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The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

gina valley - The Glamorous Life Of The Modern Day Soccer Mom

Friday Funnies – utvc

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It’s Friday.

End of the week. Start of the weekend.

Pull up a chair & grab your favorite beverage.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Friday Funnies – utvc

Smiles From Around The World Wide Web

Complied by Gina Valley

Visit the Gina Valley Facebook page and to “like” it up.

Consider this your formal invitation to check out all of my boards on Pinterest.

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 Irony, I love. Ironing, not so much.

 

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 She did. She totally did.

 

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 See? You do need math as an adult.

 

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Never a truer story told.

 

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…but sometimes it’s so hard to keep my mouth shut!

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Facebook Pinterest Friday Funnies - utvc

They are. They really are!!!

 

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This makes me laugh more than it should.

 

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Yeah, you don’t want to stop there!

 

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I want one of these!

 

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Life was hard.

 

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It’s all about the coolness!

Have you fanned me up on Facebook? If not, here’s your chance!  Click on over and hit “like” so you don’t miss a giggle (be sure to hover and select “Show in News Feed” while you’re at it, so Facebook will show you the giggles).

My pins for the week are here on my Latest Great Pins Board.

 

This Week On The Gina Valley Blog:

My recent humor posts include

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner…Gina’s Favorites (some unexpected side effects),

The Great Meatloaf Project (sometimes help is not so much helpful),

Today, Sons Are Easier (customer service is an oxymoron),

Tuesday Tickles – uvsvc (a week’s worth of funny quips),

You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot…Gina’s Favorites (so embarassing),

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me (sometimes it’s ok to keep some secrets),

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day…Gina’s Favorites (enough with the whining already!),

Ode To The Invisible Trumpet (oh where, oh where has that little horn gone?).

I hope they gave you some giggles, too.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina             

What made you smile this week? Did you have a good week?  Any big plans this weekend?  Have you scheduled time to relax?  I’m looking forward to hearing about it!  Shoot me a comment with all the details!

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

It’s coming. Can you smell the chocolate?

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post to start setting the mood.

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

You know what I hate about Valentine’s Day?  I hate all the whining and complaining about Valentine’s Day.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day...Gina's FavoritesOh. My. Gosh.

People.  Settle down.

You’re protesting candy hearts and giggles.

You’re not Ghandi.

You’re rioting against a fake holiday, sucking the fun out of it for those of us who enjoy it, and making excuses for the inconsiderate, selfish people in your life.  Knock it off.

In other words, shut up shut up shut up.

Can’t let go of your Anti V-Day Attitude?  Here’s some help with that:

Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day

#10.  It’s too commercial – Really?  That’s the best you’ve got?  It’s too commercial?  Well then, I guess you also ignore Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, St Patrick’s Day, the Olympics, the Royal Baby’s birth, children’s birthday parties & every other conceivable opportunity for the big box stores and those evil greeting card peddlers to make a buck.  It’s too commercialized?  Of course it’s too commercialized.  So is every other thing on the planet.

You don’t have to ignore the whole concept to avoid commercialization of Valentine’s pure intentions any more than you have to do so for Christmas or Hanukkah.  Plan ahead.  Use your brain.  This is an occasion when the thought really does matter much more than anything else.

#9.  Everything is too expensive.  They jack up the prices.  – Really?  They raise the prices on limited stuff around a popular time?  Gee, seems like that comes up at every holiday.  It’s only a problem for those who fail to plan ahead. Don’t spend more.  Think more.  Be more creative.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day...Gina's Favorites

One of my favorite gifts from my husband is a bouquet of red, duct tape roses he made me one year.  It took him nearly a week to make, and he had his students work on group projects so he could make the whole thing at work to surprise me.  The planning and the effort make me smile every time I see them.

#8.  It encourages obesity.  If this is your beef (no pun intended), you need a reality check.  Yes, chocolate is often a symbol of Valentine’s Day, but that doesn’t mean it’s encouraging anyone to dump the clean eating, and switch to an all-candy diet.  If all the talk about chocolate and those little hearts with messages encourages obesity, what does that freaky little cupid guy encourage?  Naked archery?  We don’t hear much whining about that being an issue, and, what with it nearly time for the Olympics again, seems like we would.

#7.  Our relationship is in a bad place.  That stinks any day, even more so on Valentine’s Day.  But, don’t you think your efforts would be better spent thinking of something to celebrate about this person you’re still attached to, rather than complaining about the whole idea of a “Love Holiday”?  Surely there is something good there.  Run with that.  Even if all you can see through the hurt today is that her meatloaf rocks and she can juggle, or he always hits play at just the right moment while fast forwarding through commercials on the DVR and can ride a unicycle, you’ve got something to jot down on a paper heart.

