A 2 Year Old – Finally A Philosopher Who Makes Sense
Life seems so complicated, but it’s really not. Just ask anyone. Well, anyone who’s 2 years-old, anyway.
All the confounded confusion you and I bumble through constantly is completely offset by the world of convenient clarity a 2 year old operates in.
No problem. I’ve been chatting it up with the 2 year old set and we’ve got it all figured out. What at first glance seems like a confusing world of contradictions is actually a simple, logical philosophy.
So, here’s all you need to know about life, from the point of view of my 2 year-old research partner.
Nose picking is bad: It’s disgusting. It’s gross. I, like every other 2 year-old, will point and scream when I see someone do it and will refuse to have anything to do with that person. Not only will I lay down in the doorway to our pre-school classroom and refuse to go in because I think he has boogerfied the entire room, I won’t even go back to the campus without an Armageddon size tantrum.
It’s just wrong.
Unless it’s me.
Nose picking is good: If it is my nose and my finger and my booger I will pick proudly. Don’t get on my case or you and everyone in a ten block radius will be sorry.
Change is good: I love new toys! I love new clothes! I love new fried foods! I love new shoes! I love new friends! I love new places! I love my new teacher! I love anything new to me. Everything new is good.
Unless it’s not.
Like when I’m tired or coming down with the flu. Or, just not in the mood. Then…
Change is bad: And, by “bad,” I mean way worse than “bad.” I only want my old toys! I only want my old clothes! I only want the same food I had for the last 6 meals! I don’t want to go anywhere new or different. I only like my old teacher. Everything new is bad.
Fast is best: Make my lunch fast. Go through the grocery store line fast. Let me open my gifts fast. I will run fast to you. Fast is good. Fast is great. I love fast!
Slow is best: I eat that green stuff slowly. I’ll put my toys away slowly. If we are late it makes me move slower. If I think I’m in trouble I will walk so slowly to you that all time will stop and it will look like we are in The Matrix.
Time passes quickly: I just started playing. It has not been two hours. We just got to the park. It can’t be time to go home. Billy just got here. It can’t be time for him to leave. It is not bedtime yet!
Time passes slowly: We have been waiting for the doctor forever! Why isn’t it my birthday yet? It must be time for dessert by now. Is my time out over yet? Her turn with the cell phone is taking forever.
What’s yours is mine: You have a great toy. You should share it with me. That’s a nice cellphone, lady. You should share it with me. That ice cream looks yummy. Hand it over. Now. Fast.
What’s mine is mine: I have a great toy. I will not share it. I have your cellphone. It’s mine now. Don’t even look at my ice cream. In fact, take a step back.
See? It’s all really quite simple.
Laugh Out Loud!
Sometimes life is so easy! Sometimes not so much. Shoot me a comment. I look forward to hearing all about it!