How Much For A Brain Transplant?

by Gina Valley

It was another round of fun at the Cardiology Department yesterday.

I met a new cardiologist, Dr. Polite, who will be working with my cardiologist, Dr. Rude.

It was a little surreal to be chatting and laughing with about life and dating and children with this man (he’s single, wants 4 kids, and is gorgeous, ladies, just in case anyone’s looking) and his 2 assistants, while at the same time running on a treadmill, with about a thousand wires connected to every conceivable part of my body, braless.

And, here I was thinking I don’t get out there often enough anymore.

I’m just glad no one lost an eye.

But, the real fun happened on the way to the Cardiology Department.

The Cardiology Department I patronize is in a giant medical complex.  There’s a huge hospital.  Several buildings with medical offices.  Multiple parking structures and parking lots.

It’s such a long walk from most of the available parking to get to any of the buildings in this medical mega-plex, that there’s a couple places to stop and buy a snack along the route.  I’ll assume it’s a doable trek until they put a hotel in halfway there.

There’s also a shuttle service to assist those who need it.  It takes people from the far reaches of parking land to the curb in front of the sea of concrete that surrounds the buildings.  After that, infirm or not, you’re on your own.

My own impatience has prevented me from ever waiting for the shuttle.  I also figure I can count the long, uphill walk as exercise when the nurse asks if I’ve been exercising regularly.  “Why, yes, I have.  I had a great work out just today.”

The Cardiology Department is located on the top floor, in the back corner of the farthest building from any parking area.  The fact that they make us heart patients walk farther than anyone else makes me giggle every time.  And, even if it didn’t, there is always something or, more likely, someone to giggle about on the way.

Yesterday’s trek did not disappoint.

As I hiked toward the first building, I was alarmed to be approaching the back of an occupied wheel chair, which seemed to be on fire.  Smoke was billowing up from it.  It seemed odd to me that no one else around appeared to be the least bit concerned about this wheeled, bonfire situation.

As I got closer I realized why no one had broken out a fire extinguisher.  Seated in the wheel chair was a twenty-something guy, who was smoking enough for a village.  The billowing cloud he was producing was almost impressive.

But, really, Dude, it’s a hospital. Could you at least pretend to make good health decisions like the rest of us do when we come here?

Now that I think about it, one good hit with either end of a fire extinguisher might have been just what this guy needed.

A bit further along my jaunt I met the woman who was walking her cute little dog around. AT THE HOSPITAL!

Hello! It’s a hospital!  Don’t you think it’s enough of a game of germ Russian roulette with all the sick people here? Do you really feel prancing your little fuzzy friend around to leave little canine landmines is adding a positive element to this situation?

And, as if it wasn’t enough that he was leaving little love bombs outside, she wondered aloud if it would be ok she brought him into the lobby to get out of the heat.

If you ever find yourself without your wits and you wonder if it would be ok to bring your dog into a hospital, the answer is “No.”  No, it’s not ok to bring your dog into a hospital.

This woman did decide against bringing Fluffy into the lobby, but not for what I saw as the most obvious reason (him being a dog and all).  No, that wasn’t it. Ms. DeepThoughts decided against bringing her furry, fido, friend into the medical center because she thought “the automatic doors might scare him.”

Gotta tell ya, the automatic doors were not the scariest thing there at that moment.

Who says medical care is no fun?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you met any “fun” people recently?  Any interesting people on your medical team?  Do you know where I parked my car?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.