Something Completely Different…Sort Of!!!

Something Completely Different…Sort Of!!!

by Gina Valley

Giggle along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of

I’m starting a new tradition, and I’m hoping you’ll all join me.

We all know and love the Facebook November “What I’m Thankful For” schtick (depending on your point of view that may or may not be typed in the sarcasm font).

Now let’s go with something a bit more down to earth and realistic. I’m calling it:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Something Completely Different…Sort Of!!! Christmas List

25 Days of What I Want For Christmas

#whatIwantforChristmas

*Notice the cool matching hashtag.

This new trend will not only rapidly sweep extra fun and frolic across Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest, it will also have all of the fancy bells and whistles of a full throttle Facebook trend, plus be compatible with Apple, Android, and Google. I’m not sure about LinkedIn. No one’s sure about LinkedIn.

I encourage you to join in for #whatIwantforChristmas. It promises to be great fun, if we all take it lightly, to be steady a source of eye rolls, if taken too seriously, and to be not nearly as creepy as that freaky elf on the shelf dude no matter what. <shudder!!!>

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the idea is to post about one thing you want for Christmas each day in December leading up to Christmas on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or all of them, but let’s fine tune this sucker a little before we get the ball rolling.

What you want for Christmas does not have to be a material or physical thing. For example, I ask for the same thing from my family every year for Christmas: a clean house and obedient children. I think they’ve never given me that because they aren’t sure how to wrap it.

Each thing you want for Christmas should be something somewhat unique to you. For example, we all want Peace on Earth and an end to world hunger. No fair putting that sort of stuff.

You can post about anything you want, but that doesn’t mean you should. My sister once posted about wanting spatulas for Christmas. She has received over 200 spatulas from friends and acquaintances since, and years of ridicule about “aiming high” from me. So, before you post about your love of tube socks, or anything “fellowship” related, think twice.

Got it?

Good.

So without further ado, mainly because I’m not sure what “ado” is, here is the first post for #whatIwantforChristmas:

(you can insert a drumroll here if you are someone who is into flourishes)

I took the most glorious nap today, and all I want for Christmas is another one!  #whatIwantforChristmas

Please, Sir, may I have a nap?

I’ll be leaving out extra cookies for Santy Claus in hopes of scoring this gem this year.

I don’t even care if he wraps it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing this post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Can You Ship A Water Buffalo?

Can You Ship A Water Buffalo?

by Gina Valley

As I’m desperately trying to get my family to get ready to leave for a visit to my parents’ and sister’s homes, I figured that my Does Amazon Ship Water Buffalos? post would be perfect for Throwback Day this week.

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Does Amazon Ship Water Buffalos?

There are a lot of different answers I expect to hear when I ask one of my children “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?

Just pack and shower and find the bag of hamster food.”  Isn’t that all you needed to do in the first place?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right?

Do I have to bring underwear and socks?”  No, but you’ll have to ride in a trash bag, strapped to the roof of the plane.

I don’t see why I have to go.  I’m missing the party of the year.”  That’s another reason you have to come with us.

I can’t find any of my left shoes.”  How are your hopping skills?

What trip?”  The one we have been discussing in secret family meetings for the last 3 months, so we could keep it from you, just to mess you up.

These are but a few of the multitude of variations I’ve heard.  In fact, I think the only answer I have never heard to the question “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?” is “Nothing.  I’m all ready to go.”  I haven’t even heard that when we are on the plane at 25000 feet halfway to our destination.  We usually get home from a trip before we’re all ready to go.

But, of all the answers my pack has given me, I realized there was one other answer none of them had ever given me before.  Until last night:

I said to Son#1, my eldest, most organized, best shot at being ready-to-go offspring, “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?”

And, he said, “Find my pet snake.”

Find my pet snake?

I opened my eyes wider than I thought was possible.  “Find her?  When did you lose her?” I asked in what was not a completely calm voice.

“Four days ago. She was there when I went to bed, but she was gone when I woke up,” Son#1 answered way too calmly.  “I kind of forgot to lock her tank.  But, just that one time.  I always lock it.”

Son#1 had been asking for a pet snake for…I don’t know exactly how long… I think since he learned how to talk.

He is, in general, very responsible and careful with pets.  His dog, Trixie passed away recently, and he gently cared for her through the end.  He has a pet catfish that he got several years ago when it was 1 ½ inches long.  It’s now nearly 2 ½ feet long, and eats fish that are 5 or 6 inches long for lunch. When I was a kid I couldn’t keep a fish alive long enough to get it home from the store.

So, he’s good with pets.  Usually.  Excluding this “left the tank unlocked just this one time” thing.

“Four days ago?” I asked, remembering all of the guests and pop-in holiday visitors we’d hosted over the past 4 days.  I thought about what would have happened if the snake had shown up in the bathroom while my mother-in-law was in there…processing.  It wouldn’t have been pretty.  She’s from the Old Country.  She’d have made us Snake Stew without batting an eye.

“When,” I asked, “were you planning to tell me this?”

After I found her,” Son#1 answered. “That’s why I cleaned out my whole room yesterday.”

Great.  Another myth shattered.  First, I find out this Santa thing is a farce.  Now the Tale of the Cleans His Room For No Reason Kid is debunked. What’s next? Is someone gonna tell me that chocolate doesn’t burn calories?  Oh the humanity!

I stood there wondering where the snake was, and blaming my sister.

This reptile was just the latest in a string of critters she’s added to our family.  I remember the ducklings she’d delivered one Easter, and the water turtle that showed up for a birthday. Of course, there was the time 2 baby hamsters traveled the skies in Son#2’s back pack on his return flight from visiting with her.  I can hardly believe the TSA x-ray guy didn’t even say anything about them.  She’d sent the snake home with Son#1 after our last visit.

How was I supposed to explain to our house sitter, who had already expressed less than great joy at the prospect of living in the same house as the snake for a week, that she might want to double check under the covers before climbing into the guest room bed each night?  I shuddered at the thought that I should have been doing that the last 3 nights and didn’t know it.

Clearly, I’d need to mention a bonus first, then tell our house sitter about the free-range reptile.  Hopefully, she’d still be willing to take the job.  Otherwise, I hated to think what the odds were of coming up with a good house sitter at the last minute the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

But, there was no time to panic.

So, I decided to handle this like the mature adult I am.

I’ll get out our Maglite and start searching the house.

And, I’m shipping a pregnant water buffalo to my sister.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Had any pet trouble?  How did you handle it?  How do you feel about snakes?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Merry Funnies!!!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies Merry Funnies!!!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  It really is.

Even though there’s an extra dose of joy floating around, things can get a bit stressful.

So, lets take a couple minutes to laugh that stress away.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Merry Funnies –

Christmas Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” it up.

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

 Yeah, that just wouldn’t work out.

 

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That’s BRILLIANT!!!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

I think there’s a good chance we have more than one.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

Our dog did that, too!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

Took me a minute!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

Gotta love Grumpy around the holidays!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

Ours has just a stripe of ornaments around the middle, because no one can reach the top and the dogs pull them off the bottom. I don’t think HGTV will be featuring it anytime soon.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Merry Funnies

Me, too!

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This one makes me giggle!

 

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He’s very creepy!!!

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

My pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays!

And, a blessed New Year to you and yours.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this holiday season? Did you have a good week?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

An Automatic Sock Matcher #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

An Automatic Sock Matcher #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I want an Automatic Sock Matcher for Christmas.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley An Automatic Sock Matcher  #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmasNothing makes me feel my life slipping away quite as thoroughly as time spent matching socks.  It makes cleaning out our refrigerator or waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles sound like fun.

I’ve tried to beat those shifty socks at their own game by purchasing packs of 12 identical pairs for my kids.

But, socks are a crafty lot.

I can throw all 12 identical pairs of socks into the washer, and by the time I pull them out of the dryer, they’ve become 19 completely different socks. They grow. They shrink. They change color and shape. Matching them is impossible, and I tend to go with the “Eh, close enough” system more often than the OCD in me wants to admit.

The only thing worse than matching socks myself is listening to my kids matching socks. They’re in training for the Olympic Whining & Bickering Team. Being assigned sock matching duty brings out their gold medal level skills in both areas.

Hopefully, the Automatic Sock Matcher will have an anti-bickering switch and volume control for kids.

After all, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What’s your sock status? Do you match them or does someone else have that joy in your family?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree

Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree

by Gina Valley

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Sort of.

Our tree is up, and that’s something.

Most of the rest of our decorations will make their grand entrance this weekend, giving my older kids time to finish their final exams at school, and everyone time to catch the chest cold that has started running through our family.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree

We should be able to cough Jingle Bells as a family by Sunday night.

With our tree up and decorated, at least it looks like we’re well on our way down the road to that magical Christmas place, touted by Martha, HGTV, and every ad on television.

The thing is, though, I’m not sure all those stylists of the holidays, all those cliché’rs of culture would consider our tree the iconic centerpiece of our holiday home they say it’s supposed to be.

Sure, it’s covered with shiny ornaments and garlanded in elegant ribbon. Yes, it’s got the requisite train track running around it (although no one seems to know where the actual train disappeared to). It’s even got the lovely embroidered skirt my sister-in-law got us in Italy wrapped around its trunk.

But, this morning, as I clicked on its lights and stood back to admire its loveliness,  I noticed our tree has a few added “flourishes” sprinkled amongst its bobbing branches that might give those professional holiday stylists pause, if not lumps in their egg nog.

Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree

#10.  Slim Jim Wrapper – The nasty supposed-to-be-meat-but-I-suspect-nothing-in-it-was-ever-alive-product stick is missing, but its charming packaging is snuggled into a branch 2/3 of the way up our tree, gleefully reflecting the twinkling lights.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree#9.  Marshmallows – I think someone was trying to make it look like our tree had snow on it by distributing the white fluffy treats all over it. It probably would have been more authentic looking if they hadn’t used the giant marshmallows I bought to use to make S’mores with. Some of them have bites missing, too. I guess “Mother Nature” was hungry.

#8.  Daughter#3’s Math Quiz – The grade at the top of the crumpled paper, shoved into the lower branches, reveals she scored an 82%. Therefore it might just be a Christmas miracle, since her current average in that class is about 20 clicks south of that score

#7.  Gobs Of Dog Hair – It looks like the bottom couple of feet of our tree has been flocked. However, upon closer inspection, one sees that it’s not artificial snow, but rather real-life blonde Labrador hair. Bear, our giant yellow lab, finds the tree a convenient scratching post, and makes a furry deposit every time he has an itch.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree#6.  The Black Xbox Controller – Son#4 was trying to hide said controller from Son#3.  But, Son#3 found it and decided to relocate the treasured controller (yes, we have 4 others, but somehow this one is “the best”) from where Son#4 had hidden it (inside the box of paper towels, underneath the powder room sink) to a top branch on the back of our Christmas tree.

It’s hard to spot as one gazes at our Tannenbaum in all its glory in our living room, but clearly visible to anyone who walks across our front patio and happens to glance at our front window. If only my kids would apply these skills to locating their shoes when we’re late for school in the morning.

#5.  A Tiny Milk Carton – It’s one of those small milk cartons from the cafeteria at school. Son#4 was supposed to adhere graham crackers to it with frosting to make a gingerbread-esque Christmas ornament, like the rest of his class did last week, during their arts and crafts time. But, Son#4 ate all of his frosting and most of his graham crackers, while waiting for his teacher to finish giving the instructions to complete the cracker-based architectural wonder.

His teacher didn’t have any extra supplies, so, quite unfazed, Son#4 attached the ornament hook to the top of the carton and called it “Done!” His teacher was horrified that he’d bring something home like that. I wonder what she’d say if she knew he hung the little, naked, still-somewhat-stinky milk carton on our tree.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree#4.  Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Splatter – Daughter#2 “accidentally” tripped Daughter#3, who then fell into the tree, losing her cup of ice cream deep within its ever-green, now ever-sticky, branches. She eventually retrieved the cup, but the thick, sticky delightful dairy treat hardened and remains, solidified in a dripping pattern, as though the scientists from Jurassic Park will be arriving any second to check it for dinosaur DNA.

#3.  A Large, Long, Bright Yellow Automotive Oil Change Funnel – We usually use that funnel to water our tree, but this year we’re using our artificial tree, making watering it less than necessary.  But, Son#2, who in general “could  live without this whole ‘decorate everything’ thing” said that it wasn’t Christmas without the giant yellow beast, and placed it prominently among our petroleum-products-based tree’s many boughs. I’m not sure “Christmas” is the word that springs to mind when you see it, but I know the word “classy” definitely is not.

#2.  The Professor’s Cell Phone – He rarely makes it out the door with his cell phone, and when he does, it’s either uncharged or turned off, rendering him quite unreachable either way. The monthly fees for that communication device are clearly money well spent. When I saw it there, my first instinct was to call him to relate the latest “Where’s Waldo?” about his phone. At least I realized my goofiness before I started dialing. This time.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 NON-ORNAMENTS Found On Our Tree

#1.  A Santa-Hat-Shaped Ceramic Plate – It’s the plate we put cookies and carrots on Christmas Eve to leave out for Santa and his reindeer (The Professor gets the cookies. I get the carrots. Dang, low-carb lifestyle). We can never find that blasted thing on Christmas Eve.

Frequently, we’ve had to make do with some less than acceptable substitutions: The box the rolls of tape came in; a slightly-used paper plate (“Santa’s not going to care. He’s not real anyway. It’s just dad eating the cookies and he doesn’t care if his dishes are clean, right?” as Daughter#2 put it); the lid from the shoe box I was hiding the latest Halo game in for Son#1; etc. So, I told one of my pack members to put the plate where we could easily find it, and, apparently, that was the place selected.

Could be worse, I guess. At least we don’t have any squirrels living in there.

Probably.

There’s no place like home for the holidays.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything interesting made its home amongst your holiday decorations? Any squirrel squatters? Shoot me a comment. You’re already here, and I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

A Foot-Mounted Lego Detector #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

A Foot-Mounted Lego Detector #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I want a Foot-Mounted Lego Detector for Christmas.

I have a special talent. If there’s an AWOL Lego piece within 50 miles of me, I will find it with my bare feet.  If it’s dark and I’m in my sons’ room, I’ll find all its friends, neighbors, and cousins, as well.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley A Foot-Mounted Lego Detector #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmasI once stepped on a rogue Lego piece in the auditorium at church. You know, the place where songs are sang, sermons are given, and there is no logical reason why a Lego would be present. It was a backwards Lego-miracle, a Lego-badacle, if you will.

I’ve stepped on those minions of evil so many times that I have permanent Lego-shaped impressions on the bottoms of my feet. My kids thought they were tattoos.

I told them they’re a sign I have children.

Like stretch marks.

Just once I’d like to be able to walk across a room in my bare feet without the nervousness usually reserved for landmine hunters.

Or, for a parent trying to unwrap a Snickers bar without alerting the children.

Hopefully, there’s a setting on the Foot-Mounted Lego Alarm to help with that, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

For Throwback Day this week, laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

If you’ve interacted with anyone, on-line or IRL, recently, chances are that someone asked you, probably in an overly giddy fashion, “Are you ready for Christmas?!?!,” likely followed by a giggle and a tee-hee.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas…Gina’s FavoritesI want to bop those people on the head with one of those giant candy canes, and say, “No, I’m not done shopping, our tree only has lights on one side, we haven’t even taken the photo for our card yet, and there’s still 2 pumpkins and 5 gourds on our mantel that I’m hoping guests think are just oddly shaped Christmas ornaments.”

So, no, I’m not ready for Christmas.

But, ready-or-not, even though we don’t get any snow (it was 80 degrees F here in Los Angeles today), I can tell Christmas is getting close.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

#10.  We’ve finished eating all of the candy “Santa” bought to stuff the stockings.

#9.  The dog is now producing pine needle-laced poop.

#8.  Our Christmas tree has been knocked over 3 times, fallen mysteriously twice, and been dragged across the living room once by our girl puppy.

#7.  Our refrigerator has started making grinding, “I will die if you store Christmas dinner for 30 in here” threatening sounds to mock me.

#6.  All of the red bulbs, and only the red bulbs, on the strands of colorful lights decorating our roof line have stopped working.

#5.  We’ve received touching, heart-felt Christmas cards from each and every realtor within a 50 mile radius from our house.

#4.  My kids are completely covered by a thin, sticky layer of candy cane residue, and they think they have super powers because everything sticks to them.

#3.  My youngest son came out of my bedroom, and announced, “I did not peek at the presents.”

#2.  My pack wore our Christmas stockings to school last week, because I forgot to throw the load of socks into the dryer.

#1.  I’ve spent so much time with the Amazon delivery guy that I think I’m now his common law wife.

I assume he’ll be delivering any children our marriage produces.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is it looking like Christmas in your neck of the woods?  How can you tell?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I want a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for Christmas. It been since before most of my children made their grand entrance into my life that I last waltzed into our bathroom, and was not greeted by a naked tube in the toilet paper dispenser.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmasApparently, I’m the only member of our household who can actually see when the toilet paper tube is empty. I think they all have some sort of Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB) (no, I did not look it up on WebMD. That would just tell me the toilet paper tube has cancer or Ebola, and I’m sure my family has TPTB).

I’d like a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for every bathroom in our house, but I’d be happy with just one for our powder room. It’s the only facilities we have downstairs for off-loading, and, as a result, sees a lot of traffic. Anyone downstairs with even a semi-urgent offloading need, or a touch of laziness, completes his or her transaction in that tiny room.

My children, neighbors, schoolmates, occasionally the FedEx guy. Everyone.

And, not a one of them has ever been able to see the empty toilet paper roll while they were in there.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone into that service center and NOT found supplies to complete the paperwork lacking.

I always pray that the person who last exited had just enough paper to complete his or her transaction in a thorough and business-like manner, and that the roll hasn’t been empty all day. I don’t even want to think about how many visitors to that facility might have selected drip-dry as the final step in their off-loading procedure.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmasThe alarm could start with a gentle warning to the bathroom visitor that supplies are approaching a critical level. Perhaps, a soothing tone or calm voice. Nothing like the ear blasting, nerve wracking beep our van emits when its gas gauge drops below ¼ tank. Although, if you are going to get startled to the point of losing control of your faculties, I suppose the bathroom is the best place to do that.

Then, should the facility visitor fail to rectify the provisions problem, warnings could increase in intensity and volume.  The possibilities are endless, really.

Perhaps, an alarm could holler out from inside the dispenser, “Don’t leave me! I’m naked!” when a facility user tries to leave behind an empty tube while exiting the off-loading station.

Or, maybe, an effective way to encourage the loo lazy to replace the roll before making their escape would be for the alarm to use the moment the user’s hand touches the doorknob when the roll is empty to deliver an electrical shock.

It’d just be a small shock.

Probably.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Does your family suffer from Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB)?  Do you get stuck with re-stocking the loo, too?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m want to read your #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of

And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of

by Gina Valley

I’m starting a new tradition, and I’m hoping you’ll all join me.

We all know and love the Facebook November “What I’m Thankful For” schtick (depending on your point of view that may or may not be typed in the sarcasm font).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley And Now For Something Completely Different…Sort Of #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmasNow let’s go with something a bit more down to earth and realistic. I’m calling it:

25 Days of What I Want For Christmas

#25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

*Notice the cool matching hashtag.

This new trend will not only rapidly sweep extra fun and frolic across Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest, it will also have all of the fancy bells and whistles of a full throttle Facebook trend, plus be compatible with Apple, Android, and Google. I’m not sure about LinkedIn. No one’s sure about LinkedIn.

I encourage you to join in for #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas. It promises to be great fun, if we all take it lightly, to be steady a source of eye rolls, if taken too seriously, and to be not nearly as creepy as that freaky elf on the shelf dude no matter what. <shudder!!!>

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the idea is to post about one thing you want for Christmas each day in December leading up to Christmas on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or all of them, but let’s fine tune this sucker a little before we get the ball rolling.

What you want for Christmas does not have to be a material or physical thing. For example, I ask for the same thing from my family every year for Christmas: a clean house and obedient children. I think they’ve never given me that because they aren’t sure how to wrap it.

Each thing you want for Christmas should be something somewhat unique to you. For example, we all want Peace on Earth and an end to world hunger. No fair putting that sort of stuff.

You can post about anything you want, but that doesn’t mean you should. My sister once posted about wanting spatulas for Christmas. She has received over 200 spatulas from friends and acquaintances since, and years of ridicule about “aiming high” from me. So, before you post about your love of tube socks, or anything “fellowship” related, think twice.

Got it?

Good.

So without further ado, mainly because I’m not sure what “ado” is, here is the first post for #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas:

(you can insert a drumroll here if you are someone who is into flourishes)

I took the most glorious nap today, and all I want for Christmas is another one!  #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas

I’ll be leaving out extra cookies for Santy Claus in hopes of scoring this gem this year.

I don’t even care if he wraps it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you see all of my #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #25daysofwhatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing this post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

While I’m scouring my kids’ rooms in search of flatware, so we won’t all have to share a fork on Thanksgiving, laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight

Tears well in my eyes as I realize this is one of a just a few times a year when all humanity joins together with a common goal:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight...Gina's FavoritesTo lose half our body weight in the next 3 days.

As always, I’m here to help you out.

I have a crack team of researchers working tirelessly throughout the year, gathering tips on how to absorb fewer calories from all those delectable delights that are assaulting us.

Here are 10 of my favorites:

Top 10 Ways To Eat Everything & Still Lose Weight

#10.  Have fast food.  Food eaten while driving on the freeway has no calories because calories cannot travel over 50 miles per hour.

#9.  Add nuts to everything.  Any food with nuts in it is considered a protein and therefore has calories equivalent to an equally sized piece of steamed, boneless, skinless chicken breast.  That’s why fudge is so popular at holiday parties.

#8.  Stand up while you eat.  If you stand while eating, gravity pulls the calories down through your body, out through the soles your feet, and into the center of the earth.  That’s why the earth weighs so much. Make sure you remain standing for several minutes after you finish eating to fully reap the benefits of this technique. I think we’ve all seen people who sat down too soon and ended up trapping all of their calories near their rear-end region.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight...Gina's Favorites

#7.  Break your cookies.  Broken cookies have no calories. The breaks cause the calories to leak out. Brownie crumbs are calorie free for the same reason, as is any other favorite food chopped into small pieces.

#6.  Dine with a friend.  Socializing while eating removes half of the calories from your food. So, if you eat standing up while you socialize you will actually lose weight.

#5.  Walk it off.  Food consumed immediately before or after a walk doesn’t count.  Walk to the refrigerator to get those cream puffs or saunter over to the buffet for more meatballs to ensure calorie-free dining.

#4.  Gnosh those leftovers.  All calories in a food are consumed the first time it’s served, making leftovers calorie free.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Ways To Eat EVERYTHING & Lose Weight...Gina's Favorites#3.  Plan to run a marathon.  Any food consumed in preparation for a marathon doesn’t count. So plan to run a marathon, because, as a dear reader once reminded me, it doesn’t matter if you’re going to run the marathon the next day or the next decade, that food doesn’t count.

#2.  Eat kids’ stuff.  Food prepared or decorated by children has no calories because the kids consumed all of the calories while licking food off of their fingers during the preparation phase.

#1.  Add something green.  A chemical reaction occurs between green stuff and fatty foods that dissolves all calories.  So, doubling up the lettuce on your bacon double cheeseburger or ham and cheese on rye removes the calories. Green sprinkles on your cupcake make it calorie-free, as the green foil wrapper does for Hershey’s chocolate kisses.

If we all work together, someday, we can have a world that is stretchy pants free.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

For more food fun click on over to my No Stretchy Pants Necessary! – How To Eat Everything This Holiday Season AND Lose Weight post.  As always, the extra clicks to get there count as cardio.

How do you win the calorie battle?  If you have anything I should add to my list, please share it.  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission