires, because every April 1st my mom tells him, as an April Fool’s joke, that her car has a flat. Even though he usually remembers it’s April 1st long before he gets to her car, he still checks. Just to be sure. Then, he goes back in the house and plays a joke on my mom. I’m predicting fake dog deposits this year, as they have a new puppy.

#8. You’ll need to develop quality control systems. My dad reloads the dishwasher after I load it. Every time. Even at my house. Of course, I do the same thing to him. Apple. Tree. All that.

#7. You’ll need to find your center. My dad is the most even-keeled guy I know. I’ve seen him get his finger caught in an electric auger and barely raise his voice. I screamed at my kids for letting the dog eat the Parmesan cheese last night (in my defense, the dog had run all over our house shaking the container as he went, thoroughly garnishing our home with a fine cheese coating. Nothing like a well garnished home to produce a “scream at someone” kind of moment).

#6. You’ll need duct tape and a tool belt. My dad can fix anything. Anything. If he doesn’t have the needed tool he’ll get it. If they don’t make the tool, he’ll make it himself. I’ve never heard my dad say “I can’t fix that.” He looks at stuff differently, through Dad-vision glasses. I might see a former seating device, he sees a perfectly good chair that just needs 2 legs, an arm, a back, and a seat.

#5. You’ll need a rod and reel. My dad’s an amazing fisherman. If there’s a fish in the lake, he’ll bring it home for dinner. I’m a pretty amazing fisherperson myself. If there’s wild caught salmon at Costco, I’ll wrassle a package into my cart every time.

#4. You’ll need to speak “auto” and carry a big wrench. My dad is The Car-Whisperer. He’s rebuilt engines himself, left out a couple pieces, and still made it hum like new. I, on the other hand, am The Car-Killer. I’ve had cars burst into flames just because I thought about being on time to a meeting.

#3. You’ll need to be a nutritionist. My dad always makes sure people get just what they need to eat. When my eldest child was only a few months old, my dad knew he needed some ice cream, and made sure he got some. I admit I wasn’t completely supportive of the idea at the time, but the fact that he chose Rocky Road to feed my little toothless wonder might have impacted my opinion.

#2. You’ll need to be a chef of haute cuisine. When I was a child and my dad would cook a meal, he always cooked everything in one pan. When we’d ask why he didn’t use separate pans for different foods, he’d reply, “Why? It’s all going to the same place.” Often, when I survey the mountain of pots and pans I’ve dirtied making dinner, I see the wisdom in my dad’s method.

#1. You’ll need to realize that your kids will always be your kids. My dad still dad’s me to this day, even as I have kids of my own. He makes sure I have a coat on when it’s cold. He reminds me to drive safely. He tells me I need to eat more protein. In other words, he loves me.

Take a page from my dad, and you’ll be amazing.

And, no, you don’t have a flat tire. Probably.

Well, you better go check.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What do you see in the dads in your life? What dadisms should I add to my list? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Who ARE These People? …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s already been a month since my dad was killed in an accident. I will never get over losing him, but my family and I are slowly beginning to heal.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him and my mom help a lot with that process. Honestly, just reading this makes me cry, but I’m smiling, too. He was a great dad and grand-dad. I was blessed.

Smile along with me.

Who ARE These People?

I try to take my kids the 1400-ish miles to visit my parents a couple times a year.

But I can’t.

We can go to their house. We can visit the people who live there and look just like my parents. But they are not my parents.

I don’t know who these people are, but they are not my parents.

My mom never baked a “Cake of the Day,” or, right before bedtime, or anytime for that matter, never encouraged us to “Have another big piece of cake or two to finish it up” because there’ll be a new cake baked in the morning. Today’s Cake of The Day was chocolate, by the way.

My parents never let the dog sleep in our rooms, much less our beds. Heck, our dogs were rarely allowed to hang out indoors at all. I know my parents would never let their giant golden retriever beg for and receive food from the dinner table. And breakfast table. And lunch table. And snack table.

My parents never said that we could “watch whatever you like” on TV, or “Let’s watch another movie. You can sleep in if you’re too tired in the morning.” I grew up under the impression that staying up late and sleeping in was a character flaw. These people encourage everyone in the house to do it, and occasionally join in themselves. Who are they?

My parents never loaded us into the car for a trip, be it to Grandma’s house, Disneyland, or the mall, after 5:00AM. Usually, 4:00AM was the goal. We were told we “have to get an early start” so often that I thought it was a federal law. These people scoffed at the idea of waking my kids before 8:00AM to start packing up our van for our trip. “Let them sleep,” they said. “They’re young. They need to sleep.” What?

My parents would never hire someone to bring in a crane to remove a couple of the 150 foot tall pine trees in the forest in their “backyard” to make a better sledding run. I believe we were told to “steer around” any obstacles in our path while sledding. Steer around? How do you steer around? Does that mean bounce off? ‘Cause that’s what we did!

My dad would never make a tool for girls who don’t want to touch the fish they just caught to hold up their quarry for a photo without having to touch the slimy, flapping thing. I was told that slime was good for my skin and would keep them soft. As I recall my soft hands stank for a week after each fishing trip.

My parents would never say that children shouldn’t help with chores while they’re visiting their grandparents. I don’t know who these people are who keep singing the “They’re on vacation. They don’t have to help,” refrain every time I tell one of my kids to take out the trash or to clear the table, but I know they aren’t my parents.

My parents would never have a candy dish they constantly refill throughout the day so as to ensure children had an unending source of sugar readily available to them. I don’t know who these people are who laugh about the trail of candy wrappers through their house, and say, “Isn’t that Sweet?” Isn’t that sweet? I don’t know. I’m too confused to think. I remember candy wrapper dropping costing me candy privileges for a week when I was a kid.

They don’t mind feet on the couch or toys everywhere, and just said, “We can vacuum tomorrow!”

Who are these people? And can I get that chocolate cake recipe?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did your parents morph into different people, too, when they became grandparents? Shoot me a comment. I’d love to hear all about it!

Where Did My Cool Go? …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’ve spelled my own name wrong three times already this morning. So, it seems fitting that my Where Did My Cool Go? post make an appearance for Throwback Day this week. Heaven knows my cool is nowhere to be found!

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Where Did My Cool Go?

I’m not cool.

I realized that today.

I suppose, on some level, I’ve known it for a while, but today it became glaringly clear. Because today, I realized I have become my father.

Don’t get me wrong. There’re a lot of cool things about my father. My dad is a great guy. He’s funny and smart and giving. I’d love to turn into that part of my dad. But, I didn’t.

….

I’d just finished installing a new kitchen faucet.

We’d had to get a new kitchen faucet, because the old one had fallen apart. You had to use a pair of locking pliers just to turn the thing on, water temperature was a gamble, and it vibrated so much when the water flowed that dirty dishes kept bouncing off the counter.

So, we’d headed to our friendly, neighborhood, giant home improvement store (I’ve always thought running water in the kitchen improved any home) to get a new kitchen faucet set.

Some of the faucets were so expensive I wondered if they magically cleaned dishes all by themselves. The Professor took one look at the wall of water wonders, and announced he refused to pay more for this faucet than he did for his first car.

We picked the one that was in our budget, and looked like it could handle having our kids tie the dog to it without breaking off. The fact that it supposedly had an anti-fingerprint finish just made us giggle. I was sure our kids would accept that challenge. They’re very competitive. No faucet was going beat them.

….

So, there I stood in our kitchen, putting away my tools and looking at our newly installed faucet, when I heard someone say, “That’s a beautiful faucet.”

I looked around, and realized I was the only one there. And, not only had I said, “That’s a beautiful faucet,” I really thought that faucet was beautiful.

I flashed back to holding the tools while my dad installed a new kitchen faucet in my childhood home when I was a teenager. I remembered him saying, while he polished it with a cloth, “That’s a beautiful faucet.” I remembered thinking how that was further proof my dad was totally uncool.

And, here I was, decades later, riding the same train of uncoolness. Today’s stop was “Admiring household plumbing fixtures.” I could only wonder whether tomorrow’s stop would be listening to Muzak, wearing sensible shoes, or buying high-waisted, polyester pants (as I typed that I thought, “at least those things don’t ever wrinkle,” and felt myself drift ever further away from cool).

When did this happen? When did I lose my cool?

I related my tale of uncoolness-woe to my friend, Vernice. I told her that I felt disheartened and aged beyond my years, because I found new kitchen plumbing fixtures exciting. I wondered aloud if it was because I have children. Had they taken my cool as well as my last functioning brain cell? Vernice nodded along, sympathetically.

“Well, you know…,” my wise friend began.

I can always count on Vernice, and her sage advice to keep me on course. I knew she’d know just what to say to help me get my cool back.

“…that really is a beautiful faucet.”

Apparently, Vernice has turned into my father, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you feel less than cool? Have you surprised yourself lately? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Stuck In the Car All Day

by Gina Valley

I’m hanging out with the fun folks over at Voiceboks today, laughing about what transpires when we’re stuck in the car all day with our family on a road trip. I hope you’ll click on over and join me there.

Here’s snippet of the giggles you’ll find there:

Great Things About Being Stuck In The Car All Day

School starts soon in our neck of the woods. I thought it’d be fun to squeeze in a quick, end of summer road trip to see the actual woods before school slips fully into gear. So, we, my pack and I, will be spending a couple days in the car.

Some people complain about being stuck in the car all day. In fact, many of the people in our car complain about being stuck in the car all day. And, I’m not just talking about the kids.

But, I consider myself to be a positive person most of the time, or at least when I’ve had enough sleep, or have mysteriously lost a pound, despite eating more chocolate the night before than I’m willing to admit to. And, positive person that I am, I can see many great things about being stuck in the car all day.

First of all, there’s no need to nag children to do their chores. They have no chores. They’re stuck in the car. It’s wonderful to have a break from that source of stress. Now granted, there are still a few things that need to be done, even when we’re in transit all day. But, the closest thing we have to doing dishes and vacuuming is throwing out Happy Meal bags, and brushing crumbs off of the seat and out the door.

Plus, when you’re in the car all day you get to play everyone’s favorite travel game Guess Which Side The Next Nose-Picker Will Drive By On. This simple game is great fun for all ages, from toddler to grandparent, and everyone in between. It does require some concentration, as nosepickers tend to race by at top speed (Why are nose pickers always in such a hurry? Is there some sort of Nose Pickers Anonymous meeting they’re all late for? I hope they don’t greet each other with a handshake).

When you spend all day in the car, no matter where you go, eventually you’ll see some cows. I think the highway department sticks a herd out next to the highway every hundred miles or so to help keep things interesting. But, the great thing about cows is, if you do it just right, when you moo at them, they’ll moo back at you.

I learned that as a kid. We took lots of road trips. My dad would moo at the cows every time we saw some. Every time he did it, the cows would moo back at him, and my mom would say, “Stop that, Gino! You don’t even know what you’re saying to them.” From the way he’d smile, I think maybe he did know.

Spending the day stuck in the car is also a great way to ensure your children will behave well…a few years down the road. At some point during any all-day driving experience, every child falls asleep. If you make a point to snap tons of great Look How Funny You Looked Sleeping Sitting Up pictures, you’ll find them to be very useful for blackmailing your children when they become teenagers…

…

Click on over to Voiceboks to see all of my Great Things About Being Stuck In the Car All Day post.

And, remember, as always, the extra click to counts as cardio.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What “games” does your family play while stuck in the car? Do you have a favorite road trip memory? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

How To Make The Teacher Hate You …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

School officially kicked off for my kids this week. If your children’s schools haven’t started yet, I’m guessing they will soon. So, I figured my How To Make The Teacher Hate You post would be perfect for this week’s Throwback Day.

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

How To Make The Teacher Hate You

Wondering how you can make an impression on your child’s teacher this year?

No worries – I’ve got you covered!

Encourage your child to change his name every day.

Be sure to point out repeatedly your child has received high marks from every one of her previous teachers. Also, be sure to mention that several knowledgeable people have suggested your child could probably just skip this year’s grade, as she is so gifted.

Pack something leaky in your child’s lunch every day, preferably a sugary substance to maximize ant and roach attraction potential.

Make cookies or candy for your child’s teacher, and include a note mentioning how she “looks like someone who really likes dessert.”

Insist your child wear a new, expensive designer coat to school. Make sure you don’t label it with his name. Then, insist his teacher locate the coat when your child comes home without it and can only remember he had it on somewhere near the basketball courts. Harass the teacher daily about this expensive wardrobe loss. Weeks later when you find the coat jammed behind your child’s headboard, don’t mention it to his teacher. You don’t want to embarrass your child.

When you send in snacks for the entire class feel free to ignore the Classmates Allergies List. Assume the teacher is skilled at Epi-Pen usage, and would welcome the opportunity to put her skills on display.

Send a note daily explaining how it’s the teacher’s fault your child was unable to complete his homework assignment. Again.

Make surprise, live animal donations to the classroom, such as snakes, tarantulas, and macaws. The kids will love them and the jungle atmosphere it creates, along with the care and feeding of these critters, is sure to help your child’s teacher relax.

Point out every single tiny, insignificant grading error that is not in your child’s favor. Your child’s teacher will appreciate your efforts to help him raise his skill level.

Send in permanent markers with your child. Insist she is too talented and mature to be using those infantile, washable-type art supplies.

When your child uses the permanent markers to set up a face tattoo business at recess, her teacher will undoubtedly appreciate her initiative and will gladly explain to the other parents how vital your child’s entrepreneurship is to everyone’s growth and development.

Don’t bother your child’s teacher with concerns about happenings or polices in his/her classroom. Rather, take these directly to the school principal or even the district superintendent.

Send something smelly, liquid, or live for every Show & Tell time. Bonus points to you if it’s all three!

Be sure to let your child’s teacher know right away that your child is perfect, and that, if he is acting up, it’s just because he isn’t being challenged by her teaching methods. It’s extra helpful if you bring in brochures for seminars your child’s teacher can attend to learn the proper way to teach a child gifted such as yours is.

Order a margarita machine for the classroom Christmas party.

Have your child panic when he loses his tooth at school and can’t locate it. Only after his teacher has searched for the AWOL bony appendage for a minimum of 45 minutes should your child check in his own mouth and realize he hadn’t lost the tooth at all. (Credit to Abe Yospe ‏@Cheeseboy22, who is an awesome 1st grade teacher and a very funny guy)

Show up at the end of the school day, as your child’s teacher is helping all of the children get ready to go home, and explain to him you’ll need all of the class lessons and homework for the following two weeks immediately, as you and your family are flying off to Aruba and have to be at the airport in less than an hour.

While you’re on the trip, don’t have your child complete any of the assignments, and be sure to lose at least one of the textbooks and to get water damage on the others.

Make it a memorable year!

Remember, No Teacher Left Behind!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What else should I add to this list? Shoot me a comment – I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

by Gina Valley

The signs are everywhere. And, most of them have apples on them.

Your kids have already qualified for The Olympic I’m Not Touching You! Team, twice, and have now started a Who Can Make Mom Scream The Loudest? tournament.

Even though you made it a point to get them an extra size too big, your 15 year old has already out grown the shoes you bought for him last week.

And, whenever one of your children passes into your line of sight, you have a nearly overwhelming urge to holler, “We’re late!” and to rush him to the car.

You think it’s time. Here’re 10 signs to help you be sure.

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

#10. Your dog is hanging out with the couple in their 80’s two doors down every afternoon, just so he can take an uninterrupted nap.

#9. The stores have started putting up their Christmas decorations.

#8. You’ve locked yourself in the linen closet to try to get some alone time three times this week.

#7. Your kids have brought so much sand home in their swimsuits from your weekly trips to the beach that the county hired an erosion control specialist to rebuild the shoreline.

#6. Your cat tries to bury your kids whenever they’re in the yard.

#5. Your children have hidden your calendar.

#4. Your neighbors have threatened to file an injunction if you allow your children to set up just one more lemonade stand.

#3. You’ve found the perfect “Welcome Back!” gift to make out of stuff you have around the house for your child’s teacher on Pinterest, and all you need is a paper towel tube, 4 rubber bands, and $96 worth of supplies from the craft store.

#2. Your children have accidentally flushed swim goggles down the toilet, while attempting to see what a whirlpool looks like underwater, so many times that your plumber wrote them a thank you note.

#1. A now 7-legged spider made a cobweb in the corner of your dining room that reads, “Isn’t it about time for them to go back to school?”

Yes. Yes, it is.

Take my kids. Please.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What are the signs around your home that your children are ready to head back to school? What will you miss most once school starts? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Glue Sticks Are The Devil!!!

by Gina Valley

If there’s a greater minion of evil than the glue stick, I have yet to come across it.

Like Satan himself, or “Stan” as my youngest calls him (my apologies to anyone named “Stan.” I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, Stan, and not at all the leader of all that is evil in the Universe. But, my youngest just can’t seem to pronounce that word any other way), glue sticks seem to be, upon first sight, beautifully helpful items.

Then, they steal your soul.

Or, at least your will to live.

You first spot these innocent-looking shafts of stickiness, neatly packaged, in large bins at the front of every big box discount store on the planet. They’re displayed in this prominent manner for weeks on end, all through the summer school break, right up until you decided it’s time to purchase some for your kids for the upcoming school year.

At that point, the glue sticks instantly vanish. The only evidence of their existence left behind is a tiny, empty space on the office supplies aisle, labelled with a price tag 10 times what it was when the glue sticks congregated in the giant bins.

