That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

by Gina Valley

It’s that time of year.

I’m a bit envious of all the Hallmark and Kodak moments everyone seems to be having. It’s even worse now that they arrive via email and Facebook, along with the ever faithful snail mail batches.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosYou see, we don’t have Hallmark moments or Kodak moments.

What we have is closer to America’s Funniest Video moments, except that, of course, no one brought the video camera, and even if they had, it’s not charged and the memory card is full.

We have moments like when I noticed my youngest son had something brown running down his leg when he got out of our van in the school parking lot. Keep in mind his leg was in pristine, post-shower condition when we left our house, so the mystery substance was somehow acquired en route to school, while in our van.

My husband gave me the “Don’t ask! Don’t tell!” look that parents often exchange when they know there is no way the answer can be good news. I, fool that I am, ignored him and asked our son what was running down his leg. He shrugged, and said, “I dunno.” Then, he stuck his finger in it and tasted it, before pronouncing it “Bar B Q sauce!” I had an “I’m Not Sure Whether I Should Throw Up Or Laugh” moment.

We have moments like when my oldest daughter over-slept, and we were all in our van waiting none-to-patiently for her when she came dashing out of our house, dressed in her school uniform, and practically threw herself into our van. She was carrying her shoes and backpack while she frantically brushed her hair and tucked in her school uniform shirt.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosI immediately drove off, as we were so far past late at that point we were almost early for the next time. As I pulled into the church parking lot, she asked, “Why are we stopping at church?” to which her oldest brother replied, “because it’s Sunday morning, smart one. Nice outfit, by the way.” My daughter, then, had an “I Need A Hole To Crawl Into Now” moment.

We have moments like when I went to have the nail lady make me look like a grown up again (I really should not be allowed near nail polish. It’s not my gift) & our boy puppy, (despite the fact that I gave him his medicine, which has the side effect of making him sleep for a couple hours, before I left) apparently only slept for a couple minutes, got bored, and shredded everything he could get his paws on in our family room, including all of the empty gift bags I had bought the day before to use for Christmas gifts.

As if his destruction was incomplete, while I was gathering up the tattered remains of the formerly beautiful gift bags, our puppy stood in the middle of the mess and started to make that sound that every dog owner dreads: the sound that signals something is about to make a reappearance that should not be making a reappearance. The sound that something evil this way comes. The sound that triggers screaming and the rushing of the canine out of the house.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosBut, he’s young and pliable and quick, and I couldn’t catch him, much less relocate him, prior to his completing his re-visitation with the ingested gift bag parts. I braced myself in anticipation of his “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

Turns out, he didn’t have an “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

No, he had an “I Ate Too Much Glitter…And Someone’s Glove” moment.

I, then, had a “Yet Another Reason I Hate Glitter” moment.

Immediately followed by an “Oh Crud, That’s My Glove” moment.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What kind of moments are you having? Is your family more Kodak or crazy moment prone? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

I Lost My Phone!!! …Gina’s Favorites

I Lost My Phone!!! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Since I feel like I’ve misplaced my mind this week, I figured my I Lost My Phone!!! post would be a perfect choice for Throwback Day.
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

I Lost My Phone!!!

I met my friend, Janelle, for breakfast. We’ve been friends for years, and, as always, we talked so much we forgot to look at the menus.  The poor waiter had to come back three times before we both decided to get the same thing we get every time we meet there.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneWe laughed and talked through our meal, and all the way out to our cars, which were parked in a tiny strip in the alley behind the dive we love.

As Janelle drove off, I reached into my purse to grab my phone. I’d heard the tiny beep indicating a new voicemail at least 5 times during our breakfast gabfest, and I wanted to be sure the world had not ended, before I drove away.

But, my phone was not in its special slot in my purse.

I chose not to panic. This is floppy purse. It tends to flop over. Surely, it had flopped, as it so often does, and had dumped my phone into its depths.  I felt around in the cavernous bag, but did not feel the solid, cold, rectangular shape indicating my phone’s presence.

I felt my heart race a bit, but was pretty sure the sweat on my forehead was just from the heat of the day.

I started to unpack my purse, in search of my phone.  This purse is quite large. In fact it’s too large for me to use most of the time. I use it when I travel, because it holds everything. I was still using it this morning, because I hadn’t bothered to switch it out since returning from my last trip. I’m the worst un-packer ever.

Surely my phone, the tiny organizer of my life, holder of my photos, umbilical cord to my children had simply become lost amongst the extra napkins, bags of trail mix, and packets of catsup stowing away in my purse.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneI placed each item I pulled out of my purse onto the passenger seat. Why was I even carrying 8 tubes of lip balm? Do I really think SoCal is dry enough to make my lips peel off? Am I expecting an epidemic of runny noses? Do I really need 6 of those cute little packages of tissue? And, who threw all of those candy wrappers in?  I don’t even like Heath bars.

I was so distracted by the mess I was pulling out, that I forgot about my urgent phone search and rescue mission.  When I stuck my hand into my purse one last time and pulled out nothing, I remembered the true purpose of my excavation. I searched through the mound I’d made just to be sure I hadn’t missed it.

I was sure it was in my purse. It has its own special pocket. I’m OCD. It always goes in its special pocket.  I figured it must have slipped out and somehow gotten wrapped in the lining of the purse.  That’s why I didn’t find it when I pulled out the other contents of my purse.

I reminded myself not to completely freak out.

I’d just turn my purse upside down and give it a shake, and my beloved telecommunication appendage would gently tumble out onto my lap.  Then, I remembered all the crumbs and trash I had discovered in the depths of my purse, and decided to let my beloved connection to the Universe tumble out ever so gently onto the pavement of the alley, instead.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneI was careful to hold my purse close to the ground. Even though my phone was wearing the latest greatest anti-breakage cover, I didn’t want to chance a cracked screen.

I shook gently. A flood of crumbs rained down. Had I been storing loaves of bread in my purse? No phone.

I shook it again, slightly harder. A few more crumbs and 4 gum wrappers sprinkled out. No phone.

I blinked hard.  Not to push welling tears of panic away. Just because it was windy. Honest.

I shook my upside down purse as hard as I could. I heard someone let out a loud, “Aaaaaaggggg!”  It might have been me. No phone.

I sat back down in the driver’s seat of my son’s car. I’d borrowed his tiny car, knowing how hard it is to find a decent sized parking space in this neighborhood. As I refilled my giant purse with the mountain of vital items I had taken from it, I mentally retraced my steps with my dear phone.

When was the last time I was sure I had my phone? I’d thought I heard it beeping with voicemails in the restaurant, but half the people in there probably have the same phone. Maybe it was someone else’s phone I’d heard.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneI knew I’d used it to text Janelle that I was leaving for the restaurant. I kind of remembered putting it down on the seat of the car after that. I could almost picture myself putting it down on the black seat. Maybe it slid into the seat. Or, between the seats. Or, under the seats.

I quickly performed what I’m sure the car found to be a truly invasive exam of its every nook, cranny and orifice. I even checked in the back seat, in case I had temporarily lost my mind and tossed my phone in that direction. No phone.

A big sigh escaped me. I heard some growling. That couldn’t possibly have been me.

Then, I remembered the chair I pile my stuff on when I’m coming and going at home has a black seat. Maybe I’d finished texting Janelle that I was coming, and had inadvertently left my phone on that seat while I put on my shoes, and had left without it.

That made sense. It was probably still sitting safely right there.  Luckily, Son#1 was home (where could he go? I had his car!).

I’d just call him and ask him to look on the chair.

Except that I didn’t have a phone!

Then, I felt doubly moronic for losing my phone and attempting to use the missing phone to locate the missing phone. Thank you, God, that my thoughts aren’t broadcast to the universe.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneAt that exact moment, the moment when I was feeling pretty much as dumb as I thought was possible, I remembered where my phone was. And, I felt even dumber (is that even a word?).

I’d left it on the table in the restaurant. I’d pulled it out of my purse to make sure it was on silent, and had put it on the table next to my plate. I hadn’t bothered to put it back into its special pocket in my purse because I couldn’t possibly miss it sitting next to my plate like that. I remembered thinking that only a complete idiot would fail to see it there.  I guessed I’d at last become complete.

It had been 20 minutes since we’d left the table. How could I have stood there talking and laughing with Janelle while my poor, defenseless phone lay alone, a helpless victim? How could I have been so irresponsible? What kind of a phone parent was I?

Full blown panic swept over me.

Anyone who happened by that table could have easily absconded with my dear iFriend.  Surely it was long gone. They had probably stripped it for parts and shipped it off to the boarder by now.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! ...Gina's Favorites Cell PhoneAll my notes, my moments of brilliance, gone.

All my contacts, my friends and business peers, gone.

All my photos, my children’s childhood memories, gone.

Oh, why didn’t I do that weekly back up my IT guy keeps telling me to do? Why didn’t I hear my own voice chastising my children for putting their belongings down on restaurant tables? Why didn’t I embrace my OCD and put my phone where it was supposed to be?

Frustration and regret swept through me as I got out of the car, slamming the door.

Then, embarrassment flooded over me, as I shoved the car keys in my pocket.

Because the keys wouldn’t fit.

Because my phone was in my pocket.

Now, has anyone seen my glasses or my pen?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you lost anything recently? Have you found something?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Hide & Seek With Your Garden Tools

Hide & Seek With Your Garden Tools …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Playing Hide & Seek With Your Garden Tools

This is the time of year when many of us are busy sprucing up our gardens.  It is invaluable to have the right tools.   I recently came upon a supposedly helpful list of twenty-seven essential items to assemble prior to beginning to revitalize one’s garden for spring.

That’s right – TWENTY-SEVEN!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Hide & Seek With Your Garden Tools ...Gina's Favorites GardeningThe thing is, though, this list was clearly assembled by someone who lives in, well, an imaginary land where people speak “Martha Stewart” and put things away where they belong.

I don’t live there.

I don’t even live near there.

I figured many of you live in a crazy realm similar to the one I do, so I decided to adapt the list for us inhabitants of the real world.

I’ve whittled (you would not believe how long it took me to spell “whittled” correctly) the list down to the 4 most essential items, not including the phone numbers for the closest emergency room and bandage supplier.

Spring Garden Essentials Checklist:

(Don’t waste your time looking for any of these items where they belong.  You know they aren’t there.  As an experienced spring garden tool gatherer, I have provided some suggestions as to the most likely places to find them.)

A round point shovel – could be used for breaking up ground or for heavy digging and lifting if you could find it.  Probably it’s somewhere behind the garage where it was thrown two months ago after two of your sons got into an argument about who’s turn it was to pick up the dog doo, and Son#2 popped Son#3 on the head with it.

Son#2 was likely in a hurry to hide the evidence of his assault after the split in the skin above Son#3’s right eyebrow turned into something closely resembling a Venetian fountain. He likely tossed the shovel behind the garage because it was the nearest large, opaque object.  Fortunately, Son#3 had the good, although dripping, sense to rush to find you in the house, despite Son#2’s assurances that he would return shortly with duct tape to “fix him right up.”

A hand pruner – is great for snipping off small, dead branches, and is not actually intended to prune hands, despite the fact that it does seem to take pieces off someone’s finger every year.  It looks kinda like hefty scissors.  It is usually found near where a child was constructing a diorama of The Wind in the Willows at midnight the night before it was due.  After all,  she only had two months to work on it and couldn’t possibly be expected to finish the shoebox sized project, much less mention that she needed to do so, in that short time frame.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Hide & Seek With Your Garden Tools ...Gina's Favorites GardeningAs last minute school projects cause the immediate disappearance of all scissors, she naturally had to use the hand pruners to cut out the construction paper river, wire tree stems, and cardboard willows.  The duct tape is probably nearby as well, explaining why Son#2 was unable to find it to use to stem the tide from Son#3’s eyebrow, because glue sticks also spontaneously combust whenever a child is working on a school project after the stores close.

A leaf rake – is useful for raking up, you guessed it, leaves from the lawn or under shrubbery.  It has a wide “rakey” part at the end that, unfortunately, unscrews from the long handle.  The rakey part makes a great turkey tail or giant Mohawk and is usually found in the tree fort in the back yard or upstairs in the costume box.

The long handle is, unfortunately, quite a bit more difficult to locate.  Most years, The Professor just crawls around on our lawn muttering about how he knew he “…should have glued the bloody handle on!” as he rakes up the leaves with only the rakey part of the rake, after having searched the garage and yard fruitlessly for the handle.

The handle is a rare find, but can sometimes be located holding up the center of the blanket and chair fort in the living room or attached to the paint roller that was abandoned in the shower of the guest bathroom.  You might also want to check that space between the refrigerator and the wall, because it is sometimes used to retrieve AWOL Lego bricks from under the refrigerator.

A pair of gardening gloves – are very important to protect your hands while working in the yard.  They also work well as riding gloves while riding imaginary broncos made of picnic benches, as substitute hot pads when removing flaming roasted potatoes from the oven, and to get a grip on the radiator cap when the car is steaming mad.  Search accordingly.  Be sure that you locate at least three gloves, because if you only find two, they will be for the same hand.

After you’ve found these four basic items most of the day will probably be shot, so you won’t have any time, much less patience, left to work in your garden.  Be sure to hide them where your family can’t find them.  That way there’s a chance you’ll be able to use them next weekend.  Then, send yourself an email telling you where you put them, because if you’re anything like me, you’ll hide them where no one, not even you, can find them.

Happy Hunting…I mean…Gardening!

Laugh out loud!

– gina

What’s the most unusual place you’ve found a gardening essential?  Who puts stuff where it goes at in your neck of the woods?  Shoot me a comment.  I’d love to hear all about it!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

by Gina Valley

My 13 year old son, let’s call him by his self-chosen name, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” plays the trumpet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible TrumpetHe got this self-chosen moniker due to his choice in answers to the post-school queries I’ve learned to ask him while still in the school parking lot each day, so as to avoid making three different trips back to the school for forgotten items:

“Did you bring your math homework?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Where is your history project assignment sheet?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Don’t your PE clothes need washing?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Where is the form you wanted me to sign?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

He invariably has to jog across the large campus to return to his locker or one of his classrooms to retrieve a forgotten academic item each day after school, while I wait in the parking lot. Sometimes, he has to make 2 trips. Occasionally, he’s had to make 3 trips.

This is why I always bring a magazine to the carpool lane.

This son of mine, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” started playing the trumpet last year, and has made amazing progress, particularly for someone who rarely practices. His teacher pointed out that he’s gifted with the ability to produce a clear, powerful tone, which many young trumpet players never develop.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

His teacher also pointed out that he encourages all of his students, including our dear boy, to practice every day, even for as little as 20 minutes. He told us the development and growth in our son’s skill, not to mention his grade in band, which is based heavily on a practice log, should he do this consistently, would amaze us.

We prepared to be amazed.

As part of that preparation we, as in me, decided the simplest method for “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” to use to ensure maximum compliance with this practice nearly everyday thing was for him to bring home his trumpet every single day, regardless of whether he thought he’d have time to practice it.

This also simplified the rare instances when someone other than me picked him up from school, as everyone was told he and the trumpet were a set, and not to show up with one without the other.

The Trumpet Home Every Day Method has worked quite well for us.

Until today.

This morning, to be precise.

This morning the Trumpet Home Every Day Method made everyone late for school and nearly brought on tears. And, not just mine.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

When it was time to get into our van to leave to begin the morning drop off circuit to my children’s 4 different schools, my son, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” did not have his trumpet in hand.

I raised an eyebrow and asked, “Trumpet?”

“No problem, mom,” he answered happily. I left it in the van because I knew I wouldn’t have time to practice it since I was going to be at camp all weekend.”

I operate on a “Trust, But Verify” channel of parenting. “Great,” I said. “Go get it.”

“But, mom,” he whined in an impressively skillful, well-practiced way, “we’re going out there anyway.”

“I don’t care. Go get it. I want to see that you have it.” It’s not my first time at this rodeo, and I’m not falling for the “I swear it’s already in the van” line.

Much grumbling and foot stomping ensued as my young off-spring plodded out to our van. He was gone longer than expected, and returned empty handed.  “It’s not there! I know I left it there! Someone stole it, mom.” He was nearly frantic.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Then, I remembered. “Your dad cleaned out the van while you were away at camp this weekend, so we could drive your sister and her friends to their dance. He probably brought it in. It’s probably right in the cubby behind your bedroom door, where it goes. Go grab it quickly. We have to go.”

Well, it was not in the cubby it goes in. It was not on the floor of his room. It was not in his closet. It was not even tucked into his bed (I found it hiding there once before).

It was not in the upstairs’ hall, nor in the kids’ bathroom. It was not in anyone else’s bedroom. It was not in the entry way, the kitchen, or the garage. It was not in the laundry room, the yard, the dog house, or the dining room (I don’t know why so many things that go missing end up in our dining room).

It was nowhere to be seen. Everyone panicked and began re-searching every room, while I called The Professor, who I knew was teaching a class.

“Where’d you put the trumpet when you cleaned out the van?” I asked, after he answered my call in a hushed tone, which told me he was in the middle of class.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

He sighed, and I knew he was wishing he hadn’t answered the call. “I didn’t see any instruments when I cleaned out the van. Lots of trash, lots of food, several items I couldn’t identify, but no trumpets.”

Crud. He was no help.

Search Round 2 netted no trumpet.

Everyone was stressed out, which is, after all, the best way to start the day.

We were running late, and still had not located his trumpet. “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” was mad and mumbling and demanding to know who stole his trumpet, as he stomped into our van and slammed the door. The child was obviously upset, necessarily upset, and appropriately upset. He didn’t have the materials he needed for his favorite class. He was also exhausted, having spent all weekend at camp.

The thing about playing trumpet in band at school is that you must have the trumpet with you at school to play the trumpet in band at school. If you don’t, the band teacher almost always notices right away.

And, it’s not like a pen or paper or gym clothes, which you can borrow from someone when you’re in a pinch. No one’s carrying around an extra trumpet in their backpack.

As “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” who was rapidly degenerating into “He Who Whines And Stomps,” got out of our van at his school, I reminded him to ask his teachers for the work he missed when he left school early on Friday to go to camp.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Suddenly, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” broke into a big smile.

“Mom! I know where my trumpet is! The band room was locked when I left early on Friday, so I couldn’t get it. It’s in its locker in the band room!”

Before I could congratulate him on this sudden remembrance, my 14 year old son, blurted out, “Are you kidding me? You had us all search for a half an hour and made us all late to school and the stupid thing was already at school the whole time ‘cause you didn’t even bring it home?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” just smiled at him and said, “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have a particularly forgetful family member? Any items in your home prone to disappearing? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Thank you for joining me here to share in giggles, and for sharing my posts with your family and friends on your social networks. I appreciate all of your support.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!

If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!

by Gina Valley

You could say that Monday mornings at our house always go smoothly,…

…if by “smoothly” you mean “not smoothly at all.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!!No matter how well we start off on Monday morning, we’re always done in by a familiar, formidable foe: shoes.

On Monday morning, my kids not only don’t know where a pair, or often even a single shoe, that fits and belongs to them is, they also apparently suffer from some sort of weekend neurological impairment that makes them unable to remember what a shoe is at all.

“Shoes? What are shoes?”

“Aren’t those from some ancient tale Great-Grandpa Bernard tells?”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of shoes.”

“I’m certain I’ve never had to wear shoes to school before. I’m sure I’d remember something like that.”

Now, it’s not my first time at this rodeo. Don’t think I don’t require each of my kids to find and show me an appropriate pair of shoes on Sunday evening, in an effort to avoid the Monday morning madness.  I do.

I’ve even gone so far as to collect everyone’s shoes Sunday night, and, after my children are all asleep, to make them easy to find, I’ve lined the shoes up in front of our fireplace, creating what looks like some odd twist on the whole Christmas stocking thing.

But, to no avail.

When it’s time to rush out the door to start the school drop-off circuit, someone is always shoeless. Usually a couple someones are.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If It’s Monday We Have NO Shoes!!! DisorganizationSo, imagine my surprise this morning when the pre-departure shoe check in our van revealed that every child was not only wearing shoes that belonged to and fit said child, but also had chosen foot wear appropriate for the chilly SoCal winter morning.

I was shocked. Shocked!

So much so, that I didn’t even notice The Professor knocking on my window as I started our van. Luckily, one of our pack mentioned that their dad was trying to get my attention before I drove away. Usually that sort of information goes the way of urgent phone messages, and isn’t mentioned until after a week or so has passed.

I was surprised to see him because I thought he’d left for work a half hour earlier.

“Why are you still here?” I asked, as I rolled down my window.

He said, “I can’t find any of my shoes.”

I rolled my window back up.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What disappears around your house? Are Monday mornings smooth sailing or rough seas at your house?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Joy Of Back To School Night

Joy Of Back To School Night 

by Gina Valley

I’m off this week to attend to issues my children are having.

To keep you in giggles, read and laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

The Special Joy That Is High School Back To School Night 

High school Back to School Night is a whole different animal than elementary school Back to School Night.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Joy Of Back To School Night SchoolGranted, they both begin the night the same way, with a mind-numbing series of announcements, speeches, and awards presented by an array of administrators most of whose names you will forget even faster than you forget what they were talking about.  But, that’s where the similarity ends.

The elementary version of Back to School Night includes a relaxed session of 30 – 45 minutes during which your child’s teacher explains the rules and expectations of the class.  Your child’s elementary teacher likely has enough time during the session to give a little background about him or herself, to discuss some of the school’s unique programs, and possibly to even acknowledge that you are your kid’s parents.

At the high school level Back to School Night all bets are off.   Instead of planting yourself in a tiny chair at a tiny desk and remaining there for 30 – 45 minutes, or until your legs have permanently lost all feeling, whichever comes first, at the high school Back to School night you will spend the majority of your time on your feet running.

You will have no more than 10 minutes allotted to each class, with 5 minutes in between to get there. You will find that most of your child’s classes at high school, assuming your child told you what classes he has and where they are located, are arranged into a schedule that will maximize the number of miles covered daily traveling between them.

You can always tell the experienced high school parents at Back to School Night. They carry a backpack and wear running shoes.  Of course, the rookies are a lot more fun to watch, as they attempt to get between classes in the short 5 minute passing time while wearing 5 inch heels to impress the young, single shop teacher.

Son#2 carefully highlighted each and every one of his classrooms for me on the copy of the school map he was given at school, so it would be easy for me to find his classes.  Much as I appreciated the effort,

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Joy Of Back To School Night Schoolit might have been a bit more effective if he hadn’t used a yellow highlighting pen on the yellow paper the map was printed on.

Granted, if held at just the right angle
under a light bulb you can faintly see the highlighting.  But, since the school lights are on a timer that is still set to coincide with summer’s late evenings, we parents spent most of the night wandering about in the dark trying to figure out what the braille signs meant.

One woman I passed three times kept muttering something about, “What does DMR mean? That’s not even a subject. How am I supposed to find that class?  I don’t even know what that is? Why won’t he answer his phone?”  I think the janitor had to drive her home.

High School Back to School Night is even more fun if, rather than telling you what the room numbers are, your teen simply describes how to get to each of his or her classrooms.   This is usually the option they select when they don’t remember the room numbers, and have waited until you already have the car engine running to go to Back to School Night to fill out their schedule for you.

This week one of my high schoolers explained to me that, although he couldn’t remember the room number or the name of the building for his math class, “It’s really easy to find.”  Apparently, you just go past the old bike racks (are there new bike racks?) and turn to the right (he was almost sure it was to the “right,” but if not “just go

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Joy Of Back To School Night Schoolback and go the other way”) after the dirt thing. Not the little dirt thing, mind you, but the big dirt thing.

He said that I would know I had gone too far if I came to his science classroom.  He didn’t know the room number for his science classroom either, but he was quite sure that the door into it was green (BTW – all the doors at his school are green), and that I’d see Mr. Bones (a full size human skeleton replica) just inside the door when I peered into the right room.

I did manage to find his math class.  It was actually past the medium-sized dirt thing, not the large one, but that’s an easy thing to confuse.

I wasn’t sure what to say when his math teacher mentioned how impressed she was with his ability to remember numbers.  I think I just went with, “It is impressive.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you been fumbling around in the dark this week, too? Shoot me a comment and tell me all about it!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

I Lost My Phone!!!

I Lost My Phone!!!

by Gina Valley

I met my friend, Janelle, for breakfast. We’ve been friends for years, and, as always, we talked so much we forgot to look at the menus.  The poor waiter had to come back three times before we both decided to get the same thing we get every time we meet there.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell We laughed and talked through our meal, and all the way out to our cars, which were parked in a tiny strip in the alley behind the dive we love.

As Janelle drove off, I reached into my purse to grab my phone. I’d heard the tiny beep indicating a new voicemail at least 5 times during our breakfast gabfest, and I wanted to be sure the world had not ended, before I drove away.

But, my phone was not in its special slot in my purse.

I chose not to panic. This is floppy purse. It tends to flop over. Surely, it had flopped, as it so often does, and had dumped my phone into its depths.  I felt around in the cavernous bag, but did not feel the solid, cold, rectangular shape indicating my phone’s presence.

I felt my heart race a bit, but was pretty sure the sweat on my forehead was just from the heat of the day.

I started to unpack my purse, in search of my phone.  This purse is quite large. In fact it’s too large for me to use most of the time. I use it when I travel, because it holds everything. I was still using it this morning, because I hadn’t bothered to switch it out since returning from my last trip. I’m the worst un-packer ever.

Surely my phone, the tiny organizer of my life, holder of my photos, umbilical cord to my children had simply become lost amongst the extra napkins, bags of trail mix, and packets of catsup stowing away in my purse.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell

I placed each item I pulled out of my purse onto the passenger seat. Why was I even carrying 8 tubes of lip balm? Do I really think SoCal is dry enough to make my lips peel off? Am I expecting an epidemic of runny noses? Do I really need 6 of those cute little packages of tissue? And, who threw all of those candy wrappers in?  I don’t even like Heath bars.

I was so distracted by the mess I was pulling out, that I forgot about my urgent phone search and rescue mission.  When I stuck my hand into my purse one last time and pulled out nothing, I remembered the true purpose of my excavation. I searched through the mound I’d made just to be sure I hadn’t missed it.

I was sure it was in my purse. It has its own special pocket. I’m OCD. It always goes in its special pocket.  I figured it must have slipped out and somehow gotten wrapped in the lining of the purse.  That’s why I didn’t find it when I pulled out the other contents of my purse.

I reminded myself not to completely freak out.

I’d just turn my purse upside down and give it a shake, and my beloved telecommunication appendage would gently tumble out onto my lap.  Then, I remembered all the crumbs and trash I had discovered in the depths of my purse, and decided to let my beloved connection to the Universe tumble out ever so gently onto the pavement of the alley, instead.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell

I was careful to hold my purse close to the ground. Even though my phone was wearing the latest greatest anti-breakage cover, I didn’t want to chance a cracked screen.

I shook gently. A flood of crumbs rained down. Had I been storing loaves of bread in my purse? No phone.

I shook it again, slightly harder. A few more crumbs and 4 gum wrappers sprinkled out. No phone.

I blinked hard.  Not to push welling tears of panic away. Just because it was windy. Honest.

I shook my upside down purse as hard as I could. I heard someone let out a loud, “Aaaaaaggggg!”  It might have been me. No phone.

I sat back down in the driver’s seat of my son’s car. I’d borrowed his tiny car, knowing how hard it is to find a decent sized parking space in this neighborhood. As I refilled my giant purse with the mountain of vital items I had taken from it, I mentally retraced my steps with my dear phone.

When was the last time I was sure I had my phone? I’d thought I heard it beeping with voicemails in the restaurant, but half the people in there probably have the same phone. Maybe it was someone else’s phone I’d heard.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell

I knew I’d used it to text Janelle that I was leaving for the restaurant. I kind of remembered putting it down on the seat of the car after that. I could almost picture myself putting it down on the black seat. Maybe it slid into the seat. Or, between the seats. Or, under the seats.

I quickly performed what I’m sure the car found to be a truly invasive exam of its every nook, cranny and orifice. I even checked in the back seat, in case I had temporarily lost my mind and tossed my phone in that direction. No phone.

A big sigh escaped me. I heard some growling. That couldn’t possibly have been me.

Then, I remembered the chair I pile my stuff on when I’m coming and going at home has a black seat. Maybe I’d finished texting Janelle that I was coming, and had inadvertently left my phone on that seat while I put on my shoes, and had left without it.

That made sense. It was probably still sitting safely right there.  Luckily, Son#1 was home (where could he go? I had his car!).

I’d just call him and ask him to look on the chair.

Except that I didn’t have a phone!

Then, I felt doubly moronic for losing my phone and attempting to use the missing phone to locate the missing phone. Thank you, God, that my thoughts aren’t broadcast to the universe.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell

At that exact moment, the moment when I was feeling pretty much as dumb as I thought was possible, I remembered where my phone was. And, I felt even dumber (is that even a word?).

I’d left it on the table in the restaurant. I’d pulled it out of my purse to make sure it was on silent, and had put it on the table next to my plate. I hadn’t bothered to put it back into its special pocket in my purse because I couldn’t possibly miss it sitting next to my plate like that. I remembered thinking that only a complete idiot would fail to see it there.  I guessed I’d at last become complete.

It had been 20 minutes since we’d left the table. How could I have stood there talking and laughing with Janelle while my poor, defenseless phone lay alone, a helpless victim? How could I have been so irresponsible? What kind of a phone parent was I?

Full blown panic swept over me.

Anyone who happened by that table could have easily absconded with my dear iFriend.  Surely it was long gone. They had probably stripped it for parts and shipped it off to the boarder by now.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Lost My Phone!!! Cell

All my notes, my moments of brilliance, gone.

All my contacts, my friends and business peers, gone.

All my photos, my children’s childhood memories, gone.

Oh, why didn’t I do that weekly back up my IT guy keeps telling me to do? Why didn’t I hear my own voice chastising my children for putting their belongings down on restaurant tables? Why didn’t I embrace my OCD and put my phone where it was supposed to be?

Frustration and regret swept through me as I got out of the car, slamming the door.

Then, embarrassment flooded over me, as I shoved the car keys in my pocket.

Because the keys wouldn’t fit.

Because my phone was in my pocket.

Now, has anyone seen my glasses or my pen?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you lost anything recently? Have you found something?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!

I Can’t Wear White!

I Can’t Wear White!

by Gina Valley

I figured, if I hurried, I wouldn’t see anyone I knew.

Clearly, I was out of my mind.

I’d fallen asleep sitting up on the sofa sometime in the wee hours of the morning. Maybe the column I was working on wasn’t quite as entertaining as I thought it was.

The dog woke me up. Nature was calling him, apparently. Why must Nature always call before 6:00AM when I’m exhausted?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Can’t Wear White Style Disorganization

I stumbled into the kitchen to start breakfast for my pack, and realized there was nothing to start breakfast with. So, I’d grabbed my keys and rushed out to the grocery store.

Halfway there I was awake enough to notice that I was still in the clothes I’d slept in, hadn’t brushed my hair or teeth, and yesterday’s make up was pooled under my eyes. I realized I was practically forcing the Universe to make my path intersect with everyone I’ve known since 3rd grade.

But, we were out of milk, bread, eggs, fruit, you know, just a few slightly important ingredients for making breakfast and packing lunches. So, I had to make the risky half mile dash to the closest grocery store.

I was shocked, shocked, that I gathered all the items we needed, plus a dozen more for good measure, in record time, and without seeing anyone I knew. Even the cashier wasn’t one of the usual suspects.

I felt the Universe smiling at me as I pushed my cart full of bags toward the door.

Then, I realized the Universe was not smiling. It was smirking. And, maybe snickering. Yes, I could definitely hear snickering.

Walking in through the door that I was heading toward, too close for me to dodge, was my friend, Julia.

Julia looked perfect. She always looks perfect. Even at 6:11am in the grocery store, which she stopped by to drop off her extra plastic grocery bags for recycling, she looked perfect.
My extra plastic grocery bags were crammed under our kitchen sink, destined to be called into duty as lunch bags on a morning when every lunch box and paper sack we owned had simultaneously disappeared.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Can’t Wear White Style Disorganization

Julia’s daughter, Claire, never took lunch to school in a grocery bag. She has 3 different lunch kits, which Julia alternates to ensure they are aired out and bacteria-free.  I, on the other hand, shake the bag my kids will tote their lunches to school in over the sink, in hopes of dislodging any truly repulsive stowaways. I figure anything that doesn’t shake off probably is good for building up their immune systems. Besides, most of the lunches my kids take get traded away or lost long before lunch time anyway.

Julia was wearing a white linen suit. White. And, it was crisply ironed and smudge-free. I can’t even get a package of white socks home from WalMart smudge-free. I’d never be approved to gain custody of a white suit. The only pair of white jeans I ever owned got a strawberry jam stain on them before I’d even worn them, and subsequently turned pink when I washed them. I can stain white clothes with just whipped cream. I figured I better not stand too close to her.

I’ve known Julia for years. She’s wonderful, and I love her. But, I hate her. Not hate hate her, just “oh geez why must she always be so together when I’m falling apart?!?!” hate.

The worst part is (now you ladies will understand this, but guys this will make no sense to most of you) Julia is really a nice person. Not fake nice.  Truly nice. She really is a wonderful person.

She’s always happy to help, never gossips, and is the absolute best room-mom ever (I never request particular teachers for my kids, but I always ask that my daughter be in Claire’s class). Even when she’s exhausted she’s not crabby.  I only have to think about being exhausted to get crabby.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Can’t Wear White Style Disorganization

Julia greeted me warmly. I kept the cart between us. I didn’t want to put her white suit at risk.

She smiled broadly, lipstick perfectly shaped, pearly whites perfectly pearly and white. I smiled back. At least I think I did. I was so busy calculating whether there was a bigger chance of spinach or Oreos being stuck on my teeth that I’m not sure whether I smiled or just grunted in her direction.

We did the quick version of the how’re-the-kids-hub-and-life small talk, both of us knowing the before school hours pass quicker than most.

As we parted, Julia said, “You know, G, I’m so impressed that you can get your grocery shopping done so early. I wish I could be spontaneous to like you, but it’d mess up my schedule for the whole week. I could never pull it off.”

Loading my bags into the trunk, I almost felt a little sorry for Julia. She seemed to be so beholden to her schedule; such a prisoner to her own perfection. Maybe she was right. Maybe I’m not unorganized. Maybe I should stop reaching for perfection, and embrace spontaneous.

I looked down and realized my shoes were different colors.

And, they were both for right feet.

And, I thought, “Maybe a little perfection might not be so bad.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have a friend who always seems to have it all together? Do your shoes match?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Goooooalll!

Goooooalll!

by Gina Valley

Fall soccer kicks into full gear this weekend (pun was not intended, but, you have to admit, quite apropos!).

My pack is on 4 different soccer teams, so it won’t be quite as difficult as the year when they were spread out on 6.  But, challenges have already presented themselves.  They always do.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Goooooalll! Soccer Fairy DisorganizationThree of their teams have practice at nearly the same time at three different locations.  Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to coordinate a major troop movement just trying to make sure they’re all delivered on time and collected promptly afterward.

I actually forgot to pick up Daughter#3 from one of her practices last week.

Don’t tell her.

We were sitting down to dinner when someone asked where she was.  I made a mad dash to the soccer field to get her.  She assumed I was just running late.  Fortunately, she’s pretty easy going about that kind of thing.  Just another reason I always insist they keep extra snacks and water bottles in their soccer bags!

But, the challenge of scheduling is nothing compared to dealing with our ever present nemesis – The Soccer Fairy.  The good ole’ SF continues to confound us by hiding equipment as she (or he, still not sure) has every soccer season.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Goooooalll! Soccer Fairy Disorganization

So, I figured my What Just Bounced Off Of My Head? post would be perfect for Throwback Day this week.

You can read my What Just Bounced Off Of My Head? post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of these magic links to read my What Just Bounced Off Of My Head? post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at What Just Bounced Off Of My Head?.  You bring the iced tea (man, it was hot today!).  I’ll bring the laughs.

What Just Bounced Off Of My Head?

Each of my kids is completely unique (“unique” is one of Son#3’s vocabulary words this week.  Just thought you might want to know) in both personality and extracurricular activities.  

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Goooooalll! Soccer Fairy Disorganization

Art, photography, crafts, drama, singing, dance, and nearly every sport.  Basketball to lacrosse to volleyball and every sport in between – their favorite sports run the sporting world gamut.

But, my whole pack has one thing in common.  They all love soccer.  From the time they could crawl, each and every one of them chased after that ball.

And, somehow, despite my complete lack of coordination (I’ve fallen just watching them play) they are all gifted players.  I guess I’ll have to wait and see how their kids play to know whether that’s because soccer skills skip a generation or because mixing two scientists who met in the marching band spontaneously creates amazing soccer skills in their children.

Either way, my pack is filled with soccer players who excel in every area of the game, except one:  they can’t keep track of their soccer stuff.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Goooooalll! Soccer Fairy DisorganizationI have lost count of the number of shin guards I’ve purchased because someone could only locate one, which, for you non-soccer people let me just say really doesn’t work out well.

We’ve had cleats disappear never to be seen again before they even went to their first game.

And the uniforms!  Socks and shorts are forever disappearing.  The amount I’ve spent replacing them could have paid for our own private soccer field several times over.

But, the disappearing jerseys are the worst.  I can’t replace those.  Not a week goes by that some pack member isn’t close to a nervous breakdown because of a missing jersey.

I used to think all this stress was the result of my pack being somewhat disorganized and perhaps a bit lazy with keeping track of their stuff.  But, after years of observing the continual problem, I came to realize this phenomenon was something beyond the capacity of mere children.  There had to be another explanation.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Goooooalll! Soccer Fairy DisorganizationSomething more powerful, more magical, more devious than mere children had to be behind this constant confounding.  A few years ago I realized what it was.

It’s the Soccer Fairy.

Clearly, the Soccer Fairy sneaks into our house and hides my pack’s stuff.  It’s the only logical explanation.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Any fairies keeping your life interesting?  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.  Shoot me a comment with the details.

Check out my Struck By The Soccer Fairy…Again  post for more soccer-based laughs.

As always, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Oh. My. Gosh.

by Gina Valley

I was just thinking about some of my many “Duh!” moments.

The fact that I just noticed my shirt’s on backwards has nothing to do with it (note: I originally left the “r” out of the word “shirt.” Somehow that seems fitting. Glad I caught that on the read-through.  I wonder what I missed).

I’ve been wearing this shirt all day.  I almost always put it on

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Oh My Gosh Duh Moments Silly Dumb Mistakes

backwards.  Because of that, I try to be extra careful to put it on the correct way.  That I still mess it up most of the time is doubly irritating.

It probably wouldn’t bother me as much if it wasn’t a V-neck.
Talk about your “duh!” moments.

Sometimes I’m not as smart as other times.

Sometimes I’m a lot not as smart.

Like when I was opening a can of chicken and rice soup, and pushed on the partially attached lid, in an effort to remove it.  But, rather than detaching the lid, my push activated a Chicken Soup Tsunami which crashed all over my face and hair.  The chicken soup did work kind of like a poultry scented hair gel.  And, in the right light, I suppose the rice would look like elongated pearls.  Of course, I think that light is only available in asylums.

Duh!

Or, when Son#1 was watching TV one evening, while I was working on my laptop, sitting on the family room sofa next to him.  I had an occasional eye to the TV.  His Y chromosome was showing, as he was switching the channel a lot.

At one point, we were watching the easily recognizable Forrest Gump.

Next time I looked up, I saw Tom Cruise in a baseball cap in what looked in my quick peek to be an office, and asked, “Is that Jerry Maguire?”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Oh My Gosh Duh Moments Silly Dumb Mistakes“No,” he said.  “It’s War of the Worlds,” clearly unimpressed with my movie naming skill.

After another couple clicks through Forrest and NCIS, I noticed people in some sort of uniform working on wounded people.

“Is that War of the Worlds?” I asked.

“No,” he answered way too patiently.  “That’s an Air Force commercial.”

Oh.  Never mind.

Duh!

Or, when I was on a call and I was put on hold so long that I finished what I was working on.  Thankfully I have a cell phone, so I got up from my desk to go do something else because I was still on hold.  I then realized, as the phone receiver was ripped out of my hand and sproinged into the wall, that, although I have a cell phone, I was using my desk phone, and it was, not only conveniently attached to the wall, but also at that point had become partially embedded into it.

Duh!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Oh My Gosh Duh Moments Silly Dumb MistakesOr, when I got to the hotel while on a business trip and found I’d packed The Professor’s toothbrush instead of mine.  His is green.  Mine is purple.

Duh!

Or, when I signed off from a phone call with a new client, whom I hardly knew, with my signature family goodbye of a singsong “Bye – l love you!”

Duh!

Or, when I handed the desk person at the gym my scanner tag on my keychain, and she started sorting through my keys.  I was startled by the invasion of my privacy, until I realized I’d handed her my grocery store club tab, not my gym tab.  I laughed and said, “Sorry, I know it’s Sunday, but it’s been a Monday for me.”

Without missing a beat she said, “Well, then I’ve got good news for you.  It’s Saturday.”

Duh!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Oh My Gosh Duh Moments Silly Dumb MistakesOr, like just now, when Son#1 walked in and said, “Mom, you’re listening the music channel on mute again.”  He was right.  I had the satellite radio that comes through our TV on, but muted.  So, basically just a display of the name of the song that I can’t hear is displayed on the screen.

I had to mute it.  I was having trouble thinking.

Maybe that’s because my shirt’s on backwards.

Duh!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Click on over to my  It’s Another Duh! Moment post for more “Duh!’ moments fun.  I’ll meet you over there.  As always, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

Have you had a doosey of a “Duh!” moment?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.