Synchronized Complaining – The Newest Olympic Sport
by Gina Valley
Like most adults, and every parent, I wish I had chosen paper plates for my wedding china pattern. Anything to avoid the post dinner rush for excuses to dodge dinner dish-duty.
The miraculous shift on the part of my off-spring from happy diners to disgruntled juveniles is nearly instantaneous at the announcement that it is “time to clean up dinner.” It’s almost like a synchronized complaining team (I’m pretty sure that Synchronized Complaining is a demonstration sport this year at the Olympics. It’s widely assumed that the International Olympic Committee will recognize its world-wide appeal and enormous contestant pool and make it an official sport for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil).
Upon arrival of the dish bewitching hour a surprisingly consistent variety of mystery ailments arise and afflict the children in my home:
Son#1 must suddenly lie down as he is instantly taken ill or develops a sudden back problem and can no longer stand.
Son#2 must retire to the facilities immediately as his having ingested everything possible, short of the table top itself, has suddenly required off-loading.
Daughter#2 slips into a fit of rage and begins a long-winded seemingly unending rant because “No one else is helping!”
Daughter#3 silently disappears until she has heard the clink of the last fork being loaded into the dishwasher.
Son#3 will remain in his seat at the dinner table and continue to eat until all dishes are done, bath time is over, and everyone is in bed.
Son#4 lies on the floor and yells and screams about always having to do everything until there is nothing left to do.
Niece#2 does not want anyone to touch her plate or her glass or her fork. She insists on loading it into the dishwasher herself, while chanting the standard 2-year-old mantra, “Mine, mine, mine!” And, by dishwasher she means the cupboard with the cookies. The cookies are also “Mine, mine, mine!”
I wonder if they sell paper pots and pans.
And, do we really need dinner every night?
Laugh Out Loud!
Is your team practicing for the Olympics? Shoot me a comment – I’m looking forward to hearing all about it!