I assume the price increase is due to the tremendously labor intensive process required to remove the packages from the bin, transfer said packages through the store to the office supply aisle, and to slide the metal bar on the display rack into that triangular hole at the top of the package. I’m sure that’s a lot more difficult than it looks.

If you do manage to spot a few stragglers, left behind as the herd made its rapid retreat, grab as many as you can. It’s not a matter of how many you need. It’s a matter of how many you can get. It’s kind of like canned goods hoarding on The Walking Dead. Just get as much as possible. You can figure out what to do with it later.

You’ll notice a couple basic differences among the glue stick quarry you happen to catch. There are large and small glue sticks. Most of the glue sticks are small. As a kid-wrangler, you’ll immediately recognize the purpose, then, of the large glue sticks is to cause your children to get into a fist fight over who gets the large glue sticks, and who gets stuck with the clearly inferior, easier-to-actually-use, smaller glue sticks.

Perhaps, if you’re terribly unlucky, you’ll bag one of the rare, glittery glue sticks. The purpose of these sparkly sticks is to cause your child to have a major meltdown, followed by an epic tantrum, when you attempt to explain to him that you’re not going to spend 6 times as much for a glue stick with glitter in the glue, because you won’t be able to see the glitter anyway when it is used to glue 2 pieces of paper together.

Be prepared for this fit by bringing along some tissue.

And, Xanax.

The last major difference between glue sticks is the color of the actual stick of glue. Most are white. Some are purple. At first glance, the color difference may seem like a re-run of the glittery glue stick battles waiting to happen. But, au contraire.

The purple color in some of the glue sticks is evidence the glue stick syndicate actually listened to some parents or teachers, and attempted to make glue sticks a bit easier to use. When the purple glue stick is rubbed on paper it’s easy to see where it’s been applied. Not so with the transparent glue from the white glue stick.

With the advent of the purple glue stick, gone are the days when kindergarteners would continue to rub glue stick onto the back of paper until the glue was completely gone, and the plastic base was tearing holes into their artwork. This diligence was necessary to be sure they’d covered the entire piece of paper, themselves, and their desk with a thick layer of stickiness to guarantee their artwork held together for all of eternity.

The only trouble with the purple glue sticks is getting your child to believe the purple color will disappear from their artwork as the glue dries. It’s not an easy sell the first couple of times. Bribing might be necessary to convince your 5 year old to even try it.
Your 3 year old, however, will need no convincing. She’ll love the purple glue sticks so much that, while you’re still busy trying to convince your 5 year old of its merits, she’ll open a package, right there in the big box store, and apply the purple glue stick to her lips.

Upon seeing her purple lips you’ll immediately panic, thinking she’s experiencing a serious circulatory problem. Hearing her mumble, apparently unable to open her mouth, your panic will likely increase.

But, when you notice her lips are significantly stickier than usual, and see the glue stick with its purple-ness in her hand, you’ll realize what’s really happening. You’ll understand what she’s been trying through her sealed lips to say all along:

She’s wearing “wipstick.”

Seeing teeth marks in the tiny remaining piece of the glue stick, you’ll frantically search for the package, hoping the glue stick isn’t poisonous.

Usually about the time the Poison Control Center places you on hold, your 4 year old will pull the package out of his pants to start gnawing on it. You’ll be relieved to see that it’s labeled “non-toxic” (the package, not his pants), and breathe a sigh of relief.

You’ll calm down, and your mind will slip back into normal parenting mode.

You’ll wonder whether your 3 year olds lips are permanently sealed together.

You’ll wonder whether that purple color is going to fade before your mother visits.

And, you’ll wonder whether, since she already ate the better part of a glue stick, you still need to feed your 3 year old dinner today.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Has your summer flown by? When do schools start in your area? Anyone consuming school supplies in your neck of the woods? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

Tag: kids

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Something Completely Different…Sort Of!!!

by Gina Valley

And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of

25 Days of What I Want For Christmas

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

The Healthy Stuff Will KILL You!!! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

That Healthy Stuff Will KILL You!!!

Laugh out loud!

-gina

Share this:

My Dad’s Dadisms …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Top 10 Ways to Be A REAL Dad

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Who ARE These People? …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Who ARE These People?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Where Did My Cool Go? …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Where Did My Cool Go?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Stuck In the Car All Day

by Gina Valley

Great Things About Being Stuck In The Car All Day

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

How To Make The Teacher Hate You …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

How To Make The Teacher Hate You

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

by Gina Valley

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

Glue Sticks Are The Devil!!!

by Gina Valley

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Share this:

**Top 10 Ways to Be A REAL Dad**