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Do You Hear Scraping?

Do You Hear Scraping?

I should have realized something was amiss when I slowly woke up this morning.  I was at peace, relaxed and warm and snug in my bed.  None of my usual “Oh-my-gosh-it’s-morning-go-go-go!!!” kicked in.  That should have been a clue to panic and fly out of bed.  It’s unfortunate that neither Miss Marple nor Columbo was around, because I did not get that clue.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Running Late Post Vacation Work School Rushing Oversleeping Toenails Clippers ClippingUsually I’m racing halfway down the hall toward my littles’ room before both of my eyes are fully open, shouting, “Everybody up! Are you up?  Let’s go!”  But not today.

Today, I took advantage of my pack’s school holiday break, and decided to go back to sleep for an hour.  This would have been fine were it not for one minor detail that apparently slipped my clearly foggy mind.

My pack is not on holiday break this week.

Ooops.

So, obviously, letting everyone sleep in an hour late was something of a tactical error in the ever-raging battle to be on time to school.

Even The Professor, who had the gall to choose this morning as the rare morning not to keep me awake with constant buzz-saw snoring (which I am pretty sure means the whole “Everybody’s running late”  mess this morning was his fault), was late heading out the door, and muttering something about the bloody traffic and what wankers LA drivers are (and I know he was aiming for me, but, I’m assuming due to his sleepy state, he actually kissed our coat tree goodbye).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Running Late Post Vacation Work School Rushing Oversleeping Toenails Clippers ClippingAs I lay in bed and forced myself into consciousness I became aware of the very clear sound of toenails being clipped in my bathroom, and, I noted that my toes were not in my bathroom.  My mood clouded as I realized that my private abode had been invaded by a clipper hijacker, who was undoubtedly leaving the sharper-than-glass, totally disgusting, hunks of hooves throughout my bathroom like a keratin-based sea of depth charges.

My family produces toenail shards that are stronger and sharper than any diamond cutting tool available to a gem master.  Perhaps that’s why they never pick them up. Maybe they think they’re valuable tools that must not be casually tossed out with the refuse. Yeah, that’s probably it.

It was halfway through my trek toward my bathroom to oust the invader that my brain suddenly kicked into gear, and I realized my pack had school today.  I think it was probably somewhere around the time when I heard Son#2 scream at the door to the kids’ bathroom, “Get out!  I need to get ready for school!”

School?  School! Oh Crud!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Running Late Post Vacation Work School Rushing Oversleeping Toenails Clippers ClippingThen, my natural “Oh-my-gosh-it’s-morning-go-go-go!!!” panic kicked in.   Beds were shaken.  Clothes were flying.  Lunches were lined up on the breakfast table.  Feet were crammed into shoes.  Eggo waffles were shoved into zip bags to be inhaled during the dash to school (don’t judge me.  They were almost fully toasted and had very few ice crystals left on them).

There was panic.  There was rush.  There was screaming.  And, there was an ungodly scraping sound as our dog pushed our sofa around our family room trying to cram his giant self under it to escape the commotion.

As my last pack member was scooted quickly out the door toward his waiting carpool, waffle in one hand, shoes in the other, back pack dragging behind, the dust began to settle.

While I was lifting up the end of the sofa so the dog could unwedge himself, I noticed that 3 lunches were still lined up ever so carefully on the table.  Crud.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Gina Valley Running Late Post Vacation Work School Rushing Oversleeping Toenails Clippers ClippingNow I’d need to fit “Lunch Delivery” into my already overstuffed, accidentally shortened by oversleeping, day-after-vacation schedule.  That was OK, though, because I needed to go out to pick up some body armor anyway to put on before I entered the free range toenail clippings zone that my bathroom had become.  I’ll probably need a Shop-Vac, too.  I’m not touching those things!

Has anyone seen my car keys?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How’d your week start out?  Was it a relaxing canter into a new day?  Or, more like a catapult ride toward a castle wall?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

10 Responses
  • Jon Whiting
    January 7, 2013

    Hi Gina! Hilarious post… Sorry about your morning though. Well you made a great recovery anyway. I hope the rest of the day was a little smoother ride.

    Have you ever had the dream were you are up and getting ready for your day, getting things done, and then suddenly you wake up and have to do it all over again? I hate that…

    Have a great day Gina, glad I stopped by. I got a couple good chuckle out of this post. See ya’…

    • gina valley
      January 10, 2013

      Thank you, Jon! I am always happy to get to share a laugh with you.
      I think I have that dream everyday! Lol! Well, at least it seems like I’m having it.
      We do seem to have the same morning trouble repeat itself almost daily.
      Thank you for stopping by!

  • Fadderly (@thefadderly)
    January 8, 2013

    LOL! there’s nothing worse thinking you have time to sleep, but really don’t. and then fall back to sleep! ugh…

    • gina valley
      January 10, 2013

      It certainly always makes me feel like a moron when I do that! I wish this was the only time it had happened!

  • Vinny C
    January 8, 2013

    We also had an accidental oversleep here this morning. I’m the morning person so the responsibility of waking my wife to get to work usually falls to me. Since I’m between jobs & there are no kids to worry about yet, I just go back to sleep once I know she’s up.

    Luckily for me, when I do (rarely) oversleep, I just convince her that I tried to wake her & she must have fallen back to sleep after I did. It usually works since she’s too out of it when she first wakes up to remember anything anyway.

    • gina valley
      January 10, 2013

      I am so not a natural morning person, but I’m up by 4 or 5 most days so I can get a jump on work before my pack rises and takes over the world. On the days when I sleep in, whether intentional or accidental, our whole system falls apart. Lol! Usually my hub is a morning person,but if I oversleep, he tends to do so, too. We like to have big disasters when we have them. 🙂

  • Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz)
    January 9, 2013

    THIS: “It’s unfortunate that neither Miss Marple nor Columbo was around, because I did not get that clue.” <– lmao!!! I'm so using this line somewhere. Probably multiple somewheres, because I seldom get any clues.

    Toenail clippings are of the devil. My son, as a wrestler, keeps all his nails quite trim — which on the one hand is very nice, because it means his hygiene is unparalleled. On the other hand, however, while his body is top notch & pristine, I'm always vacuuming up his leavings. You're right — totally disgustoid!!! *bleh*

    • gina valley
      January 10, 2013

      Thanks, Andi! I’m glad I’m not the only perpetually clueless one! Lol!
      It is so gross to find that stuff, isn’t it? What cracks me up is how disgusted my kids get with each other’s messes, but they can leave the same material behind and think it’s no big deal(insert eye roll here!). Kids are gross. Hubs are pretty gross, too. They are sooo lucky to have us!!! 🙂

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  • […] on over to my Do You Hear Scraping? post for more giggles about forgetting what day it is,  or to my The Screaming You Hear Is Me post […]