That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

by Gina Valley

It’s that time of year.

I’m a bit envious of all the Hallmark and Kodak moments everyone seems to be having. It’s even worse now that they arrive via email and Facebook, along with the ever faithful snail mail batches.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosYou see, we don’t have Hallmark moments or Kodak moments.

What we have is closer to America’s Funniest Video moments, except that, of course, no one brought the video camera, and even if they had, it’s not charged and the memory card is full.

We have moments like when I noticed my youngest son had something brown running down his leg when he got out of our van in the school parking lot. Keep in mind his leg was in pristine, post-shower condition when we left our house, so the mystery substance was somehow acquired en route to school, while in our van.

My husband gave me the “Don’t ask! Don’t tell!” look that parents often exchange when they know there is no way the answer can be good news. I, fool that I am, ignored him and asked our son what was running down his leg. He shrugged, and said, “I dunno.” Then, he stuck his finger in it and tasted it, before pronouncing it “Bar B Q sauce!” I had an “I’m Not Sure Whether I Should Throw Up Or Laugh” moment.

We have moments like when my oldest daughter over-slept, and we were all in our van waiting none-to-patiently for her when she came dashing out of our house, dressed in her school uniform, and practically threw herself into our van. She was carrying her shoes and backpack while she frantically brushed her hair and tucked in her school uniform shirt.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosI immediately drove off, as we were so far past late at that point we were almost early for the next time. As I pulled into the church parking lot, she asked, “Why are we stopping at church?” to which her oldest brother replied, “because it’s Sunday morning, smart one. Nice outfit, by the way.” My daughter, then, had an “I Need A Hole To Crawl Into Now” moment.

We have moments like when I went to have the nail lady make me look like a grown up again (I really should not be allowed near nail polish. It’s not my gift) & our boy puppy, (despite the fact that I gave him his medicine, which has the side effect of making him sleep for a couple hours, before I left) apparently only slept for a couple minutes, got bored, and shredded everything he could get his paws on in our family room, including all of the empty gift bags I had bought the day before to use for Christmas gifts.

As if his destruction was incomplete, while I was gathering up the tattered remains of the formerly beautiful gift bags, our puppy stood in the middle of the mess and started to make that sound that every dog owner dreads: the sound that signals something is about to make a reappearance that should not be making a reappearance. The sound that something evil this way comes. The sound that triggers screaming and the rushing of the canine out of the house.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosBut, he’s young and pliable and quick, and I couldn’t catch him, much less relocate him, prior to his completing his re-visitation with the ingested gift bag parts. I braced myself in anticipation of his “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

Turns out, he didn’t have an “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

No, he had an “I Ate Too Much Glitter…And Someone’s Glove” moment.

I, then, had a “Yet Another Reason I Hate Glitter” moment.

Immediately followed by an “Oh Crud, That’s My Glove” moment.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What kind of moments are you having? Is your family more Kodak or crazy moment prone? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

STUPID Stuff I’m Thankful For

STUPID Stuff I’m Thankful For

by Gina Valley

Maybe the reason I’m so bugged by those 30 Days of Thankfulness lists is that I don’t have such a grandiose collection.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly thankful for the biggies: health, friends, family, and my Savior.

But, most of the time, when I hear myself offering up spontaneous thanks, it’s for much less impressive stuff. Stuff that’s less oh wow! and more oh duh!

You know, stupid stuff.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley STUPID Things I’m Thankful For Thanksgiving

I’m thankful a cup of tea doesn’t turn into Jello when I reheat it for the 47th time in one day, because I can’t seem to remember to drink it during that 3 second period when it’s between scorching hot and ice cold.

I’m thankful my thoughts are not broadcast to the world during my time in the morning carpool line at the middle school…or during the last PTA meeting.

I’m thankful it makes me smile when I look at a digital clock and it’s 11:11.

I’m thankful for the rare occasion when the doorbell rings, and there isn’t any AWOL underwear lying under our dining room table…or on it.

I’m thankful my daughter told me her friend’s mom is more unreasonable about wanting her house clean than I am. If I’m going to be categorized as unreasonable it’s nice to know I’m not the most unreasonable parent on the planet…yet.

I’m thankful our dogs cannot speak to me… or about me. It really would ruin our whole relationship.

I’m thankful I was on the phone with her, so she couldn’t see the expression on my face, when my Great Aunt Celia told me she doesn’t think deodorant is safe, has decided to stop wearing it, and wants me to check to see if she smells bad the next time I stop by

I’m thankful Amazon stocks 1876 natural, organic, safe deodorant products and will ship 780 of them in two days or less for free.

I’m thankful socks aren’t foot dependent, as far as which to apply them to. Shoes give me more than enough trouble in that department.

I’m thankful my son told me the chicken I made for him to take to his Friendsgiving Dinner was so good his vegetarian friend ate a couple pieces.

And, if these made you smile, I’m thankful for that, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you made a long list of your thankfulness-es? Or, do you keep it spontaneous?  What stupid stuff are you thankful for? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking thankfully forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

I’m A Horrible Person!!!

I’m A Horrible Person

by Gina  Valley

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulness

I’m a horrible person. I admit it.

I hate those November Daily “I’m thankful for…” posts.

I know that’s terrible.  It’s such a nice thing for people to do.  I’ve even complained about people’s general lack of gratitude on several occasions.

But, I can’t help myself.  I hate those.

I don’t know what exactly it is about them, but the second I see one my eyes involuntarily roll so hard I can see my brain.  If they’re numbering the days then I get a solid two rolls in.

I’m especially horrible because I have done the whole November daily “I’m thankful for…” thing myself before, and even then it irritated me.  That’s got to be more than wrong.

Why can’t I rejoice instead of grimace when Lisa broadcasts how thankful she is for all her Great Aunt Marge has done for her?  You remember Aunt Marge.  She’s the one who ran over Lisa’s foot with her car last year, and then set fire to Lisa’s Christmas tree after Lisa brought home a brochure from Golden Acres.

Maybe Lisa ought to be expressing her thankfulness for quality insurance coverage and a low deductible!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulnessHow come I have trouble swallowing Michelle’s expression of thankfulness for “everyone in my life – you know who you are!”?  Obviously, Michelle is happy to share her feelings about people, since 3 weeks ago she pointed out that she has been stabbed in the back by “everyone in my life – you know who you are!”

Michelle ought to be expressing thanks for not getting a gnarly whiplash from that mood swing.

And, much as I am rejoicing along with Amy that her little Ethan has overcome his biting habit and moved on to “bigger and better” things, I’m not sure that goosing his teacher every time she walks by is truly bigger or better.

Perhaps Amy ought to be grateful Ms. Spritz is not litigious.

Maybe I’m just envious because no one wants to hear that I’m thankful we figured out a way to make concrete at home, which involves running a full canister of oatmeal (quick cook or regular) through the dishwasher. Twice, apparently.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulnessOr, perhaps I’m jaded because no one seems impressed that our dog has finally figured out which door leads to the outside, and no longer mistakenly goes into the bathroom or  garage while trying to get out of our house. Most of the time.  Well, more like 50/50, but still an improvement.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to bring myself to be wholeheartedly-supportive of the Facebook-y thankfulness efforts of others.  I really should figure out why that is.

But not right now.

Right now I’ve got to update my Facebook with “I’ll be thankful when these stupid ‘I’m thankful for…’ things are done.”

I mean that in a thankful way.  Of course.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How do you feel about those November daily thankfulness posts?  What do you feel guilty about being irritated by?  Are you a horrible person, too?  Should we get matching t-shirts?  Nothing white, though.  I’m a spiller!  Shoot me a comment.  I look forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!!

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesTeenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Who ARE These People?!?!

Who ARE These People?!?! …Gina’s Fav’s

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s already been a year since my dad was killed in an airplane accident. I will never get over losing him, but my family and I are slowly beginning to heal.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him and my mom help a lot with that process. Honestly, just reading this makes me cry, but I’m smiling, too. He was a great dad and grand-dad. I was blessed.

Smile along with me.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sWho ARE These People?

I try to take my kids the 1400-ish miles to visit my parents a couple times a year.

But I can’t.

We can go to their house.  We can visit the people who live there and look just like my parents.  But they are not my parents.

I don’t know who these people are, but they are not my parents.

My mom never baked a “Cake of the Day,” or, right before bedtime, or anytime for that matter, never encouraged us to “Have another big piece of cake or two to finish it up” because there’ll be a new cake baked in the morning.  Today’s Cake of The Day was chocolate, by the way.

My parents never let the dog sleep in our rooms, much less our beds.  Heck, our dogs were rarely allowed to hang out indoors at all.  I know my parents would never let their giant golden retriever beg for and receive food from the dinner table.  And breakfast table.  And lunch table.  And snack table.

My parents never said that we could “watch whatever you like” on TV, or “Let’s watch another movie. You can sleep in if you’re too tired in the morning.”  I grew up under the impression that staying up late and sleeping in was a character flaw.  These people encourage everyone in the house to do it, and occasionally join in themselves.  Who are they?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sMy parents never loaded us into the car for a trip, be it to Grandma’s house, Disneyland, or the mall, after 5:00AM.  Usually, 4:00AM was the goal.  We were told we “have to get an early start” so often that I thought it was a federal law.  These people scoffed at the idea of waking my kids before 8:00AM to start packing up our van for our trip.  “Let them sleep,” they said.  “They’re young.  They need to sleep.”  What?

My parents would never hire someone to bring in a crane to remove a couple of the 150 foot tall pine trees in the forest in their “backyard” to make a better sledding run.  I believe we were told to “steer around” any obstacles in our path while sledding.  Steer around?  How do you steer around?  Does that mean bounce off? ‘Cause that’s what we did!

My dad would never make a tool for girls who don’t want to touch the fish they just caught to hold up their quarry for a photo without having to touch the slimy, flapping thing.  I was told that slime was good for my skin and would keep them soft.  As I recall my soft hands stank for a week after each fishing trip.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sMy parents would never say that children shouldn’t help with chores while they’re visiting their grandparents.  I don’t know who these people are who keep singing the “They’re on vacation.  They don’t have to help,” refrain every time I tell one of my kids to take out the trash or to clear the table, but I know they aren’t my parents.

My parents would never have a candy dish they constantly refill throughout the day so as to ensure children had an unending source of sugar readily available to them.  I don’t know who these people are who laugh about the trail of candy wrappers through their house, and say, “Isn’t that Sweet?”  Isn’t that sweet?  I don’t know.  I’m too confused to think.  I remember candy wrapper dropping costing me candy privileges for a week when I was a kid.

They don’t mind feet on the couch or toys everywhere, and just said, “We can vacuum tomorrow!”

Who are these people? And can I get that chocolate cake recipe?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did your parents morph into different people, too, when they became grandparents?  Shoot me a comment.  I’d love to hear all about it!

Dad’s Dadisms

My Dad’s Dadisms …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been a year since my dad was killed in an airplane accident. I will never get over losing him. My family and I are continuing to heal slowly. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, and I was totally unprepared for how the grief would knock me on my rear.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him help me a lot with that process.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley My Dad's Dadisms

Smile along with me.

Top 10 Dadisms

My dad was a pretty amazing guy.  In fact, the older I get, the smarter he gets!

He truly had this whole dad-thing down. You couldn’t find a better example. If you’re wondering what you need to be a real dad for the long haul, let these dadisms from my dad help you out:

#10.  You’ll need to develop a unique linguistic style. My dad had his own language. He was the only person I’ve known who used phrases like “Dab gum it!” or “Don’t be a panty waist!” (I’m still not sure what that means exactly, but I always took it to mean “Quit your whining and move your arse”).

#9.  You’ll need to be consistent. Every April 1st my dad went out to check my mom’s car’s tires, because every April 1st my mom told him, as an April Fool’s joke, that her car had a flat. Even though he usually remembered it’s April 1st long before he got to her car, he still checked on it. Just to be sure. Then, he’d go back in the house and play a joke on my mom.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley My Dad's Dadisms

#8.  You’ll need to develop quality control systems. My dad reloaded the dishwasher after I loaded it. Every time. Even at my house. Of course, I did the same thing to him. Apple. Tree. All that.

#7.  You’ll need to find your center. My dad was the most even-keeled guy I’ve known. I once saw him get his finger caught in an electric auger and barely raise his voice. I screamed at my kids for letting the dog eat the Parmesan cheese last night (in my defense, the dog had run all over our house shaking the container as he went, thoroughly garnishing our home with a fine cheese coating. Nothing like a well garnished home to produce a “scream at someone” kind of moment).

#6.  You’ll need duct tape and a tool belt. My dad could fix anything. Anything. If he didn’t have the needed tool he’d get it. If they didn’t make the tool, he’d make it himself. I never heard my dad say “I can’t fix that.” He looked at stuff differently, through Dad-vision glasses. I might’ve see a former seating device, he saw a perfectly good chair that just needed 2 legs, an arm, a back, and a seat.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley My Dad's Dadisms

#5.  You’ll need a rod and reel. My dad was an amazing fisherman. If there was a fish in the lake, he’d bring it home for dinner. I’m a pretty amazing fisherperson myself. If there’s wild caught salmon at Costco, I’ll wrassle a package into my cart every time.

#4.  You’ll need to speak “auto” and carry a big wrench. My dad was The Car-Whisperer. He rebuilt engines himself, left out a couple pieces, and still made them hum like new. I, on the other hand, am The Car-Killer. I’ve had cars burst into flames just because I thought about being on time to a meeting.

#3.  You’ll need to be a nutritionist. My dad always made sure people got just what they needed to eat. When my eldest child was only a few months old, my dad knew he needed some ice cream, and made sure he got some. I admit I wasn’t completely supportive of the idea at the time, but the fact that he chose Rocky Road to feed my little toothless wonder might have impacted my opinion.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley My Dad's Dadisms

#2.  You’ll need to be a chef of haute cuisine. When I was a child and my dad would cook a meal, he always cooked everything in one pan. When we’d ask why he didn’t use separate pans for different foods, he’d reply, “Why? It’s all going to the same place.” Often, when I survey the mountain of pots and pans I’ve dirtied making dinner, I see the wisdom in my dad’s method.

#1.  You’ll need to realize that your kids will always be your kids. My dad still dad’ed me, until the very last time I saw him, even though I have kids of my own. He made sure I had a coat on when it was cold. He reminded me to drive safely. He told me I needed to eat more protein. In other words, he loved me.

Take a page from my dad, and you’ll be amazing.

And, no, you don’t have a flat tire.  Probably.

Well, you better go check.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What do you see in the dads in your life?  What dadisms should I add to my list?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

We’re trying to pick out a new President here in the United States. 
It’s not going very well.
Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President ...Gina's Favorites Elections

I could be an awesome President. Totally. I’ve got just enough OCD and attitude to get things done. I’ve got boatloads of compassion, but I take no guff. And, I’ve got teens and toddlers at my house. Terrorists? Members of Congress? Not a problem.

Even so, I do not want to be President. Ever. For  many, many reasons. Here’s just a few:

#10.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t have any really good skeletons in my closet – Let’s face it, the only thing worse than a really terrible skeleton is a boring one, and mine is loaded with boring skeletons. I mess up regularly. The nightly news could do a 2 year long series on it, and still not cover everything. But, I haven’t done anything impressively stupid or particularly bad. The whole attempt to embarrass me would be embarrassing.

#9.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t always look great – It’s bad enough that I have my own personal press core of 3 teenage daughters and 2 preschool nieces to criticize my every personal hygiene regimen decision. I don’t need total strangers ragging on and broadcasting my eyebrow malfunctions and makeup mishaps. That’s what family’s for.

#8.  I don’t want to be President because sometimes I have to be alone – I don’t care how easy they make it look in National Treasure for the President to sneak off into some underground tunnels for a few minutes alone, Presidents are never alone. If I don’t have my alone time I get stabby, and no one wants to see a Secret Service guy walking around with a fork sticking out of his neck.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President ...Gina's Favorites Elections#7.  I don’t want to be President because I like having the option to be naked outside – I’m not saying I’m gonna use it. I’m not saying I’ve used it in the past. I’m not saying I haven’t. I’m just saying that I’m not ready to surrender that right for the rest of my life, and being constantly followed by press and protectors definitely takes that option out of the picture.

#6.  I don’t want to be President because I hate when anything is touching my neck – I can’t stand to have anything touching my neck. So, I can’t wear a dress shirt, muchless a tie, to have an official Presidential portrait done.

#5.  I don’t want to be President because there’d be no more creative “fellowship” locations – As the parents of 7 children, my husband and I have learned to depend on creative locations. And, I don’t consider the hall behind the Oval Office to be creative, no matter what Bill says. Eight years (heck, yeah, I’d be a two-termer!) is a long time to go without spicy fellowship. Too long. I’m just sayin’.

#4.  I don’t want to be President because I blurt stuff out – Have you heard the moronic questions that reporters ask during press conferences? Wouldn’t take but a few minutes for a “What are you? Stupid?” or a “Is that the dumbest you can do or would you like another minute to try to get dumber?” to jump out of my mouth when I was supposed to be making nice with the press people.

#3.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t like to fly in big airplanes – I don’t mind the little ones. But, I’ve dated airline mechanics. Plus, I’ve taken graduate level physics. And, I think it’s a miracle those jumbo fliers get up at all. No way do I have confidence that they’ll stay there, and glide in for a gentle landing at the end of my journey. I couldn’t confidently climb on board Air Force 1 unless I was sedated or it was traveling on the ground, no matter how many zombies or aliens were after us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President ...Gina's Favorites Elections#2.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t own any sensible shoes – I have very high heels. I have cool sneakers. I don’t have much in between those two. I have nothing that would be appropriate for that photo op of me dashing down a White house corridor on my way to a vital cabinet meeting.

#1.  I don’t want to be President because my dog is dumb – My dog isn’t bright enough to not take off running across the White House Lawn as soon as he’s let out for…uh…personal time, and he’s not smart enough to find his way back from the Rose Garden. My kids would be devastated.

It really is a difficult, thankless job.

Almost as much as being a parent.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you glad you aren’t President or are you itching to try out that house on Pennsylvania Avenue?  Shoot me a comment with your thoughts.   I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Top Ten Lies Depression Tells

Top Ten Lies Depression Tells …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

My dad was killed this past October. The grieving process for me and my family and my extended family has been slow and arduous. I know it’s been a rough year for many other people, too. I think that now, as the busyness of the school year begins, is a good time to remember how insidious depression and all mental illnesses are.

I hope this Gina’s Favorites post helps you to take better care of yourself and your loved ones.

Top 10 Lies Depression Tells

Family Life Love Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top Ten Lies Depression Tells ...Gina's Favorites Mental Health Mental Illness

Depression runs deep in my life. Many of the people dearest to me suffer with depression. It’s climbed through much of my family tree. It’s sunk its claws into many of my friends. It has taken the lives of many people who were dear to me.

When I drive by a particular freeway interchange I think of someone I love who told me that, while in the depths of depression, it was the spot he’d picked out to end his life. There’s a bridge I pass every week from which a neighbor ended her life.  And, I’ll never forget the wails of grief I heard after informing the parents of a friend, who’d been in our wedding party, that he’d taken his own life.

Depression is many things. It’s a serious mental illness, and needs to be treated as such. It’s a chameleon, which appears in different forms and at different levels in different people. It has many different causes and, sometimes, no known cause at all.

Most of all, depression is a liar. A big, fat liar.

Listen for these lies if you or someone you know suffers from depression:

Top 10 Lies Depression Tells

Lie #10:  This feeling will never change. – Truth:  Yes, it will. This feeling will change. You will not feel like this forever. Everything changes. Things always change. Hold on. Don’t give up.

Family Life Love Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top Ten Lies Depression Tells ...Gina's Favorites Mental Health Mental IllnessLie #9:  Everyone would be better off without me. – Truth:  No one’s life is going to get better because you kill yourself. Quite the opposite will happen.  Family members, particularly your children, siblings, and parents, are much more likely to suffer from depression and to kill themselves, if you kill yourself. Close friends are similarly impacted.  One of the primary reasons for this is the despair experienced when someone we are close to takes his or her own life.  Hang on for them, if hanging on for yourself is not enough. Don’t give up.

Lie #8:  No one will miss me. – Truth:  The aftermath of a suicide is horrendous. There is no funeral sadder than that of a suicide victim. I’ve been to many of them. At every one, the same phrase is heard over and over: if only he/she knew how many people cared about him/her. You have no idea how important you are to some people. Don’t leave them missing you. Don’t give up.

Lie #7:  I don’t matter. – Truth:  Yes you do. You do matter. You are valuable simply because you exist. You have amazing potential. Every day, every breath is a miracle, a chance to reach out and up and to do something no one but you is in the position to do. Don’t give up

Family Life Love Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top Ten Lies Depression Tells ...Gina's Favorites Mental Health Mental IllnessLie #6:  It’s my fault I feel this way. – Truth:  Depression is an illness, just as the flu and cancer are illnesses. It’s not your fault you have depression, just as it’s not your fault if you get the flu or cancer. Just as you would seek treatment for any illness, seek treatment for your depression. Don’t give up.

Lie #5:  No one cares. – Truth:  Many people care. But, people have to know you’re suffering before they can express that caring. Talk to the people in your life. Be honest. Be direct. Don’t expect them to know what you mean or what you are feeling. Tell them plainly. Ask for the help you need. Keep talking to people until you find someone who you feel cares and wants to help you. Don’t give up.

Lie #4:  Nothing can help me. – Truth:  Research into depression is vast and ongoing. Treatment options are huge and varied. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else, or a combination of things. Effective treatment is available. Psychiatrists, psychologists, peer-counselors, support groups, medication, eating plans, exercise plans are some of the many possibilities to consider. There is effective help available for you. Keep looking. Don’t give up.

Lie #3:  No one will listen to me. – Truth:  Yes, they will. Keep talking. Someone will listen. Keep looking for that someone. Friend, neighbor, pastor, doctor, nurse, teacher, counselor, social worker, police officer, parent, coach, etc. Don’t give up.

Family Life Love Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top Ten Lies Depression Tells ...Gina's Favorites Mental Health Mental IllnessLie #2:  They’ll lock me up if I try to get some help. – Truth:  If you seek help, they will help you. No one is going to lock you up for seeking help. If you are a danger to yourself, more intensive help might be called for. Don’t fear that. You are suffering from an illness. Get the treatment you need to heal and to feel better. Don’t give up.

Lie#1:  If I just thought more happy thoughts, this would go away. – Truth: Happy thoughts don’t cure illnesses. A positive attitude is always a good thing, but it won’t cure illnesses, not the flu, not cancer, not depression.  Do try to find some happy thoughts to entertain, but most importantly seek medical treatment. Don’t give up.

Any doctor can help you get access to people who specialize in helping people who suffer from depression, people who can work with you to determine what you need to help you get well.

Don’t believe depression’s lies.

And, don’t give up.

-gina

In the US, The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) If you think you’re having a psychiatric emergency call 911 (If available in your area, or your local emergency services telephone number, if it is not), or go to the nearest emergency room. Do you suffer from depression, or have you in the past? Who did you talk to about it? Do you know someone with depression?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Back To School

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Back To School …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

The signs are everywhere.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Back To School ...Gina's FavoritesAnd, most of them have apples on them.

Your kids have already qualified for The Olympic I’m Not Touching You! Team, twice, and have now started a Who Can Make Mom Scream The Loudest? tournament.

Even though you made it a point to get them an extra size too big, your 5 year old has already out grown the shoes you bought for him last week.

And, whenever one of your children passes into your line of sight, you have a nearly overwhelming urge to holler, “We’re late!” and to rush him to the car.

You think it’s time. Here’re 10 signs to help you be sure.

Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Your Kids To Go Back To School

#10.  Your dog is hanging out with the couple in their 80’s two doors down every afternoon, just so he can take an uninterrupted nap.

#9.  The stores have started putting up their Christmas decorations.

#8.  You’ve locked yourself in the linen closet to try to get some alone time three times this week.

#7.  Your kids have brought so much sand home in their swimsuits from your weekly trips to the beach that the county hired an erosion control specialist to rebuild the shoreline.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s Time For Back To School ...Gina's Favorites#6.  Your cat tries to bury your kids whenever they’re in the yard.

#5.  Your children have hidden your calendar.

#4.  Your neighbors have threatened to file an injunction if you allow your children to set up just one more lemonade stand.

#3.  You’ve found the perfect “Welcome Back!” gift to make out of stuff you have around the house for your child’s teacher on Pinterest, and all you need is a paper towel tube, 4 rubber bands, and $96 worth of supplies from the craft store.

#2.  Your children have accidentally flushed swim goggles down the toilet, while attempting to see what a whirlpool looks like underwater, so many times that your plumber wrote them a thank you note.

#1.  A now 7-legged spider made a cobweb in the corner of your dining room that reads, “Isn’t it about time for them to go back to school?”

Yes. Yes, it is.

Take my kids. Please.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are there signs around your home that your children are ready to go back to school? What will you miss most when school starts? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.

Make The Teacher Hate You

Make The Teacher Hate You …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

School officially kicked off for my kids this week. If your schools haven’t started yet, I’m sure they will soon. .
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post as you steel yourself to get your darlings, and yourself, into school mode.

How To Make The Teacher Hate You

Wondering how you can make an impression on your child’s teacher this year?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Make The Teacher Hate You ...Gina's FavoritesNo worries – I’ve got you covered!

Encourage your child to change his name every day. The teacher will appreciate this extra bit of creative effort.

Be sure to point out repeatedly your child has received high marks from every one of her previous teachers. Also, be sure to mention that several knowledgeable people have suggested your child could probably just skip this year’s grade, as she is so gifted.

Pack something leaky in your child’s lunch every day, preferably a sugary substance to maximize ant and roach attraction potential.

Make cookies or candy for your child’s teacher, and include a note mentioning how she “looks like someone who really likes dessert.”

Insist your child wear a new, expensive designer coat to school. Make sure you don’t label it with his name. Then, insist his teacher locate the coat when your child comes home without it, and can only remember he had it on somewhere near the basketball courts. Harass the teacher daily about this expensive wardrobe loss. Weeks later when you find the coat jammed behind your child’s headboard, don’t mention it to his teacher. You don’t want to embarrass your child.

When you send in snacks for the entire class feel free to ignore the Classmates Allergies List. Assume the teacher is skilled at Epi-Pen usage, and would welcome the opportunity to put her skills on display.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Make The Teacher Hate You ...Gina's FavoritesSend a note daily explaining how it’s the teacher’s fault your child was unable to complete his homework assignment. Again.

Make surprise, live animal donations to the classroom, such as snakes, tarantulas, and macaws. The kids will love them, and the jungle atmosphere it creates, along with the care and feeding of these critters, is sure to help your child’s teacher relax.

Point out every single tiny, insignificant grading error that is not in your child’s favor. Your child’s teacher will appreciate your efforts to help him raise his skill level.

Send in permanent markers with your child. Insist she is too talented and mature to be using those infantile, washable-type art supplies.

When your child uses the permanent markers to set up a face tattoo business at recess, her teacher will undoubtedly appreciate her initiative and will gladly explain to the other parents how vital your child’s entrepreneurship is to everyone’s growth and development.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Make The Teacher Hate You ...Gina's FavoritesDon’t bother your child’s teacher with concerns about happenings or polices in his/her classroom. Rather, take these directly to the school principal or even the district superintendent.

Send something smelly, liquid, or live for every Show & Tell time. Bonus points to you if it’s all three!

Be sure to let your child’s teacher know right away that your child is perfect, and that, if he is acting up, it’s just because he isn’t being challenged  by her teaching methods. It’s extra helpful if you bring in brochures for seminars your child’s teacher can attend to learn the proper way to teach a child gifted such as yours is.

Order a margarita machine for the classroom Christmas party.

Have your child panic when he loses his tooth at school and can’t locate it. Only after his teacher has searched for the AWOL bony appendage for a minimum of 45 minutes should your child check in his own mouth and realize he hadn’t lost the tooth at all. (Credit to Abe Yospe ‏@Cheeseboy22, who is an awesome teacher and a very funny guy)

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Make The Teacher Hate You ...Gina's FavoritesShow up at the end of the school day, as your child’s teacher is helping all of the children get ready to go home, and explain to him you’ll need all of the class lessons and homework for the following two weeks immediately, as you and your family are flying off to Aruba and have to be at the airport in less than an hour.

While you’re on the trip, don’t have your child complete any of the assignments, and be sure to lose at least one of the textbooks and to get water damage on the others.

Make it a memorable year!

Remember, No Teacher Left Behind!

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have any favorites I should add?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission