If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!!

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesTeenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs You’ve Had TOO MUCH Candy

Top 10 Signs You’ve Had TOO MUCH Candy

by Gina Valley

It’s the most candy-centric time of the year.

There’s candy everywhere you look.

People are talking about candy. People are buying candy. People are eating candy. People are dropping candy wrappers on the floor.

Or, maybe that’s just at my house.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs You’ve Had Too Much Candy HalloweenNot only is this the time of year when we tell our children it’s ok to take candy from strangers, but we actually dress them up like little crazy folks and send them out to beg for candy.

The hypnotic sweet scent of candy surrounds you the moment you step into any store, causing you to mindlessly grab and cling to bags of Kit Kats and mini Snickers, as though you’re lost at sea and they’re life vests.

Is this sugar tsunami threatening to drown you? Have you had too much candy? Is it time to set down the bag of Starbursts and to slowly back away before anyone else gets hurt?

How can you be sure?

If you (or your child or your spouse) meet any of the following qualifications, you (or he or she) have had too much candy:

Top 10 Signs You’ve Had Too Much Candy

#10.  Your commute to work took half its usual time & you didn’t even take your car.

#9.  You know what the fox said.

#8.  You can see sound.

#7.  You stirred your morning coffee with a Snickers bar & followed it with a Milky Way chaser.

#6.  You can recite The Song of Hiawatha 10 times in a row without taking a breath.

#5.  You swam ten laps at the gym & never got wet.

#4.  You sent your daughter’s hamster into a sugar coma just by breathing on it.

#3.  You didn’t pay attention to what was discussed at your morning staff meeting, because you were too busy picking M&M characters to match each person seated around the table.

#2.  You complained to the waiter at lunch that your salad had no colorful candy coating.

#1.  You did that Gangnam Style thing so fast that you set the carpet on fire.

If you still aren’t sure whether you (or your spouse or your child) have had too much candy, down one more Milk Dud, then see if the fluorescent lights in your office get brighter.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How flows the candy tide at your house?  Are you chocolate or anti-chocolate? Do you monitor the candy intake or just hope it all disappears soon?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween!!!…Gina’s Favorites

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, for the 4th time, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post for Throwback Day this week.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteTeenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteMan Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteMan Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?…Gina’s Favorites

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

While I’m trying to get my youngest son to decide between dressing up as a hot dog or a football player, and my youngest daughter continues to try to convince me that she needs to wear wings with her Egyptian princess costume, laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

I’m not sure which is the “better” part of the upcoming Costume & Candy Extravaganza, also known as Halloween:  the need to purchase the candy 50 times because we have no self-control, or the turning of our home into some sort of textile sweatshop in an effort to come up with costumes for 9 people, none of whom ever make a truly final decision on what they want to dress up as until the night before.

I think this decision-making trouble stems from the fact that they’re all hopped up on Halloween candy, but I’m not sure.  I can’t decide. I’m hopped up on Halloween candy, too.

It’s both insulting and flattering that my children assume I can produce a better-than-professional-quality garment to transform them into their dream character, with virtually no warning, no ideas from them, and constant scrutiny every step of the way.

Daughter#1 was inspecting my work and asking about the progress on her Halloween costume (by the way: I blame Project Runway for my children’s new found garment pickiness).

“Mom, will you hem and detail and shape the cape?” my eldest daughter asked, donning her most skeptical Tim Gunn face.

I, displaying miraculous self-control (no doubt bolstered by all the chocolate I’d been mainlining most of the afternoon) answered patiently (without even rolling my eyes!), “Of course I’m going to hem it and detail it. I’ll make your cape look great.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

“Cake?” Son#1, who had been slipping into a Dr. Who? induced coma, suddenly perked up and asked.

“Cake? You’re making cake?” Daughter#2 called out from the kitchen.

“Is it yellow cake?”  Son#3 hollered from upstairs.  (Is there any other food with “yellow” as a flavor?)

“Will you make chocolate frosting.  It’s best with chocolate frosting,” The Professor inquired.  He’d suddenly dashed out of his office and jumped onto this runaway train with our off-spring (I did not inquire as to why he was holding a package of pens, pruning shears, a roll of duct tape, and his laptop computer at the time.  Sometimes it’s better not to know).

If I’d announced at the top of my lungs that the house was on fire or that I’d fallen and was unable to get up, my pack’s reactions would have been split between ignoring me, and telling me to hang on because they were busy.  But, announce that I’m making cake, and everyone’s my best friend.  Now I know how The Little Red Hen felt.

Of course, I wasn’t actually making cake.  I was making cape.

Cape,” I said loudly and emphatically.  “C-A-P-E. She is dressing up as Red Riding Hood and she needs a cape. I’m making a cape.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

Son#4, my youngest child, the one most likely to listen carefully to my words before ignoring them, yelled from his bedroom, “Are you making cake?”

Daughter#3 chastised me from our living room, “You should make cake pops. You haven’t even used the cake pop maker you asked us to get for you for Christmas,” (I actually asked for a waffle stick maker).

Does it count as “quality family bonding time” when they’re all confused in the same way?

Now I kind of want some cake.  I should make one.

It’d be a nice change from all this candy.

Laugh Out Loud!

gina

How is the communication in your neck of the woods?  How quickly does candy disappear from your home?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

How To Know If Your Kids Have Had Too Much Candy

How To Know If Your Kids Have Had Too Much Candy

by Gina Valley

I don’t know how things are going at your house, but around here things have been quite candy-centric lately.

My children have occupied their every waking moment with counting their candy, comparing their candy, trading their candy, and, of course, eating their candy.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Know If Your Kids Have Had Too Much Candy I have occupied much of my time telling them to put away their candy, to calm down the heated negotiations about their candy, and, of course, to pick up the blasted wrappers from their candy that are now scattered throughout our home like some sort of New Year’s Eve confetti.

My pack has also managed to scarf down the leftovers from the giant bowl of candy I’d prepared to hand out to the throngs of kids knocking on our door.

The bowl was still quite full after the designated Night O’ Candy Begging, despite our having let each and every child who came to our door take as much as they wanted to, as we only had 15 kids come a knockin’ (our neighborhood is not exactly a hot bed of Trick or Treating activity.  Even my pack goes to a different neighborhood to Trick or Treat).

With all this candy saturation, it is important for a parent to know when his or her child (or his or her self or his or hers spouse’s self) has had too much candy (yes, there is such a thing).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Know If Your Kids Have Had Too Much Candy My years of parenting and candying experience have helped me to develop a keen sense for when someone has passed that line dividing Candy Nirvana and Candy Insanity.

If your child (or your spouse or you) meets any of the following qualifications, he or she (or you) has had too much candy:

  • can run faster than not just every dog, but also every car in your neighborhood
  • has left indentations in every wall in your home from bouncing off of them
  • can switch off the light and be out of the room before it gets dark
  • when forced to sit down causes every piece of furniture in the room to vibrate and the hamster’s wheel to spin
  • has not stopped talking, even to take a breath, for the last 48 hours (also an indication of being a 3 year old or my Aunt Bessie).
  • Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Know If Your Kids Have Had Too Much Candy can not only say the entire alphabet forwards and backwards in one burst, but also has added in 15 new letters
  • sends your diabetic cat into a sugar coma just by breathing on her
  • checks out his or her hamburger, and yells, “ Why isn’t there nougat on this?!?!”
  • does that River Dance thing so fast smoke is produced and groves are made in the floor
  • causes fluorescent lights to glow every time he or she (or you) walks near them

If you still aren’t sure whether your child (or yourself or your spouse) has had too much candy, slip a mini Snickers into their beverage, then see if they can swim a lap without getting wet.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How flows the candy tide at your house?  Do you monitor the candy intake or just hope it all disappears soon?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

How To Survive The Candy Zombies

How To Survive The Candy Zombies

by Gina Valley

My kids are so hopped up on candy today they can see sound.

For a teacher, the day after Halloween is about as close an approximation to experiencing hell as is possible on this green earth.

The only way to make the experience even more painful is if it rains the day after Halloween, and the students must stay inside for recess.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Survive The Candy Zombies – A Guide For Teachers Halloween Candy(By the way, teachers, sorry about the 10 pounds of candy in each of my kids’ backpacks.  I knew if it stayed home with me today I might just as well plaster it directly onto my rear. 

I’m hoping my kids will share it with the other children.  Or, that someone will steal it.  I don’t really care which scenario comes to fruition.  I just don’t want that stuff coming back home with them.)

As a former educator and current friend to many educators, I thought that I’d take this opportunity to help out these oft unsung heroes.

To that end, I’ve written some lesson plans for you, our frontline kid-wranglers.  I always appreciate what you do, doubly so the day after Halloween.  And, there’s not a chance I’m letting my kids stay home the day after Halloween.  They’re totally hopped up on sugar. So, I figure this is the least I can do.

If you’re an educator, please feel free to use these lesson plans, with my blessing.  If not, be sure to pass these on to all of the teachers and homeschoolers in your life.

Math:  Throw a deck of cards into the wind, and tell your class that they must be sure to find all 52 cards before returning to your classroom.  Be sure to tuck at least one of the cards into your pocket before tossing the deck up.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Survive The Candy Zombies – A Guide For Teachers Halloween CandyPhysics:  Study centripetal force by removing the lid from a bottle of glitter, sitting in your desk chair (with your arm extended), and having two of your strongest students spin the chair until all of the glitter has escaped from the bottle (did I mention a dust mask is wise for you and your students?).

Virology:  Teach your children about the rapid spreading and difficulty of eradicating viruses by requiring the youngsters to recapture every piece of glitter set free during Physics.

PE (Physical Education):  Have your students run a marathon.  Yes, a marathon.  I know that’s like 50 or a hundred laps around your school (depending on the size of the school), but it’ll only take them bout 10 or 20 minutes, since they are sugar-super-charged.  You might have time for them to run 2.

Allow the winner to call the cafeteria every hour to ask if their refrigerator is running, and to tell them they better go chase it when they say that it is.

Religion:  If you teach at a religious school, have your students use scripture to prove that sugar is the devil.

Dance:  Cover the floor (preferably in a long hall) with bubble wrap.  Blast “the Bunny Hop” and have your class do the bunny hop until every last bubble is popped.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Survive The Candy Zombies – A Guide For Teachers Halloween Candy

Music:  Give your students kazoos.  Have them hum the theme from Star Wars, while running around, bobbing and weaving, to simulate that big battle scene at the end of the movie around The Death Star.

Science: Using binoculars (or 2 paper towel tube) have each student find and follow an ant all the way to its nest.  Then, time permitting, count the other inhabitants in the nest.  Don’t panic when your students eat some of the ants.  A little protein helps balance out all of that sugar.

Ancient Egypt: Get 55 of those big, cheap grocery store balls (the kind in those giant bins that if you take one out of, the whole flock escapes).  Scatter them around the school.  Tell your students to find all 55 and to stack them into a pyramid.

English: Have your class read a story aloud, as a group, but, do it by taking turns reading just one word at a time, starting from the end of the story and working backward to the beginning.  For extra fun, assign one student to always say the word “pickle-face” when it’s his turn to read.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally How To Survive The Candy Zombies – A Guide For Teachers Halloween Candy

History:  Have your students create “powdered wigs” for each other out of wet toilet paper.  Have them stay out in the sunshine until the wigs are dry.

Spelling: Have your students stand in buckets of water in their stocking feet (if you’re short on buckets, just squirt their feet with a hose).  Have them write each of their spelling words 5 times on the playground using their wet foot prints (If it’s freezing where you live, skip the water, leave their shoes on, and have buckets full of chalk dust to step in and make tracks with).

Problem Solving:  Tell your students to hide anywhere at school, and that you will seek them out.  When the end of the day bell rings, announce loudly “All-y, all-y out come free!” and explain to them that they hid so well, that you couldn’t find them.

Lastly, I recommend you bring a case of Red Bull and make the coffee in the teachers’ lounge with it.

That’s really your only hope for keeping up with the students.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have any suggestions for teachers?  How would you handle a room full of children with pure sugar pumping through their veins?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s

Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s

by Gina Valley

It’s that time of year.

Chocolate’s in the air, pumpkin’s in everything, and hoo hahs are on parade.

I hate to be a spoil sport, but if my kids are going to go door to door begging for candy, they are not going to do it dressed as hookers.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s Costumes HalloweenI don’t understand the whole “dress like a ho no matter what you’re dressing as” mentality.  Instead of “The Halloween Shoppe” they ought to call it “The TaTa TaDa.”

If your child’s costume (or yours!) is appropriate to wear standing at Hollywood and Vine, it’s time to re-think what exactly you seem to be proposing when you show up at a stranger’s door and say “Trick or Treat.”.

Having been on the quest to come up with fun, appropriate costumes for my pack, I think my If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween post is perfect for Throwback Day this week. You can read my If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of these magic links to read my If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween, for laughs and some great costume ideas.  You bring the chocolate, I’ll bring the giggles.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Teenager With Your Car Keys

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s Costumes Halloween

Dog With The Runs

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-Home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Man Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s Costumes HalloweenMan Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-Dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Thank You For Stowing Your Ta Ta’s Costumes Halloween

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again

Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again

by Gina Valley

We need candy, and we have no candy.

It’s not like on those days where I want to scream, “I need some candy or I’m going to totally freak out!”  Today, we need it to hand out to the throngs of neighborhood children who will come to our door begging for it.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again  Halloween It’s really those throngs of children’s fault we don’t have any candy.  You see, by “throngs of children” I mean the 6 to 15 children who will knock on our door.  One year we only had 3.  Our neighborhood is not exactly a bastion of Trick or Treat activity.  Even our kids Trick or Treat in a different neighborhood, where the houses are closer together, and there are lots of children.

So, since we know we’ll have few partakers, we know there’ll be lots of candy left.   Since we know we’ll have lots left, I buy the kind we really like (as if there’s some candy we don’t like!) (Well, no one but The Professor likes licorice, but I don’t think that’s really candy.  It tastes like evil).

And, since I buy the kind we really like and we know there will be extra, we tend to eat a bit, in advance, just to be sure it’s good.  We’re really watching out for the children.

But, our tendency to run quality-control taste-testing on the sugary goodness isn’t the only reason I’m heading to the store for candy again, for the, I kid you not, sixth time this year (that’s a record for us).

We have a few other candy consumption issues.

Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again

#10.  Because when I said to my kids that they could each have 3 pieces of candy while I was at an evening meeting, they heard “have all 3 pounds.”

#9.  Because when I told my 12 year old he could bring some candy to school for his friends, he neglected to mention that everyone in the whole 6th grade is his friend.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again  Halloween #8.  Because I’ve cut off my 17 year old’s Oreo supply, so he’s mainlining Rolos (he was up to 2 packs of those yummy cookies a day) (I wish I had his metabolism)(I don’t think I even have a metabolism).

#7.  Because my eldest daughter had that very special visitor last week and no one was feeling brave enough to come between her and the bag of Snicker bars.

#6.  Because our boy puppy can reach the center of the dining room table, can take the heavy glass lid off of the pumpkin-shaped candy canister, and can (and did) inhale all of the candy there in (wrappers included) before you can finish yelling, “No, Bear! Get down!” (He’s big, he’s goofy, but, man alive, is he fast!).

#5.  Because when you’re helping your child write a report about the political situation in middle and eastern Europe during the 1790’s and it’s after 11PM, keeping both of your mouths busy chewing caramels helps to preserve your relationship.

#4.  Because our girl puppy likes to be chased and thought it was great fun to grab the bag of Twix while it was still in the grocery bag, run around the backyard in the rain, and shake it until it exploded like a piñata.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Top 10 Reasons I Have To Buy More Candy…Again  Halloween

#3.  Because some days my kids drive me nuts, and a mini Hershey’s with almonds (or 6 or 16) is the only thing keeping me from stuffing them into one of those If It Fits, It Ships Boxes and shipping them to Timbuktu.

#2.  Because I really wasn’t as specific as I should have been when we were running late and I said to “Pack something you can pack quickly in your lunch, because you’re going to miss your ride!” to my kids.

#1.  Because the walk from the grocery store to the car is a lot longer than you’d think. And, even if you didn’t need the nourishment to survive that, you need it to keep up your strength up for the drive home, which can last an eternity (I’m rounding up, slightly, from 10 minutes).

I’m just hoping the candy angels are smiling on me, and there’s still some good stuff left at the store.  I don’t want to be that lady who hands out the reject candy.

Or gets stuck eating it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you buy your candy ahead of time and run the risk of consuming it?  Or, do you wait until the last minute and run the risk of getting stuck with the reject candy?  Are you dressing up for Halloween this year?  How about your kids?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

by Gina Valley

I’m not sure which is the “better” part of the upcoming Costume & Candy Extravaganza, also known as Halloween:  the need to purchase the candy 50 times because we have no self-control, or the turning of our home into some sort of textile sweatshop in an effort to come up with costumes for 9 people, none of whom ever make a truly final decision on what they want to dress up as until the night before.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me? Family Communication Costumes HalloweenI think this decision-making trouble stems from the fact that they’re all hopped up on Halloween candy, but I’m not sure.  I can’t decide. I’m hopped up on Halloween candy, too.

It’s both insulting and flattering that my children assume I can produce a better-than-professional-quality garment to transform them into their dream character, with virtually no warning, no ideas from them, and constant scrutiny every step of the way.

Daughter#1 was inspecting my work and asking about the progress on her Halloween costume (by the way: I blame Project Runway for my children’s new found garment pickiness).

“Mom, will you hem and detail and shape the cape?” my eldest daughter asked, donning her most skeptical Tim Gunn face.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me? Family Communication Costumes HalloweenI, displaying miraculous self-control (no doubt bolstered by all the chocolate I’d been mainlining most of the afternoon) answered patiently (without even rolling my eyes!), “Of course I’m going to hem it and detail it. I’ll make your cape look great.”

“Cake?” Son#1, who had been slipping into a Duck Dynasty induced coma, suddenly perked up and asked.

“Cake? You’re making cake?” Daughter#2 called out from the kitchen.

“Is it yellow cake?”  Son#3 hollered from upstairs.  (Is there any other food with “yellow” as a flavor?)

“Will you make chocolate frosting.  It’s best with chocolate frosting,” The Professor inquired.  He’d suddenly dashed out of his office and jumped onto this runaway train with our off-spring (I did not inquire as to why he was holding a package of pens, pruning shears, a roll of duct tape, and his laptop computer at the time.  Sometimes it’s better not to know).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Totally Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me? Family Communication Costumes HalloweenIf I’d announced at the top of my lungs that the house was on fire or that I’d fallen and was unable to get up, my pack’s reactions would have been split between ignoring me, and telling me to hang on because they were busy.  But, announce that I’m making cake, and everyone’s my best friend.  Now I know how The Little Red Hen felt.

Of course, I wasn’t actually making cake.  I was making cape.

Cape,” I said loudly and emphatically.  “C-A-P-E. She is dressing up as Red Riding Hood and she needs a cape. I’m making a cape.”

Son#4, my youngest child, the one most likely to listen carefully to my words before ignoring them, yelled from his bedroom, “Are you making cake?”

Daughter#3 chastised me from our living room, “You should make cake pops. You haven’t even used the cake pop maker you asked us to get for you for Christmas,” (I actually asked for a waffle stick maker).

Does it count as “quality family bonding time” when they’re all confused in the same way?

Now I kind of want some cake.  I should make one.

It’d be a nice change from all this candy.

Laugh Out Loud!

gina

How is the communication in your neck of the woods?  How quickly does candy disappear from your home?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After Halloween

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After Halloween

I understand.  I know how it is.  You were up late wrangling costumed, candy-snorting, sugar-hopped kids, some of whom were adults.  They wouldn’t sleep because they were too tired. It was single digits before you finally crashed, nearly comatose, onto your own bed.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Halloween Candy Hyper Kids No Sleep Mask Chainsaw Puppy PoodleAfter you dragged yourself to the loo this morning, and steadied yourself between the commode and the sink, you were shocked to see that you still had your Night of the Living Dead mask on.

Then, you remembered.

You don’t own a Night of the Living Dead mask.  That’s your face on no sleep, too much candy, and possibly some questionable liquid consumption choices.

The only thing you want to do is to crawl back to bed and sleep until Thanksgiving.

But, Halloween isn’t a real holiday, so they expect you to show up to work the morning after it, hopefully bearing leftover treats from the evening’s festivities.  You want to call in and tell them you can’t make it, but the sugar and hyper kids have dulled your mind and you can’t think of a valid reason to give your boss as to why you can’t possibly make it into work today.

No problem.

I’ve got you covered.

Top 10 Reasons You Can’t Go To Work The Day After Halloween:

#10   Your kids are so hopped up on sugar that you have to go shopping for extra-strength spatulas to peel them off of the ceiling. 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Halloween Candy Hyper Kids No Sleep Mask Chainsaw Puppy Poodle#9   Your foot is stuck in one of those plastic candy gathering jack-o-lanterns, so you can’t drive your car.

#8   You have to wait by your door for your neighbor to return your chainsaw and life-sized skeleton so the UPS guy doesn’t try to take it.  Again.

#7   You’ve slipped in a puddle of melted chocolate and landed on a Sugar Daddy and are now permanently affixed to the floor.

#6   Your kids used all of the toilet paper for mummy costumes and you can’t come out of the bathroom until someone goes to the store.

#5   Hurricane Sandy made your son’s Sponge Bob Square Pants costume swell to 300 times its normal size and it’s blocking your car in.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Halloween Candy Hyper Kids No Sleep Mask Chainsaw Puppy Poodle#4   Your poodle ran right into the middle of the frozen bubble gum bubble blowing contest last night, causing multiple explosions, so you have to spend today picking all of the bubble gum out of her fur.

#3   You have to stand guard over your kids’ Halloween candy so your spouse doesn’t eat all the good stuff, causing your children to need expensive counseling sessions, which would drive up the company healthcare benefits costs.

#2   Somebody broke off more than a piece of your Kit Kat.

#1  The cape from your Superman costume is snagged in the door and you can’t get off of the L-train.

Let me know if you need a note.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What’s the hardest part of the day after Halloween, or any big deal day, for you and your crew?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.