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If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing

If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing

by Gina Valley

 

Dear Children,

I appreciate you leaving me two of my shoes when you left for school this morning, although I must admit that, selfishly, I would prefer that they match.  Well, maybe no one will notice that I am wearing one flip flop and one running shoe with my suit.  I’ll just try to keep my feet under the conference table during my morning meetings.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing High HeelsI don’t know who took my high heeled, black pumps that I placed next to our front door last night.  I was attempting to shave a few minutes off of my departure routine this morning, knowing that I would be rushing out the door after shipping you all off to school.

It’s not the first time one or more of you has chosen to entertain my shoes with a non-sanctioned outing.

Girls, I have told you I don’t want you wearing my high heeled shoes to school.  You’re too young to put yourself through that kind of pain to fit in.  Just hanging out with the other girls at school should provide you with plenty of opportunities for pain at this point in your life.

Boys, I know the spike heels are perfect for pounding holes in the field to dig for worms at recess.  But, as the principal explained to you the last time, if you get caught sneaking pointy, sharp objects like that into school in your backpack, it will be considered a weapon, and you will be suspended for 3 days.  Again.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley If The Shoe Fits It’s Probably Missing High Heels

I don’t see why the worms or I should be punished just because we didn’t have any spoons in the flatware drawer for you to sneak to school to dig with.

So, whoever has custody of my shoes, please take time to wipe off any traces of worm guts, Jello, or any other detritus, and return BOTH shoes to my shoe rack on the porch before it gets dark today.  Searching for them in the yard in the dark always results in the unnecessary deaths of many snails and the unnecessary screams as a result of those deaths that wake up our neighbors unnecessarily.

Thank you for your cooperation.

And, please, keep your eyes peeled for my left pink flip flop and right running shoe.  It’s really hard to pull off a graceful gait wearing two different shoes.

Fashionably yours,

Your loving mom

 

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How’d your morning go?  Was it smooth sailing or quick sinking?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Check out these other Letters To My Family for more laughs.  I’ll meet you there:

You’re A Big Help…Not!

Off-loading Zone Ed

Gooey Trash Ed

Please Don’t Eat the Chocolate Chips!!!

Fridge Ed

Remember, the extra click to get there counts as cardio.

 

10 Responses
  • Susan
    May 20, 2013

    My black leather, heeled sandals are missing. My husband and son say they aren’t wearing them…did they run away on their own??? I feel your pain 😀

    • gina valley
      May 22, 2013

      I’ll let you know if they turn up here, Susan. :o)
      Isn’t it frustrating when shoes “walk” away?!?!

  • Marjorie McAtee
    May 20, 2013

    It’s thoughtful of you to be that concerned about the deaths of snails. 😉

    • gina valley
      May 22, 2013

      I’m a snail activist, Marjorie. Someone has to watch out for those crunchy little slime balls. :o)

  • Vinny C
    May 20, 2013

    The way my wife diligently scours every shoe store until she finds the right pair, I doubt any children who eventually come on the scene will be even allowed to look at them for too long. It’s a lesson they’ll learn very quickly.

    • gina valley
      May 22, 2013

      Sounds like your wife and I would have lots of fun shoe shopping together! I love shoes! My kids are not supposed to touch mine either. But, they don’t so much listen to me!

  • Elizabeth
    May 20, 2013

    Crazy mornings all around it sounds like! My morning routine was interrupted by a sick dog that had to be schlepped off to the vet, but had no intentions of getting into my SUV by herself. So as my 3 year old daughter looked on screaming because I was “not being nice” to her dog, I heave and ho until I push this 72 pound dog up into the back of the SUV. I know immediately that I’ve done something terribly wrong to my back, as indicated by the muscle spasm radiating through the right side of my ribcage. So now the dog is at the vet being tested for diabetes, my daughter is at friend’s house, and I’m sitting here with my infant son as my back twinges in pain. Oh well, at least the maid came today.

    • gina valley
      May 22, 2013

      Sounds like you had a terrible morning, Elizabeth. When it rains it pours! I hope you back is feeling better. It’s so hard to take care of little ones, and ourselves, with a sore back. Wishing you a very speedy recovery!

  • Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes
    May 21, 2013

    I guess I am really lucky, my kids have never taken my shoes. They can’t wear them to school as they are not part of the uniform.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com

    • gina valley
      May 22, 2013

      You are lucky! I wish my kids’ schools had uniforms. I’m sure they wouldn’t like it, but it would certainly simplify mornings!