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Location, Location, Location: Planning For Your Disaster Area

Location, Location, Location: Planning For Your Disaster Area

by Gina Valley

I moved our pack’s craft table out of our family room and into our living room last month.  The Professor was thrilled.  It’s not that he doesn’t want our pack hanging out with him while he watches the Lakers;Humor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids children Family Life love caring Mother Location Disaster Area Craft Table Bedazzle Remote Draperies Curtains Drapes Rhinestones Finger Paint Light it’s that he doesn’t want our pack’s art supplies hanging out near the TV.

He really didn’t appreciate it when someone bedazzled the remote.  For some reason its functioning was somewhat limited after receiving a coating of rhinestones.  And, apparently, finger paint does NOT improve the clarity of an HDTV.  Who knew?

So, I took pity on our dear Professor, and moved their table.

I put it in the only available spot, in our living room right in front of the large, south facing window.   Nothing quite as nice as a southern exposure for pure, creative light.  Or, so I’ve been told.  It really is a better location, from a purely artistic point of view.

From a “Dear Heavens, what happened to the living room drapes?” point of view – not so much!

It seems that if you leave the cap off a marker and lean it against a drapery, as my children are apt to do, the drapery fabric will suck the ink right out of the marker, creating Humor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids children Family Life love caring Mother Location Disaster Area Craft Table Bedazzle Remote Draperies Curtains Drapes Rhinestones Finger Paint Light a lovely splotch of color on the taupe colored drapes, which resembles either blood, barf, or poop, depending on the color of the marker.  This splotch takes on a life of its own and continues to climb and spread up the drape, mixing and mingling with other splotches and grubby finger prints as it encounters them, creating ever more intricate splotches.

It was fascinating!  I know this because as The Professor and I returned home after a dinner out last week and stood in our driveway, staring at the drapes, The Professor said, sounding way too pleased, “Looks just like something from my lab. It’s fascinating.  Really.  Quite fascinating.”  And, he was serious.   He was wrong, but quite serious!

Our tastes in décor are slightly different.  I tend to shy away from having our home look like a science experiment.  But, that’s just me.

So, yesterday I decided to de-science-tize the draperies.  I figured it would fit right in with my “I’m-Gonna-Clean-the-Whole-House-Today” plan for the day.  I just didn’t realize it would change my plan into the “I’m-Not-Going-to-Get-Anything-Else-Accomplished-Today-Because-I-Will-Become-Obsessed-With-Getting-the-Supposedly-Washable-Marker-Stains-Out-of-These-Stupid-Drapes!” plan.

It took me an unspeakable amount of time (and by “unspeakable” I don’t mean I won’t speak of it; I will probably speak about it every chance I get.  By “unspeakable” I mean “all bloody day!”) to get the drapes into their now sanitized-but –far-from-pristine current condition.

Humor Funny Parenting Moms Dads Kids children Family Life love caring Mother Location Disaster Area Craft Table Bedazzle Remote Draperies Curtains Drapes Rhinestones Finger Paint Light They are definitely clean.  I have scrubbed, treated their battle scars with stain removers of all sorts, and washed them three times today.  Some of the stains refuse to come out, which is, I suppose, why they call them “stains.”

Compared to their initial state of splotchy, dust-covered grossness , they look pretty good.  Compared with new drapes…, well, let’s not compare them to new drapes.

But, again, it took me all day to get them to this point.  My day of house cleaning netted me only one set of clean but still stain-accented drapes.  The rest of the house is still a disaster.  Not exactly time yet to slap me silly and call me “Martha!”

So, if you stop by, please keep your eyes only on the living room drapes.  Don’t look at anything else.

And, if you have a craft table, save yourself the misery.

Throw your drapes in the rubbish bin now!

Laugh Out Loud!


What’s your latest uncleanable mess?   I look forward to hearing about it.  Shoot me a comment with all the gory details!

7 Responses
  • Crazed in the Kitchen
    June 14, 2012

    Our house has hardwood floors and I absolutely, positively refuse to put area rugs down ANYWHERE. The kids’ dirt, toys, and art stuff is one reason, but the main reason is my dumb cats who will just walk across a hardwood or tile floor to barf on a rug. So we have totally bare floors, which kind of goes with our “minimalist” decor. And by “minimalist” I mean “I really can’t be bothered.”

    • gina
      June 14, 2012

      I’m totally with you! I don’t know how anyone has carpet with kids without losing their minds! We have hardwood floors, too. So thankful for being able to mop up all the grossness! We do have some rugs, but I just count on having to throw them out every year or two. “Minimalist” is a sanity saver with kids & pets.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  • Tiara Blue
    June 14, 2012

    Your posts light up my day. You are one funny chick, and you sound like you have a pretty awesome family. So what was the magic trick to getting out the marker beside elbow grease?

    • gina
      June 14, 2012

      Thank you for the compliment! I am so glad I can bring you smiles!
      I do have an awesome family. On those days when they are driving me particualrly crazy I try to remember they are providing me with great material!
      To get the marker out I first poured color-safe bleach all around the stains (to keep them from spreading more!) and then rubbed it into the stains. I sprinkled laundry detergent powder on that, then let it sit for a while before washing in cold water. I went through the process three times. I was amazed how much came out! They look ok now, but not great! No point in replacing them until my kids are at a “neater” stage of life, though. Or, until some one cuts eye holes into them. Again. Lol!
      Thanks for dropping by!

  • Barmy Rootstock
    June 16, 2012

    I probably would have just cut the bottom half off and called it a new style–half-drapes.

    As for location, I think homes should come with a bare concrete room into which kids’ toys and art supplie would go. No windows, concrete walls, no furniture. Kids would be stripped naked and locked in for playtime. It could have one of those shower room entrances so they could be hosed off before being allowed back into the rest of the house. Don’t know why we don’t already have one…

    Thanks for letting us laugh along side you…again!

    • gina
      June 16, 2012

      If I could have found any scissors, I might have gone with the half drapes idea. Probably could have sold the “half-drape” concept to Pottery Barn!
      Totally agree with your concrete room idea. I’ve always wanted one with sprinklers in the ceiling and a drain with garbage disposal in it in the floor. Don’t know why HGTV hasn’t called me back.
      I’m glad I gave you a giggle!

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