gina valley

The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

gina valley - The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

I Do NOT Want A Picture Of Poop!!!

I Do NOT Want A Picture Of  Poop!!!

by Gina Valley

No, I don’t want a picture of poop.

I don’t care how amazing it is.

The two puppy parents in our home, who just happen to be my two eldest sons (“eldest” sounds so proper and dignified, doesn’t it? Too bad I’m talking about poop now), have worked out a detailed schedule to determine whose turn it is to pick up the puppy poop in our backyard on any given day:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Do NOT Want A Picture Of Poop Dogs PetsToday, I’ll forget to do it & tomorrow you can forget.

Our backyard was starting to look like a free-range poop farm. I told Son#2, who’d made the mistake of being home at the time I was looking out the window at the ever growing droppings display, that I didn’t care whose day it was to pretend it wasn’t their day, he needed to round up those deposits.

Son#2 accepted his fate with a minimal amount of complaining, so I knew he’d suddenly become mature and interested in helping out around the house. Or, more likely, it’d been so long since he’d taken on doody duty that he couldn’t remember when he did it last to complain effectively about having to do it again.

Either way, I was happy to see him head out, shovel on shoulder, bucket in hand, and boots on feet. I made a mental note to remind him to throw out that bucket as soon as he was done. And, maybe the shovel. And, the boots, too.

Foolishly, I went about my business, and forgot all about my poop-processing progeny. I’m not sure how much time had passed, as I was lost in the allure of cleaning out the dryer vent hose, but it couldn’t have been very long before my scat-gathering son returned. He was giggling, always a frightening sign from someone engaged in poop-removal.

“Mom, where’s the camera?” he barely managed to get out between bursts of giggling.

“Why?” I asked a bit suspiciously, and more than a bit afraid of the potential answer.

“I just saw the coolest poop.”

So, there you have it. The one phrase that sums up the essence of what it means to have children and pets, because without them both you won’t likely ever hear the phrase “I just saw the coolest poop,” much less have the fortitude not to run away screaming.

Perhaps sensing I wouldn’t likely ask for further details, my 2nd oldest child and Poop-Czar for the day continued, “What do you call it when things are hooked together, like, you know, those twins?”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Do NOT Want A Picture Of Poop Dogs Pets“Conjoined?” I offered timidly.

“Yeah, conjoined. That’s the word. You know how sometimes the mini-Snickers don’t get cut apart all the way, and a couple of them are still conjoined when you open the bag?” he continued brightly.

I could not think of a good way for this description to end, but I was too fascinated to run away. He had, after all, brought mini-Snickers up, so he definitely had my attention.

“And,” he continued his tale, “you know how Bear [his 100 pound puppy] snarfs down candy whole in the wrappers?”

I knew I wasn’t going to like where this tale was heading, but it was like a car accident. I just couldn’t turn away.

“Well, he must have gotten a bag of mini-Snickers, because he’s got some major sparkly poop piles going out there. But, one of them is the coolest poop I’ve ever seen.”

I threw up a little in my mouth.

“I guess he ate some conjoined mini-Snickers, because this poop has 3 of them in it, still hooked together.”

I realized I would never be able to eat mini-Snickers again.

“And, it’s all wrapped up in grass and slime and poop, so I think it must’ve upset his stomach.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley I Do NOT Want A Picture Of Poop Dogs PetsIt certainly upset my stomach.

“Dogs eat grass when their stomachs are upset, right?  I think the candy upset his stomach, so that’s why it’s wrapped in grass.”

Who says my kid isn’t into science? I wondered if this could this count as his science project this year.

“With that green all around it, it kinda looks like sushi. Poop and Snickers sushi!”

And, now I will never be able to eat sushi, either.

“Do you want me to take a picture of it?” he asked.

This child of mine, who complains that my taking first day of school pictures of him and his siblings is a waste of time, and thinks that taking pictures of birthday cakes is ridiculous, was volunteering to photograph dog poop for me.

I wasn’t sure if he was thinking we should put it in the puppy’s baby book (not that we have a baby book for the puppy) or use it as a holiday card (it did have green and gold in it) or post it to scare people online (finally something truly hideous to pay back all those Facebook friends who put post-op and infection pictures on their walls), but, tempting as all that was, I knew what I had to tell him.

“Thanks for offering,…”

“but,…”

“I do not want a picture of poop.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Who handles output removal at your house? Ever seen any cool ones? Do you have a Facebook friend who posts gross stuff? Shoot me comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!!!…Gina’s Favorites

He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!!!…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

With school starting, we’re back in the dancing swing of things. My daughter’s ballet interests means we will be tripping to a ballet fantastic performance soon.

So, I figured my He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!!! post was just what the dance master ordered this week for Throwback Day.

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!...Gina's FavoritesHe’s Not Wearing Any Pants!!!

I have long been a noter of the sexism in uniforming and costuming among sports and the arts and The Avengers movie.

But, I’m thinking about shutting up about it.

When I see the women ice skaters in their teeny, tiny barely there skating “dresses,” while the men skaters  are in long pants and a turtleneck, I call foul.

When I see the ballroom dancers competing and the women are apparently wearing tape and the men are wearing a tux, I call foul.

When I see the women volley ball players wearing a bra and panties and the men wearing trunks and a t-shirt, I call foul.

Why, I wonder, do the women have to let it all hang out, so to speak, but the guys get to lock, load, and package their…uh…you know… package?  Seems like if anyone has to show off their stuff, everyone should have to.

Now I’m not so sure.

Last night I took my daughters to see the Mariinsky Ballet and Orchestra on the opening night of their US tour.  If you’re not impressed, according to dance circles, you should be.  And, I have to tell you, they are truly amazing artists.

I am thankful these talented performers made the long trek from Russia to SoCal, and not just because I’m going to make fun of them here and in future columns.  We saw some breathtaking dance, heard beautiful music, and over-paid for old brownies.  It was an experience my daughters will not soon forget.

But, speaking of forgotten, in the midst of the ballroom scene, a small but growing issue became completely undeniable.  I’d noticed it with the very first dancer, as soon as the curtain was raised for the opening scene.  It’d become ever more glaringly apparent with each passing scene.

Like any parent, I was hoping the issue would escape the ever watchful eyes of my children, but deep inside I knew that it wouldn’t.

I wasn’t surprised when Daughter#2 leaned over to whisper a question into my ear.  I cringed knowing what it would be about.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!...Gina's Favorites

“Mom?” she asked, “They’re from Russia, right?”

“Yes, from Russia,” I answered, relieved I’d been wrong about what I saw as an obvious distraction.  I chuckled to myself.  Maybe I’m just not as good at focusing on the dancing as my children are.

“And, that’s really far away, right?” she continued.

“Yes, very far away,” I agreed.  She was even observing the history of the dance company we’d heard at the pre-event lecture.  There I was worrying about that little issue, well issues, and she hadn’t even noticed.
She leaned in a little closer, “It must be hard to bring all the stuff they need.”

I’m sure I was beaming at her concern and understanding about the pragmatics of traveling with such a large company.  “Yes, it must be nearly a nearly overwhelming task to get it all here,” I agreed.

She nodded and sat back in her chair as she said, “Well, that’s probably why they forgot the boys’ pants.”

There’s the issue.

He’s not wearing any pants.

She hadn’t missed it.  I knew it.  How could I have doubted myself?  No one could miss it.  It was right there.  I was lying to myself hoping somehow it, they weren’t visible from my daughters’ seats, but deep down inside I knew better.  No kid was gonna miss that.  Them.  Those.  Whatever.

Ballet is the only arena in all of the arts and sports that thoroughly covers their women’s bulges but leaves their men’s…hanging out.  No pun intended.

Perhaps, it wouldn’t be quite so noticeable if the ladies weren’t adorned in flowing dresses or ornate tutus and leotards with tights, thoroughly, beautifully covered.  Even the men’s costuming seems to have left no detail unattended.  Except pants.

They’re not wearing pants.

They are wearing tights.  White tights. But no pants.  I think my daughter’s question is valid.  They came from Russia.  Did someone forget to pack the pants?  We have a Target down the street and a Walmart on every corner.  Buy some pants.  Or shorts.  How about a kilt?  Or could you just let the hem out of their tunic a bit?  Something.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley He’s Not Wearing Any Pants!...Gina's Favorites

Perhaps Prince Sigfried’s obvious look of concern as he leapt and twirled across the stage had less to do with the fact that he just married his true love’s evil twin and more to do with the fact that we can all see his royal jewels because he isn’t wearing any pants.

And, yes, the jester is an important part of Swan Lake, but I can’t help but think the reason he got so many laughs had less to do with his attempts at dancing physical humor, than it did with the jingle bells that shimmer and jingle very time he moves being strategically placed near his…uh…personal jingle bells.  The man looks frighteningly happy.  I’m just sayin’.

Pants.  Even shorts.  I’m not asking for a lot.

A few pairs of strategically placed shorts would help many audience members to focus more fully on the dancing.  I’m thinking it might relax some of the dancers, too.  Some of them looked very…uh… tense.

So, now I’m thinking, instead of what’s good for the goose (or swan, as the case maybe) is good for the gander, how about if everyone locks and loads so we can focus on the amazing physical actions they’re performing, instead of dreading the next sentence to come out of our child’s mouth?

Keep the mystery alive.  That’s all I’m saying.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Where have you taken your kids that generated cringe worthy comments?  Shoot me a comment.  I’d love to hear all about it!

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – ovsvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeak Tuesday Tickles – ovsvcTuesday Tickles - ovsvc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Where Did My Cool Go?

Where Did My Cool Go?

by Gina Valley

I’m not cool.

I realized that today.

I suppose, on some level, I’ve known it for a while, but today it became glaringly clear. Because today, I realized I have become my father.

Don’t get me wrong. There’re a lot of cool things about my father. My dad is a great guy. He’s funny and smart and giving.  I’d love to turn into that part of my dad. But, I didn’t.

….

I’d just finished installing a new kitchen faucet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Where Did My Cool Go? Aging

We’d had to get a new kitchen faucet, because the old one had fallen apart. You had to use a pair of locking pliers just to turn the thing on, water temperature was a gamble, and it vibrated so much when the water flowed that dirty dishes kept bouncing off the counter.

So, we’d headed to our friendly, neighborhood, giant home improvement store (I’ve always thought running water in the kitchen improved any home) to get a new kitchen faucet set.

Some of the faucets were so expensive I wondered if they magically cleaned dishes all by themselves. The Professor took one look at the wall of water wonders, and announced he refused to pay more for this faucet than he did for his first car.

We picked the one that was in our budget, and looked like it could handle having our kids tie the dog to it without breaking off. The fact that it supposedly had an anti-fingerprint finish just made us giggle. I was sure our kids would accept that challenge. They’re very competitive. No faucet was going beat them.

….

So, there I stood in our kitchen, putting away my tools and looking at our newly installed faucet when I heard someone say, “That’s a beautiful faucet.”

I looked around, and realized I was the only one there. And, not only had I said, “That’s a beautiful faucet,” I really thought that faucet was beautiful.

I flashed back to holding the tools while my dad installed a new kitchen faucet in my childhood home when I was a teenager. I remembered him saying, while he polished it with a cloth, “That’s a beautiful faucet.” I remembered thinking how that was further proof my dad was totally uncool.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Where Did My Cool Go? Aging

And, here I was, decades later, riding the same train of uncoolness. Today’s stop was “Admiring household plumbing fixtures.” I could only wonder whether tomorrow’s stop would be listening to Muzak, wearing sensible shoes, or buying high-waisted, polyester pants (as I typed that I thought, “at least those things don’t ever wrinkle,” and felt myself drift ever further from cool).

When did this happen? When did I lose my cool?

I related my tale of uncoolness-woe to my friend, Vernice. I told her that I felt disheartened and aged beyond my years because I found new kitchen plumbing fixtures exciting. I wondered aloud if it was because I have children. Had they taken my cool as well as my last functioning brain cell? Vernice nodded along, sympathetically.

“Well, you know…,” my wise friend began.

I can always count on Vernice, and her sage advice to keep me on course. I knew she’d know just what to say to help me get my cool back.

“…that really is a beautiful faucet.”

Apparently, Vernice has turned into my father, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What makes you feel old? Have you surprised yourself lately? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!!

Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!!

by Gina Valley

As is traditional with any quality 3-ring circus, The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus kept its audience waiting for the main event.

This built anticipation, and allowed for the distribution of water bottles and string cheese sticks amongst the audience members (be sure to get all of the giggles from Ring #1 and Ring #2 of The Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus, too).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!!To completely grasp the amazingness of the Main Event in the center ring, Ring #3, one has to understand a bit about Southern California school parking lots.

Long ago, when most of the schools in SoCal were being built, we had a strict neighborhood school system. Kids attended schools they could walk to. Parking lots were built only large enough to accommodate each school’s faculty and staff, with perhaps a space or two thrown in for visitors.

Now, the neighborhood school system has become the School of Choice system. This system allows parents to send their kids to nearly any school of their choosing. As a result, many kids, mine included, attend schools miles from home. Parents have to provide transportation for their children to and from the schools they select.

So, parking lots at schools with many school of choice students (my daughters’ school for the arts is exclusively attended by school of choice students) are flooded with cars as parents attempt to deliver, and then retrieve their children.

At pick up and drop off time at my daughters’ school, the parking lot, including all 4 lanes to drive through it, becomes, well, a parking lot. Cars are lined up, bumper to bumper and door to door, as they wait to inch forward toward the tiny 2 lane exit. It’s like trying to get out of the parking lot after a hockey game, but with fewer people wearing cool jerseys, and virtually no puddles of beer to navigate around.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!!Manhattan rush hour traffic has nothing on a SoCal school parking lot at 3:00PM. Well, there is one major difference. Our afternoon jam is without the chorus of horns so often heard bouncing off of the Manhattan skyscrapers.

Except today.

And, so opened the Main Event in Ring#3.

As we all sat in our vehicles, thoroughly packed into the parking lot, awaiting our turn to move forward a foot or two at a time, some Clown decided to turn Magician.

He, apparently, decided that he’d had enough of the traffic, and that the traffic would have to go. So, he did an amazing thing. Something I’d never heard anyone do in any of the school parking lots I’ve spent what must add up to years of my life waiting in.

He began to blast his horn.

This Clown, who’s champagne colored sedan was completely boxed in on all sides, laid on his horn with vim and vigor. I’m not talking about a couple quick toots to get the attention of his clueless teenager, who was standing 20 feet away, but somehow still failed to see him. We’ve all done that.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!!Not this guy. He pushed and held his cars horn on for a good minute at a time. Over and over and over again.

At first, I and several other drivers were concerned that he was perhaps having an emergency of some kind, and seeking help. But, he was not.

Nope.

He was just attempting to use his horn to make the 117 other cars in that parking lot disappear. Apparently, he fancied himself a Magician, and didn’t realize he was just another Clown in the The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus. Perhaps he was the biggest clown of all, deluded as he was.

I’m not sure if he thought he had magical powers or his horn was the key to a magical TARDIS, but either way, his show, loud though it was, was great fun to watch. My daughters were giggling about it before they even reached our van.

We giggled along with his serenade all through the long wait for our turn to exit the parking lot. We giggled all of the way to their brothers’ school. Then, they told their brothers about the Main Event, and my sons joined in on the giggling all the way home.

That’s the great thing about the circus.

Everyone goes home laughing.

And, a bit afraid of the clowns.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Click these links to get all of the giggles from Ring #1 – The Circus Parade Of Idiots: Coming To A School Parking Lot Near You!!! and Ring #2 – The School Parking Lot 3-Ring Circus, so you don’t miss any laughs.

Have you been to the circus lately? How about to the school parking lot? Are you afraid of clowns? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

The School Parking Lot 3-Ring Circus

The School Parking Lot 3-Ring Circus

by Gina Valley

The Ring #2 of The School Parking Lot 3-Ring Circus was staged in the same parking lot on the same day, but the curtain rose after school.  Again, it was street performers, so to speak (be sure to get all of the giggles from Ring #1 and Ring #3 of The Parking Lot 3-Ring Circus, too).

As I sat in our van waiting for my daughters to join me on my quest to regroup with their siblings, the performance began.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The School Parking Lot 3 Ring CircusI had the windows down, allowing the gentle SoCal breeze to keep me cool, and to, hopefully, flush out the smell of rotting chicken nuggets that was coming from the back seat.

I clearly heard the clowns starting to enter the ring. Clown#1 began the show by hollering, “Hey! Hey! Hey!”

Clown#2 then responded with, “What? What? What?”

I couldn’t see the clowns, as apparently the second ring of The Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus was situated behind me, but I could see the other drivers laughing already as the show began.  

It was difficult to follow the conversation, as the clowns were less than totally careful with their enunciation and word choice. But, the general gist of the performance was that Clown#2, who according to Clown#1 was a bleeping bleep bleeper (perhaps you’ve guessed that I’ve substituted “bleep” for the somewhat, shall we say “crass” word used by Clown#1), had stopped his bleeping car in the street to wait to turn into the school parking lot. Apparently, this offended Clown#1.

Clown#2 pointed out, in a less than totally genteel manner, that Clown#1 was bleeping blind (apparently these gentlemen entertainers shared a common dialect, or perhaps just a common stunted vocabulary), and if he didn’t have his bleeping head up his bleeping bleep, he would have noticed there was a line of cars a block long waiting in the street to turn into the school parking lot that Clown#1 had bleeping cut in front of.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The School Parking Lot 3 Ring CircusThis charming dialog bounced back and forth between our two stars for a few minutes, right there in the middle of the school parking lot. The parking lot of the school both of these Clowns apparently have children attending.

The performance in Ring #2 was brought to a close by what I can only assume was either The Ring Master or The Strong Man. I couldn’t see this third player in our drama, but I heard his very deep, booming voice call out to Clown#1 and Clown#2, “Hey! Shut the bleep up (he was apparently speaking their language to maintain cohesion throughout the performance), or I will shut your bleeping traps for you. There’s moms and kids all over this place, you dumb bleeps. Show some bleeping respect and watch you mouths or I will bleeping kick both of your bleeps.”

And, so ended the performance in Ring #2.

All I could think at that point was, “Well bleeping said, my brother.”

Laugh Out Loud! - 

-gina

Click these links to get all of the giggles from Ring #1 – The Circus Parade Of Idiots: Coming To A School Parking Lot Near You!!! and Ring #3 – Send In The Clowns & Their Car Keys!!! so you don’t miss any laughs.

Seen any interesting street performers lately?  Have you added any interesting words to your vocabulary recently? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

The Circus Parade Of Idiots

The Circus Parade Of Idiots:

Coming To A School Parking Lot Near You!!!

by Gina Valley

Nothing brings out the inner moron in people quite like driving through a school parking lot.

And, nothing causes that moronic flower to blossom quite like the stress of the first day of school.

So, when you put the two together you’ve got yourself a 3 ring circus, The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus.  When that happens, the best thing to do is to just sit back and watch the show (from a safe distance, preferably while wearing a sturdy helmet).

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Circus Parade Of Idiots: Coming To A School Parking Lot Near You!!!

The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus definitely came to our town this week. On the first day of school all three rings were up and running at my daughters’ school.

In the Ring #1 of The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus the driver of a huge pickup truck opened the performance. My youngest daughter and I had the privilege of front row seats. We were right behind the giant vehicle in the left exit lane, having just dropped off my two older daughters for their first day of school (be sure to get all of the giggles from Ring #2 and Ring #3 of The Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus, too).

As we waited in line for the signal to turn green, so we could continue along my child drop-off route, we saw the driver of this giant truck climb out. She was a tiny woman, who did in fact have to climb down to reach the ground safely. I immediately wondered how she was able to see out of the giant mechanical beast to drive it.

But, she must have been able to see well enough to spy the tiny car waiting in line to exit in front of hers, because she stormed up to it and started shouting at the driver. I couldn’t tell what she was saying (our windows were, thankfully, up), but her waving arms and stomping feet made it clear she wasn’t greeting a long, lost friend.

We were spared what was likely a colorful auditory presentation, but we still enjoyed a very dramatic mime show. I looked around at the rest of the audience, cued up as they were, and found most were in near hysterics at the spectacle. I was torn, trying to decide between laughing and calling 911. Clearly, this mime shouldn’t have been let out of the box.

I guess the driver of the miniature car wasn’t paying proper attention to the performer, because the tiny screaming woman mime started pounding on the window of the small car.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Circus Parade Of Idiots: Coming To A School Parking Lot Near You!!!

Then, and I am still amazed by this, the driver of the tiny car rolled down her window.

It was a surprising twist, and truly the comedic highlight of that first ring of the circus. I wondered what that driver could possibly have been thinking.  My daughter stared open-mouth at me. All I could think to tell her was, “Just think, those two bozos are raising children.”

Their performance faded to black, as the signal turned green and the audience members maneuvered their cars around the 2 still-active performers and their vehicles to exit the parking lot.

I like to think that they knew our turn signals were really applause for their memorable performance.

I had to hurry off toward the next stop on my kid drop off route.

Didn’t want to risk missing the show there.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Click these links to get all of the giggles from Ring #2 – The School Parking Lot 3 Ring Circus and Ring #3 – Send In The Clowns!!!, so you don’t miss any laughs.

Has the circus showed up at a school near you? Have you seen any side shows in a parking lot lately? How was the first day of school for your family? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

What’s MY Name Again?…Gina’s Favorites

What’s MY Name Again?…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

My brain is extra befuddled and muddled this week. I’m hoping that’s a temporary side-effect of the extra stress generated by all the back-to-school madness, and not my new normal. Time will tell, I suppose.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley What’s My Name Again?...Gina's Favorites Duh! MomentsEither way, I figure my What’s MY Name Again? post is perfect for Throwback Day this week.

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

What’s MY Name Again?

I feel better about myself today.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m losing my mind, if my memory’s shot, if I’m slipping into a carpool induced semi-coma state of stupor.

Sometimes I know I am.

I often wonder if it’s just me who walks into a room and forgets why.  Twenty times a day.

Could I be the only one who can’t remember what day of the week it is?

Why don’t I recall not only where I parked, but also which of our cars I parked there?

And, what is the name of that woman I see every morning when I drop my youngest off at school?

But, today, I feel better about myself.

Today, Son#2 asked if it would be ok if he went to the store to buy peanut butter.

Now, you have to understand, we already have a brand new, unopened jar of peanut butter.  It’s in our pantry, but none of my pack is willing to make the effort to find it, despite my clear directions as to its location.

I’m not willing to get it for them, not only am I buried in work today, it’s the principle of the thing.  They could find the peanut butter if they truly wanted to.  Or, if I truly didn’t want them to.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley What’s My Name Again?...Gina's Favorites Duh! MomentsBut.

My teen was willing to voluntarily, i.e. no whining, no eye-rolling involved, make a trip to the grocery store.  Granted, it’s to buy a jar of peanut butter we don’t need, but we’ll consume it in a matter of days.

This was a great opportunity for me because the grocery store sells other things that we actually do need.  So, his trip to buy unneeded peanut butter could save me a trip to the store for a couple of gallons of milk and the last few ingredients needed for lunch packing.

So, I gave my peanut butter addicted son a list of 6 items to get, with peanut butter at the top.

He called me from the peanut butter aisle to double check that I did, in fact, want the organic brand I always buy.  He pointed out that the brand he prefers was cheaper.  I reminded him it was worth the extra money to me to keep the hydrogenated oil out of his body.

A few minutes later he was back home handing me my change and the receipt.  I looked over the receipt, and had to suppress a giggle.  “Did you get everything on the list?”  I asked him.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley What’s My Name Again?...Gina's Favorites Duh! Moments“Yes,” he answered, while unpacking the groceries he’d hunted.

“Where’s the peanut butter?”  I asked, matter-of-factly, while continuing to type.

He got “the look.”  You know “the look.”  It’s that look that forces itself across your face when you suddenly realize you’ve had a brain glitch.

He grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

 

Son#1 helped me by picking up his brothers from their soccer practices today.  I pointed out that he had to leave our house no later than 5:45PM.

This, I reminded him, would get him to Son#3’s practice just as it ended at 6:00PM.  He would then have exactly enough time to get across town to pick up Son#4 from his practice, which ends at 6:30PM.  I sent him a text with all of that information, to make sure he did it in the right order.

About 6:25PM I received a call from Son#3, who was wondering why no one had picked him up.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley What’s My Name Again?...Gina's Favorites Duh! MomentsI called Son#1 to inquire as to his whereabouts.  He was waiting at Son#4’s practice because they weren’t done yet.  I said that was because Son#4’s practice goes until 6:30PM.  Son#1 said, “Oh crud.  I did it backwards, didn’t I?”  I couldn’t see him, but I know he had “the look” on his face.

 

I asked my 13 year old if he’d brought home his math for me to check.  He said that he had and went upstairs to get his backpack of school stuff.   He was gone 10 minutes, came back with only his reading book, sat down next to me, and began doing his reading assignment.  I watched him for a minute, then said, “Where’s your math?”

He got “the look,” and said, “Oh yeah.  I couldn’t remember why I went up there.”

So, he took off again for his room.  This time he was back much more quickly.   Again, he had no backpack.

Math.”  I said, emphatically.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley What’s My Name Again?...Gina's Favorites Duh! MomentsHe got “the look” again.  “Oh snap!” he said, heading for the stairs.

 

So, today I feel better about myself.

Perhaps I shouldn’t.  It’s not like my brain has suddenly returned to the sharpness it used to have when I got to sleep through the night and to hit the gym regularly.

But, I guess what they say is true.  Misery loves company.  And, as long as I’m going to lose my mind, it’s nice to know I’ll be in good company.

What was my name again?

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you got “the look”? Do you ever feel like your brain has left for the day?  Have you lost your car or forgotten to pick someone up lately?  Shot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – odnvc

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Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and to share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Back To School Super Powers

Top 10 Back To School Super Powers

by Gina Valley  

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Back To School Super Powers Back To School

Faster than a ringing tardy bell.

More powerful than a tub of yogurt left in a backpack last June.

Able to blurt out 7×8 is 56 (remember 5,6,7,8).

It’s a caffeine-aholic. It’s a Zombie.  No! It’s a Super Powered Parent.

If your kids have headed back to school, you’ll be one, too.  Here’s ten of the many Super Powers you’ll develop as a result of that school bell ringing.

Top 10 Back To School Super Powers

#10.  Super Speaking - Utter never-before-heard curses daily while attempting to navigate the school parking lot.

#9.  Super Time Dissolving - Watch even your very hope of free time disappear, while assisting your children with classwork they didn’t finish at school, because they were too busy talking to the kid sitting next to them or sleeping on their desk because they were up all night playing Clash of Clans on their iPod.

#8.  Super Gaming - Hone your skills at Mom (or Dad), Who Took My…? every morning.  You’ll be a master of every version of the game, including Mom, Who Took My Shoes?, Mom, Who Took My Backpack?, Mom, Who Took My Lunch?, Mom, Who Took My Retainer?, and the special private parents-only version of the game Who Took My Mind? I’ve Lost It Again!

#7.  Super Creating- Materialize a Paul Revere Costume, a birthday gift for the teacher, or 6 dozen cupcakes with less than an hour’s notice.

#6.  Super Tooting - Hone your car-horn technique, so even your neighbors hear it clearly speak, “Hurry up! We’re late!” when you ever so delicately blast it from the driveway, in a futile attempt to rush a teenage daughter, who is changing her outfit.  Again.  For the 13th time.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Back To School Super Powers Back To School

#5.  Super Signing - Perfect your autograph by signing 56,000 forms for each kid during the first week of school, after carefully filling them out and making corrections where necessary.  As a bonus, you’ll finally memorize your own cell phone number after writing it on every one of those forms, in the kids’ backpacks, and on your youngest son’s forehead.

#4.  Super Scaling – Conquer mountains of laundry so tall they’re thought only to be the stuff of legends. After all, when school is in session, if they have even thought about trying something on, kids think it needs to go through the laundry again.

#3.  Super Speed – Drop your mile time by running through the morning circuit training of dashing from room to room, re-waking up the kids you’ve already woke up twice.

#2.  Super Mind Reading – Practice your clairvoyance as your daughter assumes you know she wants to wear her 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt on Wednesday to match Lindsey, your son assumes you know his pockets have snails in them, and they all assume you know what those papers the teacher sent home with them said, even though they never gave them to you.

#1.  Super Cloning - Bring snacks to a soccer game, measure kids for their drama costumes, and pick up kids from hip hop lessons at exactly the same time, in locations that are at least 20 miles apart.

I’d love to see Superman or Wonder Woman try this gig.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are you breaking out your Super Hero cape as your children head back to school? Which Super Power do you use most?  Shoot me a comment! I’m looking forward to hearing all of the details.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission