Quiet? What Is That?

Quiet?  What Is That?

by Gina Valley

When I became a parent, I knew I was surrendering my right to sleep.  But, somehow, that I was also breaking up with my right to quiet, slipped my mind.

I’m not complaining.

I love the crazy, loud chaos that is our home.  In fact, it kind of freaks me out if it’s too quiet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet?  What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of SilenceWhat I miss is the access to quiet when I need it for just a few minutes.  When I desperately need to concentrate, that’s when my littles decided to break out the marble racetrack or to blow the railroad whistles their grandparents gave them or to “whisper” loudly enough to be heard from the next county.

Today, I suddenly realized it was oddly quiet.  As this is usually a precursor to impending doom, I quickly, stealthily checked to make sure no one was up to something they shouldn’t have been.  Strangely, each of my pack members was involved in some quiet, non-emergency room inducing activity.  Even our 2 lab puppies were in the midst of a puppy nap.

I decided, fool that I am, to take advantage of this rare lack of loud to try to shop for my new laptop (you might recall that mine started sending out smoke signals and making grinding sounds last week).  Comparing all of the different features and the unending combinations makes my head spin. So, I have to have some quiet to concentrate while I’m doing it.

Just as I clicked on the first of 5 different laptops I’m considering a circus erupted in my home.

Ziva, our girl puppy, woke up, sat in the middle of our kitchen floor, and began howling at the large dog food dish on the counter that belongs to our adult dog, Douglas. She wasn’t hungry, mind you.  Nope.  She just wanted to play with his bowl.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet?  What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of Silence

Douglas decided that he didn’t want Ziva howling at his bowl, so he stood right next to the tiny pup and barked nonstop at her.  This served only to cause Ziva to increase her volume.

The howling and barking woke Ziva’s brother, Bear, our other 9 week old lab puppy.  Bear, who is characteristically laid back, apparently dreamed about espresso.  He woke up wired and hyper, and began running laps around our downstairs.  This wouldn’t have been too distracting had he not decided to perform a flip turn at the end of every lap by bouncing off of the back of the sofa that I was sitting on.

My 12 year old appeared out of nowhere and dashed into our kitchen.  I, like an amateur, thought he was going in to quiet the dogs.  Not so much.  I don’t think he even noticed the dogs.

He dashed out seconds later. “Mom?” he asked, practically yelling to be heard over our furry friends.  “What’s for dinner?…”  He then went on to list off, at his top volume, all of the foods he was hoping we might be having for dinner, followed by all of the foods he didn’t want to have, and why he hated each of them.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet?  What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of Silence

In the midst of the howling and the barking and the flip turns and the listing of potential menus, my 11 year old decided it was time for him to practice piano.  He writes his own compositions.  Fortunately, he decided to use the electric piano with the head phones.  Unfortunately, he didn’t quite push the headphone jack in all of the way, and the house was filled with a near ear-splittingly loud, rocked-out version of Here Comes The Bride.

My 14 year old daughter shuffled into our family room, looking quite haggard, and plopped down on the sofa next to me.  She moaned, “Mom, I don’t feel good.  I think I’m going to throw up.”
Before I could even warn her, Bear, who’s feet move faster than his mind can process, rounded the corner ending his lap, dove for the sofa, and bounced off my shocked daughter, who had unknowingly sat in his flip turn launching zone.  He still managed to complete a near perfect flip and to stick the landing.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet?  What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of Silence

My 16 year old daughter than strolled through and announced, “Oh. My. Gosh!  This house is so annoying.”

I gave up on laptop shopping and decided to select my Sound Of Silence post for this week’s Throwback Day.  It seemed very fitting.

You can read my Sound Of Silence post below in its entirety, or, by clicking on one of these magic links, you can travel to where I originally posted it.  I know how you hardcore readers like to do that.

Either way, I’ll meet you there.  You bring the carrots (I’m still working off my Easter candy weight).  I’ll bring the giggles.

Sound Of Silence…Not!

It’s really just the words that interfere with a read through.

Some noise is ok, but I can’t have any talking around me while I’m doing a final read through on a piece.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet?  What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of SilenceIt was only my boys and me for the afternoon.

We had great plans for fun.

But, first I had to finish a little work.

Which meant they couldn’t talk.

But just for 2 minutes.  Ok, probably 5 minutes.  15 minutes, at the outside, really.

Just long enough for me to do the final edit on a piece I had to send out before the fun could begin.

I knew better than to disappear into the silent confines of my office to quickly perform the needed operation.  My sons roaming unsupervised while I edited meant at least one of them would likely need an operation, or at least a ride to the ER when I emerged.  So, I carried my laptop into our family room.

I told my boys they had to be quiet so I could do a final read through.  Then, I amended that and told them they just needed not to talk for 2 minutes, maybe 5 while I read through the piece.

It’s really just the words that interfere with a read through.

As they weren’t to talk, they readily understood that I would not be talking either.  Not their first time running this drill.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet? What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of SilenceMy laptop and I took up residence on the family room sofa, affording me the most complete view of the lower level of our house possible.  My sons set about amusing themselves and attempting to break through the boundary that would cause mom to stop working and holler, sort of a progeny quest on their part, as it were.

After a couple of minutes with the three youngest engaged in an exercise in pantomimed “I’m Not Touching You!” Son#4, my youngest son, went into the loo to …uh… take care of some personal needs.

Son#2 Immediately grabbed a balloon from the junk drawer in our kitchen (ok, from one of many, many junk drawers in our kitchen because they’re all junk drawers, but that’s really a subject for a different column!), and proceeded to quietly blow it up while he hid outside the door to the loo to, I assumed (not my first time running this drill either), be prepared to ambush Son#4 upon his egress from the loo.

Noting this development, Son#3, stifling giggles, hid around the corner from the end of the short corridor leading to the loo to prepare to ambush Sons #2 and #4 when they came out.


Right then, Son#1 walked through our family room en route to our kitchen, saw the developing ambush chain, and proclaimed calmly to his younger brothers, “You’re stupid.” Obviously not a nice thing to say, but I have to admit the emotionless, analytical tone Son#1, my eldest off-spring, used made me involuntarily giggle.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Quiet? What Is That? Loud Kids The Sound Of Silence

At the sound of Son#1’s voice, the son in the loo, Son#4, opened the door to ask what was said.  The instant Son#4 opened the door Son#2 yelled and popped the balloon, causing Son#4 to yell in surprise.  Then, both laughed so hard they fell down.  They were literally rolling on the floor laughing.

When they’d regained their composure, well, at least had quelled their laughter enough so they’d regained the ability to walk, Sons #4 & #2 made the short trek down the corridor.  When they reached the end of it, Son#3 was waiting to ambush them.  Son#3 yelled, startling them.  All 3 then fell into fits of laughter, whooping and hollering with tears streaming from the silliness.

I have to admit I joined them.  Even often somber Son#1 had a smile.  It was like watching my very own 3 Stooges, but without the eye poking.  I was sure that would come later in the evening.

Through it all, neither Moe, Larry, nor Curly uttered a word, so as not to disturb the read through I was supposed to be doing.

Son#3’s tear streaked, smiling face turned to me.  “Are you done, mom?” he asked, still giggling.

“Uh…almost,” I fibbed.  I hadn’t even started!  I was too distracted by the show.

Maybe it’s not just the words that interfere with a read through!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Any fun distracting you lately?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room

Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room

by Gina Valley

It was such a beautiful day here in Los Angeles today.   It topped out at nearly 80 degrees.  Flip flop and shorts weather.

As I was flipping and flopping into our house after dropping off the pack at school I couldn’t help but notice our front yard is in a less than welcoming state.

It kind of looks like The Munsters did a makeover for us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersThe lawn is post-winter scraggly and sending fingers over its brick border and into the flower beds.  Most of the potted plants seem to have spent the winter turning into bare twigs.  And, several of our shrubs are looking more and more like squatting Sasquatches.

Apparently, completely neglecting the garden is not the best way to get it to flourish.  Who knew?

So, as we will be digging out our green thumbs and gardening implements this weekend in an effort to turn our yard back into a welcoming entry(or at least something less like a haunted house) I thought  my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post would be great for Throwback Day this week.

You can read my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of the magic links to travel through the magical world of the internet to the my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post in its original location on the blog.  Either way, I’ll meet you over at Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools.

You bring the celery (bathing suit weather is almost here, so no chocolate for me), and I’ll bring the laughs.

Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools

This is the time of year when so many of us are busy sprucing up our gardens.  It is invaluable to have the right tools.   I recently came upon a supposedly helpful list of twenty-seven essential items to assemble prior to beginning to revitalize one’s garden for spring.  That’s right – TWENTY-SEVEN!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersThe thing is, though, this list was clearly assembled by someone who lives in, well, an imaginary land where people speak “Martha Stewart” and put things away where they belong.

I don’t live there.  I don’t even live near there.

I figured many of you live in a crazy realm similar to the one I do, so I decided to adapt the list for us inhabitants of the real world.

I’ve whittled (you would not believe how long it took me to spell “whittled” correctly) the list down to the 4 most essential items, not including the phone numbers for the closest emergency room and bandage supplier.

Spring Garden Essentials Checklist:

(Don’t waste your time looking for any of these items where they belong.  You know they aren’t there.  As an experienced spring garden tool gatherer, I have provided some suggestions as to the most likely places to find them.)

A round point shovel – could be used for breaking up ground or for heavy digging and lifting if you could find it.  Probably it’s somewhere behind the garage where it was thrown two months ago after two of your sons got into an argument about who’s turn it was to pick up the dog doo, and Son#2 popped Son#3 on the head with it.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersSon#2 was likely in a hurry to hide the evidence of his assault after the split in the skin above Son#3’s right eyebrow turned into something closely resembling a Venetian fountain. He likely tossed the shovel behind the garage because it was the nearest large, opaque object.  Fortunately, Son#3 had the good, although dripping, sense to rush to find you in the house, despite Son#2’s assurances that he would return shortly with duct tape to “fix him right up.”

A hand pruner – is great for snipping off small, dead branches, and is not actually intended to prune hands, despite the fact that it does seem to take pieces off someone’s finger every year.  It looks kinda like hefty scissors.  It is usually found near where a child was constructing a diorama of The Wind in the Willows at midnight the night before it was due.  After all, she only had two months to work on it and couldn’t possibly be expected to finish the shoebox sized project, much less mention that she needed to do so, in that short time frame.

As last minute school projects cause the immediate disappearance of all scissors, she naturally had to use the hand pruners to cut out the construction paper river, wire tree stems, and cardboard willows.  The duct tape is probably nearby as well, explaining why Son#2 was unable to find it to use to stem the tide from Son#3’s eyebrow, because glue sticks also spontaneously combust whenever a child is working on a school project after the stores close.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden Munsters

A leaf rake – is useful for raking up, you guessed it, leaves from the lawn or under shrubbery.  It has a wide “rakey” part at the end that, unfortunately, unscrews from the long handle.  The rakey part makes a great turkey tail or giant Mohawk and is usually found in the tree fort in the back yard or upstairs in the costume box.

The long handle is, unfortunately, quite a bit more difficult to locate.  Most years, The Professor just crawls around on our lawn muttering about how he knew he “…should have glued the bloody handle on!” as he rakes up the leaves with only the rakey part of the rake, after having searched the garage and yard fruitlessly for the handle.

The handle is a rare find, but can sometimes be located holding up the center of the blanket and chair fort in the living room or attached to the paint roller that was abandoned in the shower of the guest bathroom.  You might also want to check that space between the refrigerator and the wall, because it is sometimes used to retrieve AWOL Lego bricks from under the refrigerator.

A pair of gardening gloves – are very important to protect your hands while working in the yard.  They also work well as riding gloves while riding imaginary broncos made of picnic benches, as substitute hot pads when removing flaming roasted potatoes from the oven, and to get a grip on the radiator cap when the car is steaming mad.  Search accordingly.  Be sure that you locate at least three gloves, because if you only find two, they will be for the same hand.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden Munsters

After you’ve found these four basic items most of the day will probably be shot, so you won’t have any time, much less patience, left to work in your garden.  Be sure to hide them where your family can’t find them.  That way there’s a chance you’ll be able to use them next weekend.  Then, send yourself an email telling you where you put them, because if you’re anything like me, you’ll hide them where no one, not even you, can find them.

Happy Hunting…I mean…Gardening!

Laugh out loud!

– gina

Are your garden maintenance tools where they should be?  Who is the best at putting stuff where it goes around your place?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Equalish Rights

Equalish Rights

I am careful to discourage sexism in my children.

I pride myself on my feminism.

I encourage my children to reach out and stretch and to realize that, other than tinkling their name in snow, giving birth, or being a Navy seal, there are not a lot of choices in life limited by their sex.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Equal Rights Boys Girls Babysitting Lawn Mower Mowing

My 16 year old son agrees.

In fact, supporter of women’s rights that he is, he reminded me, when I reminded him to cut the grass today, that his sister is the same age he was when he started doing that.

Good point.

Men and women being equal and all, he reasoned, perhaps it was oppressing his sister, as a woman, to deny her the right of learning all of the joys of lawn mowing and yard maintenance.

Shouldn’t she also experience the exercise of repeatedly pulling the starter cord?  Wouldn’t it be wrong to deny her the opportunity for personal growth and linguistic development that having the stubborn beast of a machine refusing to start provides?  Isn’t she entitled to reap the benefits of having grass clippings stuck to her face and in her ears?

He has learned lessons in perseverance and quality control as he’s swept the sidewalk and driveway after mowing.  Should she be denied these opportunities?  Isn’t it wrong to prevent her from building her detail tracking skills by mixing the fuel and adjusting the sprinkler heads?

All good points.

He’s teaching her all of the joys connected with mowing the lawn today.

Today, he is a big supporter of women’s rights.

She is not so much.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Equal Rights Boys Girls Babysitting Lawn Mower MowingI wonder if he’ll continue to be such a strong supporter of equal rights when he takes a turn at his sister’s job of babysitting the 2 & 4 year olds while The Professor and I go out to dinner tonight.

Something tells me his civic-mindedness might pale then, just as his sister’s brightens.

Funny how some equal rights seem more equal than others.

Especially when you are 16.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How do you encourage the people in your life not to limit their possibilities based on their sex?   Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Thank you for reading and giggling with me!

Be sure to sign up for an email subscription to my blog posts.  Just use the handy, dandy box on the right side, near the top of this page.   No spam.  Just convenient, direct delivery of giggles.

Oh The People You’ll Meet!

Oh The People You’ll Meet!

We were in a crowd of nearly 10,000 at an open audition this week that I’d promised I’d take my daughter  to, all day, jammed together like cattle (hence the name “Cattle call”).  We met lots of people.  Most of them were friendly folks filled with good humor and common sense.

Most of them.

Some, well, not so much.

We met a lot of people.  Many from the first category.  Some from the second.  You be the judge of who is from which.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Auditions Crowds PeopleMs. Chimney:   In front of us was Ms. Chimney.  She was a joy.  There’s nothing quite as uplifting and refreshing as sucking in the chunky scent of stale cigarettes carefully blended with insidious B.O.   I was wishing I had a big bottle of Febreze.  Or two.  Or a barrel.  Foul doesn’t even begin to describe it.  The fact that she cut in line to get in front of us was just the icing on the repulsive cake.

After about 20 minutes of deeply enjoying her presence, she disappeared.  We were filled with hope.  And oxygen.  Our lungs stopped burning.  Our chest stopped hurting.  Our eyes stopped tearing.

But, our both our hope and our respite was short lived.

She came back.

Stronger.

Apparently, the stroll she’d taken was cardio-based enough in nature to rekindle her natural…Essence de Eeeww.  She was Frito Foul Extreme when she returned.  And, lest we suffer the pang of withdrawal, she had restocked on cigarette smoke.

She continued to take her pungent potency renewal breaks every 15 – 20 minutes all day long.  She was stinky, but she was consistent.

Can’t Find My Group Guy :  Periodically we would be treated to a monologue by Can’t Find My Group Guy.  There was actually several Can’t Find My Group Guys of various shapes, sizes and age.  But, they all had the same 2 things in common.  They were trying to use their cell phone to locate their group, and they were not experiencing success.

Here’s some of what they said.  The other side of the conversations is not hard to imagine.

Where you at?

I’m right here.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Auditions Crowds PeopleI’m by the trees  (there were 1000’s of trees fairly evenly dispersed throughout the area).

I’m by the palm trees (evenly spaced up and down the street for as far as you can see in both directions).

I don’t see you.

Did you change clothes?

I’m next to the red tape (a mile of red tape is marking the edges of the walkway down the side walk through the center of the crowd).

I’m in the middle.

I’m by the doors (there were doors in at least 8 different locations around the stadium we were surrounding).

Did y’all move, Baby? (this should be read with a slight whine throughout, and a crack in the voice near the end).

I’m not sure if any of the Can’t Find My Group Guys ever found their groups, but at least they all had cell phones to call 911, if necessary.

Mr. Freebie:  In general, Mr. Freebie was hard to see clearly.  Most of the  time he was just a blur as he came flying by, stepping on the heads of children and throwing the elderly out of his trajectory on his quest to nab one of the freebies tossed into the crowd.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Auditions Crowds People

It’s absolutely amazing what he’d do for a free beanie or t-shirt.  If it’s both, take cover.  He’s willing to kill for that free stuff.  He’d knock you down and stab you in the eye for a free pencil without the slightest hint of remorse.  You’ve probably seen him at Lakers’ or Yankees’ games.

Ms. Clueless:  Ms. Clueless was obsessed with her makeup and her lip gloss.  She wasn’t even there to tryout.  She was just hanging out with her friend who was there to audition.  Every five minutes or so she’d ask her friend if her eyeliner was ok.  Her friend always said that it was.

Ms. Clueless would then pull out her hand mirror from her enormous filthy, yellow, quilted fabric bag, and check her face herself.  Clearly, she was never satisfied with what she saw, as she invariably pulled out an eyeliner and re-lined her eyes.

She would then throw the eyeliner angrily back into her bag (it must have said something nasty to her while she was applying it), and then proceed to root about in her bag again.  After a few minutes she would pull out an ancient tube of lip gloss and ever-so-carefully apply it to her lips, which, by the way, were perfectly shaped.

The thing is, I’m certain that no one else noticed her perfectly shaped lips.  I’m quite sure no one was focused on the quantity or placement of her eyeliner.  I know no one noticed whether she was wearing lip gloss.

This would probably be true no matter what, as most people were pretty focused on being ready for their audition.  But, it was especially true in Ms. Clueless’s case because she had, and I’m not even exaggerating, at least, AT LEAST, 20 different piercings on her face.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Auditions Crowds People

Maybe more.

Now I’m not bagging on piercings.  If you want to punch a hole in your face it’s certainly your right to do so.   I’m not going to judge you for it.

I’m just sayin’ that perhaps, PERHAPS, if you have chosen to ignore the whole “less is more” principle and have gone with the “more is more” attitude, and decide to punch 20 or 30 holes in various locations all over your face, be aware that you don’t need to worry about slightly less obvious accentuating choices.  Ms. Clueless needs to clue-in.  Trust me, no one is going to notice her eyeliner.  Ever.

Mr. Megaphone:   Mr. Megaphone works for the production company.  He is, apparently, unable to speak without the aid of a megaphone.   He uses it to address the crowd, the crew, and even his assistant, who is always standing right next to him.  He’s great fun, and I’d kind of like to go over to his house for dinner just to hear him say grace with that megaphone.

Guitar Guy:   Now personally, I liked Guitar Guy.  He was fun to listen to.  But, he was breaking the clearly stated, oft repeated “no musical instruments” clause of the “What Not To Bring” part of the audition terms.   I suppose at first look that seems like a silly rule, but when one considers the space limitations and the movement that is required, it becomes clear that the “no musical instruments” is a good restriction to have.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Auditions Crowds People

This was clearly not clear to Guitar Guy, however.   In fact, when Mr. Megaphone bellowed through his megaphone to Guitar Guy, “Hey! Lose that!  No musical instruments!” and Guitar Guy answered, “It’s not an instrument.  It’s a guitar,” it became apparent that many things are not clear to Guitar Guy.

There was also the girl who kept putting hair spray on her eyebrows, the man wearing 5 inch stiletto leopard heels, a plethora of women (and men) who thought “open call” meant “bra optional” who opted against although they should have opted for the bra.

Always fun to meet new people.

I wish I’d asked that guy where he bought his heels.  Oh well.  He’ll probably be at the next audition anyway.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Met any fun people in a crowd?  Have you been a fun person in the crowd?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m  looking forward to hearing all about it.

As always, thanks for reading and laughing with me.

It’s Apparent You’re A Parent If…

It’s Apparent You’re A Parent If…

Is your “parent” showing?

Might be.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Apparent You’re A Parent

Here’s some indicators to look for.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you know 6 different ways for a person to turn his teeth blue and only 1 of them involves food coloring.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you know where the bathroom is located in every retail establishment within 63 miles of your home, and where it falls on the grossness scale.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you have ever said to someone, “Oh just eat it.  It’s not like it going to kill you.”

It’s apparent you’re a parent if when one of your dining companions announces he’s going to visit the facilities you holler after him, “You better not spit your broccoli in the toilet.  And, remember to file the paper work!”

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you have found a large yellow Tonka truck fully loaded with your underwear (yes, they were clean, in addition to being cold) in your refrigerator.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if a person you brought with you to Target has just announce in a loud clear voice that the stranger in front of you in line is “a big fatty.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Apparent You’re A Parent

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you have had a heated argument about which is worse to clean up: barf or poop.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you have considered calling a contractor for a bid on putting a large garbage disposal in the floor and automatic sprinklers in the ceiling of your living room.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if your dog seems to have the best personal hygiene habits out of everyone you live with.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you have ever uttered the phrase, “Stop calling him a ‘poopie head.  We’re late for church!’”

It’s apparent you’re a parent if your refrigerator door spends more time open than closed.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Apparent You’re A Parent It’s apparent you’re a parent if, on more than one occasion, you have bribed someone with a cookie to clean something.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if you can’t remember the last time you were in a bathroom alone.

It’s apparent you’re a parent if some of the laundry you are trying to wash must first be chased down and subdued.

There’s also a chance you might just be living in a rowdy frat house.

But, that’s really the same thing.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What’s your favorite indicator of parenthood or kid wrangler?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

And, thanks for reading.  I appreciate you stopping by and sharing some giggles with me.

How To Make Rice – More Fun Than The Xbox

How To Make Rice – More Fun Than The Xbox

Once in a while when we order Chinese food The Professor bemoans shelling out the extra cash for steamed rice.  After all, he reasons, we could make some ourselves, and it’d be ready before the order even showed up at our door.  Water, oil, salt, rice – it’s simple, he reasons.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Rice Xbox Chinese Food Wipeout Cooking Accidents Games MessI understand his thinking, but he’s wrong.

Before we had children, I usually whipped up the Chinese food myself.  Steamed rice?  Heck, I could do that with my eyes closed.  Yes, it was simple. But, that was before kids.

Making rice is no longer simple. It’s now a game, well, a series of games really.  And, as is always the case, our children are much, much better than we are at playing.

Here’s the standard order of play, as pulled from our experience last night:

Children start off with Kitchen Zumba by hiding in the pantry.  They jump out when mom comes in to get the rice to start dinner, giving her a fun cardio workout.

A related game is Pick Up 5lbs Of Rice Off The Floor, which is played immediately after Kitchen Zumba, but is not as well received.

Put Handfuls Of Rice Down Your Brother’s Shirt is then played, and the chorus of giggles is re-stimulated.

Throw Handfuls Of Rice At Your Sister is also historically giggle inducing.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Rice Xbox Chinese Food Wipeout Cooking Accidents Games MessDrop Rice All Over Entire Downstairs Of Our House While Chasing And Throwing It At Each Other is also a popular follow-up game.

This is often followed by another game, which causes stifled giggles from kids, a gasp from their mom, and a loud thud and groan from their dad, called Slip On The Rogue Rice In The Hall And Fall Flat On Your Back.  It is especially fun when the teen says, barely hiding her giggles, “Dad’s fallen and he can’t get up,” and the 11 year old, barely able to speak due to his fits of laughter, says, “Did you break a hip, Dad?”  Clearly, they watch too much Wipeout.

The 2 year old playing Dump An Entire Box Of Band Aids On Dad’s Head while he lay moaning and trying to catch his breath on the hardwood floor qualifies someone for extra points.  I’m not sure who, though.

Acquiescence is played when the dad whispers between wheezes, “Never mind. Just order the bloody rice.”

Mom then checks dad’s pupils and asks him what year it is to determine whether to play the bonus round of Drive Dad To The Hospital.

Fortunately, we didn’t qualify for the bonus round last night.

But, there’s always tomorrow.

We’re making oatmeal for breakfast.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What’s cooking at your place this weekend?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

I’ll Bring The Duct Tape, You Bring The Snow

I’ll Bring The  Duct Tape, You Bring The Snow

by Gina Valley

It seemed so simple.

That should have been a clue that trouble was brewing.

Get two boys geared up to go spend the day at the snow.  Only 2 boys.  11 & 12 years old.  Simple.

And, since we’d been to the snow for a week last month, all their snow stuff must fit, right?.  How much could a little boy grow in a month, right?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Snow Gear Boots  Gloves Duct Tape Missing Lost Misplaced Mislaid Toaster Boxing Glove Measuring Tape Tea Bags SnowmanI’ll tell you how much: 2 shoe sizes.  Two!!!  Son#4 couldn’t even get his foot into the boots that were a bit loose last month.

I don’t know if Son#3’s boots fit or not, because they weren’t in the boot bin.  I don’t know why I thought they would be.  My family is way too thoughtful to put their dirty boots into the pristine container I bought to contain them.  I’m pretty sure the only thing that has ever been stored in our boot bin is a couple of giggly kid during a game of hide & seek.

Son#3’s boots were not in his closet, or in any other closet or cupboard in our house.  They were not in any of our cars, the play house or the garage.  We had finished checking under every last piece of furniture before Son#3 remembered that he put them by the water heater to get warm and dried out.

I checked, and sure enough, they were still sitting right next to the water heater, quite dry now since a month had passed.  Unfortunately, the water heater was 1400 miles away in my parents’ basement.

Luckily, Son#4’s rapidly expanding feet were now very close to the size of Daughter #3’s feet, and Son#3’s feet were very close in size to Daughter#2’s feet.  Even luckier, I had purchased new, navy blue snow boots for them last August when I was shopping to avoid the 105 ‘F record heat wave, and their boots, although not in the boot bin, were rounded up in its immediate vicinity.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Snow Gear Boots Gloves Duct Tape Missing Lost Misplaced Mislaid Toaster Boxing Glove Measuring Tape Tea Bags SnowmanCrisis averted.  Let’s face it, you can finagle a lot of stuff to keep warm and dry in the snow, but you can’t mess around with foot wear. You gotta keep those toes toasty or they will snap right off.  Or, at least make your kids really whiny, which might be worse, depending on the day.

So, triumphantly I presented the pairs of boots to my 2 young male progeny, eagerly anticipating their squeals of gratefulness and hugs in thanks.  As it happened, though, I was met with a slightly different aesthetic.

They stood there scowling, with their arms folded across their chests and brows furrowed deep enough to plant corn in.

“We are not wearing those,” Son#3 announced with firm finality.

“What?  Why not?” I asked, more confused than usual.

“Those are girls’ boots, mom” Son#4 explained, not at all patiently, and although his mouth didn’t say “Duh!” his eyes did.

“They’re dark blue.  No one is going to know they’re your sisters’boots,” I countered, careful not to add that I had paid a flippin’ fortune for them, so it’d be nice if they were worn more than twice during their tenure with our family.  Economics doesn’t win me points with my children.

Girls. Boots,” Son#3 repeated.

“As it turns out, these aren’t girls’ boots.  They’re boys’ boots,” I explained. I bought the girls boys’ boots so that you could wear them after they out grew them.  So, you have to take good care of these boots, because the girls need them to wear to their snow day next month.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Snow Gear Boots Gloves Duct Tape Missing Lost Misplaced Mislaid Toaster Boxing Glove Measuring Tape Tea Bags SnowmanI knew better, but I couldn’t help hoping somehow my girls wouldn’t mind that they’d been wearing boys’ boots. There was no chance their brothers’ wouldn’t tell them.  Asking them not to would only serve to alert the boys to what a great opportunity this was to bug their sisters.  I’d have to cross that bridge another day, because we still had gloves to find.

So, adventurers-on-the-clock that we were, we opened the ski glove box.  I was shock to find 18 gloves and one roll of duct tape in the box.  Of course, I should have expected to find the duct tape in there.  After all, I had handed it to one of my kids (all now deny any knowledge of the aforementioned roll of duct tape) to put on the work bench a month ago, and it hadn’t been seen since.  Work bench.  Ski glove box.  Practically the same thing.

Before we got too far along in our celebration of all things duct tape-ish and glove-y, I dumped the gloves out onto the floor and told Sons #3 & #4 to each find a pair that fit them.  I hadn’t even made to the kitchen, where I was planning to pack up some snacks for them to take (or to scarf the rest of the chocolate kisses.  I was still deciding.  Don’t judge me) when Son#4 announced that he could not find a pair.

I know his games.  I was not about to match those up for him.  “Look again,” I called back from the kitchen, now dangerously close to the canister labeled “Green Tea,” where the chocolate kisses hide.

My hand was on the lid of the canister (just to check for dust.  I wasn’t going to eat them.  Probably.) when Son#3 announced, “Mom, none of these match.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Snow Gear Boots Gloves Duct Tape Missing Lost Misplaced Mislaid Toaster Boxing Glove Measuring Tape Tea Bags SnowmanI retracted my hand from the canister.  Clearly, God didn’t want me to chocolate-it-up right then.

“Are you sure?” I called back to Son#3, knowing how he loves a puzzle, and that he’d find a matching pair if there was one.

“Yep,” he called back.  “No pairs, mom.”

“OK,” I said, heading back into Glove Central, “just pick any two that fit you.  They’re all black.  No one is gonna notice they don’t match.”

“Mom.” Son#3 implored.  “We can’t make any pairs.”

“You are just being too picky,” I said, as I plopped down on the floor next to him.  “Look, I’ll help you.  First, sort them into lefts and rights.”

“I already did.”  Son#3 said.

“Well, do it again,” I requested, not quite as politely as I should have.

“He did do it again,” his younger brother offered.

“Yeah,” said Son#4.  He then pointed to the pile of gloves and said, “These are the lefts.”  Then, he pointed to the rug where there were no gloves and said, “These are the rights.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Snow Gear Boots Gloves Duct Tape Missing Lost Misplaced Mislaid Toaster Boxing Glove Measuring Tape Tea Bags SnowmanIt took me a minute, but I caught on.  I think I would have caught on sooner if I’d eaten the chocolate kisses.  “They can’t all be lefts.  That’s not possible,” I said, feeling the dread growing in me as I began examining glove after glove.

Not a right hand glove amongst the entire 18 in the bunch. “How is this possible?” I asked no one in particular, but I was kinda hoping God might choose to clarify it for me.

Son#4 spoke up for his Maker, “I think we lost all the right ones.”

It’s good thing he’s too cute to snarl at.

I figured since it was only 10:07 PM I had just enough time to finish developing a good aneurysm, then I could make them some duct tape gloves.

This is why we don’t live in the snow.  We could never leave the house.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What disappears at your house?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Do You Know What Time It Is?

Do You Know What Time It Is?

Do you know what time it is?

I’ll give you a hint.

I’ll give you a couple hints.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Chore Time Avoiding Disappearing InvisibleHomework, which was totally completed, such that the homeworkee could play video games earlier, is suddenly not finished.  Another assignment has mysteriously popped into the forefront of the homeworkee’s mind, and it requires intense, immediate study, possibly even a trip to the library.

Tears are flowing over each long forgotten paper-cut, scrape, and bruise earned in school or on the playground today.

Urgent gastrointestinal issues with enormous potential catastrophic results have suddenly developed, requiring the urgentee to quickly retire to the loo for the foreseeable future.  And, perhaps a bit beyond that.

Sudden exhaustion has set in, and sleep is nearly impossible to put off.  Children are veritably near unconsciousness, even as they stand, because they are so overcome by this tsunami of tiredness.

The dog must be walked right now.  He’s clearly unhappy, and he hasn’t had a walk.  It wouldn’t be right to deny exercise to a poor, helpless animal.

Shoe boxes must be dug out of closets instantly to begin emergency dioramas that dioramaees have suddenly remembered must be completed yesterday.

The weather inside has become instantly and extremely bipolar, causing the jacketed to be hot and the non-jacketed to be cold and both to run for their closets to make urgent deposits and/or withdrawals.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Chore Time Avoiding Disappearing InvisibleIt a matter of moments, my house, which was moments ago a 7 ring circus, has suddenly turned into a near ghost town.  The water dripping in the kitchen can be clearly heard, as there isn’t another sound in my home.

Each of my children has scattered and disappeared, leaving behind only twirling dust bunnies in their wake.

What time is it you ask?

What is this magical hour?

When are my children suddenly more magic filled than pixie dust and more wiley than a wabbit?

It can only mean one thing.

It’s chore time.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What clears the room the quickest in your home?  Did you disappear during chore time when you were a kid?  How do the kids in your life orchestrate their avoidance exit?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars?

Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars?

by Gina Valley

Why aren’t my kids better liars?

It’s not like they don’t practice.

I feel like such a failure.  Clearly, I’m not providing them with the deception training they need to develop into the amazing liars I know they could be.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBoxMaybe I need to call in a professional to provide private coaching, like a politician or a used car salesman or a weight loss counselor.

Consider yesterday’s example:

I asked Son#3 & Son#4, “Did you finish cleaning your room?”

“Yes!” they answered in unison, already opening the cabinet to access the Xbox.

“Is it really clean, or did you just stop working on it?”  I asked to clarify their answer.  I watch Law & Order.  I know how to interrogate.

“It’s clean!” they answered in unison, sticking to their story, while they tug-o-war’ed with the favored XBox black controller.  They’ve been watching NCIS for denial tips.

I totally support a “Trust but Verify” policy in both international relations and child proclamations, but yesterday that policy was frustrated by a case of the dizzy, nauseated thing going on, which made me running up and down the stairs every 5 minutes to check on my minions somewhat problematic.  I had to continue my investigation verbally

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBox“Are you sure?” I asked, carefully maintaining eye contact to watch for hints of deception.  That’s what Patrick Jane does.

“Yes!” they again answered emphatically, in unison.  Son#3 had somehow managed to wrest the coveted black controller away from Son#4.  I was surprised that Son#4 wasn’t complaining about being stuck with one of the less loved light colored controllers, but I didn’t allow it to get me off track.

I gave them both “The Eye,” and asked, “Could a blind guy walk across your floor without getting hurt?”  Sometimes you have to get specific to eliminate semantics.

“Yes,” Son#3 answered slowly. “He’d be wearing shoes, right?”

“He should probably wear boots,” Son#4 offered, while lining up their Skylanders.

“Clean your room!” was my closing argument.

Or, perhaps consider Daughter#3’s poor performance last month after she walked past my office with perfectly curled tresses rather than her naturally straight hair:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBox“Did you use my curling iron?” I asked, knowing the answer, as it’s the only one in the house since the “Why is the mattress on fire?” incident of 6 months ago.

“No,” she said, picking up speed a bit in a race to hit the stairs before I hit her with the next question.

I can move fast, too, and darted out into the hall to ask, “Then, how did your hair get so curly?”

“I must have slept on it funny,” my 3rd born, feminine-flower answered.

“You slept on it funny?  It doesn’t look funny.  It looks curled. You’re supposed to ask before you use other people’s stuff and you know it.”

“I must have twirled it around my finger a lot in my sleep,” she suggested, clearly thinking my mind had twirled out my ear in the middle of the night.

I couldn’t help but do a brain revealing eye roll.  I hollered down the stairs to her, “Put my curling iron back in my bathroom right now, before I twirl you around something.”

And, who can forget last week’s record grounding-inducing, pathetic attempt by Son#2 when I came upon him entering the house as I was on my way out at 6:00AM on a Saturday morning:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBox“Why are you up?” I asked.  Seeing him awake on a Saturday at 6:00AM usually means I forgot about a 7:00AM soccer game, or the world is ending.

“I got the paper,” he answered holding up the newspaper he had retrieved from our driveway.

“I see.  And, you needed a car key for that?” I asked, pointing to the key in his other hand. I’m sure Mr. Jane would have been proud of me.

“Uhhh,” he began.  I was tempted to sit down, as I recognized that a show was about to begin.  “I went out to get donuts for the family.”

“Really?” I like to play along.

“Yeah, I figured I better go early, so there was a better selection,” Son#2 continued.

“How thoughtful!” I said.  “Where are the donuts?”

“Uhhh, I didn’t have any money in my wallet to buy them,” he continued.  “So, I went to the bank to cash my paycheck, but I couldn’t get the machine to work and they weren’t open, so I just came home.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBox“Give me your keys.  You won’t need them for quite some time,” I said more calmly than I thought possible, considering my mind was running through all of the different ways to strangle a person at the time.

“Why am I getting in trouble for trying to do something nice for the family?” he scoffed, clearly wounded by this perceived injustice.

“You weren’t trying to do something nice for the family.  The closest you got to buying us donuts this morning was driving past the mini mall on your way home after sneaking out to play video games at you friends’ house all night.  And, if you say one more word, I will take you down to the bank when it opens, and have them show you the video tape of you not trying to use the ATM to cash your paycheck, which by the way went through the laundry last night because you left it in your jeans pocket.”

You know, it’s not the lying so much as the lack of effort behind it that really bothers me.  I mean, come on, if they’re going to be dishonest, couldn’t they at least make an effort?  I’m not a complete moron.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBoxHow about even a little effort? Couldn’t my kids at least wipe the chocolate off their faces before denying they ate my chocolate bar?

How about showing some respect?  Is it too much to ask that they at least hide my suede boots after wearing them out in the rain, rather than sticking the mud cover things back on my shelf?

How about acknowledging my intelligence?  Why not put down his brother’s truck before denying taking it from him?

I worry for my children.  They seem to be lacking such basic level dishonesty skills, and they aren’t putting in the hard work necessary to become quality deceivers.

How will they be finesse-filled spouses or skilled parents or Christmas character supporters?

How will they successfully apply for a mortgage or negotiate for a car or eat dinner at their in-laws house?

I realize now that I should have set a better example.  I should have been lying to them all along.

But, it’s never too late to start.  I’ll change my ways.  I’ll make a difference in their lives before it’s too late.  I’ll start today.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Liars Lying Truth Matters Example XBox

I’ll tell them I’m in the kitchen making dinner, when I’m actually in the kitchen snarfing the cookie dough.

I’ll tell them I went to the gym, when all I actually did was stop by my friend Jim’s house to return a book.

And, I’ll tell Son#3 that he can borrow my car, and when he heads for the door, I add, “but you may not” just to help them work on those semantics.

I know there’s still hope.

If we all pull together, I may be able to raise a pack of skilled liars yet!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone told you a real whopper lately?  What was it?  What did you do?  Did you ever feed your parents a pile of bologna?  What happened?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Oh yeah – I just wanted to remind you – if you haven’t hooked up with me on Facebook or Pinterest or Twitter, I hope you will today.  I want you to be in on all the giggles.  Plus, it’s always fun to hang out with you!

Also, be sure to click on the subscribe box in the sidebar up near the top, right-hand side of this page to receive all of my blog posts in your e-mail.  It’s super convenient and I won’t send you any spam.

And, hey –Thanks for reading!  I appreciate you spending your time with me!

We Don’t Need The Cat In The Hat

We Don’t Need The Cat In The Hat

My kids need to run.  None of them has stopped moving since learning to roll over.   They skipped walking and went directly to running.  They must have constant access to wiggling opportunities.

It’s been pouring for 2 days, and the forecast is for several more days of rain.  I’ve received emails stating that all of my children’s usual weekend “burn off pent up energy from sitting in classrooms all week” activities are rained out.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Rain Cat In The Hat Kids Playing Rainey Day GamesNo problem.  Experience has taught me there are plenty of indoor games my littles can play to stimulate their bodies and to occupy their minds on this cold, cold, wet day.  And, they won’t even need The Cat In The Hat to show up.

Fun games like:

Being Spiderman – participants literally scale the walls and hide by wedging themselves against the ceiling between the walls of the upstairs hall.  Bonus points are scored if mom walks underneath you without noticing you’re up there. Most fun if played with dirty feet to leave footprints at the top of the wall to make mom think she’s losing her mind.

Wake The Dog – set tiny radio controlled “bugs” on a path to collide with the sleeping dog.  Watch as the dog freaks out, and takes off running, knocking over the large houseplant in the dining room.  Bonus points if the dog knocks over more than one piece of furniture or grabs something off of the counter as he cruises through the kitchen.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Rain Cat In The Hat Kids Playing Rainey Day GamesTape To A Teen – tape something, anything to a teen. It doesn’t matter what you tape to the teen or which teen it is. Just stick something to the teen without their knowledge. Then, giggle. Be sure to wear your running shoes, so you’ll have good traction when the teen discovers he or she has been decorated, and proceeds to chase you throughout the house hollering out threats of bodily harm.

Bonus points awarded if the taping is completed successfully while the teen is sleeping and not discovered until he or she visits the restroom and catches sight of it in the mirror.  When engaged in this game, well, all rainy day game really, it’s wise not to leave your toothbrush in the bathroom where it might be subject to an unfortunate toilet revenge swim.

Stairway Sledding – using bean bag chairs as sleds slalom down the stairs.  Bonus points if you make the turn at the landing without stopping or crashing into the wall.  The game is over when mom confiscates the bean bags or when one of you is knocked unconscious, or both.

Ceiling Fan Baseball – after turning your ceiling fan to “high speed,” pitch objects of various weights, densities, and values into the whirling blades.  Try to catch the objects after the blades launch them throughout the room before the hit and break a window.

Maybe it would’ve been better if The Cat In The Hat shown up, especially if he brought that super cool clean up machine of his.

Or dinner.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How do you entertain the restless on cold, cold, wet days?  Do Thing 1 and Thing 2 take over your home on bad weather days?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.