gina valley

The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

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I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas

I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device

#whatIwantforChristmas

by Gina Valley

I want a kids’ shoes tracking device for Christmas. We, as in me, spend more time looking for my kids’ shoes than for anything else.

Hopefully, the tracking device will come with a setting to help me locate my shoes when one of my kids has “borrowed them” (my black suede boots are particularly prone to “wandering” this time of year, apparently drawn toward the dangerous mystique that is my daughters’ closet).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Want A Kids’ Shoes Tracking Device #whatIwantforChristmas Holidays Gifts Christmas

If the tracking device also has a setting that allowed me to determine whether a child’s missing parka was left at school or on the soccer field, even better.

But, I’d be more than happy with a basic kids’ shoes tracker.

I’m betting Santy Claus has an amazing shoe tracker to keep track of all the elves’ shoes. He could pass that on to me. I don’t mind a little wear and tear, as long as the tracker works, and finds shoes, even if they don’t have pointy toes.

The Jolly Guy needs to realize I’m ready to put out for this, too. And, I’m not just talking cookies and milk.

I’m willing to throw in some very fancy eggnog with a big splash from a very old bottle, just the thing to put some spring back into his step on a long night of deliveries.

As long as I can find the bottle.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you can see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts.

I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you!

Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing my What Do YOU Want? post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

What Do YOU Want?

What Do YOU Want?

by Gina Valley

We all know and love the Facebook November “What I’m Thankful For” schtick*

*depending on your point of view that may or may not be typed in the sarcasm font

Now let’s go with something a bit more down to earth and realistic. Let’s call it:

What I Want For Christmas

#whatIwantforChristmas

Note the cool matching hashtag.

Let’s get this trend to sweep some extra fun and frolic across Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest. It’ll have all of the fancy bells and whistles of a full throttle Facebook trend, plus be compatible with Apple, Android, and Google. I’m not sure about LinkedIn. No one’s sure about LinkedIn.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley http://ginavalley.com/

Join me for #whatIwantforChristmas. It promises to be great fun, if we all take it lightly. It’ll be a steady a source of eye rolls, if taken too seriously. And, it’s not nearly as creepy as that freaky elf on the shelf dude. <shudder!!!>

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the idea is to post about things you want for Christmas leading up to Christmas on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or all of them, but let’s fine tune this sucker a little before we get too wrapped up in tinsel and cinnamon sticks.

What you want for Christmas does not have to be a material or physical thing. For example, I ask for the same thing from my family every year for Christmas: a clean house and obedient children. I think they’ve never given me that because they aren’t sure how to wrap it.

Each thing you want for Christmas should be something somewhat unique to you. For example, we all want Peace on Earth and an end to world hunger. No fair putting that sort of stuff.

And, please, no political gift requests. Sorry, but that’s been done to death, or at least the point where people start to yearn for death.

You can post about anything you want, but that doesn’t mean you should. My sister once posted about wanting spatulas for Christmas. She received over 200 spatulas from friends and acquaintances, and has enjoyed years of ridicule about “aiming high” from me ever since. So, before you post about your love of tube socks, or anything “fellowship” related, think twice.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley http://ginavalley.com/ What Do YOU Want? #whatIwantforChristmas

Got it?

Good.

So without further ado, mainly because I’m not sure what “ado” is, here is something I want for Christmas #whatIwantforChristmas:

(you can insert a drumroll here if you’re someone who is into flourishes)

I took the most glorious nap today, and all I want for Christmas is another one!  #whatIwantforChristmas

It was the most wonderful thing. I actually got to sleep. Sleep!

Usually I spend the majority of my “nap” hollering at my off spring to stop bickering, sniffing because it smells like something is burning, or stomping toward our back door to let the dog in, as I am, apparently, the only person in our house who can hear our dog barking.

To actually choose to lie down with my eyes closed, to then drift off to Dreamland, and to sleep until I woke up gently and well rested is perhaps the most decadent thing a parent can experience.

Please, Sir Jolly, may I have a another?

I’ll be leaving out extra cookies for Santy Claus in hopes of scoring this gem this year.

I don’t even care he wraps it.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Be sure to hook up with me on Facebook and Twitter  and Pinterest so you see all of my #whatIwantforChristmas posts. I’m looking forward to reading your #whatIwantforChristmas posts, too. Shoot me your Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest links if we aren’t already connected. I’m looking forward to giggling along with you! Be sure to invite your friends to join in by sharing this post with them on all of your social media spaces.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng & Dreamstime.com – Used with permission

Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About

Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Listening to a couple of my kids argue about which side of the field had the greenest grass while we waited for their brother to finish at soccer practice yesterday brought this piece to mind. Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About

They say children help you live longer. I say it just feels longer.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About Sibling RivalryTake Sunday afternoon, for example.

Please, take it.

I had planned a relaxing afternoon for our family. Unfortunately, I neglected to consult the Calendar Of Childish Insanity prior to making my plans.

If I had consulted it, I would have been advised that my 2 youngest sons were scheduled to slip into grumpy-old-men mode and to bicker all afternoon.

What did they bicker about? “What didn’t they bicker about?” would be an easier question to answer. But, here’s a few of the vitally important topics they decided to debate in a seemingly unending manner:

Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About

#10.  The correct way to pronounce “era.” It’s ear-uh! It’s air-uh! It’s ear-uh!! It’s air-uh!! It’s ear-uh!!! It’s air-uh!!! It’s enough to drive everyone around them insane.

#9.  Is it ok to eat the bread (cracker piece) before the wine (grape juice) when you’re taking communion. Yes, that was the argument they were having when our pastor had to stop preaching to shush them. Twice.

#8.  Whether trumpets or saxophones are better…for killing zombies.  I guess they want to be prepared in case zombies show up at their next band concert.

#7.  Which of our dogs is smarter. I’ve got news for them – I don’t think either dog is going to be asked to join Mensa anytime soon.

#6.  Whose turn it was to tell their sister that it’s her turn to take out the trash. I think I saw the cat roll his eyes before burying his head under a pillow during this exchange.

#5.  Whose boxers are on the floor in our dining room. Yes, dining room. They argued about this for half an hour, and then decided the boxers did not belong to either of them. Apparently, they believe our neighbors are dropping by in the middle of the night, and leaving underwear in our dining room.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Topics My Sons Are Bickering About Sibling Rivalry#4.  Why a pencil is called a “pencil.” Seriously. This banter was so horrible it even sucked the life out of our few living houseplants.

#3.  Which of the twin brothers who are teachers at their school looks more like “that guy in that movie.” That’s right, they couldn’t remember the guy’s name or the movie’s name, and were undeterred by the fact that these 2 men are identical twins.

#2.  Who should have to get out of our van first. Keep in mind this lovely discussion, complete with insults and whining, took place while the two boys, who normally race to see who can get out first, were seated exactly equal distances from the door, both, apparently wanting to live out their days inside of our van, subsisting on the plentiful supply of stale Cheerios and petrified chicken nuggets crammed down the seats.

#1.  Whether some guy, named Zak, cheated when he ran a 6 minute mile in PElast yearThey nearly came to blows over this one, and, frankly, I don’t even know who the heck Zak is, much less care if he cheated.

Now, where did I put those boarding school brochures?

And, do they take moms?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you been witness to a marathon bicker-fest in your family? Anyone grumpy in your neck of the woods? How do you handle it? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng & Dreamstime.com– Used with permission

That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!!

by Gina Valley

It’s that time of year.

I’m a bit envious of all the Hallmark and Kodak moments everyone seems to be having. It’s even worse now that they arrive via email and Facebook, along with the ever faithful snail mail batches.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosYou see, we don’t have Hallmark moments or Kodak moments.

What we have is closer to America’s Funniest Video moments, except that, of course, no one brought the video camera, and even if they had, it’s not charged and the memory card is full.

We have moments like when I noticed my youngest son had something brown running down his leg when he got out of our van in the school parking lot. Keep in mind his leg was in pristine, post-shower condition when we left our house, so the mystery substance was somehow acquired en route to school, while in our van.

My husband gave me the “Don’t ask! Don’t tell!” look that parents often exchange when they know there is no way the answer can be good news. I, fool that I am, ignored him and asked our son what was running down his leg. He shrugged, and said, “I dunno.” Then, he stuck his finger in it and tasted it, before pronouncing it “Bar B Q sauce!” I had an “I’m Not Sure Whether I Should Throw Up Or Laugh” moment.

We have moments like when my oldest daughter over-slept, and we were all in our van waiting none-to-patiently for her when she came dashing out of our house, dressed in her school uniform, and practically threw herself into our van. She was carrying her shoes and backpack while she frantically brushed her hair and tucked in her school uniform shirt.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosI immediately drove off, as we were so far past late at that point we were almost early for the next time. As I pulled into the church parking lot, she asked, “Why are we stopping at church?” to which her oldest brother replied, “because it’s Sunday morning, smart one. Nice outfit, by the way.” My daughter, then, had an “I Need A Hole To Crawl Into Now” moment.

We have moments like when I went to have the nail lady make me look like a grown up again (I really should not be allowed near nail polish. It’s not my gift) & our boy puppy, (despite the fact that I gave him his medicine, which has the side effect of making him sleep for a couple hours, before I left) apparently only slept for a couple minutes, got bored, and shredded everything he could get his paws on in our family room, including all of the empty gift bags I had bought the day before to use for Christmas gifts.

As if his destruction was incomplete, while I was gathering up the tattered remains of the formerly beautiful gift bags, our puppy stood in the middle of the mess and started to make that sound that every dog owner dreads: the sound that signals something is about to make a reappearance that should not be making a reappearance. The sound that something evil this way comes. The sound that triggers screaming and the rushing of the canine out of the house.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley That’s NOT A Kodak Moment!!! Holiday Cards Family PhotosBut, he’s young and pliable and quick, and I couldn’t catch him, much less relocate him, prior to his completing his re-visitation with the ingested gift bag parts. I braced myself in anticipation of his “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

Turns out, he didn’t have an “I Ate Too Much Shredded Paper” moment.

No, he had an “I Ate Too Much Glitter…And Someone’s Glove” moment.

I, then, had a “Yet Another Reason I Hate Glitter” moment.

Immediately followed by an “Oh Crud, That’s My Glove” moment.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What kind of moments are you having? Is your family more Kodak or crazy moment prone? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

STUPID Stuff I’m Thankful For

STUPID Stuff I’m Thankful For

by Gina Valley

Maybe the reason I’m so bugged by those 30 Days of Thankfulness lists is that I don’t have such a grandiose collection.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly thankful for the biggies: health, friends, family, and my Savior.

But, most of the time, when I hear myself offering up spontaneous thanks, it’s for much less impressive stuff. Stuff that’s less oh wow! and more oh duh!

You know, stupid stuff.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley STUPID Things I’m Thankful For Thanksgiving

I’m thankful a cup of tea doesn’t turn into Jello when I reheat it for the 47th time in one day, because I can’t seem to remember to drink it during that 3 second period when it’s between scorching hot and ice cold.

I’m thankful my thoughts are not broadcast to the world during my time in the morning carpool line at the middle school…or during the last PTA meeting.

I’m thankful it makes me smile when I look at a digital clock and it’s 11:11.

I’m thankful for the rare occasion when the doorbell rings, and there isn’t any AWOL underwear lying under our dining room table…or on it.

I’m thankful my daughter told me her friend’s mom is more unreasonable about wanting her house clean than I am. If I’m going to be categorized as unreasonable it’s nice to know I’m not the most unreasonable parent on the planet…yet.

I’m thankful our dogs cannot speak to me… or about me. It really would ruin our whole relationship.

I’m thankful I was on the phone with her, so she couldn’t see the expression on my face, when my Great Aunt Celia told me she doesn’t think deodorant is safe, has decided to stop wearing it, and wants me to check to see if she smells bad the next time I stop by

I’m thankful Amazon stocks 1876 natural, organic, safe deodorant products and will ship 780 of them in two days or less for free.

I’m thankful socks aren’t foot dependent, as far as which to apply them to. Shoes give me more than enough trouble in that department.

I’m thankful my son told me the chicken I made for him to take to his Friendsgiving Dinner was so good his vegetarian friend ate a couple pieces.

And, if these made you smile, I’m thankful for that, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you made a long list of your thankfulness-es? Or, do you keep it spontaneous?  What stupid stuff are you thankful for? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking thankfully forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

I’m A Horrible Person!!!

I’m A Horrible Person

by Gina  Valley

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulness

I’m a horrible person. I admit it.

I hate those November Daily “I’m thankful for…” posts.

I know that’s terrible.  It’s such a nice thing for people to do.  I’ve even complained about people’s general lack of gratitude on several occasions.

But, I can’t help myself.  I hate those.

I don’t know what exactly it is about them, but the second I see one my eyes involuntarily roll so hard I can see my brain.  If they’re numbering the days then I get a solid two rolls in.

I’m especially horrible because I have done the whole November daily “I’m thankful for…” thing myself before, and even then it irritated me.  That’s got to be more than wrong.

Why can’t I rejoice instead of grimace when Lisa broadcasts how thankful she is for all her Great Aunt Marge has done for her?  You remember Aunt Marge.  She’s the one who ran over Lisa’s foot with her car last year, and then set fire to Lisa’s Christmas tree after Lisa brought home a brochure from Golden Acres.

Maybe Lisa ought to be expressing her thankfulness for quality insurance coverage and a low deductible!

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulnessHow come I have trouble swallowing Michelle’s expression of thankfulness for “everyone in my life – you know who you are!”?  Obviously, Michelle is happy to share her feelings about people, since 3 weeks ago she pointed out that she has been stabbed in the back by “everyone in my life – you know who you are!”

Michelle ought to be expressing thanks for not getting a gnarly whiplash from that mood swing.

And, much as I am rejoicing along with Amy that her little Ethan has overcome his biting habit and moved on to “bigger and better” things, I’m not sure that goosing his teacher every time she walks by is truly bigger or better.

Perhaps Amy ought to be grateful Ms. Spritz is not litigious.

Maybe I’m just envious because no one wants to hear that I’m thankful we figured out a way to make concrete at home, which involves running a full canister of oatmeal (quick cook or regular) through the dishwasher. Twice, apparently.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I'm A Horrible Person Thanksgiving thankfulnessOr, perhaps I’m jaded because no one seems impressed that our dog has finally figured out which door leads to the outside, and no longer mistakenly goes into the bathroom or  garage while trying to get out of our house. Most of the time.  Well, more like 50/50, but still an improvement.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to bring myself to be wholeheartedly-supportive of the Facebook-y thankfulness efforts of others.  I really should figure out why that is.

But not right now.

Right now I’ve got to update my Facebook with “I’ll be thankful when these stupid ‘I’m thankful for…’ things are done.”

I mean that in a thankful way.  Of course.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How do you feel about those November daily thankfulness posts?  What do you feel guilty about being irritated by?  Are you a horrible person, too?  Should we get matching t-shirts?  Nothing white, though.  I’m a spiller!  Shoot me a comment.  I look forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!!

If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesTeenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, Must Be Halloween!!! ...Gina's FavoritesMan Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Who ARE These People?!?!

Who ARE These People?!?! …Gina’s Fav’s

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s already been a year since my dad was killed in an airplane accident. I will never get over losing him, but my family and I are slowly beginning to heal.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him and my mom help a lot with that process. Honestly, just reading this makes me cry, but I’m smiling, too. He was a great dad and grand-dad. I was blessed.

Smile along with me.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sWho ARE These People?

I try to take my kids the 1400-ish miles to visit my parents a couple times a year.

But I can’t.

We can go to their house.  We can visit the people who live there and look just like my parents.  But they are not my parents.

I don’t know who these people are, but they are not my parents.

My mom never baked a “Cake of the Day,” or, right before bedtime, or anytime for that matter, never encouraged us to “Have another big piece of cake or two to finish it up” because there’ll be a new cake baked in the morning.  Today’s Cake of The Day was chocolate, by the way.

My parents never let the dog sleep in our rooms, much less our beds.  Heck, our dogs were rarely allowed to hang out indoors at all.  I know my parents would never let their giant golden retriever beg for and receive food from the dinner table.  And breakfast table.  And lunch table.  And snack table.

My parents never said that we could “watch whatever you like” on TV, or “Let’s watch another movie. You can sleep in if you’re too tired in the morning.”  I grew up under the impression that staying up late and sleeping in was a character flaw.  These people encourage everyone in the house to do it, and occasionally join in themselves.  Who are they?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sMy parents never loaded us into the car for a trip, be it to Grandma’s house, Disneyland, or the mall, after 5:00AM.  Usually, 4:00AM was the goal.  We were told we “have to get an early start” so often that I thought it was a federal law.  These people scoffed at the idea of waking my kids before 8:00AM to start packing up our van for our trip.  “Let them sleep,” they said.  “They’re young.  They need to sleep.”  What?

My parents would never hire someone to bring in a crane to remove a couple of the 150 foot tall pine trees in the forest in their “backyard” to make a better sledding run.  I believe we were told to “steer around” any obstacles in our path while sledding.  Steer around?  How do you steer around?  Does that mean bounce off? ‘Cause that’s what we did!

My dad would never make a tool for girls who don’t want to touch the fish they just caught to hold up their quarry for a photo without having to touch the slimy, flapping thing.  I was told that slime was good for my skin and would keep them soft.  As I recall my soft hands stank for a week after each fishing trip.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Who ARE These People?!?! ...Gina's Fav'sMy parents would never say that children shouldn’t help with chores while they’re visiting their grandparents.  I don’t know who these people are who keep singing the “They’re on vacation.  They don’t have to help,” refrain every time I tell one of my kids to take out the trash or to clear the table, but I know they aren’t my parents.

My parents would never have a candy dish they constantly refill throughout the day so as to ensure children had an unending source of sugar readily available to them.  I don’t know who these people are who laugh about the trail of candy wrappers through their house, and say, “Isn’t that Sweet?”  Isn’t that sweet?  I don’t know.  I’m too confused to think.  I remember candy wrapper dropping costing me candy privileges for a week when I was a kid.

They don’t mind feet on the couch or toys everywhere, and just said, “We can vacuum tomorrow!”

Who are these people? And can I get that chocolate cake recipe?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Did your parents morph into different people, too, when they became grandparents?  Shoot me a comment.  I’d love to hear all about it!

Dad’s Dadisms

My Dad’s Dadisms …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been a year since my dad was killed in an airplane accident. I will never get over losing him. My family and I are continuing to heal slowly. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, and I was totally unprepared for how the grief would knock me on my rear.

Happy, funny memories like the ones that inspired this Gina’s Favorites post about him help me a lot with that process.

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Smile along with me.

Top 10 Dadisms

My dad was a pretty amazing guy.  In fact, the older I get, the smarter he gets!

He truly had this whole dad-thing down. You couldn’t find a better example. If you’re wondering what you need to be a real dad for the long haul, let these dadisms from my dad help you out:

#10.  You’ll need to develop a unique linguistic style. My dad had his own language. He was the only person I’ve known who used phrases like “Dab gum it!” or “Don’t be a panty waist!” (I’m still not sure what that means exactly, but I always took it to mean “Quit your whining and move your arse”).

#9.  You’ll need to be consistent. Every April 1st my dad went out to check my mom’s car’s tires, because every April 1st my mom told him, as an April Fool’s joke, that her car had a flat. Even though he usually remembered it’s April 1st long before he got to her car, he still checked on it. Just to be sure. Then, he’d go back in the house and play a joke on my mom.

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#8.  You’ll need to develop quality control systems. My dad reloaded the dishwasher after I loaded it. Every time. Even at my house. Of course, I did the same thing to him. Apple. Tree. All that.

#7.  You’ll need to find your center. My dad was the most even-keeled guy I’ve known. I once saw him get his finger caught in an electric auger and barely raise his voice. I screamed at my kids for letting the dog eat the Parmesan cheese last night (in my defense, the dog had run all over our house shaking the container as he went, thoroughly garnishing our home with a fine cheese coating. Nothing like a well garnished home to produce a “scream at someone” kind of moment).

#6.  You’ll need duct tape and a tool belt. My dad could fix anything. Anything. If he didn’t have the needed tool he’d get it. If they didn’t make the tool, he’d make it himself. I never heard my dad say “I can’t fix that.” He looked at stuff differently, through Dad-vision glasses. I might’ve see a former seating device, he saw a perfectly good chair that just needed 2 legs, an arm, a back, and a seat.

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#5.  You’ll need a rod and reel. My dad was an amazing fisherman. If there was a fish in the lake, he’d bring it home for dinner. I’m a pretty amazing fisherperson myself. If there’s wild caught salmon at Costco, I’ll wrassle a package into my cart every time.

#4.  You’ll need to speak “auto” and carry a big wrench. My dad was The Car-Whisperer. He rebuilt engines himself, left out a couple pieces, and still made them hum like new. I, on the other hand, am The Car-Killer. I’ve had cars burst into flames just because I thought about being on time to a meeting.

#3.  You’ll need to be a nutritionist. My dad always made sure people got just what they needed to eat. When my eldest child was only a few months old, my dad knew he needed some ice cream, and made sure he got some. I admit I wasn’t completely supportive of the idea at the time, but the fact that he chose Rocky Road to feed my little toothless wonder might have impacted my opinion.

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#2.  You’ll need to be a chef of haute cuisine. When I was a child and my dad would cook a meal, he always cooked everything in one pan. When we’d ask why he didn’t use separate pans for different foods, he’d reply, “Why? It’s all going to the same place.” Often, when I survey the mountain of pots and pans I’ve dirtied making dinner, I see the wisdom in my dad’s method.

#1.  You’ll need to realize that your kids will always be your kids. My dad still dad’ed me, until the very last time I saw him, even though I have kids of my own. He made sure I had a coat on when it was cold. He reminded me to drive safely. He told me I needed to eat more protein. In other words, he loved me.

Take a page from my dad, and you’ll be amazing.

And, no, you don’t have a flat tire.  Probably.

Well, you better go check.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What do you see in the dads in your life?  What dadisms should I add to my list?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

We’re trying to pick out a new President here in the United States. 
It’s not going very well.
Laugh along with this timely Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President

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I could be an awesome President. Totally. I’ve got just enough OCD and attitude to get things done. I’ve got boatloads of compassion, but I take no guff. And, I’ve got teens and toddlers at my house. Terrorists? Members of Congress? Not a problem.

Even so, I do not want to be President. Ever. For  many, many reasons. Here’s just a few:

#10.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t have any really good skeletons in my closet – Let’s face it, the only thing worse than a really terrible skeleton is a boring one, and mine is loaded with boring skeletons. I mess up regularly. The nightly news could do a 2 year long series on it, and still not cover everything. But, I haven’t done anything impressively stupid or particularly bad. The whole attempt to embarrass me would be embarrassing.

#9.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t always look great – It’s bad enough that I have my own personal press core of 3 teenage daughters and 2 preschool nieces to criticize my every personal hygiene regimen decision. I don’t need total strangers ragging on and broadcasting my eyebrow malfunctions and makeup mishaps. That’s what family’s for.

#8.  I don’t want to be President because sometimes I have to be alone - I don’t care how easy they make it look in National Treasure for the President to sneak off into some underground tunnels for a few minutes alone, Presidents are never alone. If I don’t have my alone time I get stabby, and no one wants to see a Secret Service guy walking around with a fork sticking out of his neck.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President ...Gina's Favorites Elections#7.  I don’t want to be President because I like having the option to be naked outside - I’m not saying I’m gonna use it. I’m not saying I’ve used it in the past. I’m not saying I haven’t. I’m just saying that I’m not ready to surrender that right for the rest of my life, and being constantly followed by press and protectors definitely takes that option out of the picture.

#6.  I don’t want to be President because I hate when anything is touching my neck - I can’t stand to have anything touching my neck. So, I can’t wear a dress shirt, muchless a tie, to have an official Presidential portrait done.

#5.  I don’t want to be President because there’d be no more creative “fellowship” locations - As the parents of 7 children, my husband and I have learned to depend on creative locations. And, I don’t consider the hall behind the Oval Office to be creative, no matter what Bill says. Eight years (heck, yeah, I’d be a two-termer!) is a long time to go without spicy fellowship. Too long. I’m just sayin’.

#4.  I don’t want to be President because I blurt stuff out – Have you heard the moronic questions that reporters ask during press conferences? Wouldn’t take but a few minutes for a “What are you? Stupid?” or a “Is that the dumbest you can do or would you like another minute to try to get dumber?” to jump out of my mouth when I was supposed to be making nice with the press people.

#3.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t like to fly in big airplanes – I don’t mind the little ones. But, I’ve dated airline mechanics. Plus, I’ve taken graduate level physics. And, I think it’s a miracle those jumbo fliers get up at all. No way do I have confidence that they’ll stay there, and glide in for a gentle landing at the end of my journey. I couldn’t confidently climb on board Air Force 1 unless I was sedated or it was traveling on the ground, no matter how many zombies or aliens were after us.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I DON’T Want To Be President ...Gina's Favorites Elections#2.  I don’t want to be President because I don’t own any sensible shoes – I have very high heels. I have cool sneakers. I don’t have much in between those two. I have nothing that would be appropriate for that photo op of me dashing down a White house corridor on my way to a vital cabinet meeting.

#1.  I don’t want to be President because my dog is dumb - My dog isn’t bright enough to not take off running across the White House Lawn as soon as he’s let out for…uh…personal time, and he’s not smart enough to find his way back from the Rose Garden. My kids would be devastated.

It really is a difficult, thankless job.

Almost as much as being a parent.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you glad you aren’t President or are you itching to try out that house on Pennsylvania Avenue?  Shoot me a comment with your thoughts.   I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.