I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I want a kids’ shoes tracking device for Christmas. We, as in me, spend more time looking for my kids’ shoes than for anything else.

Hopefully, the tracking device will come with a setting to help me locate my shoes when one of my kids has “borrowed them” (my black suede boots are particularly prone to “wandering” this time of year, apparently drawn toward the dangerous mystique that is my daughters’ closet).

If the tracking device also has a setting that allowed me to determine whether a child’s missing parka was left at school or on the soccer field, even better.

But, I’d be more than happy with a basic kids’ shoes tracker.

I’m betting Santy Claus has an amazing shoe tracker to keep track of all the elves’ shoes. He could pass that on to me. I don’t mind a little wear and tear, as long as the tracker works, and finds shoes, even if they don’t have pointy toes.

The Jolly Guy needs to realize I’m ready to put out for this, too. And, I’m not just talking cookies and milk.

I’m willing to throw in some very fancy eggnog with a big splash from a very old bottle, just the thing to put some spring back into his step on a long night of deliveries.

As long as I can find the bottle.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my What Do YOU Want? post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

What Do YOU Want?

**What Do YOU Want?**

by Gina Valley

We all know and love the Facebook November “What I’m Thankful For” schtick*

*depending on your point of view that may or may not be typed in the sarcasm font

Now let’s go with something a bit more down to earth and realistic. Let’s call it:

What I Want For Christmas

#whatIwantforChristmas

Note the cool matching hashtag.

Let’s get this trend to sweep some extra fun and frolic across Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest. It’ll have all of the fancy bells and whistles of a full throttle Facebook trend, plus be compatible with Apple, Android, and Google. I’m not sure about LinkedIn. No one’s sure about LinkedIn.

Join me for #whatIwantforChristmas. It promises to be great fun, if we all take it lightly. It’ll be a steady a source of eye rolls, if taken too seriously. And, it’s not nearly as creepy as that freaky elf on the shelf dude. <shudder!!!>

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the idea is to post about things you want for Christmas leading up to Christmas on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or all of them, but let’s fine tune this sucker a little before we get too wrapped up in tinsel and cinnamon sticks.

What you want for Christmas does not have to be a material or physical thing. For example, I ask for the same thing from my family every year for Christmas: a clean house and obedient children. I think they’ve never given me that because they aren’t sure how to wrap it.

Each thing you want for Christmas should be something somewhat unique to you. For example, we all want Peace on Earth and an end to world hunger. No fair putting that sort of stuff.

And, please, no political gift requests. Sorry, but that’s been done to death, or at least the point where people start to yearn for death.

You can post about anything you want, but that doesn’t mean you should. My sister once posted about wanting spatulas for Christmas. She received over 200 spatulas from friends and acquaintances, and has enjoyed years of ridicule about “aiming high” from me ever since. So, before you post about your love of tube socks, or anything “fellowship” related, think twice.

Got it?

Good.

So without further ado, mainly because I’m not sure what “ado” is, here is something I want for Christmas #whatIwantforChristmas:

(you can insert a drumroll here if you’re someone who is into flourishes)

I took the most glorious nap today, and all I want for Christmas is another one! #whatIwantforChristmas

It was the most wonderful thing. I actually got to sleep. Sleep!

Usually I spend the majority of my “nap” hollering at my off spring to stop bickering, sniffing because it smells like something is burning, or stomping toward our back door to let the dog in, as I am, apparently, the only person in our house who can hear our dog barking.

To actually choose to lie down with my eyes closed, to then drift off to Dreamland, and to sleep until I woke up gently and well rested is perhaps the most decadent thing a parent can experience.

Please, Sir Jolly, may I have a another?

I’ll be leaving out extra cookies for Santy Claus in hopes of scoring this gem this year.

I don’t even care he wraps it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest so you see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts. I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you! Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing this post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng & Dreamstime.com – Used with permission

That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

by Gina Valley

It’s that time of year.

I’m a bit envious of all the Hallmark and Kodak moments everyone seems to be having. It’s even worse now that they arrive via email and Facebook, along with the ever faithful snail mail batches.

You see, we don’t have Hallmark moments or Kodak moments.

What we have is closer to America’s Funniest Video moments, except that, of course, no one brought the video camera, and even if they had, it’s not charged and the memory card is full.

We have moments like when I noticed my youngest son had something brown running down his leg when he got out of our van in the school parking lot. Keep in mind his leg was in pristine, post-shower condition when we left our house, so the mystery substance was somehow acquired en route to school, while in our van.

My husband gave me the “Don’t ask! Don’t tell!” look that parents often exchange when they know there is no way the answer can be good news. I, fool that I am, ignored him and asked our son what was running down his leg. He shrugged, and said, “I dunno.” Then, he stuck his finger in it and tasted it, before pronouncing it “Bar B Q sauce!” I had an “I’m Not Sure Whether I Should Throw Up Or Laugh” moment.

We have moments like when my oldest daughter over-slept, and we were all in our van waiting none-to-patiently for her when she came dashing out of our house, dressed in her school uniform, and practically threw herself into our van. She was carrying her shoes and backpack while she frantically brushed her hair and tucked in her school uniform shirt.

I immediately drove off, as we were so far past late at that point we were almost early for the next time. As I pulled into the church parking lot, she asked, “Why are we stopping at church?” to which her oldest brother replied, “because it’s Sunday morning, smart one. Nice outfit, by the way.” My daughter, then, had an “I Need A Hole To Crawl Into Now” moment.

We have moments like when I went to have the nail lady make me look like a grown up again (I really should not be allowed near nail polish. It’s not my gift) & our boy puppy, (despite the fact that I gave him his medicine, which has the side effect of making him sleep for a couple hours, before I left) apparently only slept for a couple minutes, got bored, and shredded everything he could get his paws on in our family room, including all of the empty gift bags I had bought the day before to use for Christmas gifts.

As if his destruction was incomplete, while I was gathering up the tattered remains of the formerly beautiful gift bags, our puppy stood in the middle of the mess and started to make that sound that every dog owner dreads: the sound that signals something is about to make a reappearance that should not be making a reappearance. The sound that something evil this way comes. The sound that triggers screaming and the rushing of the canine out of the house.

But, he’s young and pliable and quick, and I couldn’t catch him, much less relocate him, prior to his completing his re-visitation with the ingested gift bag parts. I braced myself in anticipation of his “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

Turns out, he didn’t have an “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

No, he had an “I Ate Too Much Glitter…And Someone’s Glove” moment.

I, then, had a “Yet Another Reason I Hate Glitter” moment.

Immediately followed by an “Oh Crud, That’s My Glove” moment.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What kind of moments are you having? Is your family more Kodak or crazy moment prone? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!!

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary? You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror? Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason. Chuck Chucky. Oh puhleeze! Those are nothing. Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Teenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style? No problem. How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill). In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same. All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over? Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen? I’m a giver like that.):

Man Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Man Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way

And, remember. Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy. Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods? What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Time To TOTALLY Over Do It!!!

Time To TOTALLY Over Do It!!! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Enjoy some sugar-laced laughs in this Gina’s Favorites post I wrote about one of our past Slurpee hunts.

How To TOTALLY Over Do It

There are a million different places you can go for advice on sensible eating. This is NOT one of them. But, I can give you advice on how to totally overdo it! Overdoing it is important, too!

I am a big believer that everything should be done in moderation, including moderation. Sometimes, just for fun, just for laughs, just for memories, you NEED to overdo it. We over did it. And, it was great!

It was July 11, 7-11, the day the 7-11 company celebrates its birthday. 7-11 stores across the United States and Canada gave away 7.11 ounce Slurpees.

My kids love them, so we were not about to miss this opportunity. But, when we do something, we rarely go about it half way. We are “all-in” kind of people (that’s why our poker tournaments end so quickly!). So, we went out in search of “all in,” as in Slurpees, Slurpees, and more Slurpees! We decided to hit all 6 of the 7-11’s in our neighborhood.

‎The first stop, at 7-11 #1, was the bumpiest. I think that’s true of any quest. Like a thirsty herd arriving at the watering hole after a long day in the sun on the savanna, my pack pushed and grappled with each other to be first to fill their cup with frozen, slushy goodness.

When we got back to our van “someone” gave them a quick “if you won’t behave kindly in these places of business, I will not allow you to gorge yourself on nutrition-less frozen-sugar any further.” Might have been me. Sounds like something I’d say. Either way, it worked. They were all on their best behavior throughout the rest of our sweet hunt.

At 7-11 #2, I could hear my kids discussing Slurpee strategy. Some were going for different flavors. Others were planning to have the same flavor every time. There were even straw strategies. The single color straw fan. The alternating color fan. Several different colors at every stop fans. Cups were full, but not over flowing like at the first stop.

By 7-11 #3, style and skill had been acquired. I noticed artful twirls and twists at the top of each kids’ Slurpee. Sons#2 showed me that he’d figured out how to mix the different colors as he filled his cup so he ended up with a heart shape at the top. Someday I predict that being a cute ending to a date after-party. Some day. Someday far, far away.

We finished the first three stops in under an hour. As we were driving toward stop #4, I said to myself, “They aren’t gonna need dinner, are they?” Most had inhaled at least four different colors of Slurpee already.

Sounded like a complete food pyramid to me. I figured the rest of the upcoming Slurpees on our afternoon trek would serve as dessert, and to ensure that no one wants another Slurpee again for at least a year.

As we pulled into the parking lot of 7-11 #4, we noticed a familiar red truck pulling out. It was the same Red Truck With Man & Daughter that we had seen at the previous stop. I looked around the parking lot and realized several of the cars had joined us at our previous stops. Truly, this was a Slurpee Fan Community Caravan.

My pack’s discussions at 7-11 #4 showed the sudden 7-11 efficiency experts they had become. They had suggestions for improved in-store traffic flow, for flavor machine order, even for straw dispenser location. I noticed that no one filled their cup all the way to the top.

Red Truck With Man & Daughter beat us to 7-11 #5. It had been a long journey. We were all exhausted. Well, actually it had been a short journey because we were riding in our van, but it felt long. And, we weren’t so much exhausted as full. But, either way, our spirits were low as we piled out of the van and dragged ourselves toward the door of 7-11 #5.

A couple kids mentioned that they were starting to feel a bit sick. We’d already hit 4 out of the 6 local 7-11’s. I reminded them that this was a marathon, not a sprint. It was time to push past that sick feeling, to grab another Slurpee, and to suck it up.

Just as we passed Red Truck With Man & Daughter, the window went down. We all stopped to see what was going to happen, which was easy to do because our kids were too full to move quickly.

Man spoke to The Professor in a voice that was quick, excited, and had clearly eaten way too much sugar. “There’s another one. A seventh one! I just heard about it. There’s a seventh! A friend called and told me no one is there. It’s right by the freeway. And, it’s the one that crazy guy robbed last year!” Man blurted out all in one breath.

Well, this exciting news perked up our whole Slurpee Speed Ingesting Team. Not only was this a quest stop with no line, it was a crime scene! Who would want to miss that?!?!

Our whole pack made it through the line at 7-11 #5, although I noticed a couple hobbling as they emerged with their half-filled Slurpee cups.

All that stood between us and following in the crazy robber guy’s footsteps was 7-11 #6.

7-11 #6 nearly spelled the end of our sugar rush pilgrimage. Everyone was feeling sick as we piled out of our van. A couple kids asked if they had to go in (“Of course you do. You just don’t realize how much fun you’re having because you feel like you’re going to barf!”). I was feeling a bit nauseous myself, even though I’d yet to have a Slurpee, because the too-sweet smell of them was permeating our van.

It was time for a pep talk.
We stood in a circle outside of 7-11 #6. I talked about team work. I talked about being together. I talked about how we had dragged ourselves this far, so we might as well finish the journey. We were so close.

I told them about the “wall” long distance runners hit as they compete in the Olympics, and that somehow they still manage to overcome and make it back into the stadium. “We shall overcome!” I assured them.

I also pointed out that they could still claim victory over Slurpee #6, even if they only put a little Slurpee in their cup.

Everyone dragged themselves into 7-11 #6 on our Slurpee Quest Tour. I noticed that only Son#2 filled his cup more than ¼ of the way full. No one looked too happy piling back into the van. But, even before we were out of the parking lot, a remarkable transformation began to take place. There was renewed giggling and chattering as we started off toward 7-11 #7.

The sugar had arrived in their bloodstreams.

I’m not saying 6 Slurpees is too much sugar, but by the time we hit the freeway for the quick hop over to 7-11 #7 my kids were having tongue trilling contests, for both duration and volume, as we drove. That wasn’t annoying. Not at all.

The lack of crime scene tape or any other post-crime paraphernalia disappointed my pack as we drove up to 7-11 #7. I reminded them that the robbery had taken place a year earlier, but they felt there should have at least been a police car parked nearby.

Happily, my pack had pushed through their Slurpee “wall,” and practically ran through the door of 7-11 #7. They were happy little slurpers again as they emerged smiling. They returned home with stacks of paper cups and straws in their hands, and, hopefully, an understanding about the day’s deeper meaning in their hearts.

It was not just a Slurpee – it was an adventure!!!!!!! Well, 7 adventures.

BTW – everyone was “starving” for dinner when we got home. But, no one wanted any dessert!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Set off on any quests lately? Have you tried the Blue-Raspberry flavor? I’m looking forward to hearing all about it! Be sure to leave me a comment with all the details!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’m sure you heard them! Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

You know what I hate about Valentine’s Day? I hate all the whining and complaining about Valentine’s Day.

Oh. My. Gosh.

People. Settle down.

You’re protesting candy hearts and giggles.

You’re not Ghandi.

You’re rioting against a fake holiday, sucking the fun out of it for those of us who enjoy it, and making excuses for the inconsiderate, selfish people in your life. Knock it off.

In other words, shut up shut up shut up.

Can’t let go of your Anti V-Day Attitude? Here’s some help with that:

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

#10. It’s too commercial – Really? That’s the best you’ve got? It’s too commercial? Well then, I guess you also ignore Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, St Patrick’s Day, the Olympics, the Royal Baby’s birth, children’s birthday parties & every other conceivable opportunity for the big box stores and those evil greeting card peddlers to make a buck. It’s too commercialized? Of course it’s too commercialized. So is every other thing on the planet.

You don’t have to ignore the whole concept to avoid commercialization of Valentine’s pure intentions any more than you have to do so for Christmas or Hanukkah. Plan ahead. Use your brain. This is an occasion when the thought really does matter much more than anything else.

#9. Everything is too expensive. They jack up the prices. – You think? They raise the prices on limited stuff around a popular time? Gee, seems like that comes up at every holiday. It’s only a problem for those who fail to plan ahead. Don’t spend more. Think more. Be more creative.

One of my favorite gifts from my husband is a bouquet of red, duct tape roses he made me one year. It took him nearly a week to make, and he had his students work on group projects so he could make the whole thing at work to surprise me. The planning and the effort make me smile every time I see them.

#8. It encourages obesity. – If this is your beef (no pun intended), you need a reality check. Yes, chocolate is often a symbol of Valentine’s Day, but that doesn’t mean it’s encouraging anyone to dump the clean eating, and switch to an all-candy diet. If all the talk about chocolate and those little hearts with messages encourages obesity, what does that freaky little cupid guy encourage? Naked archery? We don’t hear much whining about that being an issue, and, what with it being an Olympic year, seems like we would.

#7. Our relationship is in a bad place. – That stinks any day, even more so on Valentine’s Day. But, don’t you think your efforts would be better spent thinking of something to celebrate about this person you’re still attached to, rather than complaining about the whole idea of a “Love Holiday”? Surely there is something good there. Run with that. Even if all you can see through the hurt today is that her meatloaf rocks and she can juggle, or he always hits play at just the right moment while fast forwarding through commercials on the DVR and can ride a unicycle, you’ve got something to jot down on a paper heart.

#6. You should show people you love them every day, not just on some day they tell you to. – Well, duh! Of course you should! Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you get a “be self-centered the rest of the year” pass. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is an extension of your everyday caring and loving attitude toward the important people in your life, particularly your significant other. If celebrating how you feel about each other isn’t fun and natural, ask yourself if you are doing that enough on other days. If not maybe your problem is not the day, but the state of your relationship.

#5. I don’t even like candy or flowers. – Oh my gosh! Really? I’m not sure we can be friends. How about just telling people you care about them? Are you ok with that? Because that is the whole point of the Valentine’s hubaloo.

#4. Someone broke up with me on Valentine’s Day and I’ve hated it ever since. – That sucks, but get over it. It’s not a bad holiday. You had a bad significant other. Send the jerk a beautiful Valentine’s Day card, thanking the individual for getting out of your life, and move the heck on. The best revenge is being happy. Choose that.

#3. Gifts are so hard to get right. – Well then, talk to your significant other. You know, communicate. If you didn’t like the carton of Marlboros Bubba got you last year, mention directly to him that you would prefer a necklace or flowers or whatever it is you actually want. There’s nothing wrong with slipping a URL to a gift-buying-impaired loved one, either. If you don’t find the Valentine’s sweater your wife knits for your each year to be a particularly stimulating gift, give her some ideas for less time consuming ways to put a smile on your face.

#2. I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with Valentine’s Day no matter what. – Fine. Your call. But, shut up about it. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to rain on everybody else’s parade just because you’ve decided not to march. You can be a vegan without telling everyone. You can go to the gym without posting about it on Facebook. And, you can skip out of Valentine’s Day without giving every person who mentions it a lecture about your non-interest. More power to you. And, more candy left for the rest of us.

#1½. It’s just for couples anyway, and I’m not part of a couple. – Part of a couple or not, you should have people you care about in your life. A significant other should not be your only other. Surely you have friends and family who would love to be reminded that you care about them. If you don’t, your problem is neither lacking a better half, nor Valentine’s Day.

#1. It’s so fake to have a particular day to tell people you love them. – That’s like saying you don’t wish someone a Happy Birthday on their birthday, because you’re always happy they were born. Or, refusing to say something you are thankful for on Thanksgiving because you are thankful for it every day. Ridiculous.

Valentine’s Day isn’t brain surgery or mid-east peace negotiations. It’s supposed to be fun.

So, lighten up.

Pass out some heart shaped candy.

And, smile.

Who knows, maybe you’ll impress that fat, naked, flying archer guy and he’ll help you out.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Got anything I should I add to my list? Are you a V-Day hater or lover? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right?

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Does Amazon Ship Water Buffalos?

There are a lot of different answers I expect to hear when I ask one of my children “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?

“Just pack and shower and find the bag of hamster food.” Isn’t that all you needed to do in the first place?

“Do I have to bring underwear and socks?” No, but you’ll have to ride in a trash bag, strapped to the roof of the plane.

“I don’t see why I have to go. I’m missing the party of the year.” That’s another reason you have to come with us.

“I can’t find any of my left shoes.” How are your hopping skills?

“What trip?” The one we have been discussing in secret family meetings for the last 3 months, so we could keep it from you, just to mess you up.

These are but a few of the multitude of variations I’ve heard. In fact, I think the only answer I have never heard to the question “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?” is “Nothing. I’m all ready to go.” I haven’t even heard that when we are on the plane at 25000 feet halfway to our destination. We usually get home from a trip before we’re all ready to go.

But, of all the answers my pack has given me, I realized there was one other answer none of them had ever given me before. Until last night:

I said to Son#1, my eldest, most organized, best shot at being ready-to-go offspring, “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?”

And, he said, “Find my pet snake.”

Find my pet snake?

I opened my eyes wider than I thought was possible. “Find her? When did you lose her?” I asked in what was not a completely calm voice.

“Four days ago. She was there when I went to bed, but she was gone when I woke up,” Son#1 answered way too calmly. “I kind of forgot to lock her tank. But, just that one time. I always lock it.”

Son#1 had been asking for a pet snake for…I don’t know exactly how long… I think since he learned how to talk.

He is, in general, very responsible and careful with pets. His dog, Trixie passed away recently, and he gently cared for her through the end. He has a pet catfish that he got several years ago when it was 1 ½ inches long. It’s now nearly 2 ½ feet long, and eats fish that are 5 or 6 inches long for lunch. When I was a kid I couldn’t keep a fish alive long enough to get it home from the store.

So, he’s good with pets. Usually. Excluding this “left the tank unlocked just this one time” thing.

“Four days ago?” I asked, remembering all of the guests and pop-in holiday visitors we’d hosted over the past 4 days. I thought about what would have happened if the snake had shown up in the bathroom while my mother-in-law was in there…processing. It wouldn’t have been pretty. She’s from the Old Country. She’d have made us Snake Stew without batting an eye.

“When,” I asked, “were you planning to tell me this?”

“After I found her,” Son#1 answered. “That’s why I cleaned out my whole room yesterday.”

Great. Another myth shattered. First, I find out this Santa thing is a farce. Now the Tale of the Cleans His Room For No Reason Kid is debunked. What’s next? Is someone gonna tell me that chocolate doesn’t burn calories? Oh the humanity!

I stood there wondering where the snake was, and blaming my sister.

This reptile was just the latest in a string of critters she’s added to our family. I remember the ducklings she’d delivered one Easter, and the water turtle that showed up for a birthday. Of course, there was the time 2 baby hamsters traveled the skies in Son#2’s back pack on his return flight from visiting with her. I can hardly believe the TSA x-ray guy didn’t even say anything about them. She’d sent the snake home with Son#1 after our last visit.

How was I supposed to explain to our house sitter, who had already expressed less than great joy at the prospect of living in the same house as the snake for a week, that she might want to double check under the covers before climbing into the guest room bed each night? I shuddered at the thought that I should have been doing that the last 3 nights and didn’t know it.

Clearly, I’d need to mention a bonus first, then tell our house sitter about the free-range reptile. Hopefully, she’d still be willing to take the job. Otherwise, I hated to think what the odds were of coming up with a good house sitter at the last minute the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

But, there was no time to panic.

So, I decided to handle this like the mature adult I am.

I’ll get out our Maglite and start searching the house.

And, I’m shipping a pregnant water buffalo to my sister.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Had any pet trouble? How did you handle it? How do you feel about snakes? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Spray Away!!!

Spray Away!!! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Spray Away For The Holiday

Remember when your pre-school kids brought home macaroni frames and sea shells magically transformed by gold spray paint? Well, that still works. A can or 2 or 30 of gold (or silver) spray paint can transform your home, change your life, and have you totally ready for the holidays before lunch.

What, you might wonder, can one spray paint gold, besides macaroni frames and sea shells?

Well, the traditionalists will tell you to blast some pines cones to place in a large glass bowl for an elegant look. That does look nice, but I say “Why stop there?”

Kitchen buried in crusty dishes? Spray paint those suckers. Now you have charger plates each with a custom, handmade 3-dimensional design. Macy’s will probably call you with an order for 1000 of them.

Mountain of laundry besieging your washing machine? No problem. Arrange the olfactory offenders into various sizes of conical piles. Blast them with your can of magic gold-ness (this might require more than one coat), and you’ll be left with an entire forest of handmade, fabric Christmas trees to distribute throughout your home and yard. Talk about classy décor!

Got a lazy teen? Or two? Do you have to put a mirror under his nose to check for condensation just to be sure he hasn’t passed on to that great messy bedroom in the sky, because he’s been prone on the living room sofa for 22 hours? Spray him! Don’t worry, he’ll likely sleep through the whole thing and Christmas and New Year’s. Your guests will be so impressed with how life-like the new sculpture in your living room is.

Cobwebs in the corners make you feel like you’re closer to Halloween, than a visit from St. Nick? No worries. A light spraying, and you’ve turned those bug catchers into delicate gold garland.

Did your 3 year old stain the fancy dress your mother-in-law sent her before she’d even worn it? Gold that thing up, and you’ll take it from “stained” to “lamé -d.”

Living room rug speckled with stains? Spray paint a large circle over each one, for a festive, new flooring up date. Or, for a totally new, easy to clean look, spray paint the whole carpet – wall-to-wall . It’ll look holiday-delicious and you can hose away spills.

How about your yard? Landscaping looking like the Munster’s house? Pots filled with dead daisies? Brown lawn? Bent flamingoes? Nothing a couple cans of gold spray paint can’t fix. Let loose with the golds of spray paint land, and change barren into lushness, change dreary into opulence.

No time to wrap gifts? Spray them.

Cat make some hairballs? Spray them.

Spouse balding? Spray him.

Sagging patio furniture? Dented mail box? Dingy guest towels? Spray. Spray. Spray!!!

And, if Martha Stewart or the president of you HOA shows up at your door to complain about your efforts, spray paint her, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything in your life that could use a good spraying? When do you put up your decorations? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #whatIwantforChristmas

I want a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for Christmas. It been since before most of my children made their grand entrance into my life that I last waltzed into our bathroom, and was not greeted by a naked tube in the toilet paper dispenser.

Apparently, I’m the only member of our household who can actually see when the toilet paper tube is empty. I think they all have some sort of Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB) (no, I did not look it up on WebMD. That would just tell me the toilet paper tube has cancer or Ebola, and I’m sure my family has TPTB).

I’d like a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for every bathroom in our house, but I’d be happy with just one for our powder room. It’s the only facilities we have downstairs for off-loading, and, as a result, sees a lot of traffic. Anyone downstairs with even a semi-urgent offloading need, or a touch of laziness, completes his or her transaction in that tiny room.

My children, neighbors, schoolmates, occasionally the FedEx guy. Everyone.

And, not a one of them has ever been able to see the empty toilet paper roll while they were in there.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone into that service center and NOT found supplies to complete the paperwork lacking.

I always pray that the person who last exited had just enough paper to complete his or her transaction in a thorough and business-like manner, and that the roll hasn’t been empty all day. I don’t even want to think about how many visitors to that facility might have selected drip-dry as the final step in their off-loading procedure.

The alarm could start with a gentle warning to the bathroom visitor that supplies are approaching a critical level. Perhaps, a soothing tone or calm voice. Nothing like the ear blasting, nerve wracking beep our van emits when its gas gauge drops below ¼ tank. Although, if you are going to get startled to the point of losing control of your faculties, I suppose the bathroom is the best place to do that.

Then, should the facility visitor fail to rectify the provisions problem, warnings could increase in intensity and volume. The possibilities are endless, really.

Perhaps, an alarm could holler out from inside the dispenser, “Don’t leave me! I’m naked!” when a facility user tries to leave behind an empty tube while exiting the off-loading station.

Or, maybe, an effective way to encourage the loo lazy to replace the roll before making their escape would be for the alarm to use the moment the user’s hand touches the doorknob when the roll is empty to deliver an electrical shock.

It’d just be a small shock.

Probably.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Does your family suffer from Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB)? Do you get stuck with re-stocking the loo, too? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m want to read your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission