Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer?

Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer?

by Gina Valley

The UCLA/Utah game last night had a tense finish, but, as always, I was distracted by the blasted announcers and their inane banter.

“The pylon in the end zone is put there to indicate where the end zone is.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer? FootballReally?  Thanks!  I’m sure none of us fans at home had figured that one out.  What are the yard markers for?

“His foot didn’t come down in the zone, so it was out of the zone.”

Wait a minute.  I want to write that gem down.

“If he didn’t have control of the ball, than he didn’t have it under control.”

Hold the phone.  Do the coaches know that?

When I scream, I mean chat, at hockey games on TV, I am helping the players.  They can hear me.  I don’t care what you say.

But, when I scream at football games on TV, I am yelling at the announcers.  They drive me bananas.  I know they have to fill the air time, and all sports announcers have their mush brain moments (don’t we all, really?), but football announcers have made stating the obvious and stupid into, for lack of a better, non-four letter word, art.

As my blood pressure is still elevated (which is good actually – mine tends to be on the low side), I knew my Is There A 15 Yard Penalty For Stabbing The Announcer? post would be perfect for this week’s Throwback Day.

You can read my Is There A 15 Yard Penalty For Stabbing The Announcer? post below, in its entirety, or, for you hard core readers, you can click one of these magic links to read my Is There A 15 Yard Penalty For Stabbing The Announcer? post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at my Is There A 15 Yard Penalty For Stabbing The Announcer? post.  You bring the hot wings.  I’ll bring the laughs.

Is There A 15 Yard Penalty For Stabbing The Announcer?

I’m a hockey fan.  Huge fan.  Love it.  It would have killed me to have no NHL this year were it not for the fact that I’m totally over-scheduled right now and have zero time to watch the games.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer? FootballBut, I love all sports.  Any sport.

I love to go to the games.  Pro, college, minor league – I love them all.  Naturally, my favorites to spectate at are my kids’ games.

I love to play, too, although my enthusiasm far out distances my skill level.  I stink at pretty much every sport equally, although I have achieved particularly awesome results at badness in some.

And, I love to watch sports on TV, even if all I can manage is to have a game on in the background, to catch a glimpse of with one eye while I’m editing something or folding laundry.

BUT,

Sometimes I want to stab the announcers.

I have all kinds of pet peeves with the things sports announcers say.  A couple of my favorites are “What do you think your team needs to do to win today?”  Here’s a thought – score more than the other team, Sherlock! Or how about, “You have Joe Pro Quarterback in the starting lineup today.  Do you think he’s healthy enough to handle the job?”  No, they don’t think he can handle it.  They’re just putting him in to boost his self-esteem.  Coaches aren’t so much worried about who wins.

And, don’t get me started on the stupid questions they often ask during postgame interviews.  “You just lost 48 to 0.  What happened out there today?”  What happened out there?  What?  Weren’t you watching the game?  Obviously they ran all over them.  They got smashed, dragged, and taken to the dumpster.  Pay attention, Fool!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer? FootballBut, there’s one thing they consistently do that causes me to want to rip off my arm to smack them around with. While I’m watching a football game, they constantly tell me I’m watching a football game.

We have a large screen, HDTV, but even if I was watching it on a 4” fuzzy, battery-powered, car TV in the woods, I’m relatively sure I would be aware that the game I’m watching is a football game.  I can’t remember the last time I tried to tune into the Rose Bowl, and round about 3rd quarter suddenly realized I had been watching a Yahtzee game the whole time.

Nonetheless, the announcers feel the need to remind me that it is, in fact, a football game I’m viewing.

Yesterday, I found myself yelling at the screen during the PAC 12 playoff game, which would be par for the course if I was yelling at the coaches or the players or the refs.  I help them like that.  But, I was yelling, “Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!’ at the announcers.

“He needs to throw the football more.  He’s hanging onto the football too long. He is gonna lose that football if he doesn’t pass that football soon.  Did you see what happened to the football?  They stripped the football right away from him.”

Football? Really? I thought he was holding a tennis ball that had lost its fuzz, and been horribly disfigured in a freak racquet accident.  Good thing he brought that to my attention.

Just say “ball,” Fool.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Do We Lose A First Down If I Smack The Announcer? Football“There is a lot at stake in this football game.  People are focused on the outcome of this football game.  The coach told me that they are prepared for today’s football game.  It is very important for the QB to have his head in this football game.”

You mean this isn’t pickle ball?  Well, that explains the lack of paddles and nets.  I was wondering what the deal was.  Thank you, Mr. Announcer, for clarifying that for me,56,000 times during the first half alone.

Just say “game,” Fool.

Don’t make me come down there!

I have a fork ready in my purse.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What drives you crazy about announcers on TV?  I know they have dead air to fill, but don’t you sometimes wonder if they think about what they’re saying at all?  When was the last time you yelled at your TV screen?  Is it just me?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

And, hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter so we can laugh together even more.

Tuesday Tickles – ouvt

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Tuesday Tickles – ouvt Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeakTuesday Tickles – ouvt

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

 

Momspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe I said out loud to my pack this week):

Don’t use a knife to cut out your homework.

Jelly in a Ziploc bag does not count as a sandwich.

No, you cannot go to bed early.

 

Kidspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe one of my pack said to me this week): 

I don’t know what this stuff on my shirt is, but it tastes kinda like butter.

How long does it take a rock to freeze?

I’m gonna finish practicing my trumpet in the van on the way to school.

 

To catch lots more MomSpeak, KidSpeak, and Valley family craziness be sure to “Like” up my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend.

Thank you for all of your support!  I truly appreciate it.

 

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

When To Forget

When To Forget

by Gina Valley

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

There’s nothing like it.

We all mess up.  I’m practically Olympian in my mess up skills.  Knowing that my mess ups are forgiven is my saving grace.

Poem Poetry Trees Humor Funny Humorous Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Kid Kids Child Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Grandpa Grandma Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Gina Valley Parenting Stillness Sunday When To Forget Forgiveness

I often have trouble forgiving myself for my mess ups.  Knowing that people who love me and the God who made me forgive my many, many goofs is freeing and life-giving.

Being forgiven is a wonderful thing to think about.

Thinking about forgiving someone else, though, is a whole different ball game.

It’s not easy.

Don’t get me wrong; I follow the example set before me, and forgive other people when they mess up.  It’s after I’ve forgiven someone that’s hardest for me.

That whole “forgive and forget” thing is great in theory, but much harder in reality.

How do we forget a serious wrong?  And should we?  Is forgiveness behaving as though the offense never happened?  Is that even humanly possible to do?

I had a close relative betray me a couple years ago.  This person’s behavior not only put my business and, more importantly, my children’s safety, at risk, but also revealed that this person was willing to lie and cheat to get her own way.

It broke my heart when I found out.  I actually was physically ill with grief over this person’s behavior.  I was so sad to realize that she was willing to put my children at risk, and to encourage her own children to be dishonest to help get what she wanted.

I also developed some serious anger toward this person, as I came to realize that I would have to do a lot of work restructuring in both my personal and business lives because of her behavior.

I did forgive her.  And, I told her as much.  I didn’t even wait for an apology from her for her terrible breach, which, as it turns out, she has yet to offer.

However, she has accused me of not forgiving her.  She says that because I am not treating her as though it never happened, I have not forgiven her.

That point of view gives me pause.

I generally think of forgiving in terms of behaving as though the offense did not occur, something I think all parents, particularly those of teenagers, are quite well-practiced in doing.

But, this is one of those cases where I don’t think it is possible to “forget” the offense.  I think it would be foolish, not unforgiving, to give this person the access to my familial, personal, and business information she once had.  I think the whole “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” thing applies.

I make it a point to be kind to her and her family.  But, they no longer have access to my home, nor direct access to my children.   They are all completely removed from any connection with my professional dealings.

My anger over this is long since gone.  I’m wiser.  I’m more vigilant. And, I believe I have forgiven this person.

But, I have not forgotten.

So, a part of me always wonders, “Have I completely forgiven her?”

I do believe the gift of forgiveness is received by the forgiver as much as by the forgive-ee.  I believe forgiving wrongs prevents bitterness and resentment, even when apologies are never even offered by the offender.  I think a life that holds onto wrongs sinks into mire and unhappiness, and destroys relationships.  So, it’s important to me to forgive and to let go.

How do you define forgiveness?  What prompts you to offer it?  How do you handle the whole “forgive & forget” premise when it’s a serious offense?  I’m looking forward to hearing what you think, and how you protect your relationships with forgiveness.

Love!

-gina

Be sure to shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.  And, as always, thank you for reading.

Top 10 Reasons Dinner ISN’T Ready

Top 10 Reasons Dinner ISN’T Ready

by Gina Valley

“Why isn’t dinner ready?”

Did my child actually just ask me “Why isn’t dinner ready?”?!?!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Why Dinner ISN'T ReadyWhat is he, new here?

Why isn’t dinner ready?  Why isn’t dinner ready?!?!

What he should ask is “How is dinner ever ready?”

Today’s delay is owed mainly to 8 ½ hours spent in the sun on the soccer fields.  Not only did this zap the time from my day, but the memory from my brain, resulting in my already sketchy meal plan falling apart.

I guess I should have been more specific when I made a note to myself that today’s dinner would include “something green and a meat type item.”  Turns out, another over scheduled week meant that we had no “meat type item,” and the only green stuff we had that had not morphed into some sort of brown slime was not supposed to be green at all in the first place.

But, marathon soccer spectating is far from the only reason dinner is often not ready as planned.  I’ve lost count of the many possible detours to our evening meal.  But, for those of you playing along at home, here’s ten of our doozies.

Top 10 Reasons Dinner Is NOT Ready:

#10.  Because the nice man who came to re-glue the loose gasket on the refrigerator door this morning did such a great job, that we haven’t been able to open the refrigerator door since he left, and he’s not answering his cell phone.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Why Dinner ISN'T Ready#9.  Because I bought all of the ingredients to make the baked ziti, except the ziti.

#8.  Because I had a client talk at me for 97 minutes straight about the condition of the wound in her leg, and I can’t make stew after hearing the word “pus” that many times in one day.

#7.  Because when I made dinner yesterday I didn’t realize that you were going to want to have dinner every night.

#6.  Because when I asked your brother to buy whipping cream, he bought whipped cream and I think clam chowder is less than its best when made with Reddi-Whip.

#5.  Because when the guy at the drive-thru window told me I could “have it my way” I slipped into alternating fits of laughter and weeping.

#4.  Because it turns out that the dog can open the refrigerator AND can locate the meat drawer once he does so AND butcher paper does not keep a dog from getting to the roast its wrapped around and gnawing on said roast, after having taken it out to the backyard.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons Why Dinner ISN'T Ready#3.  Because it takes longer to get a Lego out of someone’s nose than you might think it would.

#2.  Because the only even semi-clean dish in the house belongs to the dog, and he’s not willing to share.

#1.  Because I have to remember where I put my emergency chocolate before I can safely handle knives during homework time.

Oh, and, yes.  Dinner is ready.  The box of Goldfish crackers is on the counter.  Help yourself.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you ever find yourself dinner-impaired?   Why is it so hard to have that meal go smoothly?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Friday Funnies – nvsvt

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley BlogFriday Funnies – nvsvt

It’s Friday.

End of the week.

Start of the weekend.

 

Pull up a chair, and grab the beverage and snack of your choice.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Friday Funnies –

Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Clearly, I’ve been paying attention!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Said me, never.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
The miracle of life.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Seriously, thank you!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
I think maybe I’ve lost most of mine!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Nothing like clear communication!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
True at our house!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Maybe even 18!

Be sure to visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” me up.

 

Some Of My Favorite Pins On Pinterest:

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
I am Ironman!
Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Sounds like our pups!
Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Yuuum!
Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Librarians rock!
Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Unless one of the kids has unplugged it or the puppy chewed through the cord again.
Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Friday Funnies – nvsvt Facebook Pinterest Gina Valley Blog
Excellent advice!

 

All the rest of my pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

If you’re trying to put off making dinner, you can check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

 

This Week On The Gina Valley Blog:

My Give Me Patience.  Now.  post included my verse Beyond.

My recent humor posts include

Friday Funnies – nvvt (a weeks worth of funnies),

There’s One Thing NO ONE Will Do For Their Family (the horror of dealing with bread heels),

Raising A Better Class Of Liars (why aren’t my kids better liars?),

Tuesday Tickles – nvcvt (a week’s worth of funny quips),

Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter Word (what’s with the hyperpumpkinization?),

THIS Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (keeping pets off & kids on the furniture).

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this week? Did you have a good week?  Any big plans this weekend?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

THIS Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

THIS Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

by Gina Valley

The Professor is rolling his eyes at me.

Again.

He does this internal eye roll thing, so it doesn’t show.  He denies it, but I can sense these things.

http://ginavalley.com/   THIS Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – Read & Laugh All About It!He just did it again.

He came into our family room, a.k.a. my “office” while my office is filled with the attic mess we are cleaning out, that “will be gone in a day or two” as of two weeks ago, which is material for a whole other column.

But, I digress.

On the sofa next to me, as I pound away at the key board, using my lap as a desk, our now nearly 70 LB, 7 month old, girl lab puppy, Ziva, is happily dozing.

“I thought,” my dear husband began, “you said that the puppies are not allowed on the sofas.”

“They’re not,” I agreed with him.

“And, did you not get after me just last night for letting the very same canine sit next to me on the very same sofa?” he queried.

“Yes, I did.”  He does listen to me.

“So, I can’t help but wonder why you’re letting her sit on the sofa today,” he continued.

“Because it’s not her fault.”

“It’s not her fault?” he asked, with what I am quite sure was a large dollop of skepticism.

“No, it’s not.  Her brother’s in her spot.”  He was.  Our giant male puppy, Bear, was snoozing and snoring happily crammed into the tiny space between the sofa and the ottoman, his sister’s favorite nap locale.

The Professor’s eyes went from the puppy to the 2 giant, unoccupied dog beds on the floor across the room, and back to me.  “Why do we even have the dog beds, then?” he asked.  The poor, confused man.

“The kids lay in those to watch TV,” I reminded him.

And, that’s when he started the eye roll.

I guess some people just have trouble keeping those kinds of details straight.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone rolling their eyes at you?  Are they confused or a teenager?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter Word

Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter Word

by Gina Valley

I know its fall, but why am I being punished?

Isn’t it enough that it’s sweater-weather in the morning, and then it warms up to die-if-you’re-wearing-a-sweater-weather in the afternoon?

Or, how about the fact that now, thanks to the fall leaves taking a dive, even outside needs vacuuming?  Like I needed something else to clean.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter WordThe homework avalanche is already threatening to swallow my children, even though school has just begun.

My neighbor has a new diesel mulcher he fires up each morning in the pre-dawn hours.

And, someone already ate all the candy I bought for Halloween, so I’m going to have to buy it again.  For the 3rd time.

Why, in addition to that, am I being forced to endure Hyperpumpkinization?

I don’t want pumpkin scented toilet paper or fabric softener or WD40.

I don’t want pumpkin shaped notebook paper, Scantrons, or world globes.

I don’t want pumpkins pictures on my nicotine patch , my parking ticket, or my contact lenses.

I don’t want pumpkin flavored hamburgers or cola or cough medicine.

My green tea already tastes like seaweed; don’t offer me a dollop of pumpkin-infused-whipped cream to push it over the top toward barf-inducing.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter WordIt is not Having It My Way when you offer me pumpkin slices on my Whopper Junior at Burger King.

And, does anyone really want pumpkin flakes added to their chocolate shake?  Isn’t that blasphemy or something?  Check Exodus.  I think it’s one of the commandments.

There’s even pumpkin flavored puppy chow.

For the love of all that’s not squash -related, make it stop!

We don’t do this with spring, except if you count Shamrock shakes, and I don’t think those really count.

We don’t do it with winter.  Have you been asked, “Would you like your latte flavored with our seasonal Snowflake & Pine needle blend?”

We don’t do it with summer.  No one offers you Beach Flavored Ice Cream with a sprinkling of freshly ground sand on top.

So, what the heck is the deal with the pumpkins?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Pumpkin Should Be A 4 Letter WordIs there some sort of Pumpkin Mafia behind this?

Is there an Illumipumpkinati at work?

Did someone spread fairy pumpkin dust all around that turned every area of life into another pumpkin showcase moment?

Stop the madness!

I’m getting stabby.

My fork is poised.

I swear if the guy at window #2 asks if I want pumpkin dipping sauce for my kids’ pumpkin-shaped chicken nuggets, someone’s getting stabbed.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you pro-pumpkin?  Do you pumpkin-up your latte or value meal?  Or, are you in the “leave non-pumpkin stuff, non-pumpkin” camp?   Have you started putting up Christmas decorations to distract yourself from over-pumpkinization?   Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Raising A Better Class Of Liars

Raising A Better Class Of Liars

by Gina Valley

Today, one of my teenagers told me, “I couldn’t call you to ask, because you weren’t home.”

I almost laughed out loud right there on the sidelines of her sister’s soccer game, while listening to her very lacking excuse on my always-on, always-charged, always with me cell phone.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying TeenagersCould not call me?

Puhleeze!

That’s the best you could come up with?

Honestly, that had a better shot of working when I was a kid and no one had cell phones.  Even then, my parents’ reaction would have been the same as mine, “If you can’t figure out a way to reach me while you are out.  Don’t go out.”

Her excuse was even more ridiculous because of the fact that she was speaking with me on her cell phone.

It was a very disappointing moment for me as a parent.

I thought I had taught her better.

But, alas, I have been unsuccessful.  How could I have raised such terrible liars? It’s not so much the lying as the total lack of effort behind it that bothered me.

In light of my daughter’s poor dishonesty skills I decided my Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars? post was perfect for this week’s Throwback Day.  You can read my Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars? post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of these magic links to read my Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars? post in its original location.

Either way, I’ll meet you at Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars?.  You bring the chocolate.  I’ll bring the laughs.

Why Aren’t My Kids Better Liars?

Why aren’t my kids better liars?

It’s not like they don’t practice.

I feel like such a failure.  Clearly, I’m not providing them with the deception training they need to develop into the amazing liars I know they could be.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying Teenagers

Maybe I need to call in a professional to provide private coaching, like a politician or a used car salesman or a weight loss counselor.

Consider yesterday’s example:

I asked Son#3 & Son#4, “Did you finish cleaning your room?”

“Yes!” they answered in unison, already opening the cabinet to access the Xbox.

“Is it really clean, or did you just stop working on it?”  I asked to clarify their answer.  I watch Law & Order.  I know how to interrogate.

“It’s clean!” they answered in unison, sticking to their story, while they tug-o-war’ed with the favored XBox black controller.  They’ve been watching NCIS for denial tips.

I totally support a “Trust but Verify” policy in both international relations and child proclamations, but yesterday that policy was frustrated by a case of the dizzy, nauseated thing going on, which made me running up and down the stairs every 5 minutes to check on my minions somewhat problematic.  I had to continue my investigation verbally

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying Teenagers“Are you sure?” I asked, carefully maintaining eye contact to watch for hints of deception.  That’s what Patrick Jane does.

“Yes!” they again answered emphatically in unison.  Son#3 had somehow managed to wrest the coveted black controller away from Son#4.  I was surprised that Son#4 wasn’t complaining about being stuck with one of the less loved light colored controllers, but I didn’t allow it to get me off track.

I gave them both “The Eye,” and asked, “Could a blind guy walk across your floor without getting hurt?”  Sometimes you have to get specific to eliminate semantics.

“Yes,” Son#3 answered slowly. “He’d be wearing shoes, right?”

“He should probably wear boots,” Son#4 offered, while lining up their Skylanders.

“Clean your room!” was my closing argument.

Or, perhaps consider Daughter#3’s poor performance last month after she walked past my office with perfectly curled tresses rather than her naturally straight hair:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying Teenagers“Did you use my curling iron?” I asked, knowing the answer, as it’s the only one in the house since the “Why is the mattress on fire?” incident of 6 months ago.

“No,” she said, picking up speed a bit in a race to hit the stairs before I hit her with the next question.

I can move fast, too, and darted out into the hall to ask, “Then, how did your hair get so curly?”

“I must have slept on it funny,” my 3rd born, feminine-flower answered.

“You slept on it funny?  It doesn’t look funny.  It looks curled. You’re supposed to ask before you use other people’s stuff and you know it.”

“I must have twirled it around my finger a lot in my sleep,” she suggested, clearly thinking my mind had twirled out my ear in the middle of the night.

I couldn’t help but do a brain revealing eye roll.  I hollered down the stairs to her, “Put my curling iron back in my bathroom right now, before I twirl you around something.”

And, who can forget last week’s record grounding-inducing, pathetic attempt by Son#2 when I came upon him entering the house as I was on my way out at 6:00AM on a Saturday morning:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying Teenagers“Why are you up?” I asked.  Seeing him awake on a Saturday at 6:00AM usually means I forgot about a 7:00AM soccer game, or the world is ending.

“I got the paper,” he answered holding up the newspaper he had retrieved from our driveway.

“I see.  And, you needed a car key for that?” I asked, pointing to the key in his other hand. I’m sure Mr. Jane would have been proud of me.

“Uhhh,” he began.  I was tempted to sit down, as I recognized that a show was about to begin.  “I went out to get donuts for the family.”

“Really?” I like to play along.

“Yeah, I figured I better go early, so there was a better selection,” Son#2 continued.

“How thoughtful!” I said.  “Where are the donuts?”

“Uhhh, I didn’t have any money in my wallet to buy them,” he continued.  “So, I went to the bank to cash my paycheck, but I couldn’t get the machine to work and they weren’t open, so I just came home.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying Teenagers“Give me your keys.  You won’t need them for quite some time,” I said more calmly than I thought possible, considering my mind was running through all of the different ways to strangle a person at the time.

“Why am I getting in trouble for trying to do something nice for the family?” he scoffed, clearly wounded by this perceived injustice.

“You weren’t trying to do something nice for the family.  The closest you got to buying us donuts this morning was driving past the mini mall on your way home after sneaking out to play video games at you friends’ house all night.  And, if you say one more word, I will take you down to the bank when it opens, and have them show you the video tape of you not trying to use the ATM to cash your paycheck, which by the way went through the laundry last night because you left it in your jeans pocket.”

You know, it’s not the lying so much as the lack of effort behind it that really bothers me.  I mean, come on, if they’re going to be dishonest, couldn’t they at least make an effort?  I’m not a complete moron.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying TeenagersHow about even a little effort? Couldn’t my kids at least wipe the chocolate off their faces before denying they ate my chocolate bar?

How about showing some respect?  Is it too much to ask that they at least hide my suede boots after wearing them out in the rain, rather than sticking the mud cover things back on my shelf?

How about acknowledging my intelligence?  Why not put down his brother’s truck before denying taking it from him?

I worry for my children.  They seem to be lacking such basic level dishonesty skills, and they aren’t putting in the hard work necessary to become quality deceivers.

How will they be finesse-filled spouses or skilled parents or Christmas character supporters?

How will they successfully apply for a mortgage or negotiate for a car or eat dinner at their in-laws house?

I realize now that I should have set a better example.  I should have been lying to them all along.

But, it’s never too late to start.  I’ll change my ways.  I’ll make a difference in their lives before it’s too late.  I’ll start today.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Raising A Better Class Of Liars Truthfulness Lying TeenagersI’ll tell them I’m in the kitchen making dinner, when I’m actually in the there snarfing the cookie dough.

I’ll tell them I went to the gym, when all I actually did was stop by my friend Jim’s house to return a book.

And, I’ll tell Son#3 that he can borrow my car, and when he heads for the door, I add, “but you may not” just to help them work on those semantics.

I know there’s still hope.

If we all pull together, I may be able to raise a pack of skilled liars yet!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone told you a real whopper lately?  What was it?  What did you do?  Did you ever feed your parents a pile of bologna?  What happened?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Oh yeah – I just wanted to remind you – if you haven’t hooked up with me on Facebook or Pinterest or Twitter, I hope you will today.  I want you to be in on all the giggles.  Plus, it’s always fun to hang out with you!

Also, be sure to click on the subscribe box in the sidebar up near the top, right-hand side of this page to receive all of my blog posts in your e-mail.  It’s super convenient and I won’t send you any spam.

And, hey –Thanks for reading!  I appreciate you spending your time with me!

 

Tuesday Tickles – nvcvt

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Tuesday Tickles – nvcvt Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeakTuesday Tickles – nvcvt

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tickles that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 


Follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  Be sure to “Like” up my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend, too.  As always, thank you for your support!

 

Momspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe I said out loud to my pack this week):

You can itch tomorrow.  Go to bed.

You have to take 2 trumpets to school.

Stop pulling your brother’s toe.

 

Kidspeak

(stuff I can hardly believe one of my pack said to me this week):

Is it ok if mold is on the butter?

Guess what’s in the toilet!

I don’t need a sandwich. I have one in my locker from last week.

 

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Have your kids told you something you never thought you’d hear?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Give Me Patience. Now.

Give Me Patience. Now. 

by Gina Valley

Patience Trees Humor Funny Humorous Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Kid Kids Child Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Grandpa Grandma Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Gina Valley Parenting Stillness Sunday Give Me Patience.  Now.
Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Beyond

Looking

Thinking

Pondering

Wandering

Ever wondering

Ever drawing

Ever will be

Running

Skipping

Seeking

There

-gina valley

 

I’m not a naturally patient person.

I’m not good at waiting.

And, I have trouble with deciding when to be patient. Seems like I’m patient at the wrong times.

Patience is not an easy thing for me to apply to my life.

On the one hand, life’s short. We must seize the day.

On the other hand, patience is a virtue of the wise.

Is there a way to seize wisdom?

I guess I need more patience. Now.

Love!

-gina

Are you a patient person?  How do you decide when to wait and when to charge

ahead?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.