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Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting …Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting …Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting

They don’t tell you a lot about parenting before you join the cult.

People joke a bit about losing most of your sleep while your child is an infant, and all of it when your child becomes a teen.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting ...Gina's FavoritesThey point out the pregnancy fat they’re still carrying from their now 264 month old child.

But, no one mentions the truly mind boggling aspects of parenthood.

Here’s some of the things I did not realize would happen when I became a parent that keep my head shaking and my eyes rolling more often than I care to admit.

Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting

#10.  How often I would step in something wet – from the benign puddles of melted ice cubes and dribbled milk to the nefarious spectrum of bodily productions, which mysteriously appear where they never should (this job really should come with galoshes).

#9.  How often someone would scream at me that he or she was not tired or grumpy and did not need a nap (funny how I always need one).

#8.  How every semblance of sophistication would be quickly and completely stripped out of my life. Leaving the house in unstained clothes, arriving on time, a clean car, an uninterrupted thought, all gone.

#7.  How often I would utter the phrase “I’m not missing any of this movie to take anyone to the bathroom, so you better go now.”

#6.  How I would cave in every time & take every kid to the bathroom during the movie (I get more steps in during a movie than at the gym in an hour on the treadmill).

#5.  How often I would offer bribes to small people to poop or sleep. Or, to let me poop or sleep. Alone.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Things I Did NOT Know About Parenting ...Gina's Favorites#4.  How much time and effort other people’s shoes would suck out of my life. Explaining why shoes must be worn. Again. Asking where the shoes were last seen. Again. Hiking halfway back to the waterfall in the dark by the light of my cell phone to retrieve a shoe. Again.

#3.  How much time I would spend admiring captive insects, and negotiating for their release back into the wild.

#2.  How many times I would give up my jacket, my water, my snack, my sanity to the child I reminded not less than ten times to bring his or her own, who, nonetheless, forgot to bring it.

#1.  How great I would get at silently opening crinkly candy wrappers so as not to tip off my children to my clandestine date with junk food.

I don’t share chocolate.

It’s really for their own protection.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What aspect of parenting surprised you once you were actually in the trenches? What’s harder than you imagined it would be?  What’s easier?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission.