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Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil…Gina’s Favorites

Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

And, so it begins.

Youth soccer season kicked off this week.

We’ve already enjoyed the panic of missing cleats, insanity of shuttling kids between 4 different practices, and a trial run to the closest emergency room. And, they haven’t even played their first game yet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil...Gina's Favorites SportsJoin me in the madness with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil

Youth soccer is the root of all evil.

It seems like the perfect children’s sport.

Everyone can play.  The rules are simple.  Only basic equipment is necessary.

What a lovely way to spend an afternoon bonding with your family.

Except it’s so not.

Having had children participate for the past decade, with many more years still to come, I can tell you authoritatively that youth soccer is, in fact, the portal to evil.

We suckers, I mean parents, sign our kids up for what we think will be a relaxing once a week contest among friends.  We don’t realize until it’s too late that we’ve joined an insidious cult.

The fact that soccer makes us rise earlier than the hockey families on Saturday morning should have been a clue that foul play was amiss.  But, blurry-eyed and sleep-deprived such as we are, we missed it.

Before we knew what was happening we’re handed a stack of schedules:  snack schedule, picture schedule, paint the field schedule, clean out some random guys garage schedule.

We’re given misspelled names to game locations on 4 different continents, and told to MapQuest them.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil...Gina's Favorites SportsWe get a bill for coaches’ gifts, a team banner, practice shirts, and someone’s new car.

It all works together to set our heads spinning before the games even start.

Basically, it’s just a simple ruse on the part of the children’s union to bring us parents into submission.

And it’s working, too.

It’s so much easier for kids to control sleep-deprived, sun-stroked, Goldfish-cracker-fed parents. The complex details and extensive sun exposure rapidly turn our brains to mush. Gibberish becomes our first language.

They’ve got us to not only let them, but to encourage them to run through mud puddles, push people, kick things, gulp Gatorade, snarf Oreos, and scream at their friends, all in the name of getting some quality exercise and good clean fun.

Just yesterday I heard myself say to one of my littles, “You can skip your chores, just please leave your uniform outside, and get into the shower. Quickly.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Youth Soccer Is The Root Of All Evil...Gina's Favorites SportsEight hours into today’s marathon session I heard myself whine, “I just want some candy. Does anyone have any candy?!?!”

After returning home from another full day of Soccer Mom-ing, I bargained with one of my tiny teamsters, “I’m exhausted. I don’t care what you what you do. Just let me sleep. For the love of all that’s holy, let me sleep!” Every electronic, screen-outfitted item in our house shuddered, preparing for the onslaught.

And, no, they did not let me sleep.

Maybe I can doze during half-time tomorrow.  After my shift at the snack bar.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Has your family joined the youth soccer cult?  Was I supposed to bring snacks this week? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

3 Responses
  • Uplifting Families
    September 7, 2014

    I remember those days when my parents had to shuffle us to soccer practice. 😉

    • gina valley
      September 7, 2014

      It is always a balancing act to get everyone where they’re supposed to be, isn’t it, Christy? ;o)