gina valley

The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

gina valley - The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween!!!…Gina’s Favorites

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween!!! …Gina’s Favorites

While I run out to buy more candy to hand out to the Trick or Treaters, again, for the 4th time, enjoy this Gina’s Favorites post for Throwback Day this week.

If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween

You want scary?  You want to walk around inspiring truly blood curdling terror?  Forget Freddie Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason.  Chuck Chucky.  Oh puhleeze!  Those are nothing.  Go with something REALLY scary:

REALLY Scary Costumes:

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteTeenager With Your Car Keys

Two Envelope Cable Bill

Dog With The Runs

MasterCard Statement After The Holidays

Spider (some things are always scary)

4 Year Old With Tape Recorder

Your Daughter’s First Date

Mother-In-Law Pulling Into Your Driveway Unannounced

At-home Bikini Wax Kit

Scary’s not your style?  No problem.  How about something more…er…uh…appealing?

Yes, Hoohahs Set Free seems to be the underlying theme of all women’s costumes (I think it’s also a DVD, but you won’t find it at the Red Box, and it will show up on your credit card bill).  In fact, if you’re in the market for a woman’s costume, realize they’re all the same.  All you’ll be picking out is what the style of your hoohah-accentuating hooker get-up will be.

But, why should men be the only ones viewing costumes designed to turn their motors over?  Shouldn’t women also be given the opportunity to gawk at displays that start their launch sequence?

Costumes To Pressurize HER Pistons (see how I’m speaking all “guy-speak” to you gentlemen?  I’m a giver like that.):

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteMan Hand-washing Non-dishwasherable Stuff WITHOUT Muttering About How THIS Is Why He Did NOT Want To Get These Stupid Knives In The First Place

Man Asking For Directions

Man With Cold Not Mentioning It

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (this also fits into the REALLY Scary Costumes category, too, depending on your point of view)

Man Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child

It’s interesting to note that as appealing as these costumes are to us ladies, with just a few tiny tweeks, they turn into costumes that scare the heck out of our guys.

Costumes To Terrify Men:

Man Dropping Wedding Gift Gravy Boat While Handwashing Non-dishwasherables

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley If You See Hoohahs, It Must Be Halloween...Gina's FavoriteMan Asking For Directions (no change needed from above category to induce teeth-chattering terror amongst males)

Well Man Surrounded By Family With Colds

Man Who Just Wants To Cuddle (men hate him)

Man Getting Hernia From Carrying Sleeping Kids In Gently From The Car

Man Flying Down Kids’ Slip-n-Slide Fully Clothed To Surprise His Child Finding Sprinkler In Very Personal Way 

And, remember.  Being a parent at this time of year does NOT mean you have carte blanche to steal half of your kid’s Halloween candy.  Being a parent means you have a credit card to take to Costco to buy a 5 pound bag of candy to hide and sneak while they’re sleeping.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anything spooktacular happening in your neck of the woods?  What’s your favorite candy? Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – dvovc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeak Tuesday Tickles – dvovcTuesday Tickles – dvovc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

 

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Seriously Today – I’m Angry!

Seriously Today – I’m Angry!

by Gina Valley

I’m angry.

Maybe more than angry.

Yes, definitely more than angry.

Yesterday, one of my daughters was the victim of a crime.

Five of my kids and I were out clothes shopping.  My 19 year old son took my youngest kids to wait in our van while I paid for his sister’s clothes, as the line to pay was long and slow. Our van was parked about 20 parking spaces straight out from the front of the store I was in.

My teenage daughter got tired of waiting in line with me, and decided to go wait in our van, too.

Crime Assault Family Life Love Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Harassment Seriously Today – I’m Angry!

It never occurred to me that it was unsafe for her to walk from the store to our van.  I didn’t even think about it. I couldn’t see her trek from my vantage point, but even if I could have, it would not have occurred to me to monitor it. Her older brother, waiting in our van, had no idea she was on her way, but he, too, would never have thought she needed protecting at that point.

Even now, looking back, it seems impossible that something bad could happen when she had such a short distance to cover in broad daylight, in a shopping center located in a Los Angeles suburb, that has been repeatedly named one of the safest places to live in our nation several times.

But, something bad did happen.

A man followed my daughter almost the instant she left the store. He harassed her, made crude, salacious comments, and tried to touch her. It terrified her. She was nearly running by the time she reached our van, with this man inches behind her.

Her brother, then alerted to trouble, hopped out of our van and started toward the man. The man saw him, and ran off.

When I returned to our van, no one mentioned the incident to me until we were nearly out of the shopping center parking lot.

When someone finally did, I immediately parked, so I could get the whole story.

After making sure my daughter was okay, I drove around the shopping center in an effort to locate this man. If my daughter was not safe, no one else’s was either. I could not just drive off and leave a dangerous situation for the next child who was in that shopping center.

We found the man.

I had my kids stay in the van, and I went to talk to the man. I told the man, who was in his thirties, that he had harassed my young, teenage daughter in that parking lot and that was completely unacceptable.  He spewed out some filth and lies, trying to make it sound like my daughter had sought him out. I reminded him that it is a crime for an adult such as himself to make comments like that to a child or to try to touch anyone.  He again replied with filth and non-sense.

It was clear at that point that he was either mentally ill or under chemical influence. I told him I was going to call the police because he was a danger to children in the area. He said that he did not care. I asked him if I could take his picture. He said, “Yeah, then I can be famous.”

I took his picture, in case he disappeared before the police arrived. I called 911, and the first squad car arrived a couple minutes later. When it did, the man raced into a large store, presumably to hide.

Several more squad cars with multiple officers arrived. They searched the store, found the man, and arrested him.

In the movies, that’s where this kind of story ends. The bad guy goes to jail, where he will be kept until he changes his way. The victim goes home, feeling healed & safe, knowing that the bad guy is gone forever.  Even the police officers feel great about having solved a problem and ensured safety in the kingdom.

But, this wasn’t a movie.

This bad guy will not be kept in jail until he changes his way.

The victim does not feel healed or safe.

The officers involved feel only frustration and futility, knowing the problem is not solved.

And, I’m angry about it. All of it.

I’m angry that I have to think about this.  All of it.  I not only have to consider whether a child is mature enough not to get lost and large enough not to be carried off, but also is he or she protected enough not to be harassed if walking around outside. Our children should be safe because they are children. I’m angry that is not the case.

I’m angry that this man has a very long history of being arrested in that area for similar offenses, which have steadily increased in aggressiveness, and  yet the law that works so well to protect the accused’s rights, does nothing to protect the rights of the innocents, in this case, my daughter.

I’m angry that my daughter must change her behavior to protect herself from this man, but this man does not have to change his. One of the officers told me that he had personally arrested this man at least a dozen times and that I needed to make sure my daughter knew that this man would be back in the area as soon as he got out of jail, so that she can brace herself for that.  My daughter will have to stay away from that shopping center for her own safety, but the man who tried to assault her there will return.

I’m angry I hadn’t taught my daughter to scream, make a scene, and yell for help in that kind of situation. I’m angry it hadn’t even occurred to me that she would ever be in that kind of situation, and would need those kinds of skills.

I’m angry that my daughter has had to relive what was a terrifying experience for her, over and over, as she was asked to give her statement to the officers and detectives. They need her statement to do their job. They need it to protect other people. But, I’m still angry that she had to do that, because of the additional pain and trauma it caused her.

I’m angry that I had to take my daughter to the police station to be photographed and recorded. Officers on the case wisely called in a sex crimes prosecutor for advice on what evidence to collect, so as to have the best chance at convicting this man.

They were told to photograph my daughter wearing the outfit she was wearing at the time, and to record her voice making her statement to be able to demonstrate in court at a later date that she clearly appeared to be a minor at the time. They told me that it’s good she has braces, and that it’s good she doesn’t wear makeup.

Basically, what they were preparing for was a future attempt to blame the victim for this crime. Some lawyer is going to stand in front of a judge and try to convince him that this attack was the victim’s fault, my daughter’s fault.  I’m angry about that.

I’m angry that my daughter must go through a very stressful process in order to protect others from becoming victims in this man’s ever more aggressive string of harassments. It could have been much, much worse. Many have had much, much worse happen to them. That’s why we’re putting in the time and effort to pursue prosecution in this case. This man has a history of arrests, and, according to officials, his actions are becoming more aggressive.  I am angry that it’s so hard to protect other people.

I’m angry because apparently this man has a parent in the nearby area, who is in denial about his mental health issues, and has refused to advocate for him to be evaluated to receive clearly needed mental health treatment. This man is headed for tragedy, his own and possibly that of innocent people around him, too, if he does not receive mental health treatment.

Most of all, I’m angry that something was taken from my daughter that she will never get back.

Every time she walks alone in a parking lot for the rest of her life she will have doubts as to her safety.  She will never again have the innocent, carefree attitude as she walks around in public that she had before that afternoon. She won’t be thinking about what she’s doing with her friends on Friday night or the cute boots she saw in the store window or how excited her brother will be when he opens up the birthday gift she bought him.

Instead, in the back of her mind, and sometimes in the front, she’ll wonder if she’s being followed. She’ll plan how she’ll escape.

I’m angry about that.

Very angry.

Fifteen year olds should be worried about who likes whom and acne and what movie is coming out on Friday night.

They shouldn’t have to think about whether someone is going to hurt them.

But now, sadly, that’s what mine has to think about now.

And, I’m angry.

-gina

How do you handle it when something bad happens to one of your loved ones?  Have you helped a family member through a scary time?  Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Friday Funnies – dvcvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

Friday Funnies - dvcvc

It’s Friday.

End of the week. Start of the weekend.

Pull up a chair & grab your favorite beverage.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Friday Funnies – dvcvc

Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” it up.

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 That’s my routine, too!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 It’s a gift!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 That second one is really hard!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Finally, a useful Captcha!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Is that a squirrel?!?!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 I think that’s why He gave me 2!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 I really need two!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Now you tell me!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Ain’t that the truth?!?!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Grammar matters!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Basically the same.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - dvcvc

 Is that foodinism?

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

My pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

 

This Week On The Gina Valley Blog:

My recent humor posts include

Friday Funnies – nvsvc (a weeks worth of funnies),

Top 10 Reasons I’m Rolling My Eyes (goofiness is all around us!),

Top 10 Signs It’s A BAD High School Reunion (is it a party or a pooper?),

Tuesday Tickles – dvuvc (a week’s worth of funny quips),

Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork! (more of life’s Duh! moments!),

Why Didn’t You Tell Him You AREN’T Blind? (kids’ point of view)

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?…Gina’s Favorites (miscommunication is the hallmark of our family).

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this week? Did you have a good week?  Any big plans this weekend?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?…Gina’s Favorites

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

While I’m trying to get my youngest son to decide between dressing up as a hot dog or a football player, and my youngest daughter continues to try to convince me that she needs to wear wings with her Egyptian princess costume, laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

I’m not sure which is the “better” part of the upcoming Costume & Candy Extravaganza, also known as Halloween:  the need to purchase the candy 50 times because we have no self-control, or the turning of our home into some sort of textile sweatshop in an effort to come up with costumes for 9 people, none of whom ever make a truly final decision on what they want to dress up as until the night before.

I think this decision-making trouble stems from the fact that they’re all hopped up on Halloween candy, but I’m not sure.  I can’t decide. I’m hopped up on Halloween candy, too.

It’s both insulting and flattering that my children assume I can produce a better-than-professional-quality garment to transform them into their dream character, with virtually no warning, no ideas from them, and constant scrutiny every step of the way.

Daughter#1 was inspecting my work and asking about the progress on her Halloween costume (by the way: I blame Project Runway for my children’s new found garment pickiness).

“Mom, will you hem and detail and shape the cape?” my eldest daughter asked, donning her most skeptical Tim Gunn face.

I, displaying miraculous self-control (no doubt bolstered by all the chocolate I’d been mainlining most of the afternoon) answered patiently (without even rolling my eyes!), “Of course I’m going to hem it and detail it. I’ll make your cape look great.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

“Cake?” Son#1, who had been slipping into a Dr. Who? induced coma, suddenly perked up and asked.

“Cake? You’re making cake?” Daughter#2 called out from the kitchen.

“Is it yellow cake?”  Son#3 hollered from upstairs.  (Is there any other food with “yellow” as a flavor?)

“Will you make chocolate frosting.  It’s best with chocolate frosting,” The Professor inquired.  He’d suddenly dashed out of his office and jumped onto this runaway train with our off-spring (I did not inquire as to why he was holding a package of pens, pruning shears, a roll of duct tape, and his laptop computer at the time.  Sometimes it’s better not to know).

If I’d announced at the top of my lungs that the house was on fire or that I’d fallen and was unable to get up, my pack’s reactions would have been split between ignoring me, and telling me to hang on because they were busy.  But, announce that I’m making cake, and everyone’s my best friend.  Now I know how The Little Red Hen felt.

Of course, I wasn’t actually making cake.  I was making cape.

Cape,” I said loudly and emphatically.  “C-A-P-E. She is dressing up as Red Riding Hood and she needs a cape. I’m making a cape.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Is That A Cake Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?...Gina's Favorites Communication Costumes

Son#4, my youngest child, the one most likely to listen carefully to my words before ignoring them, yelled from his bedroom, “Are you making cake?”

Daughter#3 chastised me from our living room, “You should make cake pops. You haven’t even used the cake pop maker you asked us to get for you for Christmas,” (I actually asked for a waffle stick maker).

Does it count as “quality family bonding time” when they’re all confused in the same way?

Now I kind of want some cake.  I should make one.

It’d be a nice change from all this candy.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How is the communication in your neck of the woods?  How quickly does candy disappear from your home?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – dvuvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter MomSpeak KidSpeak Tuesday Tickles – dvuvcTuesday Tickles – dvuvc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Why Didn’t You Tell Him You AREN’T Blind?

Why Didn’t You Tell Him You AREN’T Blind?

by Gina Valley

“Why didn’t you tell him you aren’t blind?”  I asked.

You can count on kids to blurt out every possible detail…as long as you don’t want them to. But, when a word from them could set the record straight or make everyone’s life easier, suddenly, they’re bound by a vow of silence.

“Why didn’t you tell him you aren’t blind?”  I asked.

There’re questions only parents ask. That’s definitely one of them.

“Why didn’t you tell him you aren’t blind?”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Why Didn’t You Tell Him You Aren’t Blind? Misunderstanding CommunicationMy 12, 13, & 15 year olds were riding with their dad in his dad’s enormous vintage Impala when the decades old car decided it didn’t want to continue any further. Unfortunately, they were in the left-hand turn lane of a large, busy street at the time. My husband, wisely, had our kids remain in the car, safely buckled, while he stared at the engine, willing it to start again.

We’re not really car-people. If we ask it nicely to start and it doesn’t, we’re pretty much out of ideas.

Our children are gifted with our family’s tendency toward very low scores in the height percentile rankings. We Valleys are not tall people, and we seem to be getting shorter with every generation. So, the giant car, once their grandfather’s pride and joy, dwarfed my children as they sat buckled in the backseat.

They were on their way home from the eye doctor. All 3 of the kids had had their eyes dilated, so all 3 were wearing large, dark glasses.

A young police officer arrived to help, and he misread the situation a bit.

He saw our children and likely thought they were much younger than they actually are. Apparently, he also misread what the dark glasses meant.

“He told us to hold hands so no one would get lost while he took us across the street,” my 12 year old complained.

“Then, he told us not to worry, because our daddy would be with us soon. Our daddy!” my 13 year old said, with obvious disdain.

“He thought we were four years old,” my 14 year old added. He’s always ready to stir the pot.

“And, blind! He thought we were blind,” my 15 year old proclaimed in her best Oh. My. Gosh! I’m so embarrassed tone.

“Why didn’t you tell him you aren’t blind?”  I asked.

“I didn’t want to hurt his feelings,” my daughter answered.

Somehow, I had enough strength not to visibly roll my eyes at that. But, they were certainly spinning inside my head.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you had to stifle a giggle when you child presented a less than logical response? Do you ever wonder what they’re thinking? Or, are they trying to drive us crazy? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork!

Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork!

by Gina Valley

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Someone With A Fork!

If there was even one clean fork in this house I’d have stabbed somebody.

Daughter#1 called during my morning meeting, which frankly wasn’t going that well anyway. Someone had just said that he didn’t understand my fee since I “just have to write down what pops into my head.” He then pointed out that it isn’t like I have to “work hard like a plumber or even an NFL player.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork! Stress

My cell phone buzzed with Daughter#1’s call right then, denying me the opportunity to search through my purse for a fork. That’s really too bad, because, as long as the jury had a few writers, artists or even pole dancers on it, I’m sure I’d never have been convicted.

I stepped out of the meeting to take Daugher#1’s call. My kids know to text when I’m scheduled for meetings, because I can always answer those subtly. They’re to call only if there is an urgent problem, like bleeding from an artery or being on fire or having head lice. So, naturally, I was concerned.

I was also a sucker.

Daughter#1, who is in high school, was calling me with a sock emergency, as in she needed some.

Now, you need to realize that when she left for school in the morning, I had mentioned her lack of socks. I’d told her to go back up to her room to get some before her ride left. Nothing stinkier than shoes that have housed naked feet.

But, it wasn’t her feet that were suffering from her lack of sockage. It was her hands. She needed socks to make a sock puppet. In her college preparatory history class. Did I mention she’s in high school?

When I noted that she could just get hers off of her feet, she mentioned, in fine teenage form, that she hadn’t exactly taken my sock advice that morning and wasn’t wearing any.

I texted a picture of a fork to her.

I bought a new, fluffy bed for our girl puppy, as her brother had spilled a gallon of milk on her old one. Even twice through the washing machine hadn’t gotten rid of the smell, so it had taken a trip to the rubbish can.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork! Stress

Our 70LB delicate feminine flower seemed thrilled with her soft, new sleeping place. She jumped on it, bit it several times, and then did her tradition pre-snooze 3 spins.

But, she didn’t lie down to snooze after the last spin. I thought she’d decided to sit down instead, but I was wrong. She wasn’t squatting to sit. She was, unbelievably since she’s been house trained for months, squatting to piddle.

Big canine that she is, her output was tremendous. The flood she produced quickly filled every nook and cranny of the fluffy, tufted bed.  Seeing the rising tide, I let out a yell. This startled the pup, and she and her piddle-soaked feet took off galloping through our house, leaving a trail of shiny, wet paw prints.

While I attempted to delicately wrangle the drenched bed out of my house, our boy puppy crashed into me, jolting the bed and causing much of its liquid cargo to splatter onto the floor. And my feet.

If I’d had a fork, I’d have used it.

Homework time was a joy to behold. My 12 year old, for example, morphed into a screaming, fit-throwing two year old, and took 37 minutes and 2 temper tantrums to write 1 spelling word definition. I handled the situation with extreme parental grace by turning into a screaming, fit-throwing two year old myself. Of course, my tirade was a bit more impressive than his. I have broader vocabulary.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Laugh, Cry, Or Stab Somebody With A Fork! Stress

I knew better than to allow myself to think about a fork at that point.

With our pack finally all in their beds for the night, I decided to tell The Professor the tale of my day’s woes. He is, after all, required to be sympathetic, at least until death parts us. He listened intently as I began.

I was not even half a sentence into the stabby story of my day when, not only did that man nod off, he flippin’ let out a snore that woke the dog.

But, I didn’t yearn for a fork.

I went and got a bowl of warm water.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

How’s your week going?   Are you laughing?  Any fork-worthy events?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Signs It’s A BAD High School Reunion

Top 10 Signs It’s A BAD High School Reunion

by Gina Valley

I went to my high school reunion this weekend.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d missed the first one, because I just wasn’t in a very reunion-y place at the time.  But, since The Professor has had 4, and enjoyed them all, I wanted to check mine out, too.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Signs It’s A BAD High School ReunionThere were some funny moments, like when the valet had us park our own car: “Pull in between the blue boat and the RV,” and when a good friend whispered in my ear, “People I don’t know keep talking to me and telling me we were close friends!” (I, naturally, asked her, “Are you sure you aren’t just seeing dead people?” because friends are supportive like that do.)

The classmate who put our reunion together did a great job. And, most importantly, I didn’t have to help at all. But, I asked some of my friends about their high school reunions, and apparently not all high school reunions are a great party like ours was.

Here’s how to know if yours might be more pooper than party:

Top 10 Signs It’s A BAD High School Reunion

#10.  The venue is at the end of a dirt road.

#9.  The current drivers’ ed class is doing the valet parking.

#8.  The dress code is “bras optional.”

#7. The bartender is your former ceramics teacher & requires everyone who wants a drink to make their own cup.

#6.  Smokers’ field is in the center of the dance floor.

#5.  It’s catered by the school cafeteria.

#4.  You have to sit on the former vice-principal’s lap, instead of a stool, in the photo booth.

#3.  The cake is leftover from your graduation.

#2.  The first game is An Interpretive Dance Off.  The second game is Help The People Who Threw Out Their Backs Get Off The Dance Floor.

#1.  The party favor bags were put together by the athletic department, and each includes an item from their vintage unclaimed jock strap collection.

Maybe 10 years is too soon for the next one.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you been to your high school reunion? How’d it go? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Reasons I’m Rolling My Eyes

Top 10 Reasons I’m Rolling My Eyes

by Gina Valley

I really hate it when my kids roll their eyes at something.

Especially when that something is me.

So, I make it a point to try not to do many eye rolls myself. Trying to set at least an ok example, and all that.

But, this week, I’ve been rolling my eyes so much I think it counts as cardio.

Why the sudden shifting of my oculars? I’m glad you asked.

Top 10 Reasons I’m Rolling My Eyes

#10.  Because when I walked up to the paint mixing counter with both teal and coral colored paint smudges on my hands and shirt, the Home Depot paint clerk told me, “If you want any color other than white we have to mix it.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Reasons I'm Rolling My Eyes Duh Moments

#9.  Because my eldest son said to me, while I was dragging his giant puppy off of our dining room table, again, “My friend’s turtle had 48 babies. They live 80-100 years, and get up to 150 lbs!  Can we get 2?”

#8.  Because when Son#2 handed me my car key it was bent to a 90 degree angle, and he said, “It was that way when I got it.”

#7. Because, after my pack had all left for school, I found a pair of someone’s underwear in my dining room. Again.

#6.  Because, after Son#4 told me, “I’m done cleaning the yard,” and I asked him, “Did you pick up the trash & sweep the patio?” he said, “No.”

#5.  Because clearly the difficulty in attempting to copy a missing key escaped my eldest daughter when she lost my house key, and said, “Can’t you just make another copy?”

#4.  Because Son#3, who has severe asthma triggered by exercise and plant allergies, announced, as he got out of our van and took off running across the field to soccer practice, that he decided not to take his allergy pill before soccer practice because he just didn’t feel like taking it.

#3.  Because when I told my Daughter#3 I was late picking her up because I fell asleep while I was working on a column, she said, “Wow, it must be really funny.”

#2.  Because when I told Son#2 I needed him to give Daughter#2 a ride to school because she overslept, he said, “Could you please ask me the night before next time?”

#1.  Because I tried to turn the TV channel with my cell phone. Again.

I wonder how many calories a good eye roll burns. After all, I’ve got a high school reunion coming up soonto get in shape for.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Any ridiculousness in your life lately?  Are your eyes a’ rollin’? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission