Early Morning Ambush

by Gina Valley

I did not rise before my children Thursday morning, which is normally my plan of attack.  I overslept until 6:30AM, when I was awoken by my youngest, to find that I was surrounded by six of my young pack members. They, then, proceeded to hurl the following questions at me in the following order in rapid fire fashion:

What would happen if you were surrounded by a metal shield and lightening hit it?

Will lava melt a diamond?

Can I eat the taquitos or are those for dinner?

Mom, will you smell this?

I know I’ve been rude and snotty all week, and I’m grounded, but is it ok if I go to McDonald’s with my friends before school?

I’m in a bad mood, will you stop being funny?

The speed, subject matter, and seriousness caused me to giggle a bit as the queries were quickly put forth, a reaction a couple of my kids did not appreciate, as they apparently had a rather foul disposition at that early hour.

The Professor, who had semi-awoken in the midst of this onslaught and was staring at the progeny surrounding our bed in what, I can only assume, was an attempt to determine whether he was awake or in the midst of a parenting nightmare, crashed back onto his pillow, pulled the covers over his head, and mumbled something about, “Why the bloody ‘ell did we teach them to talk?”

This caused me to giggle more, an action not at all appreciated by “I’m in a bad mood.”

I got my giggling under control and woke up my brain. I answered the questions as listed below.  It was a good reminder that you never know when that college education is going to come in handy.

It was also a good reminder that we need to get the lock on our bedroom door fixed. Soon.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

[Answer key (answers listed in the order of the questions above):

It depends on the size of the shield, the conductivity of the metal, and your proximity to it.  Effects would be somewhere from hearing loss to death. Please do not stand in the next thunderstorm with a metal shield to test this out.

Lava near the service of the earth does not have enough pressure to melt a diamond, but a diamond will burn at the temperature surface lava produces, provided there is oxygen present. But, that seems like a waste of a perfectly good diamond.

Yes, eat the taquitos, as long as you don’t mind having Cheerios for dinner.

No, I will not.  If you have to ask, it’s dirty.

Are you just trying to make me laugh?  Not a chance, darlin’.  Not even if you smell that thing for your brother.

Hahahahaha! Now you’re being funny!]