Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil …Gina’s Favorites

By Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil

There are few things that draw people together like the near universal hatred of the “Spring forward!” part of Daylight Savings Time.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil ...Gina's Favorites

I’m told that when Daylight Savings Time was first instituted oh so many decades ago that there were many benefits to the average person.

Be that as it may, I’m not seeing the benefits at this point, and I think we need to band together to get rid of the whole thing (and that one super nasty, taste-of-death candy they hide amongst all the good ones in every box of Sees’ candy. What flavor is that supposed to be anyway? Rotting dirt?).

Besides not seeing the benefits, I’m seeing lots of problems. It’s bad enough trying to figure out what time it is here, trying to figure out what time it is in other parts of the world to time communication correctly is really tough.  And, getting my kids up in time for school is near impossible. Truly, Daylight Savings Time is the devil.

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil

#10.  It forces us to grudgingly use our interpersonal skills, as we, as a group, wander around the week before we change the clocks asking each other, “Is it ‘Spring forward’? It’s ‘Spring forward,’ right? Are you sure it’s not ‘Spring back?’”

#9.  Even as we are in the midst of the sleep deprivation it has wrought, we must exhibit extra coordination as we attempt to adjust our car dashboard clock, while at the same time trying to avoid oncoming cars careening in our direction, piloted by others who are both sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to change their dashboard clocks.

#8.  We run the risk of a cardiac event when we’re staring at our phone at 1:59am and it suddenly switches to 3am, causing us to panic, as we wonder whether we have just time experienced time travel or a black out.

#7.  It brings out extra personality in our children on Monday morning, and causes shoes, backpacks, and homework to disappear at near-double the normal rate.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil ...Gina's Favorites

#6.  It turns adults into children, as we attempt to grasp any reason, no matter how flimsy, as to why we must remain in bed for another hour, and probably for the rest of the week.

#5.  It causes the phrase “I’m not tired!” to be uttered angrily, forcefully, and a near-world-record-setting number of times for the entire week after we “Spring forward!”

#4.  None of us “Spring forward!” We all barely stumble forward, and the whole “Spring forward!” and its cheerful tone is just mocking us.

#3.  It makes everyone arrive 30 minutes early for the second service at church on Sunday morning, when we were in fact all shooting for the first service, but forgot to adjust our clocks.

#2.  It turns our co-workers into seeming philosophers or heroin addicts, as they wander from cubicle to cubicle, muttering “What time is it? Does anyone know what time it is?”

#1.  It’s just another way to torture parents of small children, because small children neither know nor care what Daylight Savings Time is, and see no reason to go to bed an hour before they did last week, yet somehow manage to get up an hour earlier each morning.

It’s time to stop the madness!

At least I think it is.

Does anyone know what time it is?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you love or hate Daylight Savings Time? Do they follow Daylight Savings Time where you live?  Why do they put that one nasty candy in with the good candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

I’m sure you heard them! Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

You know what I hate about Valentine’s Day? I hate all the whining and complaining about Valentine’s Day.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s FavoritesOh. My. Gosh.

People. Settle down.

You’re protesting candy hearts and giggles.

You’re not Ghandi.

You’re rioting against a fake holiday, sucking the fun out of it for those of us who enjoy it, and making excuses for the inconsiderate, selfish people in your life. Knock it off.

In other words, shut up shut up shut up.

Can’t let go of your Anti V-Day Attitude? Here’s some help with that:

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

#10.  It’s too commercial – Really? That’s the best you’ve got? It’s too commercial? Well then, I guess you also ignore Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, St Patrick’s Day, the Olympics, the Royal Baby’s birth, children’s birthday parties & every other conceivable opportunity for the big box stores and those evil greeting card peddlers to make a buck. It’s too commercialized? Of course it’s too commercialized. So is every other thing on the planet.

You don’t have to ignore the whole concept to avoid commercialization of Valentine’s pure intentions any more than you have to do so for Christmas or Hanukkah. Plan ahead. Use your brain. This is an occasion when the thought really does matter much more than anything else.

#9.  Everything is too expensive. They jack up the prices.  – You think? They raise the prices on limited stuff around a popular time? Gee, seems like that comes up at every holiday. It’s only a problem for those who fail to plan ahead. Don’t spend more. Think more. Be more creative.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s FavoritesOne of my favorite gifts from my husband is a bouquet of red, duct tape roses he made me one year. It took him nearly a week to make, and he had his students work on group projects so he could make the whole thing at work to surprise me. The planning and the effort make me smile every time I see them.

#8.  It encourages obesity. – If this is your beef (no pun intended), you need a reality check. Yes, chocolate is often a symbol of Valentine’s Day, but that doesn’t mean it’s encouraging anyone to dump the clean eating, and switch to an all-candy diet. If all the talk about chocolate and those little hearts with messages encourages obesity, what does that freaky little cupid guy encourage? Naked archery? We don’t hear much whining about that being an issue, and, what with it being an Olympic year, seems like we would.

#7.  Our relationship is in a bad place. – That stinks any day, even more so on Valentine’s Day. But, don’t you think your efforts would be better spent thinking of something to celebrate about this person you’re still attached to, rather than complaining about the whole idea of a “Love Holiday”? Surely there is something good there. Run with that. Even if all you can see through the hurt today is that her meatloaf rocks and she can juggle, or he always hits play at just the right moment while fast forwarding through commercials on the DVR and can ride a unicycle, you’ve got something to jot down on a paper heart.

#6.  You should show people you love them every day, not just on some day they tell you to. – Well, duh! Of course you should!  Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you get a “be self-centered the rest of the year” pass. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is an extension of your everyday caring and loving attitude toward the important people in your life, particularly your significant other. If celebrating how you feel about each other isn’t fun and natural, ask yourself if you are doing that enough on other days. If not maybe your problem is not the day, but the state of your relationship.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s Favorites

#5.  I don’t even like candy or flowers. – Oh my gosh! Really? I’m not sure we can be friends. How about just telling people you care about them? Are you ok with that? Because that is the whole point of the Valentine’s hubaloo.

#4.  Someone broke up with me on Valentine’s Day and I’ve hated it ever since. – That sucks, but get over it. It’s not a bad holiday. You had a bad significant other. Send the jerk a beautiful Valentine’s Day card, thanking the individual for getting out of your life, and move the heck on. The best revenge is being happy. Choose that.

#3.  Gifts are so hard to get right. – Well then, talk to your significant other. You know, communicate. If you didn’t like the carton of Marlboros Bubba got you last year, mention directly to him that you would prefer a necklace or flowers or whatever it is you actually want. There’s nothing wrong with slipping a URL to a gift-buying-impaired loved one, either. If you don’t find the Valentine’s sweater your wife knits for your each year to be a particularly stimulating gift, give her some ideas for less time consuming ways to put a smile on your face.

#2.  I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with Valentine’s Day no matter what. – Fine. Your call. But, shut up about it. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to rain on everybody else’s parade just because you’ve decided not to march. You can be a vegan without telling everyone. You can go to the gym without posting about it on Facebook. And, you can skip out of Valentine’s Day without giving every person who mentions it a lecture about your non-interest. More power to you. And, more candy left for the rest of us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day …Gina’s Favorites

#1½.  It’s just for couples anyway, and I’m not part of a couple. – Part of a couple or not, you should have people you care about in your life. A significant other should not be your only other. Surely you have friends and family who would love to be reminded that you care about them. If you don’t, your problem is neither lacking a better half, nor Valentine’s Day.

#1.  It’s so fake to have a particular day to tell people you love them. – That’s like saying you don’t wish someone a Happy Birthday on their birthday, because you’re always happy they were born. Or, refusing to say something you are thankful for on Thanksgiving because you are thankful for it every day. Ridiculous.

Valentine’s Day isn’t brain surgery or mid-east peace negotiations. It’s supposed to be fun.

So, lighten up.

Pass out some heart shaped candy.

And, smile.

Who knows, maybe you’ll impress that fat, naked, flying archer guy and he’ll help you out.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Got anything I should I add to my list?  Are you a V-Day hater or lover?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!!

Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!!

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Oh To Be Young…Or Godzilla!!!

I took two of my sons with me to the gym today.

They wanted to go.  I should have realized that was a bad sign.

I’ve been wanting to take them with me for a while now, so I could teach them how to use the equipment correctly.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!! Working Out GymSo they would be safe.

So they would be knowledgeable.

So they would not need to go to the Emergency Room.

It seemed like a good idea.

The only problem was they didn’t seem to realize what a truly horrible place the gym is.

They had a great time.

I tried to explain to them that it was not a fun playground, no matter how much fun they thought they were having. I reminded them that gyms are such accursed places that they put them in prisons.

They are, apparently, too young to realize that the elliptical trainer is not a fun racing simulator, but actually punishment  for years of starting dinner with Oreo’s instead of salads.

They thought weighing themselves on the super accurate, right-there-in-front-of-everyone scale was a hoot. They even tried standing on it in different ways in an effort to make themselves heavier. Heavier.

I wouldn’t weigh myself on that scale even if there was a blackout and everyone in the gym was blind.

They weren’t the least bit self-conscious or uncomfortable, as they climbed onto the leg press machine, despite needing to contort themselves into what appears to be a gynecological exam position, with their knees nearly in their ears.

I blush every time I use that machine. They laughed and discussed whether tooting would provide them with enough jet propulsion to lift another 20 pounds (I’ve been victim to their tooting. It could easily lift another 40).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!! Working Out GymI came home feeling like I was dying and wishing I could take a nap. I wondered if I could just melt into our sofa.

They came home energized and ready to go for a run. They jogged around our block twice before coming into our house.

I was too tired to even mix my protein drink.

They made it for me, and then dashed out to re-arrange our garage. They were excited about doing some more lifting.

I could hear them laughing and joking as they moved around the heavy boxes and tools.

When they came in, they asked me if we could go to the gym again tomorrow.

Before school.

When it opens.

At 5:30 AM.

I think this is why Godzilla steps on young people.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have any overly enthusiastic gym-mates? Do your children like to work out? Does lifting a fork full of food to your mouth really burn calories?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it. And, I can’t get off of the sofa.

Photos courtesy of Dreamstime.com – Used with permission.

Top 10 Reasons To Stay Home On Not-So-Super Monday

Top 10 Reasons To Stay Home On Not-So-Super Monday

by Gina Valley

Super Bowl Sunday is all fun, frolic, and food.  It’s full of cheering and eating and drinking. And, some football.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons To Stay Home On Not-So-Super Monday Work Super Bowl

The Monday afteron the other hand, not so much.

Let’s face it, the day after Super Bowl Sunday is really Not-So-Super Monday.

Not-So-Super Monday is the ugly twin to Super Bowl Sunday. It’s filled with exhaustion, upset stomachs, and headaches.  It’s not a super day.

The orthodox way to celebrate Not-So-Super Monday is to burrow deep under the covers, and sleep all day in the dark. Not an easy thing to do in your cubicle at work.

This year alone, it’s estimated nearly 7 million people will stay home from work to celebrate Not-So-Super Monday.

Perhaps, you’d like to join in on this Monday morning after-party party, but you’re way too tired from running back and forth to the kitchen for more hot wings to come up with a great excuse to give your boss.

No problem.  I’ve got your back.

Top 10 Reasons To Stay Home On Not-So-Super Monday:

#10. You’re still waiting for the avocados to ripen, so you can make guacamole.

#9.  You have to take Great Aunt Bessie to the chiropractor because she threw her back out while she was gawking at the “boys in them thar tight, stretchy pants!” Again.

#8.  You have to wait around for the plumber to show up, because, apparently, your college roommate’s research into “Whether One Can Successfully Flush A 40 ounce” is still on-going.

#7.  You smacked you head on the patio table when you tried to “fly” like Jonathan Stewart did when he snagged that touch down by propelling himself over the pile of players stacked up on the goal line, so you aren’t allowed to drive or think for at least a week.

#6.  You’re rechecking your computations to be sure the 50 million cases of beer supposedly consumed in the US on Super Bowl Sunday does in fact equal more than 5 bottles per adult, and wondering if you were supposed to have 10 since your neighbor didn’t have any.

#5.  Your cat is a huge Carolina Panthers fan, so you can’t possibly leave her home alone at a time like this.

#4. The “Why is it called football when they don’t use their feet?” discussion with your know-it-all cousin from Caracas turned a bit physical after you screamed, “How’s this for using my foot?!?!” And, long story short, you agreed to drive your cousin’s pizza delivery route for him until he can comfortably sit down again.

#3.  You were up all night having nightmares about that puppymonkeybaby in the Mountain Dew commercial. What the heck, Mountain Dew? What the heck?!?!

#2.  All those giant flowers in the halftime show set off your allergies, and you’re out of Benadryl.

#1.  You tried a bottle of your brother’s bathtub brew, and you’re not yet prepared to be out of visual contact with the loo and its “Super Bowl.”

I’ll be happy to write you a note for the week.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did you watch the Broncos and the Panthers gridiron battle?  Which was your favorite commercial?  What’s your favorite snack?  Or, did you do something else you enjoyed this weekend?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Dreamstime.com – Used with permission.

Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer?

Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer?

by Gina Valley

I’m a hockey fan. Huge fan. Love it.

Actually, I love all sports. Any sport.

I love to go to the games. Pro, college, minor league – I love them all. Naturally, my favorites to spectate at are my kids’ games.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer? FootballI love to play, too, although my enthusiasm far out distances my skill level. I stink at pretty much every sport equally, although I have achieved particularly awesome results at badness in some.

And, I love to watch sports on TV, even if all I can manage is to have a game on in the background, to catch a glimpse of with one eye while I’m editing something or folding laundry.

BUT,

Sometimes I want to stab the announcers.

I have all kinds of pet peeves with the things sports announcers say. One of my favorites is “What do you think your team needs to do to win today?” Here’s a thought – score more than the other team, Sherlock!

Or how about, “You have Joe Pro Quarterback in the starting lineup today. Do you think he’s healthy enough to handle the job?” No, they don’t think he can handle it. They’re just putting him in to boost his self-esteem. Coaches aren’t so much worried about who wins.

And, don’t get me started on the stupid questions they often ask during postgame interviews. “You just lost 48 to 0. What happened out there today?” What happened out there? What? Weren’t you watching the game? Obviously they ran all over them. They got smashed, dragged, and taken to the dumpster.  Pay attention, Fool!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer? FootballWhen I scream, I mean chat, at hockey games on TV, I am helping the players. They can hear me. I don’t care what you say.

But, when I scream at football games on TV, I am yelling at the announcers. They drive me bananas.

I know they have to fill the air time, and all sports announcers have their mush brain moments (don’t we all, really?), but football announcers have made stating the obvious and stupid into, for lack of a better, non-four letter word, art.

“The pylon in the end zone is put there to indicate where the end zone is.”

Really? Thanks! I’m sure none of us fans at home had figured that one out. What are the yard markers for?

“His foot didn’t come down in the zone, so it was out of the zone.”

Wait a minute. I want to write that gem down.

“If he didn’t have control of the ball, than he didn’t have it under control.”

Hold the phone. Do the coaches know that?

But, there’s one thing they consistently do that causes me to want to rip off my arm to smack them around with. While I’m watching a football game, they constantly tell me I’m watching a football game.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer? FootballWe have a large screen, HDTV, but even if I was watching it on a 4” fuzzy, battery-powered, car TV in the woods, I’m relatively sure I would be aware that the game I’m watching is a football game. I can’t remember the last time I tried to tune into the Rose Bowl, and round about 3rd quarter suddenly realized I had been watching a Yahtzee game the whole time.

Nonetheless, the announcers feel the need to remind me that it is, in fact, a football game I’m viewing.

Last week I found myself yelling at the screen during the playoff games, which would be par for the course if I was yelling at the coaches or the players or the refs. I help them like that. But, I was yelling, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!’ at the announcers.

“He needs to throw the football more. He’s hanging onto the football too long. He is gonna lose that football if he doesn’t pass that football soon. Did you see what happened to the football? They stripped the football right away from him.”

Football? Really? I thought he was holding a tennis ball that had lost its fuzz, and been horribly disfigured in a freak racquet accident. Good thing he brought that to my attention.

Just say “ball,” Fool.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is There A 15 Yard Penalty If I Stab The Announcer? Football

“There is a lot at stake in this football game. People are focused on the outcome of this football game. The coach told me that they are prepared for today’s football game. It is very important for the QB to have his head in this football game.”

You mean this isn’t pickle ball? Well, that explains the lack of paddles and nets. I was wondering what the deal was. Thank you, Mr. Announcer, for clarifying that for me,56,000 times during the first half alone.

Just say “game,” Fool.

Don’t make me come down there!

I have a fork ready in my purse.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do TV sports announcers drive you crazy? When was the last time you yelled at your TV screen? Is it just me? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

And, hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter so we can laugh together even more.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right?

Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right?

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Does Amazon Ship Water Buffalos?

There are a lot of different answers I expect to hear when I ask one of my children “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?

Just pack and shower and find the bag of hamster food.”  Isn’t that all you needed to do in the first place?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right? TravelDo I have to bring underwear and socks?”  No, but you’ll have to ride in a trash bag, strapped to the roof of the plane.

I don’t see why I have to go.  I’m missing the party of the year.”  That’s another reason you have to come with us.

I can’t find any of my left shoes.”  How are your hopping skills?

What trip?”  The one we have been discussing in secret family meetings for the last 3 months, so we could keep it from you, just to mess you up.

These are but a few of the multitude of variations I’ve heard.  In fact, I think the only answer I have never heard to the question “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?” is “Nothing.  I’m all ready to go.”  I haven’t even heard that when we are on the plane at 25000 feet halfway to our destination.  We usually get home from a trip before we’re all ready to go.

But, of all the answers my pack has given me, I realized there was one other answer none of them had ever given me before.  Until last night:

I said to Son#1, my eldest, most organized, best shot at being ready-to-go offspring, “What do you still need to do to be ready for our trip?”

And, he said, “Find my pet snake.”

Find my pet snake?

I opened my eyes wider than I thought was possible.  “Find her?  When did you lose her?” I asked in what was not a completely calm voice.

“Four days ago. She was there when I went to bed, but she was gone when I woke up,” Son#1 answered way too calmly.  “I kind of forgot to lock her tank.  But, just that one time.  I always lock it.”

Son#1 had been asking for a pet snake for…I don’t know exactly how long… I think since he learned how to talk.

He is, in general, very responsible and careful with pets.  His dog, Trixie passed away recently, and he gently cared for her through the end.  He has a pet catfish that he got several years ago when it was 1 ½ inches long.  It’s now nearly 2 ½ feet long, and eats fish that are 5 or 6 inches long for lunch. When I was a kid I couldn’t keep a fish alive long enough to get it home from the store.

So, he’s good with pets.  Usually.  Excluding this “left the tank unlocked just this one time” thing.

“Four days ago?” I asked, remembering all of the guests and pop-in holiday visitors we’d hosted over the past 4 days.  I thought about what would have happened if the snake had shown up in the bathroom while my mother-in-law was in there…processing.  It wouldn’t have been pretty.  She’s from the Old Country.  She’d have made us Snake Stew without batting an eye.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Amazon Ships Water Buffalos, Right? Travel

“When,” I asked, “were you planning to tell me this?”

After I found her,” Son#1 answered. “That’s why I cleaned out my whole room yesterday.”

Great.  Another myth shattered.  First, I find out this Santa thing is a farce.  Now the Tale of the Cleans His Room For No Reason Kid is debunked. What’s next? Is someone gonna tell me that chocolate doesn’t burn calories?  Oh the humanity!

I stood there wondering where the snake was, and blaming my sister.

This reptile was just the latest in a string of critters she’s added to our family.  I remember the ducklings she’d delivered one Easter, and the water turtle that showed up for a birthday. Of course, there was the time 2 baby hamsters traveled the skies in Son#2’s back pack on his return flight from visiting with her.  I can hardly believe the TSA x-ray guy didn’t even say anything about them.  She’d sent the snake home with Son#1 after our last visit.

How was I supposed to explain to our house sitter, who had already expressed less than great joy at the prospect of living in the same house as the snake for a week, that she might want to double check under the covers before climbing into the guest room bed each night?  I shuddered at the thought that I should have been doing that the last 3 nights and didn’t know it.

Clearly, I’d need to mention a bonus first, then tell our house sitter about the free-range reptile.  Hopefully, she’d still be willing to take the job.  Otherwise, I hated to think what the odds were of coming up with a good house sitter at the last minute the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

But, there was no time to panic.

So, I decided to handle this like the mature adult I am.

I’ll get out our Maglite and start searching the house.

And, I’m shipping a pregnant water buffalo to my sister.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Had any pet trouble?  How did you handle it?  How do you feel about snakes?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Spray Away!!!

Spray Away!!! …Gina’s Favorites 

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Spray Away For The Holiday

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

Remember when your pre-school kids brought home macaroni frames and sea shells magically transformed by gold spray paint?  Well, that still works.  A can or 2 or 30 of gold (or silver) spray paint  can transform your home, change your life, and have you totally ready for the holidays before lunch.

What, you might wonder, can one spray paint gold, besides macaroni frames and sea shells?

Well, the traditionalists will tell you to blast some pines cones to place in a large glass bowl for an elegant look.  That does look nice, but I say “Why stop there?”

Kitchen buried in crusty dishes?  Spray paint those suckers.  Now you have charger plates each with a custom, handmade 3-dimensional design.  Macy’s will probably call you with an order for 1000 of them.

Mountain of laundry besieging your washing machine?  No problem.  Arrange the olfactory offenders into various sizes of conical piles.  Blast them with your can of magic gold-ness (this might require more than one coat), and you’ll be left with an entire forest of handmade, fabric Christmas trees to distribute throughout your home and yard.  Talk about classy décor!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

Got a lazy teen?  Or two?  Do you have to put a mirror under his nose to check for condensation just to be sure he hasn’t passed on to that great messy bedroom in the sky, because he’s been prone on the living room sofa for 22 hours?  Spray him! Don’t worry, he’ll likely sleep through the whole thing and Christmas and New Year’s.  Your guests will be so impressed with how life-like the new sculpture in your living room is.

Cobwebs in the corners make you feel like you’re closer to Halloween, than a visit from St. Nick?  No worries.  A light spraying, and you’ve turned those bug catchers into delicate gold garland.

Did your 3 year old stain the fancy dress your mother-in-law sent her before she’d even worn it?  Gold that thing up, and you’ll take it from “stained” to “lamé -d.”

Living room rug speckled with stains?  Spray paint a large circle over each one, for a festive, new flooring up date.  Or, for a totally new, easy to clean look, spray paint the whole carpet – wall-to-wall .  It’ll  look holiday-delicious and you can hose away spills.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

How about your yard?  Landscaping looking like the Munster’s house?  Pots filled with dead daisies?  Brown lawn?  Bent flamingoes?  Nothing a couple cans of gold spray paint can’t fix.  Let loose with the golds of spray paint land, and change barren into lushness, change dreary into opulence.

No time to wrap gifts?  Spray them.

Cat make some hairballs?  Spray them.

Spouse balding?  Spray him.

Sagging patio furniture?  Dented mail box?  Dingy guest towels?  Spray.  Spray.  Spray!!!

And, if Martha Stewart or the president of you HOA shows up at your door to complain about your efforts, spray paint her, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything in your life that could use a good spraying?   When do you put up your decorations?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas

Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

If you’ve interacted with anyone, on-line or IRL, recently, chances are that someone asked you, probably in an overly giddy fashion, “Are you ready for Christmas?!?!,” likely followed by a giggle and a tee-hee.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas ...Gina's FavoritesI want to bop those people on the head with one of those giant candy canes, and say, “No, I’m not done shopping, our tree only has lights on one side, we haven’t even taken the photo for our card yet, and there’s still 2 pumpkins and 5 gourds on our mantel that I’m hoping guests think are just oddly shaped Christmas ornaments.”

So, no, I’m not ready for Christmas.

But, ready-or-not, even though we don’t get any snow (it was 61 degrees F here in Los Angeles today), I can tell Christmas is getting close.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

#10.  We’ve finished eating all of the candy “Santa” bought to stuff the stockings with. Again.

#9.  Our dogs are now producing pine needle-laced poop.

#8.  Our Christmas tree has been knocked over 3 times, fallen mysteriously twice, and been dragged across the living room once by our girl dog.

#7.  Our refrigerator has started making grinding, “I will die if you store Christmas dinner for 30 in here” threatening sounds to mock me.

#6.  All of the red bulbs, and only the red bulbs, on the strands of colorful lights decorating our roof line have stopped working.

#5.  We’ve received touching, heart-felt Christmas cards from each and every realtor within a 50 mile radius from our house.

#4.  My kids are completely covered by a thin, sticky layer of candy cane residue, and they think they have super powers because everything sticks to them.

#3.  My youngest son came out of my bedroom, and announced, “I did not peek at the presents.”

#2.  My pack wore our Christmas stockings to school last week, because I forgot to throw the load of socks into the dryer.

#1.  I’ve spent so much time with the Amazon delivery guy that I think I’m now his common law wife.

I assume he’ll be delivering any children our marriage produces.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is it looking like Christmas in your neck of the woods?  How can you tell?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #whatIwantforChristmas

I want a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for Christmas. It been since before most of my children made their grand entrance into my life that I last waltzed into our bathroom, and was not greeted by a naked tube in the toilet paper dispenser.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm ...Gina's Favorites Christmas List

Apparently, I’m the only member of our household who can actually see when the toilet paper tube is empty. I think they all have some sort of Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB) (no, I did not look it up on WebMD. That would just tell me the toilet paper tube has cancer or Ebola, and I’m sure my family has TPTB).

I’d like a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for every bathroom in our house, but I’d be happy with just one for our powder room. It’s the only facilities we have downstairs for off-loading, and, as a result, sees a lot of traffic. Anyone downstairs with even a semi-urgent offloading need, or a touch of laziness, completes his or her transaction in that tiny room.

My children, neighbors, schoolmates, occasionally the FedEx guy. Everyone.

And, not a one of them has ever been able to see the empty toilet paper roll while they were in there.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone into that service center and NOT found supplies to complete the paperwork lacking.

I always pray that the person who last exited had just enough paper to complete his or her transaction in a thorough and business-like manner, and that the roll hasn’t been empty all day. I don’t even want to think about how many visitors to that facility might have selected drip-dry as the final step in their off-loading procedure.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm ...Gina's Favorites Christmas List  The alarm could start with a gentle warning to the bathroom visitor that supplies are approaching a critical level. Perhaps, a soothing tone or calm voice. Nothing like the ear blasting, nerve wracking beep our van emits when its gas gauge drops below ¼ tank. Although, if you are going to get startled to the point of losing control of your faculties, I suppose the bathroom is the best place to do that.

Then, should the facility visitor fail to rectify the provisions problem, warnings could increase in intensity and volume.  The possibilities are endless, really.

Perhaps, an alarm could holler out from inside the dispenser, “Don’t leave me! I’m naked!” when a facility user tries to leave behind an empty tube while exiting the off-loading station.

Or, maybe, an effective way to encourage the loo lazy to replace the roll before making their escape would be for the alarm to use the moment the user’s hand touches the doorknob when the roll is empty to deliver an electrical shock.

It’d just be a small shock.

Probably.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Does your family suffer from Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB)?  Do you get stuck with re-stocking the loo, too?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m want to read your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission