I Wish I Had Lofty Goals

I Wish I Had Lofty Goals

I wish I had lofty goals.

I started a new project this week, and, as it always does, adding something new into my schedule triggered a need within me to re-evaluate my goals.

After all, I jam pack my 24 hours to just past the full line just like everyone else.  Putting something new in, means taking something out.  The best way for me to pick what goes is to think about what I really want.

So, last night I thought about what I really want, and I discovered something.  Something that I figured would be perfect to share with you on Throwback Day this week, because it brought to mind a column I wrote back in July (much of which I have incorporated below).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Goals Bathroom Interruptions Alone Lofty Nobel Prize Grammy Adjusted Expectations

I realized I wish I had lofty goals, but I don’t.

I wish my deepest desire was to put out the next best seller or to climb to the top of Yosemite’s Half Dome or to finally fit into those single-digit, purple pants that’ve been hanging in the back of my closet for 4 years.

But, I am a parent, and the true definition of parenthood is adjusted expectations.

And, at this point in my life I have adjusted the heck out of my expectations.

Much as I see the value of leading a Fortune 500 company or winning a Grammy, truth be told, my heart does not long for grand accomplishments.

I wouldn’t throw it out, but it’s not the Nobel Prize I’m craving.

I wish I had lofty goals, but honestly the thing I want most is to go to the bathroom.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Goals Bathroom Interruptions Alone Lofty Nobel Prize Grammy Adjusted ExpectationsI want to go to the bathroom.

Alone.

Untimed

Unharassed

Unbothered

Unquestioned

No tiny fingers reaching under the door.

No wet noses or fuzzy paws trying to squeeze through.

No jiggling of the knob, sliding down the door, waiting in the hall.

I don’t even mind replacing the toilet paper and filling the hand soap and picking up the towel while I’m in there.

If I could just, please, go to the bathroom alone.  Alone.

I don’t want to sign your permission slip.  Don’t slide it under the door.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Goals Bathroom Interruptions Alone Lofty Nobel Prize Grammy Adjusted ExpectationsI don’t want to see the big, green beetle you found in your room or the hole the bird just made in your shorts or the fuzzy stuff on the cheese.

I don’t want to smell your toy truck or your cousin’s picture book or the flower you just picked (ok, put the flower in water. I’ll smell that later).

I don’t want to braid your hair, measure the rice, or put the case on your pillow.

I don’t want to unlock the door so you can give me the cordless phone.

I don’t want to answer the very important phone call from the man who has a “terrific opportunity” for me.

I don’t want to return a text to your brother.   Do not shove my cell phone under the door.  Again.

I do not want to get the knot out of your shoelaces, the gum out of your hair, or the squished banana out of your backpack.

I don’t want to discuss what the big deal is with JFK or whether global warming is real or who invented the internet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Goals Bathroom Interruptions Alone Lofty Nobel Prize Grammy Adjusted ExpectationsI don’t want to explain why 2x2 + 7x – 6 = 0 or why King Henry 8th went through so many wives or why mitosis is different than meiosis.

I don’t want to know how you know the lunch lady wasn’t wearing underpants today, or why your teacher said a cuss word or what made Evan throw up during math.

No, I will not open the door so you can hear me better.  I mumbled that because I was cussing at your constant interruptions and I did not want you to hear it.

I do not want to discuss what’s for dinner, where your green shirt with the little picture of a monkey on it is, or what the weather will be like tomorrow so you can pick out your outfit.

I do not want to talk about why you have to leave the lizard in the yard or why your arm is sticky or why LaRissa’s boyfriend is a pig (he is, but if she’s giving out the milk for free he’s never gonna….Never mind. That’s not the point here).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Goals Bathroom Interruptions Alone Lofty Nobel Prize Grammy Adjusted Expectations

I don’t want to know what the dog just ate, what your brother just said or why your knee smells funny.

I don’t want to hear you burp the alphabet backwards, explain why it’s your sister’s fault you can’t do a handstand, or hear the weird sound the hamster’s making.

I don’t want to guess what or guess who or guess why.

I don’t want to discuss anything.

I don’t want to see anything.

I don’t want to do anything.

I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

By myself.

That’s all.

May I please go to the bathroom?!?!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have your goals have changed over the years? Why do you think that is?  What is something you really want right now?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Susan

This is so every mother ever 😀 Mine are all grown now and even though I LOVE not having to share my bathroom time, I do wish I could be their mommy again and not just their mother! Young kids are exhausting and overwhelming and, as you so vividly show us with your writing, the highlight of life! Love your blog, love your ability to put to “paper” what all mothers think 😀

The Detox Diva

Oh Gina, yes, I think my expectations have changed by leaps and bounds since becoming a parent. I have traveled to world, done all kinds of exciting things, worn couture, you name it…. NOW I live in yoga pants, can’t travel because well, can you say multiples??, and no, can’t go to the bathroom or anything else alone!! I feel every single nuance in this post. Fantastic!!

Brenda

Awww… the joys of going to the bathroom alone! My goals have changed, due to divorce, and the need to find happiness alone! Good luck with being able to sit on the toilet without disruption!

Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz)

While I laughed all the way through this post, I’m really stuck on that math problem. I’m going to have to ask you to PLEASE explain it to me, because I seem to have forgotten all my beloved algebra and it’s breaking my heart. Tell me the maths. Do it. I’ll cover for you next time ya gotta go pee…