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Don’t Eat THAT!!!

Don’t Eat THAT!!!

The Professor came out of our kitchen looking rather glum a couple nights ago.  One might even say, “downtrodden,” were one living in the 1800’s.

Astute wife that I am, I asked, “What?”

“Droppings,” he answered in typical guy minimalistic verbiage.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Mix Up Poop Chocolate Sprinkles Chocolate ChipsDroppings?” I replied, concern rising.  Droppings could mean any of a number of things, and not one of them was good.

“On the counter,” he managed to whisper before sinking into the sofa (we really need a new sofa).

I felt my stomach knot up.  “Whose?” I asked softly, although inside I was screaming, “Oh, please don’t let it be one of the kids’ ‘droppings’!”

“Hard to say. Mouse. Maybe a small rat,” he ticked off with absolutely no emotion.  He is just the worst at knowing when to panic.

I was already trying to decide whether to take time to pack, or to just burn the house down right away.  I do not do well with free range rodents.

“Now that I think about it, it’s probably just a mouse,” he said way too cheerfully.  I think he thought that was going to be comforting information somehow.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Mix Up Poop Chocolate Sprinkles Chocolate ChipsI grabbed the bleach from our laundry room, and headed for our kitchen to de-droppingize it.  The Professor is usually called into duty for nasty jobs like this.  But, as the stomach flu has hit several of our pack this week, and they haven’t been great about hitting their basins, he’s been on HazMat duty quite a lot.  I figured he deserved to sit this one out.

We have light colored counters (obviously the builder thought we’d want to accentuate every speck of dirt), so it was easy to spot the droppings.  There were about 30 of them trailing along the counter and on the floor in front of it.

Just as I was about to spray the bleach solution on them, I noticed something about these droppings wasn’t right.  I moved in closer to confirm my suspicions.  They seemed a bit too symmetrical.

I brushed the ones on the counter into my hand, and worked hard to suppress a grin as I approached The Professor.  I held out my hand, revealing the droppings.  “Are these them?” I asked, gruffly.

A look of absolute disgust came over him.  “You shouldn’t hold those in your hand.  They’re so germy, Gina!” he chastised.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Mix Up Poop Chocolate Sprinkles Chocolate Chips

I cocked my head to the side a bit to try to pull off deep thought, and said, “You’re absolutely right!” Then, I tossed them into my mouth and sat back down at my computer.

He turned absolutely white.  It was wonderful.  I made a mental note to repeat this with our pack. They are great fun to freak out, too.

I let him stew for a few minutes before I explained.  Our kids had made ice cream sundaes.  The “droppings” were escaped chocolate sprinkles.

That got me thinking about how so many foods look like poo.  So, for Throwback Day this week I decided I had to go with my Please Don’t Eat The Chocolate Chips post.

It’s a short letter to my family that’s quite full of giggles.  You’ll have to read it to see if poo comes up or not (something about that sentence doesn’t sound right, but I’m sure you know what I mean).  So, click on over to  Please Don’t Eat The Chocolate Chips to get the whole story.

I’ll meet you over at  Please Don’t Eat The Chocolate Chips.  You bring the chocolate.  I’ll bring the laughs.

Remember, as always, the extra click counts as cardio.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you had a case of mistaken poop-identity?  Do you double check your chocolate sprinkles before you eat them?  Do you trust raisin toast?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

8 Responses
  • Lisa
    December 13, 2012

    I would have done the same thing

    • gina valley
      December 16, 2012

      Some pranks just scream out to be played, don’t they? Lol!

  • dadblunders
    December 14, 2012

    Gina,

    GREAT POST!!!!

    No, seriously….you had me laughing with the “droppings” being eaten by you and the professors face turning white. I think you should hold off trying that on the kids until you have night you don’t want to cook! They might all lose their appetite and you can rest instead!!! i know it’s wishful thinking but it can’t heard to try.

    Aaron

    • gina valley
      December 16, 2012

      Thank you, Aaron! Lol!
      I am always glad to get to share a laugh with you.
      I will definitely have to plan carefully before I pull this on the kids. Maybe they should be outside, just in case of any ill affects. 🙂
      -gina

  • Vinny C
    December 14, 2012

    Nice! Pranking family members is so satisfying, isn’t it?

    • gina valley
      December 16, 2012

      It is THE best!

  • Lefty Lee
    December 14, 2012

    Nicely done. It starts with a heart-warming picture of both the tranquility and travails of domestic life, builds to a moment of suspense at about the Golden Section, and then is resolved with….a great prank. Classical structure. As timeless as domesticity and poop. Comic relief at its finest.

    I wonder…..was Shakespeare a mathematician too?

    Nice turns of phrase, too. There’s even a thread of unity, of sorts, in the form of references to different forms of emisis. Nifty parallel between chocolate sprinkles and mouse droppings, showing how it is that subtle differences can be important. Should be appreciated by anybody with an eye for detail.

    And I love how, in the end, you leave it to the reader to detect that the joke is really on the author, since Professor no doubt knew that they were chocolate sprinkles all along.

    I don’t have so structured a story but it might be sort of worthwhile:

    When my dad was in his teens and early twenties, growing up in Illinois and Iowa, he’d spend summers working for farmers in the area. This was in the 20’s, when corn picking was still done by hand. (I still have his corn picking hook). That’s among the reasons he was so strong–he had a grip like a vise.

    A picking day went like this: Get to the worksite before dawn. The farmer’s wife and daughters would have breakfast ready for the entire crew. That was part of the compensation. Breakfast would consist of hashbrowns, eggs, biscuits&gravy, bacon, breakfast steak, juice, and mincemeat pie. Then all the men headed out to the field. Each guy would head down the rows of ripe corn–9 feet tall just like you hear about–and….grab an ear of corn, hook it off, stuff it in the shoulder bag, grab an ear …. I guess you get into sort of a rhythm. Dad could pick an acre in a morning. The ladies would bring them water and lemonade. Younger boys would help empty shoulder bags into carts.

    Lunch consisted of…hashbrowns, eggs, biscuits&gravy, steak, juice, and PUMPKIN pie–from pumpkin that had been put up from the year before. Notice that the only difference between breakfast and lunch was the bacon and the type of steak and type of pie.

    One day Dad noticed they were having mincemeat a second time–for lunch, too–and commented on it. “Mincemeat again, good, I like that.”

    The farmer’s wife frowned and went over to the table and…shooed the flies away.

    Dad said, “Oh.”

    You eat anything when you have another acre to pick after lunch.

    • gina valley
      December 16, 2012

      Thank you, Lee!
      I’m glad you liked it. I’m always happy to be able to share some giggles.
      Your dad sounds like he was quite a guy!