I’m NOT A Modern Woman!…Gina’s Favorites

I’m NOT A Modern Woman! …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

I’m NOT A Modern Woman!

I’ve been trying to buy some matte eye shadow.

I’m happy to have a glowing personality, but I don’t want to have it on my eyelids, in the middle of the day, when I’m working hard to stay awake during a staff meeting or the PTA election speeches.

I think the sparkles make my eyes tired. All that glitter must weigh a ton. And, I certainly don’t need any help getting my eyes to droop.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I’m NOT A Modern Woman! ...Gina's Favorites Make UpMatte eye shadow. Eye shadow, no sparkles. Sounds simple enough.

Heck, I’m pretty sure that if I rub my thumb over the top of our refrigerator it’d come up with the perfect mix of dust and grease I could rub on my eyelids for that sultry, smoky look. It might be more a sooty look, though, due to the burned toast crumbs. But, it’d be trendsetting either way, and organic and gluten-free. Perhaps, I have the makings of a new business.

I mentioned this to my friend, Joan, who’s been providing me with sage advice since the third grade. Joan told me that I do not have the makings of a new business, that rubbing refrigerator dirt on my eyelids was not an acceptable option for eye shadow, and that maybe I should clean off the top of the refrigerator.

I told Joan that I thought it would be easier to get a new refrigerator, and that I’d been to 4 stores searching for matte eye shadow. And, none of them had any.

Joan told me that was because two of the stores I went to were grocery stores, and the other two were the blue and the red big box stores. I told Joan that I was already heading to those stores for errands, and I didn’t have time to be making special trips to the make-up counter at our local department store – Condescending R Us – every time I decided to try to look like a grown up.

Joan told me that maintaining our appearance is as important as going to the doctor. I told Joan that I didn’t think we could be friends anymore.

Nonetheless, I found myself standing at one of the makeup counters at Condescending R Us.

I picked this particular counter over the other half dozen options, because the person working behind it had on a lab coat. I figured that was a good sign. After all, the associate at one of the other counters seemed to be wearing some sort of smock made out of cobwebs, and another was wearing what can only be accurately described as a Slutty Candy Striper costume.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I’m NOT A Modern Woman! ...Gina's Favorites Make UpI reasoned that this person in the lab coat was likely to take a scientific approach to facial decoration issues. Obviously, I had sniffed too much complementary perfume on the way in.

The lab-coated person smiled, and floated over to me. I’ve always admired people who can “float” when they walk. I can barely pull off not tripping while I walk.

She introduced herself to me as “Lawn, your cosmetics concierge.” I didn’t even know I needed a cosmetics concierge, much less had one. She then told me that it was her goal to make this the best day ever for me.

She looked a bit confused when I pointed out that I’d need her to do all of our laundry and to make dinner for that to happen.

I told Lawn that I wanted to buy some matte eye shadow.

Lawn shook her head, clearly pitying me. She steered me toward a tall stool at her makeup counter, and draped a prickly towel around my neck. She told me that it was vital to have a solid base for my beauty routine.

I contemplated explaining to her that the base of my “beauty routine” is hitting enough red lights while driving carpool to have time to fish my mascara out from the bottom of my purse. And, that I have to hit that one really long light near the high school, if I want even a chance at swiping a little across my lashes.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I’m NOT A Modern Woman! ...Gina's Favorites Make UpLawn explained to me that matte is not en vogue. Sparkly is. So, they have “shimmer” (a little sparkly) eye shadow or “shine” (super sparkly) eye shadow. She didn’t mention “Strobe” or “Laser,” but I’m sure they have those, too. You probably need a special “Paint & Carry” permit before you’re allowed to apply them to your face. Safety first.

“This,” the 20-something (I assume she wasn’t still a teen, even though she looked like one, as it was 10am on a school day) 96 pound make-up concierge, explained to me, as she held out a giant palette of eye shadow, “is the way we modern women highlight our eyes.” I noticed her eyes were “highlighted” with orange sparkly eye shadow and purple liner, both above and below. It looked as though a pair of Elton John’s eye glasses had somehow melted onto her face.

After she swept a gob of blue “shine” eye shadow across my eyelids (isn’t blue eye shadow illegal?), Lawn quickly outlined my eyes with blue “shimmer” eye liner. She then explained to me that this shimmer with the shine is what all the modern women are wearing, and it’s “a very subtle, sexy look.”

I looked in the mirror. Neither subtle nor sexy sprang to mind.

Creepy clown in a horror show, maybe. Three year old, who got into her mother’s make up, possibly. I hope this washes off, definitely.

I guess I’m just not a modern woman.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you a modern woman? Do you trip the light fantastic across your lids? Or, do you prefer the natural look? Do you shimmer or shine? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

They’re NOT GROSS – They’re Activists …Gina’s Favorites

They’re NOT GROSS – They’re Activists …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

This post came to mind today when I found the package of chocolate chips in the bathroom. Again. Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

They’re NOT GROSS – They’re Activists

My friend DeAnne and I were discussing our children the other day, and we had an epiphany.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley They’re NOT GROSS - They’re Activists …Gina’s FavoritesKids are gross.

They are. They really, really are.

I know it. You know it. We all know it.

After our chat, I felt like I should immediately call my mom, and apologize for any and all grossness I perpetuated on her while growing up.

I was slowed in my attempt at the belated apology, because our phone was cemented to our kitchen counter by a puddle of maple syrup and a pancake, with two bites missing and 3 finger holes pushed through it.

Gross.

But, the more I thought about our kids’ anti-hygienic behavior, the more I wondered if perhaps we were overlooking the true cause of their grossness.

What if we’re wrong? What if we’re all wrong?

What if it’s not that our children are gross, but rather that they’re misunderstood?

What if what appears to be slovenly ways is actually them answering a higher calling?

What if they’re not fungus-spreading, bacteria-building urchins re-wearing yesterday’s dirty garments because they’re too lazy to put on new clothes? What if they’re thoughtfully attempting to reduce the mountain of laundry produced by our household, thereby saving me work and reducing the strain on the environment?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley They’re NOT GROSS - They’re Activists …Gina’s FavoritesWhat if they did not bring the giant package of chocolate chips, the bag of Cheez Doodles, and the jug of Gatorade into the bathroom to input while they…output? What if they were stocking the room that has easy to access fresh water with food, so we’d all be well fed in the event of an earthquake?

What if they’re not stinky, self-absorbed people who refuse to take my advice, much less follow my instructions, to apply deodorant at least once a day? What if they’re protecting our family from the ever present and growing encroachment into our lives, and their armpits, by complicated chemical compounds?

What if they’re not mess-blind to the nacho cheese sauce they dribbled from the kitchen through the dining room, and halfway up the stairs? What if they’re instead working to provide a welcoming environment for any endangered species of ants that might, perchance, be living nearby?

What if they have not been trying to reschedule their daily shower into a biweekly event because they’re anti-shower-ite, caked-on crud lovers? What if they’re choosing to conserve water to save us from our giant SoCal water bill, and to ensure the next generation of Californians has a shot at a green lawn?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley They’re NOT GROSS - They’re Activists …Gina’s FavoritesWhat if they’re not too lazy to throw away the sticky, stinky paper plate they used while eating their peanut butter and pickle sandwich? What if by leaving it on the kitchen counter, right next to where the garbage bin is, they’re instead attempting to save the next hungry family member from the time and trouble of having to open the cupboard to retrieve a paper plate for him or herself?

What if they’re not filthy, dirt hoarders hell-bent on hanging onto every molecule of mulch they’ve ever come into contact with, in order to blend in with the mess that is their bedroom? What if they’re ever so politely saving the soap and shampoo for other members of our household, lest we be caught unprepared in the event of a sudden soap or shampoo dependent emergency?

What if they’re givers?

Nah.

They’re just gross.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Any activists in your household? Were you neat and tidy when you were a kid? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

There’s NO Sleep In Sleep-Over

There’s NO Sleep In Sleep-Over

by Gina Valley

I didn’t realize a person could wear a dress shirt inside out.

But, The Professor did it today.

I think he gained that super power sometime around 3:31am when the fifth loud crash, followed by peals of laughter, echoed up from our family room. He rolled over and asked me if I thought it was too late to return our children to the hospital.

I giggled at my sleep-deprived husband. We could never return our children. I have no idea where the receipts are.

Our 14 year old and 5 of his friends camped out in our family room last night. Our son said it was a sleepover. I’m not sure what it was, but it was definitely not a sleepover.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley There’s NO Sleep In Sleep-Over

No one slept. No one.

No one downstairs slept.

No one upstairs slept.

I don’t even think anyone in the yard slept, because I’m pretty sure the raccoon that lives in the tree in our backyard flipped me off while I was taking out the trash after breakfast.

I tried to sleep, but each time my total exhaustion overcame the noise and I started to doze off, my daughters burst into our bedroom and demanded that I “Tell the boys to ‘Shut up!’”

I did not “tell the boys to ‘Shut up!’” although I might have, if I hadn’t been too exhausted to get out of bed.

So, my eyes are bloodshot, and I accidentally brushed my teeth with wrinkle cream this morning.

My daughters are frighteningly grumpy, and thankfully, refusing to get out of their beds.

The 14 year olds encamped in our family room only opened their eyes long enough this morning to find the Capt’n Crunch and M&M’s they’d requested for breakfast (I know. I was grossed out, too). Then, they all collapsed back onto the floor, snoring with their pillows and video game controllers.

Even our dogs have bags under their eyes, and are too sleepy to wag their tails.

And, I think I saw our XBox yawn.

I could tell The Professor was too sleep-deprived to think, because he patted me on the head and kissed our dog goodbye on his way out the door. He was off to deliver a lecture on snail teeth, or some such vital topic. I wondered how he’d remember what he was supposed to say.

I also wondered about his unusual fashion choice.

“Hey,” I queried. “What’s up with your shirt?”

“I had a lot trouble buttoning it,” he answered, after draining his coffee mug.

I refilled it for him. “I think that’s ‘cause…uh…it’s inside-out,” I answered.

I decided not to mention he was wearing two different shoes.

After all, who was I to criticize? I’d just gargled with my contact lens solution.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do your kids sleep at sleep-overs? Did you, when you were a child? Do my shoes match? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Dreamstime.com – Used with permission.

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil …Gina’s Favorites

By Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil

There are few things that draw people together like the near universal hatred of the “Spring forward!” part of Daylight Savings Time.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil ...Gina's Favorites

I’m told that when Daylight Savings Time was first instituted oh so many decades ago that there were many benefits to the average person.

Be that as it may, I’m not seeing the benefits at this point, and I think we need to band together to get rid of the whole thing (and that one super nasty, taste-of-death candy they hide amongst all the good ones in every box of Sees’ candy. What flavor is that supposed to be anyway? Rotting dirt?).

Besides not seeing the benefits, I’m seeing lots of problems. It’s bad enough trying to figure out what time it is here, trying to figure out what time it is in other parts of the world to time communication correctly is really tough.  And, getting my kids up in time for school is near impossible. Truly, Daylight Savings Time is the devil.

Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil

#10.  It forces us to grudgingly use our interpersonal skills, as we, as a group, wander around the week before we change the clocks asking each other, “Is it ‘Spring forward’? It’s ‘Spring forward,’ right? Are you sure it’s not ‘Spring back?’”

#9.  Even as we are in the midst of the sleep deprivation it has wrought, we must exhibit extra coordination as we attempt to adjust our car dashboard clock, while at the same time trying to avoid oncoming cars careening in our direction, piloted by others who are both sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to change their dashboard clocks.

#8.  We run the risk of a cardiac event when we’re staring at our phone at 1:59am and it suddenly switches to 3am, causing us to panic, as we wonder whether we have just time experienced time travel or a black out.

#7.  It brings out extra personality in our children on Monday morning, and causes shoes, backpacks, and homework to disappear at near-double the normal rate.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Daylight Savings Time Is The Devil ...Gina's Favorites

#6.  It turns adults into children, as we attempt to grasp any reason, no matter how flimsy, as to why we must remain in bed for another hour, and probably for the rest of the week.

#5.  It causes the phrase “I’m not tired!” to be uttered angrily, forcefully, and a near-world-record-setting number of times for the entire week after we “Spring forward!”

#4.  None of us “Spring forward!” We all barely stumble forward, and the whole “Spring forward!” and its cheerful tone is just mocking us.

#3.  It makes everyone arrive 30 minutes early for the second service at church on Sunday morning, when we were in fact all shooting for the first service, but forgot to adjust our clocks.

#2.  It turns our co-workers into seeming philosophers or heroin addicts, as they wander from cubicle to cubicle, muttering “What time is it? Does anyone know what time it is?”

#1.  It’s just another way to torture parents of small children, because small children neither know nor care what Daylight Savings Time is, and see no reason to go to bed an hour before they did last week, yet somehow manage to get up an hour earlier each morning.

It’s time to stop the madness!

At least I think it is.

Does anyone know what time it is?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you love or hate Daylight Savings Time? Do they follow Daylight Savings Time where you live?  Why do they put that one nasty candy in with the good candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!!

Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!!

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Oh To Be Young…Or Godzilla!!!

I took two of my sons with me to the gym today.

They wanted to go.  I should have realized that was a bad sign.

I’ve been wanting to take them with me for a while now, so I could teach them how to use the equipment correctly.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!! Working Out GymSo they would be safe.

So they would be knowledgeable.

So they would not need to go to the Emergency Room.

It seemed like a good idea.

The only problem was they didn’t seem to realize what a truly horrible place the gym is.

They had a great time.

I tried to explain to them that it was not a fun playground, no matter how much fun they thought they were having. I reminded them that gyms are such accursed places that they put them in prisons.

They are, apparently, too young to realize that the elliptical trainer is not a fun racing simulator, but actually punishment  for years of starting dinner with Oreo’s instead of salads.

They thought weighing themselves on the super accurate, right-there-in-front-of-everyone scale was a hoot. They even tried standing on it in different ways in an effort to make themselves heavier. Heavier.

I wouldn’t weigh myself on that scale even if there was a blackout and everyone in the gym was blind.

They weren’t the least bit self-conscious or uncomfortable, as they climbed onto the leg press machine, despite needing to contort themselves into what appears to be a gynecological exam position, with their knees nearly in their ears.

I blush every time I use that machine. They laughed and discussed whether tooting would provide them with enough jet propulsion to lift another 20 pounds (I’ve been victim to their tooting. It could easily lift another 40).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Oh To Be Young Again…Or Godzilla!!! Working Out GymI came home feeling like I was dying and wishing I could take a nap. I wondered if I could just melt into our sofa.

They came home energized and ready to go for a run. They jogged around our block twice before coming into our house.

I was too tired to even mix my protein drink.

They made it for me, and then dashed out to re-arrange our garage. They were excited about doing some more lifting.

I could hear them laughing and joking as they moved around the heavy boxes and tools.

When they came in, they asked me if we could go to the gym again tomorrow.

Before school.

When it opens.

At 5:30 AM.

I think this is why Godzilla steps on young people.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have any overly enthusiastic gym-mates? Do your children like to work out? Does lifting a fork full of food to your mouth really burn calories?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it. And, I can’t get off of the sofa.

Photos courtesy of Dreamstime.com – Used with permission.

Spray Away!!!

Spray Away!!! …Gina’s Favorites 

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Spray Away For The Holiday

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

Remember when your pre-school kids brought home macaroni frames and sea shells magically transformed by gold spray paint?  Well, that still works.  A can or 2 or 30 of gold (or silver) spray paint  can transform your home, change your life, and have you totally ready for the holidays before lunch.

What, you might wonder, can one spray paint gold, besides macaroni frames and sea shells?

Well, the traditionalists will tell you to blast some pines cones to place in a large glass bowl for an elegant look.  That does look nice, but I say “Why stop there?”

Kitchen buried in crusty dishes?  Spray paint those suckers.  Now you have charger plates each with a custom, handmade 3-dimensional design.  Macy’s will probably call you with an order for 1000 of them.

Mountain of laundry besieging your washing machine?  No problem.  Arrange the olfactory offenders into various sizes of conical piles.  Blast them with your can of magic gold-ness (this might require more than one coat), and you’ll be left with an entire forest of handmade, fabric Christmas trees to distribute throughout your home and yard.  Talk about classy décor!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

Got a lazy teen?  Or two?  Do you have to put a mirror under his nose to check for condensation just to be sure he hasn’t passed on to that great messy bedroom in the sky, because he’s been prone on the living room sofa for 22 hours?  Spray him! Don’t worry, he’ll likely sleep through the whole thing and Christmas and New Year’s.  Your guests will be so impressed with how life-like the new sculpture in your living room is.

Cobwebs in the corners make you feel like you’re closer to Halloween, than a visit from St. Nick?  No worries.  A light spraying, and you’ve turned those bug catchers into delicate gold garland.

Did your 3 year old stain the fancy dress your mother-in-law sent her before she’d even worn it?  Gold that thing up, and you’ll take it from “stained” to “lamé -d.”

Living room rug speckled with stains?  Spray paint a large circle over each one, for a festive, new flooring up date.  Or, for a totally new, easy to clean look, spray paint the whole carpet – wall-to-wall .  It’ll  look holiday-delicious and you can hose away spills.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Spray Away ...Gina's Favorites

How about your yard?  Landscaping looking like the Munster’s house?  Pots filled with dead daisies?  Brown lawn?  Bent flamingoes?  Nothing a couple cans of gold spray paint can’t fix.  Let loose with the golds of spray paint land, and change barren into lushness, change dreary into opulence.

No time to wrap gifts?  Spray them.

Cat make some hairballs?  Spray them.

Spouse balding?  Spray him.

Sagging patio furniture?  Dented mail box?  Dingy guest towels?  Spray.  Spray.  Spray!!!

And, if Martha Stewart or the president of you HOA shows up at your door to complain about your efforts, spray paint her, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything in your life that could use a good spraying?   When do you put up your decorations?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas

Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

If you’ve interacted with anyone, on-line or IRL, recently, chances are that someone asked you, probably in an overly giddy fashion, “Are you ready for Christmas?!?!,” likely followed by a giggle and a tee-hee.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s Almost Christmas ...Gina's FavoritesI want to bop those people on the head with one of those giant candy canes, and say, “No, I’m not done shopping, our tree only has lights on one side, we haven’t even taken the photo for our card yet, and there’s still 2 pumpkins and 5 gourds on our mantel that I’m hoping guests think are just oddly shaped Christmas ornaments.”

So, no, I’m not ready for Christmas.

But, ready-or-not, even though we don’t get any snow (it was 61 degrees F here in Los Angeles today), I can tell Christmas is getting close.

Top 10 Signs It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

#10.  We’ve finished eating all of the candy “Santa” bought to stuff the stockings with. Again.

#9.  Our dogs are now producing pine needle-laced poop.

#8.  Our Christmas tree has been knocked over 3 times, fallen mysteriously twice, and been dragged across the living room once by our girl dog.

#7.  Our refrigerator has started making grinding, “I will die if you store Christmas dinner for 30 in here” threatening sounds to mock me.

#6.  All of the red bulbs, and only the red bulbs, on the strands of colorful lights decorating our roof line have stopped working.

#5.  We’ve received touching, heart-felt Christmas cards from each and every realtor within a 50 mile radius from our house.

#4.  My kids are completely covered by a thin, sticky layer of candy cane residue, and they think they have super powers because everything sticks to them.

#3.  My youngest son came out of my bedroom, and announced, “I did not peek at the presents.”

#2.  My pack wore our Christmas stockings to school last week, because I forgot to throw the load of socks into the dryer.

#1.  I’ve spent so much time with the Amazon delivery guy that I think I’m now his common law wife.

I assume he’ll be delivering any children our marriage produces.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is it looking like Christmas in your neck of the woods?  How can you tell?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm

A Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm #whatIwantforChristmas

I want a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for Christmas. It been since before most of my children made their grand entrance into my life that I last waltzed into our bathroom, and was not greeted by a naked tube in the toilet paper dispenser.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm ...Gina's Favorites Christmas List

Apparently, I’m the only member of our household who can actually see when the toilet paper tube is empty. I think they all have some sort of Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB) (no, I did not look it up on WebMD. That would just tell me the toilet paper tube has cancer or Ebola, and I’m sure my family has TPTB).

I’d like a Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm for every bathroom in our house, but I’d be happy with just one for our powder room. It’s the only facilities we have downstairs for off-loading, and, as a result, sees a lot of traffic. Anyone downstairs with even a semi-urgent offloading need, or a touch of laziness, completes his or her transaction in that tiny room.

My children, neighbors, schoolmates, occasionally the FedEx guy. Everyone.

And, not a one of them has ever been able to see the empty toilet paper roll while they were in there.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone into that service center and NOT found supplies to complete the paperwork lacking.

I always pray that the person who last exited had just enough paper to complete his or her transaction in a thorough and business-like manner, and that the roll hasn’t been empty all day. I don’t even want to think about how many visitors to that facility might have selected drip-dry as the final step in their off-loading procedure.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Toilet Paper Deficiency Alarm ...Gina's Favorites Christmas List  The alarm could start with a gentle warning to the bathroom visitor that supplies are approaching a critical level. Perhaps, a soothing tone or calm voice. Nothing like the ear blasting, nerve wracking beep our van emits when its gas gauge drops below ¼ tank. Although, if you are going to get startled to the point of losing control of your faculties, I suppose the bathroom is the best place to do that.

Then, should the facility visitor fail to rectify the provisions problem, warnings could increase in intensity and volume.  The possibilities are endless, really.

Perhaps, an alarm could holler out from inside the dispenser, “Don’t leave me! I’m naked!” when a facility user tries to leave behind an empty tube while exiting the off-loading station.

Or, maybe, an effective way to encourage the loo lazy to replace the roll before making their escape would be for the alarm to use the moment the user’s hand touches the doorknob when the roll is empty to deliver an electrical shock.

It’d just be a small shock.

Probably.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Does your family suffer from Toilet Paper Tube Blindness (TPTB)?  Do you get stuck with re-stocking the loo, too?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m want to read your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device …Gina’s Favorites

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas

I want a kids’ shoes tracking device for Christmas. We, as in me, spend more time looking for my kids’ shoes than for anything else.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device ...Gina's Favorites Christmas ListHopefully, the tracking device will come with a setting to help me locate my shoes when one of my kids has “borrowed them” (my black suede boots are particularly prone to “wandering” this time of year, apparently drawn toward the dangerous mystique that is my daughters’ closet).

If the tracking device also has a setting that allowed me to determine whether a child’s missing parka was left at school or on the soccer field, even better.

But, I’d be more than happy with a basic kids’ shoes tracker.

I’m betting Santy Claus has an amazing shoe tracker to keep track of all the elves’ shoes. He could pass that on to me. I don’t mind a little wear and tear, as long as the tracker works, and finds shoes, even if they don’t have pointy toes.

The Jolly Guy needs to realize I’m ready to put out for this, too. And, I’m not just talking cookies and milk.

I’m willing to throw in some very fancy eggnog with a big splash from a very old bottle, just the thing to put some spring back into his step on a long night of deliveries.

As long as I can find the bottle.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my Something Completely Different…Sort Of post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission