gina valley

The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

gina valley - The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

I Am A Superhero

I Am A Superhero

by Gina Valley

I am a Superhero.

This might be a sign of impending cataclysmic event.  You should probably stock up on bottled water.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Am A Superhero Unending LaundryI can hardly believe it.

I finished all our laundry!

Well, except for the bedding.  Everyone’s blankets need washing. The pillows need laundering, too. Some of them are so lively that they sing my kids to sleep.

And, the slip covers on the sofas and the footstools. Those all need the refreshing a bath will give them.  I can’t remember what color they‘re supposed to be.

And, the clothes my kids have spread all over their bedroom floors.  Some of them are so grungy that they can practically march themselves down to our laundry room at this point, but they steadfastly refuse to do so.

And, the kitchen rug.  It’s got an “Is that food or did someone track something in here from the zoo?” kind of thing goin’ on.

And, the pile of dog-drying towels on the patio chair by the back door.  Even when they’re dry they smell like wet dog.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Am A Superhero Unending LaundryAnd, the living room drapes. Do you think the spider that has covered them with cobwebs also grabbed a marker and drew the pictures of exploding eyeballs all over them?  It almost looks like a dust covered paisley. Maybe I should leave them alone. Another couple weeks and sod might spring forth from their folds.

And, the 2 dozen or so socks crammed under the shoe rack on the porch.  I’m hoping the neighbors think those are some sort of exotic spring bulb.

And, Son#1’s pile of sweat rags in his gym bag.  Now I know what a tomb smells like.  I will not be the pallbearer for those.

And, Son#2′s mud soaked sneakers.  Because he would have “looked like a doofuss” if he’d put on his water shoes instead while they were hunting tadpoles.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley I Am A Superhero Unending LaundryAnd, last but not least every hat in the hall closet and all the clothes in the dress up trunk, because the kid down the street who’s given my kids head lice 3 different times was over playing dress up yesterday.

So…

Anyway…

I finished all our laundry.

You just have to understand that by “all our laundry” I mean “all our laundry that was piled up into a possibly wiggling, definitely gravity-defying mountain in our laundry room.”

Yeah.

I finished all our laundry.

I am a Superhero.

Which, now that I think about it, means I have more laundry.

I wonder how often I’m gonna need to wash my cape.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is your laundry always growing?  Do you sometimes think someone is sneaking in extra from the neighborhood?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

For more laundry laughs click over to some of my other posts.  As always, the extra click to get there counts as cardio:

Stupid Washing Machine

The Dirty Laundry Road To Spiritual Enlightenment

Socks Are The Devil

I’m Not A Complete Idiot!

Thank you for reading! I’ll meet you over there!

If You Want Something Done, Don’t!!!

If You Want Something Done, Don’t!!!

by Gina Valley

I looked everywhere for them.

OK, if I’d looked everywhere, like I always tell my pack, I would have found them.

I looked everywhere that made even a little bit of sense, and everywhere that could even somehow, perhaps by a tremendous stretch of the imagination, make sense to my pack members. But, still they were AWOL.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOLCan a canister of bread crumbs actually walk away?  Could they have become cognizant and decided to play Hide & Good Luck Seeking with me?

Good grief!  This was the giant 2 pound canister. It was almost as big as a gallon of milk.  How does that disappear?  It’s not like my pack is hiding behind the dining room curtains downing handfuls of bread crumbs, like they do with the big bags of M&M’s or chocolate chips I buy.

The bread crumbs are supposed to be on the bottom shelf of the freezer in the kitchen.  I searched the entire freezer and refrigerator.  No bread crumbs.  I searched all of the kitchen cupboards.  I searched our auxiliary freezer in the garage.  No bread crumbs (did find a big Ziploc bag in there full of what I am hoping is old chocolate pudding.  I threw it out, and washed my hands.  Twice.  With Lysol).

I was working on dinners for 2 days.  Meatloaf for dinner tonight.  Oven fried fish for tomorrow night.  I had to have bread crumbs.   Somehow we didn’t even have any stale bread, so I could make some of my own.  Stupid fresh, soft, delicious bread.

I’d bought the new canister full of bread crumbs 2 days before, knowing that the week’s menu was heavy on the bread crumb side.  I’d loaded it into the car myself.  I’d thoroughly searched the car after I searched the kitchen.  No bread crumbs.  Crud.

We didn’t even have enough crackers to smash up for fake bread crumbs, thanks to my “let’s be healthier and eat fewer processed carbs” idea.   Stupid healthy non-carb snacks.  Almonds and flax seed do not make good bread crumbs.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOL

You can’t make meatloaf without bread crumbs.  It’d just be…I don’t know…meat.

My family loves my meatloaf.  I don’t make it often because I don’t often cook red meat.  But, I’d told them I was making it, and they were looking forward to it.  I wasn’t about to mess it up by skipping the bread crumbs and I didn’t have time to go to the store.

As we were in the midst of eating our pizza for dinner, Daughter#3 said, “I thought we were having meatloaf.”

“We were going to,” I replied.  “But, I couldn’t find the bread crumbs I bought.  Does anyone remember bringing them in?  They were in a blue canister about the size of a jug of milk.”

“Oh, I brought that in,” my youngest son announced proudly, and then stuffed some more pizza into his mouth.

“Where’d you put it?  I asked him.

“With the other crumbs,” he answered.  I was pretty sure I felt an implied “Duh!”

“The other crumbs?” I asked

“Yeah,” he explained.  “I put it with the other box of crumbs, so you’d know where it was.”

Hmmm.  Had I bought a box of crumbs?  I was pretty distracted at the store with breaking up my pack’s impromptu shopping cart drag racing down the frozen foods aisle.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOL

“What box of crumbs?” I asked.

He sighed, clearly trying to be patient with his poor, confused mama.  “The other one you bought.  You told me to put it on the dryer.”

“The laundry soap?”  I asked.

“I don’t know.  You said to put the box on the dryer, and the blue thing had the same shaky crumb stuff, so I put it there, too.”

Sure enough, there they were.  The bread crumbs were right behind the big box of laundry detergent (the powder kind) on the dryer.  Kind of makes sense, from a certain point of view.

I guess I hadn’t looked everywhere.

The AWOL breadcrumbs reminded me of another time when things weren’t quite where they should be, so I decided that my That’s NOT A Squirrel!  post would be particularly fitting for Throwback Day this week.

You can read my That’s NOT A Squirrel! post in its entirety below, or you can fly through the magic waves of the internet by clicking on one of these magic links and read my That’s NOT A Squirrel!  post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at That’s NOT A Squirrel!You bring the carrots (I’m still working off my Easter candy).  I’ll bring the laughs.

That’s NOT A Squirrel!

Dear Family,

As you know, yesterday, while I was doing laundry in preparation for our imminent departure on our road trip, it was brought to my attention, by my nose, that some woodland creature had apparently chosen one of the walls of our garage as its final resting place.  This was, of course a sad revelation to all of us, especially for what likely had been one of the many neighborhood squirrels.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOL

Last night it became even more difficult to think about some poor squirrel alone in our wall, especially because the aroma it was producing was nearly gag-inducing, keeping me from being able to complete a thought and making my eyes water.

So, as The Professor and I had made the decision to exhume and transfer the esteemed creature’s remains to a more suitable location (Can you flush squirrel?), I started sniffing around in the garage trying to pinpoint specifically the squirrel’s semi-final resting place.

While I was hunting for the lair of the remains formerly known as “Squirrel Running Through Yard” something reminded me that I hadn’t thanked whichever individual helped me by unloading the car when I got home from Costco a few days ago.

You will all likely recall that I was cutting it very close time-wise with an important conference call, and had hollered something to that effect as I dashed into my office.  At least one of you also heard me holler before I shut the door, “Would someone please bring in the Costco stuff?  There’s a box in the back seat.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOLWhen I emerged from my office, post successful conference-call, you were all quite engaged in our darkened family room watching Turner & Hooch.  I asked if anyone had brought in the Costco stuff, generating a chorus of affirmative grunts.

I didn’t pursue the matter further to determine who I should specifically thank for their helpfulness, because Tom Hanks, aka Turner, had just been saved by his dog, Hooch, who was injured in the process, and frankly it was a very emotional time for all of us.

Now, I realize that I should have taken time then to find out who specifically had helped me out.  I’ve got that whole “hindsight’s 20/20” thing goin’ now.

So, although I do not know who specifically I should be thanking, and something tells me I never will know, I would still like to take a moment to thank whoever brought in the box of groceries from Costco 3 days ago.  Thank you for the effort you made.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If You Want Something Done, Don’t Groceries Helpful Costco Salmon AWOLNow, I don’t mean to trivialize your efforts, so please don’t take this the wrong way.  But, I would appreciate it if next time, in addition to bringing in the box and setting it next to the refrigerator in the garage, if you would also unpack the box and put the blueberries, feta cheese, and salmon INTO the refrigerator or at least train them to climb in there on their own.

Today they are nearly ambulatory and very unhappy.

Especially the salmon.

We may have to move.

On a positive note, apparently our squirrel population remains alive and well.

Love,

mom

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything hiding from you this week?  Has someone been “helpful” in the worst possible way?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Can You Monogram A HazMat Suit?

Can You Monogram A HazMat Suit?

Having played host while I made three fancy meals, countless sugary treats, and a host of other goodies yesterday, our kitchen is looking a bit, well, like a post-bomb-blast site.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley HazMat Hazardous Materials Suit Cleaning Refrigerator Fridge Throwback Day Martha Stewart Valentine’s Day Our refrigerator, which is always on the bad side of horrible by the end of a normal week, has reached record depths into the pit of Oh-My-Gosh!-How-Gross-Is-That?!?!-ness this week.

Celebratory supplies and extras cramming their way in amongst the weeks waning left overs and melting vegetables have created a refrigerator environment not unlike a post-apocalyptic CostCo crossed with an exploding ice cream truck.

It ain’t pretty and it is sticky.

So, since I will be up to my knees in mess cleaning out our refrigerator today (after work, you know, during my free time) I thought it’d be a great idea to revisit my What is THAT? The Special Joys Of Family Fridge Cleaning post as our Throwback Day post this week.

That way you can be right there with me.  After all, misery loves company.  It also loves a professional cleaning staff, but, let’s face it, that isn’t going to happen.  No staff would tackle this mess.  It takes love to have the courage to face this.  Well, that and a lack of money to hire someone else to do it.

Anyway, here’s a little snippet of my fun What is THAT? The Special Joys Of Family Fridge Cleaning post:

…..“Empty the contents,” Smartha says.  Sounds so simple.  It probably is at her house.  Clearly, she’s never seen our refrigerator at the end of the week. I’m willing to bet that Smartha can “empty the contents” of her fridge, uh, refrigerator in a matter of minutes, even while wearing a ball gown and satin evening gloves.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley HazMat Hazardous Materials Suit Cleaning Refrigerator Fridge Throwback Day Martha Stewart Valentine’s DayIt takes me most of the day to empty our refrigerator, while wearing a HazMat suit and carrying a chisel and a stun gun.

As I am pulling, prying, and purging items from our fridge I’m also trying to figure out whether to keep each item.  I’m sure there is nothing questionable in Smartha’s refrigerator.  Sometimes there is nothing in ours that’s NOT questionable.  Sometimes the stuff in ours is in fact capable of answering questions.

If your questionable items can’t talk yet consider the following as you decide which should stay, which should go, and which should have gone last week.

If you can’t tell what it is or was, throw it out.

If you no longer own any dishes matching the one it’s in, throw it out.

If you don’t remember making, much less eating it, throw it out.

If it wiggles on its own and you can catch it, throw it out. If not, just lock the back door after it makes a run for the yard.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley HazMat Hazardous Materials Suit Cleaning Refrigerator Fridge Throwback Day Martha Stewart Valentine’s DayStep three in this simple process, according to Smartha, is to add 2 tablespoons of baking soda per 1 quart of hot water, and then use a clean, soft cloth dipped in this solution to gently wipe down and refresh the inside of the refrigerator.

No problem at all.  It’s easy.  All I need to do is figure out what happened to my four sets of measuring spoons, interrogate my pack until someone cracks and admits they took the baking soda to conduct science experiments in their room, locate a bucket (read: empty ice cream tub.  Buckets disappear within minutes of arriving at our home from the hardware store, never to be seen again.  I’ve actually bought a tub of ice cream several times simply because we needed a new bucket.), and figure out how many quarts the bucket, which is always labeled only in metrics, holds.

I then need to locate a “clean, soft cloth,” which could very well end up being sandpaper, steel wool, or a flame thrower, depending on what state of fossilization the puddles in our refrigerator have reached.  A “soft cloth” doesn’t really cut it in our refrigerator.  I need something a bit more weapon-like to show those spills I’m serious, and to scare them into submission.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley HazMat Hazardous Materials Suit Cleaning Refrigerator Fridge Throwback Day Martha Stewart Valentine’s Day

I might have even substituted baby wipes and a potato brush for the hot water/baking soda/clean soft cloth setup once while cleaning out our fridge when my mother-in-law was due to arrive shortly.  Ok, maybe more than once.

The important thing to remember at this stage in the process is to get the interior surfaces clean.  And, that if all else fails, you can rent a sand blaster at most home improvement stores.

And, don’t forget to…..

Click on over to my What is THAT? The Special Joys Of Family Fridge Cleaning post for the rest of the laughs.  I’ll meet you over there.  You bring the chocolate.  I’ll bring the giggles.

As always, the click to get there counts as cardio.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did you head on over to What is THAT? The Special Joys Of Family Fridge Cleaning?  Go ahead.  I’ll still be here when you get back.

Does your fridge reach that science experiment stage?  Who cleans it out?  Do you have a monogrammed HazMat suit?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!

Facebook and Twitter have both been acting haunted and dropped people I thought I was connected with lately, so double check that we’re hooked up on both my Facebook page and my Twitter account, OK?  I don’t want you to miss a laugh.  And, I like hanging out with you.

Do You Know What Time It Is?

Do You Know What Time It Is?

Do you know what time it is?

I’ll give you a hint.

I’ll give you a couple hints.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Chore Time Avoiding Disappearing InvisibleHomework, which was totally completed, such that the homeworkee could play video games earlier, is suddenly not finished.  Another assignment has mysteriously popped into the forefront of the homeworkee’s mind, and it requires intense, immediate study, possibly even a trip to the library.

Tears are flowing over each long forgotten paper-cut, scrape, and bruise earned in school or on the playground today.

Urgent gastrointestinal issues with enormous potential catastrophic results have suddenly developed, requiring the urgentee to quickly retire to the loo for the foreseeable future.  And, perhaps a bit beyond that.

Sudden exhaustion has set in, and sleep is nearly impossible to put off.  Children are veritably near unconsciousness, even as they stand, because they are so overcome by this tsunami of tiredness.

The dog must be walked right now.  He’s clearly unhappy, and he hasn’t had a walk.  It wouldn’t be right to deny exercise to a poor, helpless animal.

Shoe boxes must be dug out of closets instantly to begin emergency dioramas that dioramaees have suddenly remembered must be completed yesterday.

The weather inside has become instantly and extremely bipolar, causing the jacketed to be hot and the non-jacketed to be cold and both to run for their closets to make urgent deposits and/or withdrawals.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Chore Time Avoiding Disappearing InvisibleIt a matter of moments, my house, which was moments ago a 7 ring circus, has suddenly turned into a near ghost town.  The water dripping in the kitchen can be clearly heard, as there isn’t another sound in my home.

Each of my children has scattered and disappeared, leaving behind only twirling dust bunnies in their wake.

What time is it you ask?

What is this magical hour?

When are my children suddenly more magic filled than pixie dust and more wiley than a wabbit?

It can only mean one thing.

It’s chore time.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What clears the room the quickest in your home?  Did you disappear during chore time when you were a kid?  How do the kids in your life orchestrate their avoidance exit?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

The Dirty Laundry Road To Spiritual Enlightenment

The Dirty Laundry Road To Spiritual Enlightenment

Dear Family,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your efforts in the maintenance of our abode.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Family Laundry Hamper  Floor Refrigerator Door Outerwear Photosynthesis Germs Dirt Letters to My FamilyYour efforts have made our home the socially, spiritually, and scientifically significant example that it is.  To that end, I have considered the rules which were set forth to guide our behavior into a mutually beneficial, harmonious melody, and have decided that some changes and recognitions are in order.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for choosing the floor and not the hamper.  I don’t know what I was thinking with that hamper thing. Your creative use of floor-based laundry storage has been thorough and inspiring.

No longer must the dog waste valuable time in efforts to pry the lid off of the hamper in an attempt to get at your aroma dissipating castoffs.  Now, he can simply snarf up one of your unmentionables from your bedroom, the bathroom, or, especially delightfully, the kitchen floor anytime he needs a snack without risking life and paw by trapping himself in the lid to the hamper.  Again.

Also, traipsing over your outwear, which you have so artfully laid about covering the floor of the hall to the laundry room, lifts me to a higher spiritual plain, as I can’t help but echo choruses of  “Hosanna” each time I trod across your coats and jackets.

Further, I would like to recognize your decision to leave the refrigerator door open at all times as a truly inspired safety conscious choice.  It will shave valuable seconds off of our refrigerator access time, in the event of a refrigerator access emergency.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Family Laundry Hamper Floor Refrigerator Door Outerwear Photosynthesis Germs Dirt Letters to My FamilyI applaud your recognition of the value of all living things, and apologize for my insensitivity to your respect for all life and your desire to preserve and protect it.

I recognize now that your refusal to dispose of things beyond inedible is not laziness, but rather a moral decision.   Rather than a speed bump on the way to a sanitary food storage realm, I should consider you a conscientious objector to the war to eradicate life forms my culture of cleanliness has taught me to fear.

I suppose I must admit that to assume that all dirt and germs are bad is microscopic profiling, and, profiling is wrong.

Moreover, the open refrigerator door is a boost to the science experiments that seem to be growing in the formerly shadowed back of the refrigerator, among the life encouraging containers of goo that you have so conscientiously preserved.  The addition of the photosynthesis opportunities the open door policy provides has encouraged the development of a diverse array of refrigerator based cultures and populations.

I am looking forward to the higher grades you will achieve in science this term based upon the amazing projects you can develop and study thanks to this open-door and non-throw out policy.

Love,

Mom

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is your family filled with budding scientists and ever-helpful social guides, too?   Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!

Socks Are The Devil

Socks Are The Devil

by Gina Valley

They’re trying to drive me insane.

No, not my pack.

Well, them, too, but I’m talking about those knit, Ninja-skilled, foot festooners.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store House

Is there anything more futile and infuriating than trying to keep a supply of clean, paired up socks?

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

Why is that absolutely impossible to do?

Socks seem to disappear at our home right before our eyes.  I’m not sure whether to call it a miracle or a curse, but whatever it is, I can’t seem to stop it.

Once I bought a pack of 12 pairs for Son#4 at the Big Blue store.  By the time we got to our van in the parking lot, the package was down to 10 pairs.  By the time we got home, it was already down to 8.  And, he hadn’t even opened the package yet.

Chances are, of those 8 pairs, only 3 pairs actually made it to the laundry room for cleaning and re-wearing, while the rest took off to live stinky, free-range lives under the bathroom cabinet, in the back of his closet, or in our breakfast cereal cabinet.

Why can’t my family get their dirty socks off of their feet and directly into our laundry room, without a 3 day layover in our kitchen or living room?  I’d have the socks complain to their travel agent, if I thought it would do any good.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store HouseWe have a bucket in our laundry room that dirty socks go into.  It’s actually more of a tub.  It’s hard to miss.  I keep getting larger and larger tubs, because I think the socks are climbing out.  That would explain why it seems like our supply is constantly dwindling.

Why does my pack refuse to corral the socks we can actually find?  If they would just drop their used socks into the bucket, I could work my over-bleaching magic, and produce clean, slightly transparent foot cozies for them on a regular basis.

Maybe they’re afraid to have them washed because they know how socks in our home use laundry day as a starting point to begin world travels.

My dryer doesn’t just eat an occasional sock.  No, it’s apparently running a complete sock protection and relocation program, sneaking socks across boarders and in and out of houses throughout the world.  I caught an argyle with a tiny Scottish passport in the last load I pulled from the dryer.

Of the 6 socks that made up those 3 identical pairs from the same package that I bought for Son#4 that day, only 3 socks will emerge from the laundry.  And, not a one of those 3 socks, which were identical when they entered the washer, will look even slightly like a relative of the other as they exit the dryer.

How come when I buy new socks and wash them, even though they all came out of the same package, when they come out of the drier they’re invariably all different sizes, shapes and colors?  What’s up with that?

The military should have such form-shifting and camouflage technology.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store HouseAfter washing a full load of more than 50 pairs of socks, I end up with about 57 individual socks, and not a matched pair in the bunch.

I‘m considering moving to Hawaii, solely so that my pack won’t have to wear socks.

I’m pretty sure the savings in sock money for the first year alone would pay for the move.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is your home a hideout for sock fugitives, too?  Do they disappear before or after you try to wash them?  Shoot me a comment with all of your suggestions for sock containment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

That’s NOT A Squirrel!

That’s NOT A Squirrel!

by Gina Valley

 

Dear Family,

As you know, yesterday, while I was doing laundry in preparation for our imminent departure on our summer road trip, it was brought to my attention, by my nose, that some woodland creature had apparently chosen one of theHumor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Squirrel Road Trip Laundry Room Smell Death Rot Woodland Creatures Garage Costco Aroma Resting Place Movie Turner Hooch Hindsight Blueberries Feta Cheese Salmon Refrigerator walls of our garage as its final resting place.  This was, of course a sad revelation to all of us, especially for what likely had been one of the many neighborhood squirrels.

Last night it became even more difficult to think about some poor squirrel alone in our wall, especially because the aroma it was producing was nearly gag-inducing, keeping me from being able to complete a thought and making my eyes water.

So, as The Professor and I had made the decision to exhume and transfer the esteemed creature’s remains to a more suitable location (Can you flush squirrel?), I started sniffing around in the garage trying to pinpoint specifically the squirrel’s semi-final resting place.

While I was hunting for the lair of the remains formerly known as “Squirrel Running Through Yard” something reminded me that I hadn’t thanked whichever individual helped me by unloading the car when I got home from Costco a few days ago.

You will all likely recall that I was cutting it very close time-wise with an important conference call, and had hollered something to that effect as I dashed into my office.  At least one of you also heard me holler before I shut the door, “Would someone please bring in the Costco stuff?  There’s a box in the back seat.”

When I emerged from my office,Humor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Squirrel Road Trip Laundry Room Smell Death Rot Woodland Creatures Garage Costco Aroma Resting Place Movie Turner Hooch Hindsight Blueberries Feta Cheese Salmon Refrigerator post successful conference-call, you were all quite engaged in our darkened family room watching Turner & Hooch.  I asked if anyone had brought in the Costco stuff, generating a chorus of affirmative grunts.

I didn’t pursue the matter further to determine who I should specifically thank for their helpfulness, because Tom Hanks, aka Turner, had just been saved by his dog, Hooch, who was injured in the process, and frankly it was a very emotional time for all of us.

Now, I realize that I should have taken time then to find out who specifically had helped me out.  I’ve got that whole “hindsight’s 20/20” thing goin’ now!

So, although I do not know who specifically I should be thanking, and something tells me I never will know, I would still like to take a moment to thank whoever brought in the box of groceries from Costco 3 days ago.  Thank you for the effort you made.

Now, I don’t mean to trivialize your efforts, so please don’t take this the wrong way.  But, I would appreciate it if next time, in addition to bringing in the box and setting it next to the refrigerator in the garageHumor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Squirrel Road Trip Laundry Room Smell Death Rot Woodland Creatures Garage Costco Aroma Resting Place Movie Turner Hooch Hindsight Blueberries Feta Cheese Salmon Refrigerator, if you would also unpack the box and put the blueberries, feta cheese, and salmon INTO the refrigerator or at least train them to climb in there on their own.

Today they are nearly ambulatory and very unhappy.

Especially the salmon.

We may have to move.

On a positive note, apparently our squirrel population remains alive and well.

Love,

mom

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything making you climb the walls this week?  Tell me all about it! I love your comments.

Synchronized Complaining – The Newest Olympic Sport

Synchronized Complaining – The Newest Olympic Sport

by Gina Valley

Like most adults, and every parent, I wish I had chosen paper plates for my wedding china pattern.  Anything to avoid the post dinner rush for excuses to dodge dinner dish-duty.

The miraculous shift on the part of my off-spring from happy diners to disgruntled juveniles is nearly instantaneous at the announcement that it isHumor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Synchronized Sport Demonstration Olympic Complaining Dinner Dishes Washing Cleaning Avoiding Chores Team Cookies “time to clean up dinner.”  It’s almost like a synchronized complaining team (I’m pretty sure that Synchronized Complaining is a demonstration sport this year at the Olympics.  It’s widely assumed that the International Olympic Committee will recognize its world-wide appeal and enormous contestant pool and make it an official sport for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil).

Upon arrival of the dish bewitching hour a surprisingly consistent variety of mystery ailments arise and afflict the children in my home:

Son#1 must suddenly lie down as he is instantly taken ill or develops a sudden back problem and can no longer stand.

Son#2 must retire to the facilities immediately as his having ingested everything possible, short of the table top itself, has suddenly required off-loading.

Humor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Synchronized Sport Demonstration Olympic Complaining Dinner Dishes Washing Cleaning Avoiding Chores Team CookiesDaughter#1 must also visit the facilities (thankfully we have multiple facilities!) as she did in fact consume the suggested 8 glasses of water today, but unfortunately did so entirely at dinner.

Daughter#2 slips into a fit of rage and begins a long-winded seemingly unending rant because “No one else is helping!”

Daughter#3 silently disappears until she has heard the clink of the last fork being loaded into the dishwasher.

Son#3 will remain in his seat at the dinner table and continue to eat until all dishes are done, bath time is over, and everyone is in bed.

Son#4 lies on the floor and yells and screams about always having to do everything until there is nothing left to do.

Niece#1 can’t help with the dishes until sheHumor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids Children Sons Daughters Brothers Sisters Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Synchronized Sport Demonstration Olympic Complaining Dinner Dishes Washing Cleaning Avoiding Chores Team Cookies understands why.  Why do we have to clear our place? Why do we have to wash the dishes?  Why does Auntie G have a headache?

Niece#2 does not want anyone to touch her plate or her glass or her fork.   She insists on loading it into the dishwasher herself, while chanting the standard 2-year-old mantra, “Mine, mine, mine!”  And, by dishwasher she means the cupboard with the cookies.  The cookies are also “Mine, mine, mine!”

I wonder if they sell paper pots and pans.

And, do we really need dinner every night?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is your team practicing for the Olympics?   Shoot me a comment – I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!