Do Turtles Wear Deodorant?…Gina’s favorites

Do Turtles Wear Deodorant?…Gina’s favorites

by Gina Valley

My pack and I are traveling, visiting family, and just hanging out and laughing together.

This week we’re staying with my parents

As I have planned to be busy being unbusy and unplanned, I’ve gone through my posts and queued up favorites to keep you in giggles while I’m hanging with my pack.

I hope you enjoy this Gina’s Favorites.

And, I hope you stop and take time to hang out with and laugh with your loved ones, too.

Thank you for reading and sharing.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Today’s Gina’s Favorites post is my  Do Turtles Wear Deodorant? post.   You can read my  Do Turtles Wear Deodorant?  post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, click on one of these magic links to read my  Do Turtles Wear Deodorant? post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at Do Turtles Wear Deodorant?.  You bring the Ice cream (it’s hot today!).  I’ll bring the laughs.

Do Turtles Wear Deodorant?

Each night before I go to bed, I toss the load of laundry I put into the washer after dinner into the dryer.  It’s really one of those on auto-pilot “do it without thinking” kind of things.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do Turtles Wear Deodorant? Kids Point Of View But, for some reason, last night I guess I was a little more aware of what was going on around me, because I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before.

There is a bookcase along one of the walls of the hall that leads to our laundry room.  Our turtles live in an aquarium on top of the bookcase.  Last night as I raced by on my way to attempt to get closer to laundry Nirvana I noticed a stick of deodorant next to the tank.

Why is there deodorant next to the turtles’ tank? Do turtles wear deodorant?

Upon closer inspection I recognized the deodorant as belonging to Son#2.

So, I, apparently having forgotten how very unsatisfying the explanations given by children are, decided to ask Son#2 for an explanation.

Me to son#2: Why is your deodorant on the bookcase by the turtle tank?

Son#2: Because that’s closer to the dryer.

This, in his opinion, was a thorough, light-shedding explanation.  He started to head up the stairs toward his bedroom.  I wanted a bit more sun to shine on the topic.  I held onto his sweat shirt to slow his escape.

Me: Hang on a second. You have to explain that or I am going to have a stroke.

Son#2: What’s a stroke?

Me: You won’t like it. It ends with me drooling.  A lot.  Explain.

Son#2: Since it’s cold, I get up an hour early each morning and put my clothes in the dryer so they’re nice & warm when I put them on. I have to put on my deodorant after I put on my clothes so I need it close.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do Turtles Wear Deodorant? Kids Point Of View Me: Where do you put the clothes that are in the dryer? (note: I always put a load in the dryer before I go to bed, so there is one in the dryer every morning.)

Son#2: In the big basket.

Me: The big basket? That’s the dirty clothes hamper. It’s full of dirty laundry. Why don’t you just bring them in the house?

Son#2: I don’t have time. I have to get ready for school. That’s why I keep my deodorant there. So I’m not late for school.

Me: But, you’re coming in the house anyway.

Son#2: Well, I didn’t think of that.

To summarize:

The deodorant is next to the turtle tank so Son#2 won’t be late to school. (note: Son#2 is usually late to school anyway. Perhaps deodorant location isn’t the problem)

The unending laundry at our house is being supplemented each morning by a child who is adding a clean load to the dirty stuff.

And, if I wasn’t already too busy washing clean laundry, I think I would have a stroke today just so I could drool on that child!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What confusing behavior do your family members exhibit?  Have you received a crazy explanation for seemingly simple behavior?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites

My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

My pack and I are traveling, visiting family, and just hanging out and giggling together.  We’ve been staying with my parents in the Pacific Northwest this week.

Ironically, I’ve actually been quite ill for most of the time we’ve been staying with my parents.  I‘d planned to make this a low-stress, high relaxation vacation.  My body decided to force the issue.  So, now it’s a mandatory “sit on your arse” vacation.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites Caring Protection Kids Point Of ViewI’ve experienced the personalized, highly professional care of an isolated, extremely rural emergency room, and the inefficiency and callousness of my big city health insurance several times this week.

I’ve spent hours in the office of a roaming cardiologist who just happened to be scheduled in this tiny town on the day I desperately need a cardiologist, and who is truly the funniest person I’ve ever met.  And, one of the smartest.

As I’d already planned to be busy being unbusy and unplanned, I’d already gone through my posts and queued up favorites to keep you in giggles while I’m hanging with my pack.  Now I am doubly glad I did so.

I hope you enjoy this Gina’s Favorites.

And, I hope you stop and take time to hang out with and laugh with your loved ones, too.  Life’s short.  Make sure you take time to live it and laugh about it.

Thank you for reading and sharing.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Today’s Gina’s Favorites post is my My Bodyguard’s Assault Cannon Is Bigger Than Yours post.   You can read my My Bodyguard’s Assault Cannon Is Bigger Than Yours post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, click on one of these magic links to read my My Bodyguard’s Assault Cannon Is Bigger Than Yours post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at My Bodyguard’s Assault Cannon Is Bigger Than Yours.  You bring the strawberries (don’t those sound good?!?!).  I’ll bring the laughs.

My Bodyguard’s Assault Cannon Is Bigger Than Yours

This is Hunter.  He (well at least I think he’s a “he”) is from HALO and is my body guard this week. At 2 ½ inches tall, he’s the largest plastic body guard I’ve had.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites Caring Protection Kids Point Of ViewA couple years ago on a Wednesday evening, Sons #3 & #4 came to understand that after they went to bed at night I would stay up to work.  I’m not sure they understood then, although I’m reasonably sure they do now, that I need peace and quiet to write.  Certainly, it will be years, probably not until they are parents themselves, before they will understand that I’d rather give up my sleep for that peace and quiet than give up my time with my children.

But what I know they did understand that day was that their mommy was up alone in the sleepy, dark house in the middle of the night.

This was, and to some degree I suppose still is, a scary concept to them.  When they wake up in the middle of the night they find it a frightening thing. So, loving sons that they are, they wanted to protect their mommy from the dangers of the night.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites Caring Protection Kids Point Of ViewThey scampered up to their room, and much inaudible discussion ensued.  A few minutes later they returned with a Lego peg-legged pirate, complete with sword and pistol.  He (I’m quite certain he was a “he”) looked quite rough and tough and burly, as one would expect a Lego pirate to be.

They handed me their little plastic treasure and explained to me that he was to sit on my laptop computer.  “He’s to keep you company, and to keep you safe,” Son #3 had explained.  “So you won’t be lonely…or scared,” Son #4 added.

I had my first body guard, Pegleg, with me for nearly two years.  He would occasionally be called into service during the day, but, miraculously, he was always in his place standing guard when I sat down to work each night.  If only they had kept such good track of their shoes, or their pet newts!

But, one night when I sat down to work Pegleg was nowhere to be seen.  In his place stood a proud swordsman from an Arabia Lego set.  Although he didn’t have a pistol, he had a long sword and a swooshing cape.

Swooshing Cape kept me company, dutifully standing guard, for about an hour before curiosity forced me to my younger boys’ room.

Was Pegleg in the midst of a battle paused to continue the following morning? Was Pegleg the recipient of a career ending injury and forced to retire from his bodyguard duties? Had they simply lost Pegleg during the day’s events?

I had to know what had happened to Pegleg!

But, it was 2AM so I would have to figure it out on my own, tempting though it was to rouse one or the other of them from their sleep.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites Caring Protection Kids Point Of ViewTurning on their bright lights would have woken them up, so that was NOT an option.  I was so thankful for the dimmer switch in their room as I picked my way across the cluttered floor.  I could never have made it in the dark.  Who needs weapons of mass destruction when you have Legos and Hot Wheels on duty?!?!

Their Lego table was covered with structures and figures, but all seemed to be from their modern city building sets.  Their significant pirate population was all on the shelves where they belong, apparently having been quite inactive that day.

I found Pegleg, looking none the worse for wear, sitting on the poop deck of their largest ship.  He was not broken nor missing nor otherwise engaged, yet for some reason Swooshing Cape had taken his place.

I started back to my office, fighting the urge to wake them up to ask what the deal was (Would that really have been so terrible? At least it would have given them more to talk about during therapy as adults!).

I was nearly safely out of their room when I realized this was going to bug me all night.  So, to put my mind at ease, I went back to their shelves and grabbed Pegleg.  Ok, I get a teensy bit set in my OCD ways. So, sue me.

I put Pegleg on my laptop right next to Swooshing Cape.  Both silently watched over me while I worked.  I think I heard them whisper a couple times, but I wasn’t really sure.

True to my OCD nature, I rose a bit early the next morning so I could return Pegleg to the poop deck from whence he came before Sons #3 & #4 woke up.  I didn’t want my boys to know I’d messed with their body guard arrangements for me.  And, I really didn’t want anyone to know that I couldn’t focus on my work without the aid of a teensy plastic pirate.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley My Bodyguard…Gina’s Favorites Caring Protection Kids Point Of ViewDuring breakfast, I casually asked about the appearance of Swooshing Cape.  Son#4 answered, without skipping a beat, or swallowing his waffle for that matter, that “Other guys want a turn.”  Well, that made sense.  It was rather unfair for Pegleg to get all of the fun.  Son#3 added, “We thought you’d like to meet some new guys, too.” How many times had I reminded my kids that meeting new people is fun?  Good grief!  They’d been listening!

So, Swooshing Cape stayed with me for about ten days.  He was replaced on a Sunday afternoon by a tiny brontosaurus, who, I was told, “is not a Lego, but still a cool guy.”

Ever since then, each Sunday afternoon my two youngest boys have provided me with a new body guard.  I’ve never had to ask.  I’ve never reminded them.  Sometimes they introduce us.  Sometimes the new “guy” just mysteriously appears at his post. But my body guard is always there.

And, every time I look at my tiny guardian for the week my heart squishes a little, because alongside that tiny toy is a giant reminder of how much my little boys love me.

How do your kids take care of you?  I look forward to hearing all about it, so please drop me a comment.

Laugh AND LOVE Out Loud!

-gina

Isn’t it amazing the ways children find to show love?  So innocent and clear!    What is something special someone has done for you to show they care about you? What have you done for someone else?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Don’t Make Me Back This Car Up!!!

Don’t Make Me Back This Car Up!!!

by Gina Valley

My soon-to-be high school graduate brought home his robe today.  Apparently, the robe company stores these things by wadding them up into a little ball and parking an SUV on top of them.

Even the wrinkles have wrinkles.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Don't Make Me Back This Car Up Graduation Tickets TeenagersI told him to hang it up, and, hopefully, I will be able to get most of the wrinkles out of it before tomorrow night’s ceremony. He said that I didn’t need to worry about because “it’s just high school graduation, and it’s not that big of a deal.” This from the kid that would not wear a t-shirt to school any day during his four high school years if it hadn’t been properly attacked by a lint roller.

I asked how he had done with securing enough tickets for our family. He said that he was still 2 short, but that he had three people in mind to hit up tomorrow who said that they had extra tickets he could have.  He doesn’t understand why it is important to me that all of his brothers and sisters be there to see him graduate.

He says that his sisters and brothers would probably have a better time sitting in the van playing video games while his dad and I attend his graduation ceremony. That’s ridiculous.

Of course, they would have a better time sitting in the van playing video games. A much better time. Anyone would. Heck, they’d probably have a better time sitting in the van even without video games. But, we’re not there to have a good time. We’re there to mark this rite of passage with him.

He told me that someone had offered him $40 for 2 of his tickets. I got very serious, as I know where this profit minded teen’s mind wanders, and said, “Don’t you dare sell any of those tickets. We don’t even have enough yet.  And, if we did, you still shouldn’t sell them. That’s just wrong.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Don't Make Me Back This Car Up Graduation Tickets Teenagers“But, mom,” he countered, “it’s only high school graduation. It’s not that big a deal.  I could get a lot of money for those tickets.”

“Look,” I explained to him, “we’re looking forward to being crammed together like sweaty sardines with a bunch of pungent strangers, listening to endless, pointless speeches, sweating to the point of dehydration, and listening through more than 500 names being read in hopes of getting to hear yours called. If you sell those tickets and deny us that privilege, do you know what I will do?”

“Yes, mom, I do,” he answered. I could feel his eyes doing a hidden internal roll, even though it was not visible outside of his head. “You will run over me with the van. Then, you will back up and do it again.”

“That’s right!” I said. “And, do you know why I would do that?”

He couldn’t keep himself from smiling, as he answered, “Because you love me.”

Yep. He’s ready to graduate.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are any of your dear ones graduating from something this year? What do you remember about your past graduations? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Click on my posts below for more graduation giggles:

Death By Folding Chair –The Perils Of A Graduation Audience

Just ‘Cause You’re At Graduation Doesn’t Mean You’re Smart

The Graduate – Not Just A Sweaty Guy In A Dress & Funny Hat

As always, the extra click counts as cardio.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Do These Lights Sound Pretty?

Do These Lights Sound Pretty?

by Gina Valley

“The lights on this one change color.  Let’s get it,” Daughter#2 said.

We were standing in the giant electronics store in front of giant bank of car stereo receivers.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Do These Lights Sound Pretty Car Audio Systems Shopping Salespeople Choices YellingEach and every receiver looked exactly the same and totally different at the same time.  They were each flashing bright lights.  Some were red.  Some were blue.  Some changed colors periodically.  I wondered how many seizures this display had triggered.

Originally, Daughter#3 had wanted me to buy one of the receivers with red lights, because we were buying and having it installed in The Professor’s red car as a surprise, while he and most of her brothers were out of town.

Color coordination is important to Daughter#2.  I have to admit that the color of the lights on the thing was not even on my list of what was important about the unit for his car.  Would it work with his iPhone? Did it support Bluetooth? How powerful was it?  And, most importantly, could they install it before he got home, so he wouldn’t try to install it himself?

You see, it may seem to the unmarried that the new sound system is the gift.  The unmarried might look at his decrepit car audio unit, with its stems where buttons used to be and its long darkened LCD screen, or listen to the pops and wheezes from the speakers, and think that buying him a new audio system would be a great gift.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Do These Lights Sound Pretty Car Audio Systems Shopping Salespeople Choices YellingAnd, it would be.

But, the married know that the true gift is having it installed while he isn’t home.

The freedom from having to choose between spending time doing it himself or spending money we could have spent on something else to have someone else install it is the real gift.

In fact, having to deal with the installation decision and the details and potential guilt-feelings it involves is probably why he hasn’t slapped his AmEx on the counter and bought himself a new unit, even though this one has barely functioned for years.

So, while Daughters #1 & #3 were on the GPS aisle typing made up city names into the GPS display units to see if the units could find the fictitious places, Daughter#2 and I stood before the wall of electronic car audio options, hoping that the best answer would present itself.

It did not.

But, Mr. YELLS-WHEN-HE-TALKS did.

Mr. YELLS-WHEN-HE-TALKS seemed like a nice salesperson.  He asked if we would like some assistance.  No, he yelled if we would like some assistance.  Not spoke.  Not emphasized.  Not talked loudly.  Mr. YELLS-WHEN-HE-TALKS actually full out yelled every syllable he uttered to us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Do These Lights Sound Pretty Car Audio Systems Shopping Salespeople Choices Yelling“HOW ARE YOU TODAY?!!!” he bellowed, startling the lady looking at the speaker display next to me, causing her to drop her purse.

“IS ANYONE HELPING YOU?!!!”

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ASSISTANCE?!!!”

Or, my favorite (in answer to my query for guidance about the differences between the multitude of units on display) “THEY’RE ALL PRETTY MUCH THE SAME!!!  IT JUST DEPENDS WHAT YOU WANT IT TO DO!!!”

That narrowed it right down for me.

Just as I was thinking, “What the heck, maybe we should just get the red one,” Mr. Knows-It-All appeared.

Mr. Knows-It-All helped me to quickly “eliminate units that don’t meet your (my) needs.”  He also pointed out a second giant wall full of receivers to choose from that I hadn’t even noticed before.  Good thing he was helping me to eliminate some from consideration.

Does the car have the original audio equipment (do Cheerios crammed in the speakers count as “original equipment”?)?

Will he be using his iPhone with it (does he have to remember to bring the phone in the car for that to work?)?  

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Do These Lights Sound Pretty Car Audio Systems Shopping Salespeople Choices YellingWould he want to use a Bluetooth with that (does that mean one less wire to lose?)?  

Will we be using Sirius or XM radio (Do we seem like serious, X-rated people?)?

What kind of music does he listen to (is “makes my head hurt” a kind of music?)?

We narrowed it down to 6 then 4 then 2 then 1 unit.  It was not one with color-changing lights.  Daughter#2 was disappointed.

Then, Mr. Knows-It-All asked the year of the car, so he could determine the speaker size.  When I told him the year, we both suddenly became aware of the fact that The Professor’s car is older than Mr. Knows-It-All.  “Are you sure,” Mr. Knows-It-All asked, “that it still has the original audio equipment?”

After Mr. Knows-It-All rang everything up and gave me my receipt, Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-The-Stuff appeared.  He was older than Mr. Knows-It-All and would be installing the system.

Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-The-Stuff politely suggested that I buy a different brand of receiver because it works much better and costs the same.  He also pointed out that if I bought speakers in the same brand as the receiver, I would receive a $100 discount, and that that brand’s speakers have better sound quality and longevity.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Do These Lights Sound Pretty Car Audio Systems Shopping Salespeople Choices YellingI said to Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-The-Stuff, “How about you pick out what you would get for your car in this basic price range, and cancel the order for this stuff.”

Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-This-Stuff amazed Mr. Knows-It-All by cancelling my first transaction and crediting my credit card, all without the help of a manager.  Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-This-Stuff then disappeared for a few minutes and reappeared laden with boxes containing the elements of what was to become The Professor’s car’s new audio system.

Overall, I spent $150 less and got a better system. He showed me each item and explained why he selected it.  I thought his explanation about why he picked the receiver was especially interesting.  He pointed out several features making it more user friendly than most.  He demonstrated how to use it to get the best sound quality.

Then, he said, “This one also has another feature that a lot of people like.”

I was kind of hoping it was Cheerio-repellant or had child-noise-dampening.

Mr. Guy-Who-Actually-Works-With-This-Stuff pushed a couple buttons on the receiver to demonstrate the feature.

“The lights on this one change color.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you made a very complicated, simple purchase?  Does your receiver change color?  What’s your favorite kind of music?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

I Can’t Do A Cartwheel

I Can’t Do A Cartwheel

by Gina Valley

The dance concert that 2 of my daughters performed in last night was only 3 hours long instead of the expected 4.   My other pack members were near rejoicing.

One of my sons pointed out that no one even fell asleep “…except for dad, but just for a little while and he didn’t snore much.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet MariinskyLast spring’s dance concert was nearly 4 ½ hours long, which strained even the most devoted parent’s posterior (that’s a tough word to spell correctly on the first go-round).  That it was also long on slow, soft ballet numbers ensured that head bobbing amongst audience members was a common, nearly synchronous event.

This year their school for the arts took a different approach to showcasing the talents of its students.   They still presented their classical training, but they used less traditional music and costumes to do it.

The advanced ballet pointe class (the ones who manage to gracefully dance, apparently effortlessly, on their toes) displayed their skills to strong, peppy tunes from the soundtrack of The Hobbit, while dancing with spears, swords, bows, and axes.  The attention of even my youngest boys was transfixed on the stage.  Well played.

The house burst into applause when the popular school principal appeared on stage to dance a duet with one of the students.   But, people really went crazy when, during the dance, he did a cart wheel followed by a perfectly landed back flip.  Beyond well played.   Quite impressive really.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet MariinskyChatter in our van during the drive home centered around some of the funny things about the performances and included a lot of giggling.  It reminded me of the ride home after I took my daughters to see the Mariinsky Ballet and Orchestra.

So, for Throwback Day this week, let’s head back to one of my posts about that night, my He’s Not Wearing Any Pants! post.

You can read my He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!  post in its entirety below, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of these magic links and read  in its original location.  Either way, I’ll meet you over at my He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!  post.  I’ll bring the giggles, but, please don’t bring any chocolate.  I’m still getting over the stomach flu.

He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!

I have long been a noter of the sexism in uniforming and costuming among sports and the arts and The Avengers movie.

But, I’m thinking about shutting up about it.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet MariinskyWhen I see the women ice skaters in their teeny, tiny barely there skating “dresses,” while the men skaters  are in long pants and a turtleneck, I call foul.

When I see the ballroom dancers competing and the women are apparently wearing tape and the men are wearing a tux, I call foul.

When I see the women volley ball players wearing a bra and panties and the men wearing trunks and a t-shirt, I call foul.

Why, I wonder, do the women have to let it all hang out, so to speak, but the guys get to lock, load, and package their…uh…you know… package?  Seems like if anyone has to show off their stuff, everyone should have to.

Now I’m not so sure.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet MariinskyLast night I took my daughters to see the Mariinsky Ballet and Orchestra on the opening night of their US tour.  If you’re not impressed, according to dance circles, you should be.  And, I have to tell you, they are truly amazing artists.

I am thankful these talented performers made the long trek from Russia to SoCal, and not justbecause I’m going to make fun of them here and in future columns.  We saw some breathtaking dance, heard beautiful music, and over-paid for old brownies.  It was an experience my daughters will not soon forget.

But, speaking of forgotten, in the midst of the ballroom scene, a small but growing issue became completely undeniable.  I’d noticed with the very first dancer, as soon as the curtain was raised for the opening scene.  It’d become ever more glaringly apparent with each passing scene.

Like any parent, I was hoping the issue would escape the ever watchful eyes of my children, but deep inside I knew that it wouldn’t.

I wasn’t surprised when Daughter#2 leaned over to whisper a question into my ear.  I cringed knowing what it would be about.

“Mom?” she asked, “They’re from Russia, right?”

“Yes, from Russia,” I answered, relieved I’d been wrong about what I saw as an obvious distraction.  I chuckled to myself.  Maybe I’m just not as good at focusing on the dancing as my children are.

“And, that’s really far away, right?” she continued.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet Mariinsky“Yes, very far away,” I agreed.  She was even observing the history of the dance company we’d heard at the pre-event lecture.  There I was worrying about that little issue, well issues, and she hadn’t even noticed.

She leaned in a little closer, “It must be hard to bring all the stuff they need.”

I’m sure I was beaming at her concern and understanding about the pragmatics of traveling with such a large company.  “Yes, it must be nearly a nearly overwhelming task to get it all here,” I agreed.

She nodded and sat back in her chair as she said, “Well, that’s probably why they forgot the boys’ pants.”

There’s the issue.

He’s not wearing any pants.

She hadn’t missed it.  I knew it.  How could I have doubted myself?  No one could miss it.  It was right there.  I was lying to myself hoping somehow it, they weren’t visible from my daughters’ seats, but deep down inside I knew better.  No kid was gonna miss that.  Them.  Those.  Whatever.

Ballet is the only arena in all of the arts and sports that thoroughly covers their women’s bulges but leaves their men’s…hanging out.  No pun intended.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet MariinskyPerhaps, it wouldn’t be quite so noticeable if the ladies weren’t adorned in flowing dresses or ornate tutus and leotards with tights, thoroughly, beautifully covered.  Even the men’s costuming seems to have left no detail unattended.  Except pants.

They’re not wearing pants.

They are wearing tights.  White tights. But no pants.  I think my daughter’s question is valid.  They came from Russia.  Did someone forget to pack the pants?  We have a Target down the street and a Walmart on every corner.  Buy some pants.  Or shorts.  How about a kilt?  Or could you just let the hem out of their tunic a bit?  Something.

Perhaps Prince Sigfried’s obvious look of concern as he leapt and twirled across the stage had less to do with the fact that he just married his true love’s evil twin and more to do with the fact that we can all see his royal jewels because he isn’t wearing any pants.

And, yes, the jester is an important part of Swan Lake, but I can’t help but think the reason he got so many laughs had less to do with his attempts at dancing physical humor, than it did with the jingle bells that shimmer and jingle very time he moves being strategically placed near his…uh…personal jingle bells.  The man looks frighteningly happy.  I’m just sayin’.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Can’t Do A Cartwheel Dance Concert Ballet Mariinsky

Pants.  Even shorts.  I’m not asking for a lot.

A few pairs of strategically placed shorts would help many audience members to focus more fully on the dancing.  I’m thinking it might relax some of the dancers, too.  Some of them looked very…uh… tense.

So, now I’m thinking, instead of what’s good for the goose (or swan, as the case maybe) is good for the gander, how about if everyone locks and loads so we can focus on the amazing physical actions they’re performing, instead of dreading the next sentence to come out of our child’s mouth?

Keep the mystery alive.  That’s all I’m saying.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Where have you taken your kids that generated cringe worthy comments?  Did you take dance as a child?  Will your kids?  Shoot me a comment.  I’d love to hear all about it!

Click over to my posts below for more dancing giggles:

Fun At The Ballet Or Why Not Just Stick Your Finger In Your Eye

Toddlers VS Teens: Dance Off

Real Fire & Tight Dresses Tweak The Ballet Fantastic

As always, the extra click counts as cardio.

Thank you for reading and sharing my work on your social media accounts.  I appreciate all of your support.

If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing

If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing

by Gina Valley

 

Dear Children,

I appreciate you leaving me two of my shoes when you left for school this morning, although I must admit that, selfishly, I would prefer that they match.  Well, maybe no one will notice that I am wearing one flip flop and one running shoe with my suit.  I’ll just try to keep my feet under the conference table during my morning meetings.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing High HeelsI don’t know who took my high heeled, black pumps that I placed next to our front door last night.  I was attempting to shave a few minutes off of my departure routine this morning, knowing that I would be rushing out the door after shipping you all off to school.

It’s not the first time one or more of you has chosen to entertain my shoes with a non-sanctioned outing.

Girls, I have told you I don’t want you wearing my high heeled shoes to school.  You’re too young to put yourself through that kind of pain to fit in.  Just hanging out with the other girls at school should provide you with plenty of opportunities for pain at this point in your life.

Boys, I know the spike heels are perfect for pounding holes in the field to dig for worms at recess.  But, as the principal explained to you the last time, if you get caught sneaking pointy, sharp objects like that into school in your backpack, it will be considered a weapon, and you will be suspended for 3 days.  Again.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing High Heels

I don’t see why the worms or I should be punished just because we didn’t have any spoons in the flatware drawer for you to sneak to school to dig with.

So, whoever has custody of my shoes, please take time to wipe off any traces of worm guts, Jello, or any other detritus, and return BOTH shoes to my shoe rack on the porch before it gets dark today.  Searching for them in the yard in the dark always results in the unnecessary deaths of many snails and the unnecessary screams as a result of those deaths that wake up our neighbors unnecessarily.

Thank you for your cooperation.

And, please, keep your eyes peeled for my left pink flip flop and right running shoe.  It’s really hard to pull off a graceful gait wearing two different shoes.

Fashionably yours,

Your loving mom

 

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How’d your morning go?  Was it smooth sailing or quick sinking?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Check out these other Letters To My Family for more laughs.  I’ll meet you there:

You’re A Big Help…Not!

Off-loading Zone Ed

Gooey Trash Ed

Please Don’t Eat the Chocolate Chips!!!

Fridge Ed

Remember, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

 

I Have A Question

I Have A Question

by Gina Valley

I have a question.

How come bleach is dingy yellow?  Isn’t that what we use bleach to get rid of?  Why doesn’t it “bleach” itself?

Why isn’t there a remote for my remote?

If my smart phone is so smart, why doesn’t it answer me when I call it?  And, why does it get lost so often?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Have A Question Un-understandable Thngs

Why do I get the feeling that Siri is more mocking me than actually trying to be helpful?

Why will our dog happily ingest our puppies’ kibble, or even poop, but turn his nose up to his dog kibble?

Why don’t they make showers with those motion detectors that are on sink faucets so the water won’t run unless someone is standing under the shower?  Why do my children run the shower for an hour and a half before they get in?

Why is my 11 year old unable to mention the 15 page project, including costume for him and snacks for sixty 5th graders, about Romania he was assigned 2 months ago until the night before it’s due?

Why are hospitals labeled “Hospital For Sick Children”?  Were people bringing in well children?

Why do baby hats always have pompoms on them?  Is that some sort of security device?  Isn’t that a choking hazard?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Have A Question Un-understandable Thngs

Why would anyone buy a bathroom reader at the used book store?  Do they think someone is disinfecting those things?

Why when I order “black coffee” does the server always asks me if I want cream with that?  Is it black cream?

If Febreze is an odor remover how come it has a scent?  Why doesn’t it remove that odor?

Why does the dryer know to break down the night before we’re trying to leave on vacation?

Why, after I just finished putting away $300 worth of groceries, did my teenager just announce, “We have nothing to eat!”?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Got a question?  Or, two?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

 

Life As The Designated Sniffer

Life As The Designated Sniffer

by Gina Valley

Parenting is a funny thing.

Maybe you’ve noticed.

No matter how prepared you think you are, you are not prepared.

I never thought I was prepared, and I wasn’t.  Not by a long shot.

It’s definitely been a learn-as-I-go kind of process.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Life As The Designated Sniffer Sniffing Smelling

There are many facets of parenting I never imagined, much less prepared for.

Goo on the shoulder of every suit I own.

My favorite artwork drawn on a Post It by my 7 year old.

Never sleeping through the night.  Ever.  Ever.  Again.

But, there is one particular aspect of being a mom that I never even imagined I’d, if not embrace, at least have thrust upon me:

Living life as The Designated Sniffer.

I don’t remember signing up to be The Designated Sniffer.   Clearly, I must have, because I am, but I don’t remember initialing twice and signing on the dotted line.

Why do I have to smell things?  My degree is in applied math, not sniffology.  Why am I the designated sniffer?

Sure it started off simply enough after we were married.  I’d be called into service to determine the relative freshness of everything from milk to bread to t-shirts.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Life As The Designated Sniffer Sniffing SmellingWhen our children started showing up, I naturally began to add to my Designated Sniffer duties without thinking, sniffing formula, food, and tiny hinnies for any offensive signals.

My role as Designated Sniffer grew by leaps and bounds as my children grew.  Somehow each came to view me as the Nose That Knows, and brought every olfactory mystery and malady to my snoz for investigation and analysis.

I always assumed that my children would develop not only the skills but also the desire to do their own scent analysis as they learned to do other things for themselves.  As my children have grown, though, rather than decreasing, my role as The Designated Sniffer has continued to expand.

Son#3 just walked up to me, said, “smell my breath,” and breathed out in my face before I could even answer.  Thankfully he had just thoroughly brushed his teeth with a new brand of toothpaste that he wanted me to smell.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Life As The Designated Sniffer Sniffing SmellingLast week one of my pack did the same thing in order to share with me the wealth of her onion breath left over from the salad she’d had at school for lunch.  It was a special, bonding moment.

Son#4 came up to me yesterday and said, “Smell me.”  I said, “Uhhh. Why?”  He answered, “Just ‘cause.”

Just ‘cause? I don’t think so.

Why are people always asking me to smell them?

Upon returning home from running errands to multiple stores with her dad, The Professor, Daughter#3 came up to me and said, “I smell like all kinds of things.  Smell me.”

Ummm.

No.

I’m sure she meant she smelled like a bunch of different lotion samples and the like, but I wasn’t feeling brave enough to take any chances.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Life As The Designated Sniffer Sniffing Smelling

Son#2, a teenager, asked me to smell the gallon of milk before he poured it over his cereal every morning last week.  Like milk lasts long enough at our house to go bad!  It doesn’t even last long enough to get warm if we just left it on the counter.

And, today, Son#1, who is technically an adult and legally allowed to serve as his own Designated Sniffer, opened a mystery tub from our refrigerator, then uttered those words I so often hear before some goo covered thing is shoved under my nose:

“Eeeeww. This smells terrible.  Smell it.”

And, I did.

It’s so nice to have a purpose in the grand scheme of life.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Here’s a few more of my many giggle filled parenting posts.  Click on over to them for more laughs.  As always, the extra click counts as cardio!

Everyday I’m Parentin’

Did We Put The Kids In The Carry-On?

No Sleep For The Parenty

Who is the designated sniffer in your neck of the woods?  Any mystery tubs lurking in your fridge?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!

X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!

by Gina Valley

The OCD in me tends to obsess a bit about titles for what I write.  Well, it tends to obsess a bit about everything, but titles are what I’m working on right now.

I’ve been trying to stick to the AtoZ Challenge rules of using each letter of the alphabet in titles for the month of April.  I was trying to come up with an appropriate and effective title with a real x-word (why does that sound dirty to me?) in it for today’s title.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House X Words Loud Bickering KidsNone of those cheap “eXcellent” or “X-ray” cheats for me.  Only real words that actually have something to do with the material need bother to apply.

I won’t tell you that I’ve pulled out 3 different English dictionaries and read every entry for “X” in each.  I did, but I’m not going to tell you that because it sounds a bit obsessive.

I will tell you that while I have been wracking my brain in an attempt to come up with an appropriate x-word, my 2 youngest sons have been wracking theirs in an attempt to come up with ways to derail every last car of every train of thought I’ve had today.

So far they’re batting 1000.

Just now, Son#4 came up with a brand new way to harass Son#3.  Brotherly love at its finest.

I spent most of last night at urgent care with Son#3.  He’s very sensitive to things in his environment.  He’d developed a rash on his face and one arm, which told me he’d been in contact with something his body was angry about.  By the time we were seen by the doctor, the rash had spread, turned bright red, and he’d started wheezing.  We got home late last night with 2 new medicines and a fresh case of exhaustion.

Son#3 is not getting enough oxygen today and is exhausted.  He’s also got an itchy rash on his face, arm, and part of his leg.

He’s not in the best mood.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House X Words Loud Bickering KidsHe was starting to display a rather foul attitude, so I explained to Son#3 that, since he’s having breathing trouble and he isn’t getting enough air, he’s a bit crabby (just between you and me, it’s more like “spawn of satan” crabby, but why split hairs?), and needs to be extra careful about how he responds to people.

Son#4 listened carefully to what I was telling Son#3 (children always listen carefully when it is none of their business), and decided, as brothers are apt to do, to help his brother with his attitude problem.

Son#4 began dancing around our family room, while singing a tune that sounded very Disney-ish.  The lyrics, however, he stole from me.

He sang, “I’m really crabby when I don’t get enough air,” in a bright, cheerful tone.  Over and over again, interspersed with periodic fits of laughter, Son#4 serenaded Son#3 with his song, always careful to stay out of arms reach.

This, not surprisingly, was not well received by Son#3, who took the opportunity to use what little air he was getting to scream at Son#4.  This, of course, served only to encourage Son#4 to sing louder and dance faster, and to make up a second verse.  Son#3 met his brother’s new efforts by redoubling his own, screaming and pelting Son#4 with Legos.

In the midst of the chaos, I remembered an applicable x-word.

Xenogenisis.   You remember xenogenesis, right?  It means spontaneous creation.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House X Words Loud Bickering KidsIf you’re a Trekkie you’ll likely remember it from the 2nd Star Trek movie.  I think that’s the one in which Spock dies, and his body is placed into a pod and shot toward the Genesis planet, which is undergoing xenogenisis.

Or, maybe you remember it from biology class.

Or, from the second page of “X” entries in the Webster’s New World Dictionary, which is where I remember it from.

Son#4 had xenogenisis’ed a whole bunch of chaos out what had been nothing but a brother confined to sofa-rest, receiving some instruction from his mom.

Proving once again that kids are nothing but helpful to parents trying to work from home.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything xenogenisis-ing in your neck of the woods?  Why does that make me think of our refrigerator?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Check out my Are You Insane…Or Just Trying To Work From Home post for more giggles about trying to work with kids around.

As always, thank you for reading and sharing my work.  I appreciate your support!

Very Nice!

Very Nice!

by Gina Valley

“Aren’t you going to get ready?” my 16 year old daughter, Daughter#1, asked.

“I am ready,” I replied.

“Wouldn’t you rather put your contacts in?” she queried.

“No, I would not rather put my contacts in,” I responded.  “I’ve been up for 2 days straight.  I’m not even sure my eyeballs are in.”

“But, don’t you always say you can see better with your contacts in?” she asked.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Very Nice Loaded Questions Teens Kids Who’s Asking“Not today.  My eyes are tired, so I’m wearing my glasses.  What difference does it make to you?” I asked.

“Because, mom,” she replied, “we can’t see your pretty eyes when you’re wearing your glasses.”

Sweet, huh?

Nope.  Not even close.

This is what is a called, in the most polite terms, “blowing snow in my face.”  I’ll leave the less polite terms to your imagination.

Daughter#1 does not like my glasses.  They’re “ok” in her opinion for around the house, but I should, according to her, put my contacts in when I leave the house.  I also should not wear any of my sports jerseys out in public.  And, it would, according to my daughter, be better for all of humanity if I made the effort to tame my wayward locks and to curb my chatting with strangers when out in public, as well.

I, as is my right and duty, ignore Daughter#1’s suggestions even better than she ignores mine.

Yes, my darling daughter, I will be wearing my glasses to your dance concert.  Bug me about it again and I will slip into my Animal pajamas complete with coordinating drumsticks and studded collar as well.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Very Nice Loaded Questions Teens Kids Who’s Asking

I’m always willing to do whatever it takes to help one of my pack learn a life lesson.

Today’s lesson:  when someone asks a question, consider the source, i.e. when your teenage daughter asks if you are going to wear what you’re wearing, she’s asking you not to wear it.

(Also, when your mom tells jokes for a living, you have to realize “wearing glasses” is only the tip of the possible iceberg of embarrassment.  Be careful you don’t pull a Titanic and bump into the whole thing.)

So, today for Throwback Day it seemed fitting to take a look back at my What They’re REALLY Asking post.  You can read my What They’re REALLY Asking  post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers (you know who you are), you can click one of these fancy, magic links and fly over to where I originally posted it.

Either way, I’ll meet you over at What They’re REALLY Asking.

I’ll be wearing my glasses.

Over my pretty eyes.

Hopefully, they’ll see you carrying chocolate when we get there.

What They’re REALLY Asking

What’s on your head mom?

Sometimes it’s not what’s asked but rather who asks it that reveals the true query.

What’s on your head mom?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Very Nice Loaded Questions Teens Kids Who’s AskingFor example, yesterday a friend said someone asked him to describe himself in three words.  He asked me which three words I’d pick. I didn’t know which three words to pick because I wasn’t sure who was asking. The three words I think of as his friend are a bit different than the three words I’d use to describe his business savvy to potential clients or his personality to a potential date. “Who’s asking?” makes all the difference.  It defines the question.

What’s on your head mom?

What’s the real question?  Depends who’s asking.

From Son#1 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Mom, I think your mind might have slipped a gear because you have a stripe across your forehead.”

From Son#2 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Did you paint that stripe on there because we’re going to a game? Who’s playing? How much were the tickets? Do we have good seats?  When are we leaving?  Ooo! I gotta go put a jersey on!”

From Son#3 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Are you having some sort of cool allergic reaction to something that I could figure out and talk about during science at school? I’m gonna go get a camera!  This is gonna be another ‘A’ for sure!”

From Son#4 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Oh!! You were doing something, fun, weren’t you?!?! What totally cool thing were you doing when that happened?  Can I do it, too?  What were you eating when you did that?  And, what’s for dinner ?  Can I eat something now?  Do we have popsicles?”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Very Nice Loaded Questions Teens Kids Who’s Asking

From Niece#1 “What’s on your head, Auntie G?” means “Auntie G, you’re not supposed to draw on your head.   Miss Johanna told me we aren’t supposed to draw on our head or our neck or our arms or our legs or our friends.  Kelley had to sit in time out because she drew on Williams head.  William was crying ‘cause he thought it was blood, but I don’t know why ‘cause it was blue marker.”

From Niece#2 “What dat on your head, Auntie G?” means “WHY dat on your head?  WHY dat red?  WHY dat there? Why? Why? Why?”

From Daughter#3 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “As I look at your head, Mom, I notice something that I’m pretty sure I can leverage into a discussion to put off doing my homework for another 20 minutes, maybe longer if I really work at it.”

From Daughter#2 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “I’m doing my best N OT to giggle, because  I refuse to admit to myself or to you that I find your antics amusing, despite the fact that my tiny dimples betray that I am doing everything I can to squelch a smile that is trying desperately to appear because I’m looking at that stripe and just know there is a funny reason it’s there.”

But, from Daughter#1, who is living deep in the jungles that are teenage-girl-hood and is the actual asker of the question, “What’s on your head, Mom?” can mean only one thing.  It means “How could you have something like that on your head when you know how much it’s going to embarrass me?”

And, that question kinda makes me laugh.  A lot.

Naturally, in an effort to ease her gently away from self-centered “teenagyness,” I told her that I had drawn it there with a Magic Marker for the sole and express purpose of embarrassing her.  Then, having observed her reaction, I reminded her that many teens every year get their eyes stuck in the back of their heads when they roll them one too many times at their parents.

In case you’re wondering what exactly was on my head, it was a bright red, inch wide stripe of sunburn running across the top of my forehead.

It did not look good.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Very Nice Loaded Questions Teens Kids Who’s AskingI had schmeared some aloe vera gel across it to speed healing (isn’t aloe amazing?!?!) so it had a sort of snot-like sheen going for it, too.  It was VERY attractive. Even better, my nose was the only other part of my face exhibiting a coordinating crimson color.  Apparently, I had forgotten where my face ended and that I have a nose when I applied sunscreen before sitting in the sun at a track meet all day.  Did I mention how attractive I looked?

On this “What’s on your head, Mom?” day I was scheduled to meet an online friend face-to-face for the first time.  It really was a perfect day for it.  I told him, “Don’t worry, if it’s foggy you can find me by following the glow of my Rudolph-like nose until you see the snot schmeared, red stripe along the top of my forehead” (Not sure if it was courageousness or curiosity that drove him, but he was early for our meeting).

And, as if to prove my theory correct, Daughter#1 added as I got ready to go out the door, in what I can only assume was an attempt to make me giggle even more, “Do you want to borrow my cover stick to cover that up?”  I had to laugh at that because what she really meant was “I will die if you go outside with that showing on your head, Mom.”

I went anyway.

Don’t worry.  She survived!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Who asks the loaded questions at your house?  Heard any good double-sided questions lately?   What’s your favorite pair of shoes?   Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.