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Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room

Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room

by Gina Valley

It was such a beautiful day here in Los Angeles today.   It topped out at nearly 80 degrees.  Flip flop and shorts weather.

As I was flipping and flopping into our house after dropping off the pack at school I couldn’t help but notice our front yard is in a less than welcoming state.

It kind of looks like The Munsters did a makeover for us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersThe lawn is post-winter scraggly and sending fingers over its brick border and into the flower beds.  Most of the potted plants seem to have spent the winter turning into bare twigs.  And, several of our shrubs are looking more and more like squatting Sasquatches.

Apparently, completely neglecting the garden is not the best way to get it to flourish.  Who knew?

So, as we will be digging out our green thumbs and gardening implements this weekend in an effort to turn our yard back into a welcoming entry(or at least something less like a haunted house) I thought  my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post would be great for Throwback Day this week.

You can read my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post below in its entirety, or, for you hardcore readers, you can click on one of the magic links to travel through the magical world of the internet to the my Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools post in its original location on the blog.  Either way, I’ll meet you over at Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools.

You bring the celery (bathing suit weather is almost here, so no chocolate for me), and I’ll bring the laughs.

Playing Hide & Seek … With Your Gardening Tools

This is the time of year when so many of us are busy sprucing up our gardens.  It is invaluable to have the right tools.   I recently came upon a supposedly helpful list of twenty-seven essential items to assemble prior to beginning to revitalize one’s garden for spring.  That’s right – TWENTY-SEVEN!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersThe thing is, though, this list was clearly assembled by someone who lives in, well, an imaginary land where people speak “Martha Stewart” and put things away where they belong.

I don’t live there.  I don’t even live near there.

I figured many of you live in a crazy realm similar to the one I do, so I decided to adapt the list for us inhabitants of the real world.

I’ve whittled (you would not believe how long it took me to spell “whittled” correctly) the list down to the 4 most essential items, not including the phone numbers for the closest emergency room and bandage supplier.

Spring Garden Essentials Checklist:

(Don’t waste your time looking for any of these items where they belong.  You know they aren’t there.  As an experienced spring garden tool gatherer, I have provided some suggestions as to the most likely places to find them.)

A round point shovel – could be used for breaking up ground or for heavy digging and lifting if you could find it.  Probably it’s somewhere behind the garage where it was thrown two months ago after two of your sons got into an argument about who’s turn it was to pick up the dog doo, and Son#2 popped Son#3 on the head with it.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden MunstersSon#2 was likely in a hurry to hide the evidence of his assault after the split in the skin above Son#3’s right eyebrow turned into something closely resembling a Venetian fountain. He likely tossed the shovel behind the garage because it was the nearest large, opaque object.  Fortunately, Son#3 had the good, although dripping, sense to rush to find you in the house, despite Son#2’s assurances that he would return shortly with duct tape to “fix him right up.”

A hand pruner – is great for snipping off small, dead branches, and is not actually intended to prune hands, despite the fact that it does seem to take pieces off someone’s finger every year.  It looks kinda like hefty scissors.  It is usually found near where a child was constructing a diorama of The Wind in the Willows at midnight the night before it was due.  After all, she only had two months to work on it and couldn’t possibly be expected to finish the shoebox sized project, much less mention that she needed to do so, in that short time frame.

As last minute school projects cause the immediate disappearance of all scissors, she naturally had to use the hand pruners to cut out the construction paper river, wire tree stems, and cardboard willows.  The duct tape is probably nearby as well, explaining why Son#2 was unable to find it to use to stem the tide from Son#3’s eyebrow, because glue sticks also spontaneously combust whenever a child is working on a school project after the stores close.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden Munsters

A leaf rake – is useful for raking up, you guessed it, leaves from the lawn or under shrubbery.  It has a wide “rakey” part at the end that, unfortunately, unscrews from the long handle.  The rakey part makes a great turkey tail or giant Mohawk and is usually found in the tree fort in the back yard or upstairs in the costume box.

The long handle is, unfortunately, quite a bit more difficult to locate.  Most years, The Professor just crawls around on our lawn muttering about how he knew he “…should have glued the bloody handle on!” as he rakes up the leaves with only the rakey part of the rake, after having searched the garage and yard fruitlessly for the handle.

The handle is a rare find, but can sometimes be located holding up the center of the blanket and chair fort in the living room or attached to the paint roller that was abandoned in the shower of the guest bathroom.  You might also want to check that space between the refrigerator and the wall, because it is sometimes used to retrieve AWOL Lego bricks from under the refrigerator.

A pair of gardening gloves – are very important to protect your hands while working in the yard.  They also work well as riding gloves while riding imaginary broncos made of picnic benches, as substitute hot pads when removing flaming roasted potatoes from the oven, and to get a grip on the radiator cap when the car is steaming mad.  Search accordingly.  Be sure that you locate at least three gloves, because if you only find two, they will be for the same hand.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Just 4 More Tools Until That Free Trip To The Emergency Room Spring Garden Munsters

After you’ve found these four basic items most of the day will probably be shot, so you won’t have any time, much less patience, left to work in your garden.  Be sure to hide them where your family can’t find them.  That way there’s a chance you’ll be able to use them next weekend.  Then, send yourself an email telling you where you put them, because if you’re anything like me, you’ll hide them where no one, not even you, can find them.

Happy Hunting…I mean…Gardening!

Laugh out loud!

– gina

Are your garden maintenance tools where they should be?  Who is the best at putting stuff where it goes around your place?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

2 Responses
  • Kristen
    April 11, 2013

    I just found your blog! Man, it’s pretty hilarious! I don’t have children or a husband, so things are actually fairly easy to find … unless my parents are around, and then things suddenly get “put away” in places where I can’t find them. 🙂

    #atozchallenge, Kristen’s blog: kristenhead.blogspot.com

    • gina valley
      April 12, 2013

      Hi Kristen! I am so glad you found me! I love to share laughs.
      Isn’t it funny how parents put things in interesting places, too? When mine visit, I can locate certain kitchen utensils for ages Lol!