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Socks Are The Devil

Socks Are The Devil

by Gina Valley

They’re trying to drive me insane.

No, not my pack.

Well, them, too, but I’m talking about those knit, Ninja-skilled, foot festooners.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store House

Is there anything more futile and infuriating than trying to keep a supply of clean, paired up socks?

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

Why is that absolutely impossible to do?

Socks seem to disappear at our home right before our eyes.  I’m not sure whether to call it a miracle or a curse, but whatever it is, I can’t seem to stop it.

Once I bought a pack of 12 pairs for Son#4 at the Big Blue store.  By the time we got to our van in the parking lot, the package was down to 10 pairs.  By the time we got home, it was already down to 8.  And, he hadn’t even opened the package yet.

Chances are, of those 8 pairs, only 3 pairs actually made it to the laundry room for cleaning and re-wearing, while the rest took off to live stinky, free-range lives under the bathroom cabinet, in the back of his closet, or in our breakfast cereal cabinet.

Why can’t my family get their dirty socks off of their feet and directly into our laundry room, without a 3 day layover in our kitchen or living room?  I’d have the socks complain to their travel agent, if I thought it would do any good.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store HouseWe have a bucket in our laundry room that dirty socks go into.  It’s actually more of a tub.  It’s hard to miss.  I keep getting larger and larger tubs, because I think the socks are climbing out.  That would explain why it seems like our supply is constantly dwindling.

Why does my pack refuse to corral the socks we can actually find?  If they would just drop their used socks into the bucket, I could work my over-bleaching magic, and produce clean, slightly transparent foot cozies for them on a regular basis.

Maybe they’re afraid to have them washed because they know how socks in our home use laundry day as a starting point to begin world travels.

My dryer doesn’t just eat an occasional sock.  No, it’s apparently running a complete sock protection and relocation program, sneaking socks across boarders and in and out of houses throughout the world.  I caught an argyle with a tiny Scottish passport in the last load I pulled from the dryer.

Of the 6 socks that made up those 3 identical pairs from the same package that I bought for Son#4 that day, only 3 socks will emerge from the laundry.  And, not a one of those 3 socks, which were identical when they entered the washer, will look even slightly like a relative of the other as they exit the dryer.

How come when I buy new socks and wash them, even though they all came out of the same package, when they come out of the drier they’re invariably all different sizes, shapes and colors?  What’s up with that?

The military should have such form-shifting and camouflage technology.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Disappearing Socks Laundry Room Bucket Store HouseAfter washing a full load of more than 50 pairs of socks, I end up with about 57 individual socks, and not a matched pair in the bunch.

I‘m considering moving to Hawaii, solely so that my pack won’t have to wear socks.

I’m pretty sure the savings in sock money for the first year alone would pay for the move.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Is your home a hideout for sock fugitives, too?  Do they disappear before or after you try to wash them?  Shoot me a comment with all of your suggestions for sock containment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

18 Responses
  • Courtney~Club-Content
    January 15, 2013

    Oh my gosh..they always disappear! There are times when I’ll find one years later in a pair of pants never worn, way back in a drawer. So always check the pant legs;)

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      The pant legs! Ah ha! I haven’t been checking there! Thank you, Courtney! I will start searching there now. 🙂

  • Jae Mac (@JaeMacjustsayin)
    January 15, 2013

    I think I found some of your socks in my dryer.
    Jae Mac, I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)
    Seriously though… it’s a conspiracy.

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Thank you, Jae. Be sure to keep a close eye on them. They are shifty little rascals!

  • dadblunders
    January 16, 2013

    GREAT POST!!!!!

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Lol! Thank you, Aaron!
      (I hear the “Great Post” police coming!)

  • dadblunders
    January 16, 2013

    Gina,

    I regret to inform you that the sock protection and relocation program has been moved to Hawaii. It is upon entering the state of Hawaii that you will find all of the socks lounging around on the beach. The one problem for you is that you are considering moving to Hawaii so your family no longer has to wear socks. I have been informed this is a major mistake. Once you move to Hawaii the socks will know the “jig” is up and they will either

    A. Have to relocate (I don’t see this happening since they are currently very happy on the beach)

    B. Pretend they don’t know you and “hope” you don’t recognize any of them (a very unlikely scenario too….children are involved in the missing sock scenario and unfortunately they have a reputation for having big mouths)

    C. Abduct you from Hawaii in the middle of the night and place you on a slow boat to the Antarctic (now we are getting to the more probable scenarios)

    D. Have their hitman, the “missing” gloves, take care of you and your family on a permanent basis (I understand they have a terrible reputation about being underhanded too)

    I hope this helps you in making an “informed decision about whether or not you should move to Hawaii on your quest for no longer wearing socks!

    Aaron

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Thank you, Aaron, for keeping me informed about the WASTE (War Against Sock Terrorism Everywhere)!

      I always suspected the socks were highly organized in their activities, but I had no idea that the conspiracy went so deep or involved other knitwear.

      I will take steps to protect myself and my family from sock instigated harm, and to prevent further recruiting of our socks into this terrible life of sock crime.

  • john david
    January 16, 2013

    I was camping once and my socks went floating past me

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Lol! I hate when that happens, John! I once saw one of my flip flops float past me in Yosemite. Frustrating!

  • john david
    January 16, 2013

    Fun blog well done

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Thank you, John! I am so glad that you enjoy it!

  • Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz)
    January 17, 2013

    LMAO!!! I’m laughing because I hate-hate-hate matching socks up, so I have gone to great lengths to avoid this chore. We have two sock boxes. One for all white socks, and one for all black socks. When clean socks come out of the dyer, I just throw them into the appropriate boxes. I don’t care of they match or not. The sock boxes tend to migrate around the house, as my hubz or my son match up a pair and carry the box with them for some inexplicable reason. So now instead of asking if there are any clean socks… they ask, “Mom, where’s the sock box?” How hard can it be to locate a freaking BOX??? lolz

    • gina valley
      January 19, 2013

      Lol, Andi! Your house sounds so much like ours! We have a hanger box at our house that also seems to walk off. I don’t understand why my family can’t just take the hangers they need without taking the whole box. Mind boggling!
      And, yeah,how hard can it be to locate a freaking BOX??? Lol!

  • violafury
    January 25, 2013

    Hey, all y’all! Y’know what I do? I just go to the hospital when I need socks. They always give me new ones. The hell with washing, matching, hunting for boxes, worrying about them running off, eloping to Mexico, or beaming up to the Mother Ship, I just go to the hospital and get some of those really cool socks with the rubberized zig-zags and then, voila! Socks that match and are clean!

  • The mystery of mis-matched socks is one that will plague the universe for eternity. I can imagine with your pack, you have several different styles, colors, sizes, etc. It must make for frustrating scavenger sock hunts. I saw something recently that said “lifes to short to were matching socks” 🙂

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