Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

by Gina Valley

I have the privilege of hanging out with some amazing writers next week at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, Ohio.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

I’m looking forward to meeting people whose work I have long read and admired, and to laughing with new friends, as well.

I’m not looking forward to trying to parent my 7 children from 2200 miles away.

I travel several times a year, so I know my family needs more specific guidelines than “be good” and “don’t burn the house down.” I’ll be leaving them a list of rules.

Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town

#10.  Call me only if there’s an emergency. An emergency is when someone or something is on fire, or someone is bleeding profusely from the head.

#9.  No one may make any flame of any kind in any way at any point for any reason. If there is a power outage, birthday, or zombie apocalypse just sit there in the dark until I get home.

#8.  Feed the dog only dog food. Yes, the dog likes ice cream, candy, and pizza, but ice cream, candy, and pizza do not like the dog, as evidenced by the projectile diarrhea he produced during my last trip.

#7.  The dog having projectile diarrhea is not an emergency. Do not call me to tell me about it. Do not send me pictures.

#6.  You must wear shoes to school every day, and they must be shoes that fit you, belong to you, and were purchased by me for you.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Rules While Mom’s Out Of Town#5.  Your dad is not allowed to play basketball with you. The last time he played basketball with you he broke his ankle. The time before that he dislocated his hip. If your dad is on crutches when I get back, you’re all grounded. Including your dad.

#4.  The babysitter feeding you jar spaghetti sauce is not an emergency. Do not call me to complain about it.

#3.  Stay out of my room.  If you think you need to go in my room, stay out of my room. If you absolutely, positively must go in my room, stay out of my room.

#2.  Wanting to go in my room is not an emergency. Do not call to ask me if you can go in my room.

#1.  If it involves the phrase “Watch this, you guys!” don’t do it.  Don’t even think about doing it.

In other words, be good.

And, don’t burn the house down.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you leave instructions behind for your family when you travel without them? Do they give out your cell phone number to salespeople who call? Has your family done something goofy while you were away? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes

Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes

by Gina Valley

We were rockin’ and rollin’ here in SoCal again last night.  We had some more little earthquakes. Nothing big enough to cause any significant damage, but plenty large enough to rattle some nerves, particularly those of the non-earthquake veterans.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes

Some people are freaking out. The news people are in a frenzy trying to get us all in a frenzy.  They’ve gone so far as to show broken soda bottles on a deli floor to remind us of the seriousness of the event from last night. If that doesn’t get us into a sufficient state of panic to boost ratings, they have threatened to show unedited shots of toppled patio furniture.
If you aren’t used to earthquakes, you might not realize that there are some good things about having the little ones show up once in a while. The news media isn’t going to tell you that, but don’t worry. I’ve got your back.

Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes

#10.  Earthquakes teach us speed in the loo. No one completes their business on the porcelain throne faster than a SoCal earthquake expert. Let’s face it, no one wants to get caught with their pants down. Literally. We earthquake veterans are speedy showers, too.  After all, the only thing worse than getting caught with your pants down, is getting caught with them completely off.  We’re in. We’re out. We’re finished. That’s doubly good because we are running out of water here, too.

#9.  When you live in earthquake country you always know where at least a couple wrenches are. One is hooked to your gas meter. The other is near your water meter.  More accurately, one should be hooked to your gas meter and one should be near your water meter. Unfortunately, knowing those are always there means, when experiencing a mid-DIY emergency wrench need, one is likely to borrow one of those, resulting in the wrenches not being where they should be.

Funny Humor Earthquakes  http://ginavalley.com/   Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes – Read & Laugh All About It!#8.  It’s a great excuse to keep hundreds of those evil plastic water bottles on hand without being thought of as an eco-hog.  My kids are forever bugging me about drinking from those water bottles, and thus single-handedly destroying the environment. Thanks to these little earth-shaking moments I can remind my kids that I am not indulging in wasteful consumption. I am rotating our earthquake emergency water supply to keep it fresh. I’m a giver.

#7.  Quake zone residents are always prepared to open a can of anything. Those of us in the earthquake rodeo grounds keep an extra can opener with our emergency earthquake supplies.  So at 2:00AM, when we’re frantically trying to make enough spaghetti sauce for the entire football team and their families, because our son forgot to tell me he signed me up to make my sauce for the 200 people expected for lunch in a mere 10 hours, and our kitchen can opener dies a sudden and untimely death, we are still able to open the cans of tomatoes, and to avoid yet another crisis.

#6.  Living where the earth moves means not living with horrible gifts. A wonderful benefit of living with the occasional temblor that’s rarely spoken of in non-earthquake zone residents’ circles is how convenient earthquakes are for disposing of horrible gifts without hurting the gift-givers feelings.  Earthquakes are a great way to get rid of not only that ugly “I got boned in the Museum of Natural History” mug your neighbor gave you for your birthday, and the frightening collection of erotic ceramic hippos your aunt presented to you when you graduated from college. But, earthquakes can also rid you of that needle point pillow your sister made with the face on it which seems to be watching you no matter where you stand in your living room, and the taxidermy dog your Uncle Stewart “knew you would just love!”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE EarthquakesAfter all, not only do earthquakes make breakable things fall and break, they also make breakable things fall onto non-breakable things and break them, too.  No need to put it on the front edge of the shelf and wait for the next jiggler to do it in, either.  Just a report from you that it happened will be evidence enough to explain the gift’s new residence in gift heaven.

#5.  Earthquakes are also a great excuse to over-shop. Pulling up to the registers at Costco with your 3 carts full of stuff makes you look like a hoarder, until you mention that you are restocking your earthquake supplies.  Then, you suddenly become the hero. Clark Kent should be such a fine individual.  No need to explain the case of Oreos or diamond earrings. We all do what we have to in survival situations.

#4.  Earthquakes are a great reason to stock up on trashy novels and other questionable reading material. After all, if you’re going to have to be prepared to live in a tent for days on end, with no running water, and only sketchy cable service, you’ve got to prepare a way to keep yourself and others entertained. Otherwise, we’ll all just turn into animals and start living out Lord of the Flies.

#3.  Cleaning out the pantry in earthquake country is a breeze. If in doubt, put it in the earthquake kit. Not sure why we have this can of hearts of palms. Didn’t even know palms had hearts. But, apparently I paid $3.99 for it, so I’m not throwing it out. Into our earthquake kit it goes.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Good Things About LITTLE Earthquakes#2.  Earthquakes are a great excuse to keep a supply of chocolate in the house. Earthquakes can cause a lot of stress. Eating chocolate tends to relieve stress.  Buying that 10 pound bag of Ghirardelli’s doesn’t make you a pig. It makes you a friggin’ neighborhood hero. Of course, chocolate doesn’t last forever, so you need to make sure you rotate your chocolate stock, to keep it fresh, by occasionally scarfing down the entire bag, and buying a new one.  Because you are a giver.

#1.  Living in earthquake country means it’s always ok to go shopping.  You aren’t being an over-consumer.  You are preparing for a community disaster. Buying that super cute sweater and adorable stiletto boots are not indulgences, no matter what your non-earthquake-preparedness husband thinks. They are supplies for a potential emergency living situation. So are the other 25 pairs of boots you own.  The same is true of that shiny new generator and air hammer you just adopted from Harbor Freight, even if your non-earthquake-preparedness wife is in denial about the amount of air hammering necessary after an earthquake. Just put it next to the juicer you bought from that infomercial.

Currently, our earthquake supply box includes a can opener, 2 empty water bottles, and a bag of candy corn from Halloween 2 years ago. So, these latest shakes have reminded me I need to hit the stores to restock. I’ll hit the mall first thing in the morning to stock up. I need to make sure we are prepared to take care of our family and to assist our neighbors in the event of an actual emergency.

I’ll start at the shoe store.

I always feel safer in an emergency situation if I have a new pair of heels.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you experienced an earthquake? How are you prepared for emergency situations? Do you have an emergency chocolate stash? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Friday Funnies – tvovc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovcFriday Funnies – tvovc 

It’s Friday.

End of the week. Start of the weekend.

Pull up a chair & grab your favorite beverage.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Friday Funnies –

Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Did I do that?

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
They make me babble!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Sleep – glorious sleep!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Way past creepy!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
I learned that burnt is Cajun, too.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
I do a lot of explaining.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
She does not look happy!

Be sure to visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” me up.

 

Some Of My Favorite Pins On Pinterest:

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Works like a charm every time.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
I do. I really do!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
She’s freaking me out!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Totally!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvovc
Poster board? How shocking!

All the rest of my pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

If you’re trying to put off making dinner, you can check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

 

This Week On The Gina Valley Blog:

My recent humor posts include

Friday Funnies – tvuvc (a weeks worth of funnies),

Stop Licking The Dog!!! (did I really just say that? Again?),

Tuesday Tickles – tvcvc (a week’s worth of funny quips),

Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional (why aren’t my kids better liars?),

Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?…Gina’s Favorites (bad parenting advice abounds).

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this week? Did you have a good week?  Any big plans this weekend?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?…Gina’s Favorites

Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

The rule in our home is: no throwing or bouncing balls inside. Two of my boys got new baseball mitts this week, and have conveniently “forgotten” that rule about a million times so far. Casualties up until this point have included 2 table lamps, a ceiling fan, and their frog’s aquarium. 
In honor of all their unsanctioned throwing, I picked my Did We Put The Kids In The Carry-On? post for Throwback Day this week. Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Did We Put The Kids In The Carry-On?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?...Gina's Favorites Traveling Parenting Advice

Maybe the person who wrote the article I just almost read is a parent.

Maybe.

I’m not saying it’s not possible the person who wrote the article is a parent.  I’m just saying that when I saw the title, 50 Ways To Entertain Kids On A Plane, I figured it was written by either a parent or some other individual who has spent a lot of time traveling with children on planes.

But, the second I saw Way #1 To Entertain A Kid On A Plane I gave up wondering if the author was a parent, and started wondering if the author had ever even met a child, much less been inside a plane with one.

The first idea was to “play a gentle game of catch.”  Seriously.  That’s what it said to do.  On the plane.

I gotta say, playing catch on the plane, not a good idea.  In fact, not a good idea for so many reasons that I think I could write an entire book just on why not to do that. I think that most people, parents or otherwise, could.

Here’s a tip for the author: in general, while on a plane with a child, it’s the goal of all adults, not just said child’s parents, to do the following:  1. Keep the kid from crying.  2. Keep the kid from throwing things.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?...Gina's Favorites Traveling Parenting AdviceSo, if you’re going to play catch with the child, you might as well poke him or her in the eye, and get the crying thing out of the way, too.

I should have kept reading.  Maybe #10 was “Start a small fire to look at the pretty lights it makes.”

Perhaps #17 was “Shoot marbles in the aisle,” with a special note that the game is even more fun if done while the drink cart is cruising around.

Or maybe #23 was “Alternate giving your child giant cookies and & 7Up until she vomits so much that you think she’ll turn inside out” (I was across the aisle from that “entertainment” once.   It was awesome.  Made a 2 hour flight to Washington feel like we’d changed our minds, and decided to do the 15 hour jig to the land down under.  But, when we got off the plane, there were no koala bears.  Just a horrible vomit smell wafting off of every passenger from the flight).

I wonder if #37 was “Bring a dowel so your child can poke the guy seated in front of him,” because sometimes just kicking their seat isn’t nearly enough entertainment.

Do you think #43 might have been a reminder to, if you’re traveling with more than one child, “Bring only one of each item, because the time will pass so much faster if your kids can bicker over whose turn it is to hold the Etch A Sketch” (which, by the way, is a really good thing to bring on the plane).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Will Our Kids Fit In That Suitcase?...Gina's Favorites Traveling Parenting Advice

I’m almost certain that #48 would have been “Place rolls of caps onto your tray table and strike with a hammer for a fun auditory and olfactory experience.”

How many hammers does the TSA let you bring in your carry-on these days?

And, do they need to be in a Ziploc bag?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What’s your favorite piece of dumb parenting advice some “expert” offered?  What fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants idea did you find that works great for your family?   Shoot me a comment with all the details.  I’m looking forward to hearing about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional

Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional

by Gina Valley

Today I’m asking the tough questions over at Dads’ Round Table in my Why Aren’t My Children Better Liars? post . Well, actually, I’m just asking that one question, and I’m not sure how tough it is:

Why aren’t my children better liars?

Actually, it’s more about laughing at the may-or-may-not be tough question. Here’s a sample of what you’ll find in my post over on DadsRoundTable.com:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Maybe I Need To Call In A Professional Lying

…Why aren’t my children better liars?

It’s not like they don’t practice.

I feel like such a failure.  Clearly, I’m not providing them with the deception training they need to develop into the amazing liars I know they could be.

Maybe I need to call in a professional to provide private coaching, like a politician or a used car salesman or a weight loss counselor.

Consider yesterday’s example:

I asked Son#3 & Son#4, “Did you finish cleaning your room?”

“Yes!” they answered in unison, already opening the cabinet to access the Xbox.

“Is it really clean, or did you just stop working on it?”  I asked to clarify their answer.  I watch Law & Order.  I know how to interrogate.

“It’s clean!” they answered in unison, sticking to their story, while they tug-o-war’ed with the favored black XBox controller.  They’ve been watching NCIS for denial tips.

“Are you sure?” I asked, carefully maintaining eye contact to watch for hints of deception.  That’s what Patrick Jane does.

“Yes!” they again answered emphatically in unison.  Son#3 had somehow managed to wrest the coveted black controller away from Son#4.  I was surprised that Son#4 wasn’t complaining about being stuck with one of the less loved light colored controllers, but I didn’t allow it to get me off track.

I gave them both “The Eye,” and asked, “Could a blind guy walk across your floor without getting hurt?”  Sometimes you have to get specific to eliminate semantics…..

Click on over to my Why Aren’t My Children Better Liars? post on Dads’ Round Table to get the rest of the giggles.  I’ll meet you over there.

And, as always, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone told you a real whopper lately?  What was it?  What did you do?  Did you ever feed your parents a pile of bologna?  What happened?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – tvcvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeak Tuesday Tickles – tvcvc Tuesday Tickles – tvcvc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

 

Don’t miss a giggle.  Be sure to “Like” my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Stop Licking The Dog!!!

Stop Licking The Dog!!!

by Gina Valley

“Stop licking the dog.”  Did I just say that?  Again?

They told me that after I had kids I’d never sleep again. I believed them, but for the wrong reasons.

I thought the baby would fuss. The toddler would call out. Nightmares, bathroom needs, and barking dogs would all work together to prevent any semblance of a good night’s sleep during my parental years.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Licking The Dog! ParentismsAnd, they do.

But, those disturbances are small potatoes compared to the true parental sleep depriver.

The words.

The sentences.

Those thoughts that somehow made sense at the time when they passed through my lips, but return like ghosts to haunt me in the night.

Did I really tell my daughter to “Stop eating if you’re hungry,” to “Try to be a better liar,” and that “I don’t care what the dog thinks, I’m turning the channel,”?

Did I imagine asking my son “Why are you wearing 9 pairs of underwear at the same time?” “Are all orange foods poisonous?” and “Why is it raining in our dining room?”

Was that me explaining to my own progeny that “Wearing a coat is not a punishment,” and “Cheese is not worth screaming about,”?

Was I the one I heard telling my children “If you break a leg, you’re grounded,” “Wear something light, so the dog hair doesn’t show,” and “Putting the cookies on a plate does to make them homemade,”?

How come I can’t get rid of the image of me explaining yet again to my 8 year old “Needing to wear shoes to school should not be a surprise every day,”?

Did I announce “A flip flop is not a plate,” “Some people do not liked to be sniffed,” and “Sandwiches are not allowed in the bathroom,”?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Stop Licking The Dog! ParentismsWas it me who asked “Which parts of your sister are glued together?” “Who dressed the vacuum cleaner?” and “Why is there a taco in your closet?”

Could I have actually ordered my children to “Stop speaking English. You’re American,” to “Stop putting rocks in the refrigerator,” and to “Stop making fun of your brother’s cornea,”?

Why did I need to ask “How come someone stapled these waffles?”, “Who woke up the frog?”, and “Why does this bread taste like pencils?”?

Did I actually say “You can’t waltz right now. We’re late,” “I don’t care whose it is. Flush it,” and “I’m sorry someone moved your dirt,”?

Yes, they were right when they told me I’d never get any sleep as a parent.

But, they didn’t mention that it’d be because I had to tell someone to “Stop licking the dog!”

Three times.

In one day.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you been startled by the nonsense that made sense at the time flowing out of your mouth? Have you received knowing looks and stares from nearby parents after blurting out a real gem?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Friday Funnies – tvuvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvcFriday Funnies – tvuvc

It’s Friday.

End of the week. Start of the weekend.

Pull up a chair & grab your favorite beverage.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Friday Funnies –

Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Mine do, too.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Ours is named “Get Off The Sofa!”

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Ours never remember to use the buddy system.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
I totally do that, and I think it helps.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Gotta love grammar humor!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Well, at least he’s an honest thief.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
Whoa, was that a squirrel?!?!

 

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I can’t do that!

 

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Every. Single. Time.

Be sure to visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” me up.

 

Some Of My Favorite Pins On Pinterest:

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - tvuvc
I hope he doesn’t check WebMD.

 

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Maybe he needs a backseat driver.

 

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The important thing is to remain calm. Then, burn the house down.

 

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Yeah! I’ve always wondered about that.

 

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I think he’s looking at me.

 

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That’s a great idea!

All the rest of my pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

If you’re trying to put off making dinner, you can check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

 

This Week On The Gina Valley Blog:

My recent humor posts include

Friday Funnies – tcvc (a weeks worth of funnies),

You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot (sometimes you just have to laugh),

Tuesday Tickles – tdovc (a week’s worth of funny quips),

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Silent Saturday (why being silent at a soccer game drives me crazy),

Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue…Gina’s Favorites (funny St. Patrick’s Day mishaps).

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this week? Did you have a good week?  Any big plans this weekend?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue…Gina’s Favorites

Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

This year, I forgot to turn on the crockpot to cook the corned beef for our St. Patrick’s Day dinner. I messed up on St. Patrick’s Day last year, too. For Throwback Day this week, laugh along with my Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue post to giggle about last year’s goof ups.

Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue...Gina's Favorites Duh Moments

I have blue eyes today instead of my usual green.

My sudden optical change happened because a few years ago, while most of my kids were still babies, I had to be out of town for Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day?  Who cares, right?

Most of them were too young to know they were missing anything anyway.

But, my “mommy hormones” kicked in.

It wasn’t as bad as that time we had to leave our puppy home while we went away for the weekend. I’d cried because he’d had a really rough week, and I was worried about him being sad while we were gone and he was home all by himself…with just the house sitter at our house with him. Constantly. (I think The Professor put the “home” on speed dial after that one).

But, this was a pretty hormone-y time, too.

So, I decided I’d leave each of my pack a note and handmade Valentine, so they would know that I felt terrible about being gone, and had not abandoned them.

I was feeling a lot better as I drove home considering my plan.  I decided to stop off to buy some Valentine making supplies (and because the Valentines we bought for our kids to give out at school apparently had only 20 in a box and every school age kid had at least 22 students in his or her class, so we needed another box).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue...Gina's Favorites Duh MomentsI popped into the discount store (not the one that gives me a migraine, but the one with the snappy music in its ad.  It costs a little more, but it’s on the way home.  And, no migraine).   I headed toward the craft aisle, and on the way I came to the Valentine aisle.

There were Valentine’s table cloths and plates of all sizes.  Valentine goblets, candy, center pieces.  Valentine balloons, streamers, toy favors and games.  They even had Valentine pastries!

I’d found all things Valentine waiting there for me to create the ultimate Valentine morning, in a desperate attempt to fill the void that my children would undoubtedly feel as they rose on the special day to realize, yes, mommy was in fact on another one of her business trips.

Surely, this was a way to prevent the horrible emotional damage that my absence on Valentine’s Day would otherwise certainly cause.

I felt something move within me.  It might have been my inner Martha Stewart or perhaps I was channeling Dr. Spock or maybe it was the Thai food I’d for lunch.  It might have been my AmEx card shaking with fear.  But, something definitely stirred.

Before I realized what I was doing, I’d filled my cart with all manner of Valentine’s paraphernalia and bolted to the register.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue...Gina's Favorites Duh MomentsWhen I got home I realized I had 8 bags of Valentine Day enhancements with me.  Yet, somehow in my mommy-guilt-ridden state even that wasn’t enough.  I rushed through the door, and told The Professor I needed stuff from the attic right away.

“The suitcases?”  he asked.

“Yeah, those, too,” I answered, rushing about spreading Valentine’s cheer.  “ Plus, anything we have for Valentine’s Day.  Plus any red Christmas stuff that doesn’t look Christmas-y.”

“If it doesn’t look Christmas-y, why would it be Christmas stuff?”  he asked, clearly not channeling Martha Stewert.

I had to leave for the airport by 3AM.  It took me until 2:59 to finish decorating.  I’d put decorations in every room, even the bathrooms.

But, the crowning glory was the breakfast table.

There were Valentine’s place settings, goblets, and a center piece.   Fancy, but unbreakable (for most kids, not mine, but close enough).  There were streamers, window clings, and balloons.   Tiny toys and favors were strewn about the table, and…here’s where my kids would enter into the mommy is a goddess mode….sweets of all kinds.

Keep in mind that I don’t usually let my kids eat their fill of sweets.  In fact, I rarely buy them.  But, this time the table was covered. There was pink sugary breakfast cereal, pink and red cookies, all manner of Valentine’s pastries,  and 6 different kinds of candy all decked out in Valentine splendor and spread about the table.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue...Gina's Favorites Duh MomentsIt was beautiful.  It was stunning. It was a sugar-rush, kid-Nirvana waiting for my littles to discover when they woke up.

I received an excited phone call later that morning after my pack had woken up.  They were all so excited.  I wished I was home to see their fun, but I was glad that I’d taken the time to do it, knowing I’d be gone.

What started out as a way to appease my mommy-guilt, turned into a family tradition, as my children immediately began discussing how excited they were to see the next holiday table.

Now every holiday  (well the minor ones, anyway, we still go traditional décor for the majors), as well as birthdays, our home, the breakfast area in particular, is transformed into a celebration zone with food, décor, and favors that both match the occasion, and tend not to be at the crux of our nutrition plan.

So, naturally, this St. Patrick’s Day was no exception.

As per usual, I was up most of the night putting the final touches on the party zone, and was a bit tired in the morning when it was time for me to make the last minute dishes.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Don’t It Make My Green Eyes Blue...Gina's Favorites Duh MomentsMy fatigue made me a bit clumsy.

I splashed buttermilk in my hair as I made the Irish soda bread.

I accidental unscrewed the lid to the pepper as I seasoned the corned beef and dumped half of the can onto it.

And, last, but certainly not least, I somehow managed to squirt blue food coloring into my eye while I was making the green eggs and ham.

I hoped I hadn’t just given birth to a new family tradition.

I kind of prefer my green eyes green.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you celebrate the “little” holidays?  What do you do?  Which is your favorite holiday? What’s your favorite tradition?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Silent Saturday

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Silent Saturday

by Gina Valley

Saturday was Silent Saturday on the soccer fields.

It’s also known as Aneurisms All Around Day.

In case you aren’t familiar with the Silent Saturday Movement, just think of it as a kind of glorified time-out for the over-zealous (i.e. people behaving like jerks) at youth soccer games.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I Hate Silent Saturday Soccer

During Silent Saturday no one (not parents nor coaches nor spectators) is allowed to yell or say anything (positive or negative) to the players during the games. No whooping. No hollering. No sound of any kind is allowed, other than clapping.

I’m all for helping people curb their negativity and protecting kids from helicopter parenting, but this Silent Saturday thing is not working out for me.  My friend, Pesky Pippi, put it well when she said, “I HATE Silent Saturday!”  I’m with Pippi.

In theory, Silent Saturday should create an environment similar to that which children experienced before organized sports took over all their informal neighborhood games.

In reality, Silent Saturday makes people go insane.

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Silent Saturday

#10. It causes confusion. The quiet clapping after plays sounds like golf, and I keep looking for Tiger Woods.  Or, Happy Gilmore.  Someone.

#9. It causes blindness. We were encouraged to make signs to hold up during the game, in lieu of hollering our good sentiments. My children used our signs to engage in physical attacks upon one another while they “watched” their brother’s game.  Nobody lost an eye, but they might have, if the game had gone into overtime.

#8. It encourages tattooing. Not only did my kids take time out from making our cheer signs for Silent Saturday to draw mustaches on each other and on our blonde dog, they also drew faces on each of The Professor’s toes while he dozed on the sofa (he can sleep through anything, obviously), and an alien on their teenage sister’s knee (see? Napping is a bad idea, teenagers).  The discovery of their handy work resulted in Frantic Friday in our home. And, since we were using permanent markers, all of their creations lasted well beyond Silent Saturday.

#7. It encourages illicit drug use. The people along the sidelines mumbling to themselves what they would normally be hollering sound like a bunch of addicts. Or, zombies. It isn’t good.

#6. It encourages Facebook bullying. I love to cheer for the kids, mine and everyone else’s. I get that there are some people who are morons and need to shut up. But, if we can’t talk directly to them, you know, like adults, we’ll end up bashing them on Facebook or talking behind their backs at Starbucks. That always gets people to change their behavior. Not.

#5. It makes kids lose faith in their parents. Without the parents hollering at one another, how are we parents, who are busy chatting with one another, supposed to know when our kid scores?  All the players are dressed alike. It’s a mob in front of that goal. We all need that one eagle-eyed parent to holler out the shooter’s name, so we can tell our kids, “Of course, I saw your goal.”

#4. It makes kids join gangs. The players forget they’re allowed to talk to each other during the game, and instead use all sorts of weird hand gestures that look like a cross between gang signing and giving the bird.

#3. It produces boredom. How are we supposed to giggle about Timmy’s “mom” using his name at the beginning and end of every sentence if she isn’t allowed to talk? We’ll miss “Timmy, do you want water, Timmy?” “Timmy, are you hungry, Timmy?” “Timmy, why are you pretending you don’t know me, Timmy?”  By the way, Timmy is her husband.

#2. It teaches kids to take candy from strangers. The refs tossed candy to kids along the sidelines when their parents remained silent. So, if you obey the edict and sit there quietly, you are punished because a stranger gives your kid candy, and then you get to deal with a toddler on a sugar high. While remaining silent.  Of course.  In keeping with the day’s theme.

#1. It makes communists attempt world domination. By the time I get home after a day of Silent Saturday, I need to yell at someone. I’m guessing everyone else at Silent Saturday has some pent up aggression, too. I’m not sure, but I think that Russia had a Silent Saturday at their soccer games right before Putin decided to invade the whole world.  Not sayin’ that’s why he did it, just pointing it out.

Let’s all say “No!” to Silent Saturday.

Quietly, though.

I don’t want to get kicked off of the field.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you taken part in Silent Saturday? Do you think Duct Tape Day might be more effective? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.