Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!!

Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!!

by Gina Valley

One year we decided, because we are stupid, stupid people, that it would be fun, educational, and inspiring to take our 7 children, 6 of whom were 6 years old and under at the time, to the Veteran’s cemetery for the Memorial Day service.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!! Memorial Day Kids’ POV

Each Memorial Day Boy Scouts place a flag on each and every grave there.  You have to see it in person to grasp the grandeur of the gesture.  It gives you pause.

But, let’s be honest, nothing gives a preschooler pause. Preschoolers don’t pause.

I don’t know why we were thinking our littles would somehow undergo a miraculous, if temporary, transformation, into people with the desire to sit still and do as they’re told.  We must’ve had concussions from being kicked in the head by our two year old each night, after he’d wander into our room to sleep with us “’cause Matthew’s snowin’ again.”

We should have remembered our kids have always prided themselves on taking all instructions under advisement.  Of course, they define “taking under advisement” as “ignoring.”

Standing in the center of the vast, green acres with my pack, surrounded by headstones and people there to honor what those headstones stand for, reminded me there are people, many of them in fact, who put their lives on the line for what they believe in.

It reminded me, as my 94 year old WWII veteran Great Uncle says, freedom isn’t free.

And, it reminded me to leave our kids at home the next time.

I could see our six year old eyeing the neat rows of head stones, and I knew what he was thinking before the little human monkey even said it.  There is no good answer when your 6 year old asks you, “How many [headstones] do you think I can jump to in a row without falling?”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!! Memorial Day Kids’ POV

I wanted to say, “Well, I’m not sure, but please don’t try it until I have one, OK?” But, that seemed inappropriate.

As the speaker mentioned soldiers “making the ultimate sacrifice” my 5 year old asked if Ultimate Sacrifice was one of the X-Men.  Before I could answer, my 6 year old blurted out, “No, Stupid. It means they’re dead people.”

“Are the dead people here?” my 5 year old daughter asked, excitement rising in her voice.  I knew she was thinking about silly zombies, like on Scooby Doo.

I noticed my 4 year old daughter, who was not at that point a fan of zombies, Scooby Doo type or otherwise, immediately pulled her dangling feet up onto her chair, and surveyed the surrounding grass for disturbances.  We were the only disturbances

I smelled a strong, repugnant odor, and immediately suspected my one year old.  Despite his loud protests and claims of innocence, I lifted him and performed the traditional fanny sniff check.  I found that he was not the offender, and slid him back into his stroller.

But, I didn’t have to wonder who was responsible for very long. My adorable 3 year old daughter, Charlotte, announced loudly enough for everyone in attendance and in residence to hear, as she pointed to the man standing next to me, “Mommy, that man farted!”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!! Memorial Day Kids’ POVTo which, my 4 year old, Gemma, responded even louder, so as to call upon her full authority, “We don’t say ‘fart,’ Charlotte. That’s crass.  He tooted. He made a stinky, stinky toot!” At which point, I wondered if it was possible to enlist and ship out within the hour.

Charlotte showed her appreciation for her sister’s guidance by knocking Gemma down.  Gemma then, the more agile of the 2, wriggled out from under her bigger, younger sister and socked her right in the left eye.

As The Professor and I pulled apart our delicate, feminine, brawling flowers, we realized it was time to surrender.  We each slung a screaming sister over one of our shoulders, and each grabbed a stroller to push on the long walk back to our van.

Our 5, 6, and 11 year olds all followed along.  Our 2 year old turned and ran in the opposite direction.

I called after him to come get into his stroller. He ran faster. In the opposite direction.  He didn’t seem the slightest bit concerned that we’d started the long march back toward our van without him.

But, when I waved the bag I’d filled with Fruit Roll Ups, he came running.  He had his priorities. He might not have had them straight, but he definitely had them.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Stepping On Their Heads!!! Memorial Day Kids’ POV

Our one year old, a big fan of Fruit Roll Ups, who spoke only in sign language at the time, immediately, threw his head back, opened his mouth like a hungry baby bird, and repeatedly made the sign for food.

And, the sign for ceiling fan. He really loved ceiling fans.

I noticed that our 11 year old was slowly, but ever so purposely, moving himself further away from the rest of us.  I was glad he didn’t have keys to the van, fearing he would take off and leave our embarrassing family circus behind. Our 3 year old noticed his progress across turf, also, but she wasn’t happy with his course.

She screamed to her big brother, “Stop it!  You’re stepping on their heads!”

Every person and most of the squirrels in the entire cemetery turn in our direction.

I scanned the surrounding area, hoping to spy an open grave I could climb into.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you ever caused pandemonium in a cemetery?  How do you observe Memorial Day? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break

Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break

by Gina Valley

In a couple weeks, I’ll be under full time siege.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break School Vacation

That’s right.

My kids will be on summer break.

I love having them home. I love getting to hang out with them. I love not having to mess with homework.

But.

A few issues have come up in the past during the summer occupation, so I know I need to be proactive and take vital steps before my garrison of gigglers ends its daily constitution in the halls of education.

Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break

#10.  Round up a dairy cow – On a hot summer day 6 gallons of milk is easily inhaled by my kids. When their friends have joined our circus we need a keg of the white stuff daily. I figure having our own cow has got to be cheaper than buying jugs by the pallet full at Costco.

#9.  Get a HazMat suit – And, it needs to include asbestos gloves and a breathing apparatus. I don’t know how bathing suits and towels used in a chlorinated pool turn into alien life forms so quickly, but they do.  It’s like my off spring drop their bathing suits and towels off into a pile, and the fabric springs into an instant mildewy mess.

#8.  Remove the doors from the refrigerator & freezer – They aren’t shut once the entire summer any way. At least this way there’ll be fewer heads and fingers slammed in them. It’s worth the perpetually melted ice cream if it saves me even one trip to the emergency room.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break School Vacation

#7.Hook the power car washer onto the hose to shower the kids – When it’s light until well past a decent bedtime, no one wants to come inside, much less do so to bathe.   This way I can do a quick turbo wash as they run by in the midst of a game of tag. I might get the wax cylinder to, so they’ll be extra shiny and water repellant.

#6.  Stock up on swim goggles – I’ll start with about 50 pairs. That should almost last us through the first week. Where do all the goggles disappear to? If we ever move I think we’re going to find a hidden room full of swim goggles. And, how come my kids consider diving into mud puddles totally hygienic, but need protection from the clean, bacteria-free water in a pool?

#5.  Purchase 3 identical pairs of flip flops for each member of my pack – That way they should be able to come up with at least one pair of shoes when required to.  It’s ok to wear flip flops to a cousin’s black tie wedding as long as they’re sparkly, right?

#4.  Hide the snow parkas – Why does someone always think it’d be cool to play Arctic Explorer in the mid-July heat?  And, why do they think rolling around in a giant mud puddle in their dry clean only parkas simulates the arctic? I think the school district is should be held responsible for that dry cleaning bill.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Vital Preps Before My Kids Start Summer Break School Vacation#3.  Install revolving doors at all entrances – It’s our only hope for having even a semi good chance at a closed door. It’d be nice if we could at least keep the dumber mosquitos and June bugs out.

#2.  Procure a case of MRE’s – Or, maybe several cases. Those nasty nutrition packs from the military surplus store are “Meals Ready To Eat” (also known as “”Meals Refusing To Exit,” according to some of my favorite soldiers). Hopefully, they’ll be better than the nothing I’ve prepared on those many nights when I forget to make dinner because it’s light until nearly 9:30pm. Who thinks about dinner while it’s still light?

#1.  Buy snow boots for everyone – This is the only time of year stores in SoCal have them in stock. Gotta get ’em while it’s hot.

Now that I think about it, I should probably stop by Costco for a barrel of sunscreen, even though I know my kids will refuse to use it all summer.

I wonder if they make a sunscreen cartridge for the power car washer.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How do you prep for the summer? Did you miss school during the summer when you were a kid?  Shoot me a comment. You’re here anyway, and I’d love to hear what you have to say.

X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!…Gina’s Favorites

X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Today is Throwback Day!!! Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!

The OCD in me tends to obsess a bit about titles for what I write.  Well, it tends to obsess a bit about everything, but titles are what I’m working on right now.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!...Gina's Favorites Loud KidsI was trying to come up with an appropriate and effective title with a real x-word (why does that sound dirty to me?) in it for today’s title.

None of those cheap “eXcellent” or “X-ray” cheats for me.  Only real words that actually have something to do with the material need bother to apply.

I won’t tell you that I’ve pulled out 3 different English dictionaries and read every entry for “X” in each.  I did, but I’m not going to tell you that because it sounds a bit obsessive.

I will tell you that while I have been wracking my brain in an attempt to come up with an appropriate x-word, my 2 youngest sons have been wracking theirs in an attempt to come up with ways to derail every last car of every train of thought I’ve had today.

So far they’re batting 1000.

Just now, Son#4 came up with a brand new way to harass Son#3.  Brotherly love at its finest.

I spent most of last night at urgent care with Son#3.  He’s very sensitive to things in his environment.  He’d developed a rash on his face and one arm, which told me he’d been in contact with something his body was angry about.  By the time we were seen by the doctor, the rash had spread, turned bright red, and he’d started wheezing.  We got home late last night with 2 new medicines and a fresh case of exhaustion.

Son#3 is not getting enough oxygen today and is exhausted.  He’s also got an itchy rash on his face, arm, and part of his leg.

He’s not in the best mood.

He was starting to display a rather foul attitude, so I explained to Son#3 that, since he’s having breathing trouble and he isn’t getting enough air, he’s a bit crabby (just between you and me, it’s more like “spawn of satan” crabby, but why split hairs?), and needs to be extra careful about how he responds to people.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!...Gina's Favorites Loud KidsSon#4 listened carefully to what I was telling Son#3 (children always listen carefully when it is none of their business), and decided, as brothers are apt to do, to help his brother with his attitude problem.

Son#4 began dancing around our family room, while singing a tune that sounded very Disney-ish.  The lyrics, however, he stole from me.

He sang, “I’m really crabby when I don’t get enough air,” in a bright, cheerful tone.  Over and over again, interspersed with periodic fits of laughter, Son#4 serenaded Son#3 with his song, always careful to stay out of arms reach.

This, not surprisingly, was not well received by Son#3, who took the opportunity to use what little air he was getting to scream at Son#4.  This, of course, served only to encourage Son#4 to sing louder and dance faster, and to make up a second verse.  Son#3 met his brother’s new efforts by redoubling his own, screaming and pelting Son#4 with Legos.

In the midst of the chaos, I remembered an applicable x-word.

Xenogenisis.   You remember xenogenesis, right?  It means spontaneous creation.

If you’re a Trekkie you’ll likely remember it from the 2nd Star Trek movie.  I think that’s the one in which Spock dies, and his body is placed into a pod and shot toward the Genesis planet, which is undergoing xenogenisis.

Or, maybe you remember it from biology class.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley X is for…I Can’t Think In This House!!!...Gina's Favorites Loud KidsOr, from the second page of “X” entries in the Webster’s New World Dictionary, which is where I remember it from.

Son#4 had xenogenisis’ed a whole bunch of chaos out what had been nothing but a brother confined to sofa-rest, receiving some instruction from his mom.

Proving once again that kids are nothing but helpful to parents trying to work from home.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything xenogenisis-ing in your neck of the woods?  Why does that make me think of our refrigerator?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Check out my Top 10 Signs You’re A Work From Home Parent post or my When EVERY Day Is Take Your Kids To Work Day post for more giggles about trying to work with kids around.

As always, thank you for reading and sharing my work.  I appreciate your support!

Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

by Gina Valley

I have the privilege of hanging out with some amazing writers next week at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

I’m looking forward to meeting people whose work I have long read and admired, and to laughing with new friends, as well.

I’m not looking forward to trying to parent my 7 children from 2200 miles away.

I travel several times a year, so I know my family needs more specific guidelines than “be good” and “don’t burn the house down.” I’ll be leaving them a list of rules.

Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

#10.  Call me only if there’s an emergency. An emergency is when someone or something is on fire, or someone is bleeding profusely from the head.

#9.  No one may make any flame of any kind in any way at any point for any reason. If there is a power outage, birthday, or zombie apocalypse just sit there in the dark until I get home.

#8.  Feed the dog only dog food. Yes, the dog likes ice cream, candy, and pizza, but ice cream, candy, and pizza do not like the dog, as evidenced by the projectile diarrhea he produced during my last trip.

#7.  The dog having projectile diarrhea is not an emergency. Do not call me to tell me about it. Do not send me pictures.

#6.  You must wear shoes to school every day, and they must be shoes that fit you, belong to you, and were purchased by me for you.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town#5.  Your dad is not allowed to play basketball with you. The last time he played basketball with you he broke his ankle. The time before that he dislocated his hip. If your dad is on crutches when I get back, you’re all grounded. Including your dad.

#4.  The babysitter feeding you jar spaghetti sauce is not an emergency. Do not call me to complain about it.

#3.  Stay out of my room.  If you think you need to go in my room, stay out of my room. If you absolutely, positively must go in my room, stay out of my room.

#2.  Wanting to go in my room is not an emergency. Do not call to ask me if you can go in my room.

#1.  If it involves the phrase “Watch this, you guys!” don’t do it.  Don’t even think about doing it.

In other words, be good.

And, don’t burn the house down.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you leave instructions behind for your family when you travel without them? Do they give out your cell phone number to salespeople who call? Has your family done something goofy while you were away? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional

Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional

by Gina Valley

Today I’m asking the tough questions over at Dads’ Round Table in my Why Aren’t My Children Better Liars? post . Well, actually, I’m just asking that one question, and I’m not sure how tough it is:

Why aren’t my children better liars?

Actually, it’s more about laughing at the may-or-may-not be tough question. Here’s a sample of what you’ll find in my post over on DadsRoundTable.com:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional Lying

…Why aren’t my children better liars?

It’s not like they don’t practice.

I feel like such a failure.  Clearly, I’m not providing them with the deception training they need to develop into the amazing liars I know they could be.

Maybe I need to call in a professional to provide private coaching, like a politician or a used car salesman or a weight loss counselor.

Consider yesterday’s example:

I asked Son#3 & Son#4, “Did you finish cleaning your room?”

“Yes!” they answered in unison, already opening the cabinet to access the Xbox.

“Is it really clean, or did you just stop working on it?”  I asked to clarify their answer.  I watch Law & Order.  I know how to interrogate.

“It’s clean!” they answered in unison, sticking to their story, while they tug-o-war’ed with the favored black XBox controller.  They’ve been watching NCIS for denial tips.

“Are you sure?” I asked, carefully maintaining eye contact to watch for hints of deception.  That’s what Patrick Jane does.

“Yes!” they again answered emphatically in unison.  Son#3 had somehow managed to wrest the coveted black controller away from Son#4.  I was surprised that Son#4 wasn’t complaining about being stuck with one of the less loved light colored controllers, but I didn’t allow it to get me off track.

I gave them both “The Eye,” and asked, “Could a blind guy walk across your floor without getting hurt?”  Sometimes you have to get specific to eliminate semantics…..

Click on over to my Why Aren’t My Children Better Liars? post on Dads’ Round Table to get the rest of the giggles.  I’ll meet you over there.

And, as always, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone told you a real whopper lately?  What was it?  What did you do?  Did you ever feed your parents a pile of bologna?  What happened?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

by Gina Valley

My kids are helping make dinner tonight.

Right now 12 and 13 are browning meat for tacos.

Yes, I made sure the fire extinguishers are ready to go.  No, I haven’t had a nervous breakdown.  Yet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make DinnerI’m trying to smile and to remain positive.  I think I’m actually grimacing and developing an aneurysm.

When I decided to insist that my children start helping more with the day to day needs of our family, I forgot that meant that I’d need to face the results of my children helping with the day to day needs of our family.

They’re still learning.  Having them more deeply involved in the processes that keep our home running has lots of far reaching effects.  It teaches them responsibility.  It reminds them about the efforts made on their behalf.  It’s raising my blood pressure.

Plus, there are some clear benefits to having my progeny help make our evening meal.

10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

#10.  Mystery ingredients keep your mind sharp.

#9.  No stress about washing the pots and pans.  You have to wash the whole kitchen anyway.  A couple metal vessels pale in comparison to that.  Might have to wash the whole downstairs.  One time, they even trashed our van while browning meat for tacos.  I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

#8.  No serving dish necessary.  The food is already “artfully” presented all over the stove, counter, floor, and ceiling.

#7.  The dog has been fed.  Repeatedly.

#6.  You have no trouble limiting your serving size, as you wonder how many body parts were scratched during the dinner creation process.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner#5.  It will qualify you to be an excellent candidate to appear on Kitchen Impossible or Dr. Phil.

#4.  It’s a great time to inventory your kitchen, as every cupboard and drawer, as well as the refrigerator and freezer, will be left open for easy analysis.

#3.  Dinner conversation will be effortless.  Between the I made this!’s and the What is this?’s all conversational opportunities will be filled.

#2.  Your kitchen floor will have a new, decorative design, and permanent non-slip surface. 

#1.  The following day your spouse will be much more likely to utter those three little words you so long to hear: Let’s eat out.

Maybe I’ll just have a cup of tea.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are the helpers around your place helping?  What do you wish you had more help with?  Is there a chore you like to do?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Sound Of Silence…Not! …Gina’s Favorites

Sound Of Silence…Not! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’ve been very distracted today, so I figured my Sound Of Silence…Not! post would be perfect for Throwback Day today.  Granted, our puppies are doing most of the distracting for me today, but this post about my boys’ antics still hits home.
Enjoy the laughs in this Gina’s Favorites.

Sound Of Silence…Not!

It’s really just the words that interfere with a read through.

Some noise is ok, but I can’t have any talking around me while I’m doing a final read through on a piece.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Sound Of Silence…Not! …Gina’s Favorites Kids' Point of View, Working At Home It was only my boys and me for the afternoon.

We had great plans for fun.

But, first I had to finish a little work.

Which meant they couldn’t talk.

But just for 2 minutes.  Ok, probably 5 minutes.  15 minutes, at the outside, really.

Just long enough for me to do the final edit on a piece I had to send out before the fun could begin.

I knew better than to disappear into the silent confines of my office to quickly perform the needed operation.  My sons roaming unsupervised while I edited meant one of them would likely need an operation, or at least a ride to the ER when I emerged.  So, I carried my laptop into our family room.

I told my boys they had to be quiet so I could do a final read through.  Then, I amended that and told them they just needed not to talk for 2 minutes, maybe 5 while I read through the piece.

It’s really just the words that interfere with a read through.

As they weren’t to talk, they readily understood that I would not be talking either.  Not their first time running this drill.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Sound Of Silence…Not! …Gina’s Favorites Kids' Point of View, Working At HomeMy laptop and I took up residence on the family room sofa, affording me the most complete view of the lower level of our house possible.  My sons set about amusing themselves and attempting to break through the boundary that would cause mom to stop working and holler, sort of a progeny quest on their part, as it were.

After a couple of minutes with the three youngest engaged in an exercise in pantomimed “I’m Not Touching You!” Son#4, my youngest son, went into the loo to …uh… take care of some personal needs.

Son#2 Immediately grabbed a balloon from the junk drawer in our kitchen (ok, from one of many, many junk drawers in our kitchen because they’re all junk drawers, but that’s really a subject for a different column!), and proceeded to quietly blow it up while he hid outside the door to the loo to, I assumed (not my first time running this drill either), be prepared to ambush Son#4 upon his egress from the loo.

Noting this development, Son#3, stifling giggles, hid around the corner from the end of the short corridor leading to the loo to prepare to ambush Sons #2 and #4 when they came out.

Right then, Son#1 walked through our family room en route to our kitchen, saw the developing ambush chain, and proclaimed to his younger brothers, “You’re stupid!” Obviously not a nice thing to say, but I have to admit the emotionless, analytical tone Son#1, my eldest off-spring, used made me involuntarily giggle.

At the sound of Son#1’s voice, the son in the loo, Son#4, opened the door to ask what was said.  The instant Son#4 opened the door Son#2 yelled and popped the balloon, causing Son#4 to yell in surprise.  Then, both laughed so hard they fell down.  They were literally rolling on the floor laughing!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Sound Of Silence…Not! …Gina’s Favorites Kids' Point of View, Working At HomeWhen they’d regained their composure, well, at least had quelled their laughter enough so they’d regained the ability to walk, Sons #4 & #2 made the short trek down the corridor.  When they reached the end of it, Son#3 was waiting to ambush them.  Son#3 yelled, startling them.  All 3 then fell into fits of laughter, whooping and hollering with tears streaming from the silliness.

I have to admit I joined them.  Even often somber Son#1 had a smile.  It was like watching my very own 3 Stooges, but without the eye poking.  I was sure that would come later in the evening.

Through it all, neither Moe, Larry, nor Curly uttered a word, so as not to disturb the read through I was supposed to be doing.

Son#3’s tear streaked, smiling face turned to me.  “Are you done, mom?” he asked, still giggling.

“Uh…almost,” I fibbed.  I hadn’t even started!  I was too distracted by the show.

Maybe it’s not just the words that interfere with a read through!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What fun is distracting you lately?  I look forward to hearing all about it!  Please shoot me a comment with all the details!

What They’re REALLY Asking …Gina’s Favorites

What They’re REALLY Asking …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

“What’s on your head mom?”

Sometimes it’s not what’s asked but rather who asks it that reveals the true query.

What’s on your head mom?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally What They're REALLY Asking...Gina’s Favorites Kids’ QuestionsFor example, yesterday a friend said someone asked him to describe himself in three words.  He asked me which three words I’d pick. I didn’t know which three words to pick because I wasn’t sure who was asking. The three words I think of as his friend are a bit different than the three words I’d use to describe his business savvy to potential clients or his personality to a potential date. “Who’s asking?” makes all the difference.  It defines the question.

What’s on your head mom?

What’s the real question?  Depends who’s asking.

From Son#1 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Mom, I think your mind might have slipped a gear because you have a stripe across your forehead.”

From Son#2 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Did you paint that stripe on there because we’re going to a game? Who’s playing? How much were the tickets? Do we have good seats?  When are we leaving?  Ooo! I gotta go put a jersey on!”

From Son#3 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Are you having some sort of cool allergic reaction to something that I could figure out and talk about during science at school? I’m gonna go get a camera!  This is gonna be another ‘A’ for sure!”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally What They're REALLY Asking...Gina’s Favorites Kids’ QuestionsFrom Son#4 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “Oh!! You were doing something, fun, weren’t you?!?! What totally cool thing were you doing when that happened?  Can I do it, too?  What were you eating when you did that?  And, what’s for dinner ?  Can I eat something now?  Do we have popsicles?”

From Niece#1 “What’s on your head, Auntie G?” means “Auntie G, you’re not supposed to draw on your head.   Miss Johanna told me we aren’t supposed to draw on our head or our neck or our arms or our legs or our friends.  Kelley had to sit in time out because she drew on Williams head.  William was crying ‘cause he thought it was blood, but I don’t know why ‘cause it was blue marker.”

From Niece#2 “What dat on your head, Auntie G?” means “WHY dat on your head?  WHY dat red?  WHY dat there? Why? Why? Why?”

From Daughter#3 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “As I look at your head, Mom, I notice something that I’m pretty sure I can leverage into a discussion to put off doing my homework for another 20 minutes, maybe longer if I really work at it.”

From Daughter#2 “What’s on your head, Mom?” means “I’m doing my best N OT to giggle, because  I refuse to admit to myself or to you that I find your antics amusing, despite the fact that my tiny dimples betray that I am doing everything I can to squelch a smile that is trying desperately to appear because I’m looking at that stripe and just know there is a funny reason it’s there.”

But, from Daughter#1, who is living deep in the jungles that are teenage-girl-hood and is the actual asker of the question, “What’s on your head, Mom?” can mean only one thing.  It means “How could you have something like that on your head when you know how much it’s going to embarrass me?”

And, that question kinda makes me laugh.  A lot.

Naturally, in an effort to ease her gently away from self-centered “teenagyness,” I told her that I had drawn it there with a Magic Marker for the sole and express purpose of embarrassing her.  Then, having observed her reaction, I reminded her that many teens every year get their eyes stuck in the back of their heads when they roll them one too many times at their parents.

In case you’re wondering what exactly was on my head, it was a bright red, inch wide stripe of sunburn running across the top of my forehead.

It did not look good.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally What They're REALLY Asking...Gina’s Favorites Kids’ QuestionsI had schmeared some aloe vera gel across it to speed healing (isn’t aloe amazing?!?!) so it had a sort of snot-like sheen going for it, too.  It was VERY attractive. Even better, my nose was the only other part of my face exhibiting a coordinating crimson color.  Apparently, I had forgotten where my face ended and that I have a nose when I applied sunscreen before sitting in the sun at a track meet all day.  Did I mention how attractive I looked?

On this “What’s on your head, Mom?” day I was scheduled to meet an online friend face-to-face for the first time.  It really was a perfect day for it.  I told him, “Don’t worry, if it’s foggy you can find me by following the glow of my Rudolph-like nose until you see the snot schmeared, red stripe along the top of my forehead” (Not sure if it was courageousness or curiosity that drove him, but he was early for our meeting).

And, as if to prove my theory correct, Daughter#1 added as I got ready to go out the door, in what I can only assume was an attempt to make me giggle even more, “Do you want to borrow my cover stick to cover that up?”  I had to laugh at that because what she really meant was “I will die if you go outside with that showing on your head, Mom.”

I went anyway.

Don’t worry.  She survived!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you remember your parents embarrassing you?  Did you ever embarrass them?  Do your kids pretend they don’t have parents?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Children Cause Old Age!

Children Cause Old Age!

by Gina Valley

The Professor was feeling kind of down today.

He was having one of those “I feel old and my body’s falling apart” days.

I think we all have those days occasionally. Seems like once you hit a certain age things heal very slowly and act up for no particular reason. Then, you hit the next age and things just stay broken and act up continually.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Children Cause Old Age AgingOne of The Professor’s tendons has been giving him trouble lately, and attempting to haul chairs and coolers to the soccer games at the tournament today was making it much worse. He didn’t need to haul the stuff, as we have plenty of littles who can help me with transporting all of our game spectating stuff. But, he wanted to do it.

The pain in his leg was far eclipsed by his bruised ego, because he wasn’t able to do this “dad thing.”

Sometimes, getting older stinks. It beats the alternative, but it still stinks.

It’s frustrating for me to feel my body starting to fall apart when I haven’t even got my life together yet. I never dreamed that I would need wrinkle cream while I still need acne cream. Or, that I’d still be struggling to decide what I want to do when I grow up when I’m already grown up.

At my last check up, my eye doctor told me that the good news was that my eyes are improving. The bad news was it’s happening because I’m getting older.

Thanks, Doc.

While The Professor sat elevating his leg this evening, looking dejectedly at the bag of ice on it, our youngest curled up next to his dad and hugged him. Then, he opened his mouth to speak. I waited with bated breath to hear the words of encouragement offered by our son to his dad.

Kids always know just what to say when you’re feeling down. Surely, our little would offer the boost his dad needed to remind him how vital he is, and to lift his spirits.

“Dad?” our youngest asked with an angelic look on his face. “Did you know you have cankles?”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Has a child given you words of “encouragement” recently?   How did you handle it?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Top 10 Things Kids Mean When They Say They’ve Cleaned Their Room

Top 10 Things Kids Mean When They Say They’ve Cleaned Their Room

by Gina Valley

Every once in a millennia a child is born who enjoys cleaning his or her room, and keeps it tidy.

During alternate millennia a child is born who is truthful about the condition of his or her room.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Things Kids Mean When They Say They’ve Cleaned Their Room Mess DisorganizationUnfortunately, those children are never born on this planet, and will never make contact or visit with us, because the mess in our kids’ rooms scares them off.

To children, being asked to pick up their toys is akin to being asked to stand in a fire and rub broken glass into their eyes.  So, as one might expect, they tend to be less than totally enthusiastic, quite uncooperative, and not-so-much honest when instructed to tidy up their domiciles.

Have you ever asked a child if he or she has cleaned her room?  If so, you, my dear reader, as you know, have been lied to.

Kids may say they’ve cleaned their room, but that’s not at all what they mean.

Top 10 Things Kids Mean When They Say They’ve Cleaned Their Room

#10.  I played with every toy I own, and then dropped each one right back on the floor where it was.

#9.  I found the box of chicken nuggets dad bought me last week, in my toy chest.  They were a little hard, but after I sucked on them long enough, they were pretty good.  Now my room doesn’t have that weird smell.

#8.  If you open any drawer or the closet in my room you will probably come face to face with an explosion, because I shoved the 900 cubic yards of mess in my room into them, and it wasn’t easy.

#7.  I have successfully rescued Princess Peach and beat the Mario Bros game.

#6.  I fell asleep on my bead and woke up with gummy Lifesavers stuck to my face.

#5.  I have perfected my aerial triple flip off my bunk beds.

#4.  I made a path almost all of the way down to the floor, from the door halfway to my bed.

#3.  My frog isn’t missing anymore, but he seems kind of crispy.

#2.  I found that cool Lego ship I built with the pieces I got by taking apart my brother’s Lego castle set after last Christmas, but he stepped on it, but I just spent the last 2 hours rebuilding it, so it’s ok now, so don’t worry.

#1.  I have in no way, by any stretch of the imagination, cleaned my room, but I will insist that I have until it makes your ears bleed.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did you keep your room tidy when you were young?  Do the littles in your life keep tidy quarters?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.