#6.  You should show people you love them every day, not just on some day they tell you to. – Well, duh!  Of course you should!  Celebrating Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you get a “be self-centered the rest of the year” pass.  Celebrating Valentine’s Day is an extension of your everyday caring and loving attitude toward the important people in your life, particularly your significant other.  If celebrating how you feel about each other isn’t fun and natural, ask yourself if you’re doing that enough on other days.  If not maybe your problem is not the day, but the state of your relationship.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day...Gina's Favorites

#5.  I don’t even like candy or flowers.  Oh my gosh!  Really?  I’m not sure we can be friends.  How about just telling people you care about them?  Are you ok with that?  Because that is the whole point of the Valentine’s hubaloo.

#4.  Someone broke up with me on Valentine’s Day and I’ve hated it ever since.  That sucks, but get over it. It’s not a bad holiday. You had a bad significant other.  Send the jerk a beautiful Valentine’s Day card, thanking the individual for getting out of your life, and move the heck on.  The best revenge is being happy.  Choose that.

#3.  Gifts are so hard to get right.  Well then, talk to your significant other.  You know, communicate.  If you didn’t like the carton of Marlboros Bubba got you last year, mention directly to him that you would prefer a necklace or flowers or whatever it is you actually want.  There’s nothing wrong with slipping a URL to a gift-buying-impaired loved one, either.  If you don’t find the Valentine’s sweater your wife knits for your each year to be a particularly stimulating gift, give her some ideas for less time consuming ways to put a smile on your face.

#2.  I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with Valentine’s Day no matter what.  Fine.  But, shut up about it.  Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to rain on everybody else’s parade just because you’ve decided not to march.  You can be a vegan without telling everyone.  You can go to the gym without posting about it on Facebook.  And, you can skip out of Valentine’s Day without giving every person who mentions it a lecture about your non-interest.  More power to you.  And, more candy left for the rest of us.

 

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Stupid Complaints About Valentine’s Day...Gina's Favorites#1½.  It’s just for couples anyway, and I’m not part of a couple.  Part of a couple or not, you should have people you care about in your life.  A significant other should not be your only other.  Surely you have friends and family who would love to be reminded that you care about them.   If you don’t, your problem is neither lacking a better half, nor Valentine’s Day.

#1.  It’s so fake to have a particular day to tell people you love them.  That’s like saying you don’t wish someone a Happy Birthday on their birthday, because you’re always happy they were born.  Or refusing to say something you are thankful for on Thanksgiving because you are thankful for it every day.  Ridiculous.

Valentine’s Day isn’t brain surgery or mid-east peace negotiations.  It’s supposed to be fun.

So, lighten up.

Pass out some heart shaped candy.

And, smile.

Who knows, maybe you’ll impress that fat, naked, flying archer guy and he’ll help you out.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What should I add to my list?  Are you a V-Day hater or lover?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

by Gina Valley

My 13 year old son, let’s call him by his self-chosen name, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” plays the trumpet.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible TrumpetHe got this self-chosen moniker due to his choice in answers to the post-school queries I’ve learned to ask him while still in the school parking lot each day, so as to avoid making three different trips back to the school for forgotten items:

“Did you bring your math homework?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Where is your history project assignment sheet?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Don’t your PE clothes need washing?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

“Where is the form you wanted me to sign?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That.”

He invariably has to jog across the large campus to return to his locker or one of his classrooms to retrieve a forgotten academic item each day after school, while I wait in the parking lot. Sometimes, he has to make 2 trips. Occasionally, he’s had to make 3 trips.

This is why I always bring a magazine to the carpool lane.

This son of mine, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” started playing the trumpet last year, and has made amazing progress, particularly for someone who rarely practices. His teacher pointed out that he’s gifted with the ability to produce a clear, powerful tone, which many young trumpet players never develop.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

His teacher also pointed out that he encourages all of his students, including our dear boy, to practice every day, even for as little as 20 minutes. He told us the development and growth in our son’s skill, not to mention his grade in band, which is based heavily on a practice log, should he do this consistently, would amaze us.

We prepared to be amazed.

As part of that preparation we, as in me, decided the simplest method for “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” to use to ensure maximum compliance with this practice nearly everyday thing was for him to bring home his trumpet every single day, regardless of whether he thought he’d have time to practice it.

This also simplified the rare instances when someone other than me picked him up from school, as everyone was told he and the trumpet were a set, and not to show up with one without the other.

The Trumpet Home Every Day Method has worked quite well for us.

Until today.

This morning, to be precise.

This morning the Trumpet Home Every Day Method made everyone late for school and nearly brought on tears. And, not just mine.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

When it was time to get into our van to leave to begin the morning drop off circuit to my children’s 4 different schools, my son, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” did not have his trumpet in hand.

I raised an eyebrow and asked, “Trumpet?”

“No problem, mom,” he answered happily. I left it in the van because I knew I wouldn’t have time to practice it since I was going to be at camp all weekend.”

I operate on a “Trust, But Verify” channel of parenting. “Great,” I said. “Go get it.”

“But, mom,” he whined in an impressively skillful, well-practiced way, “we’re going out there anyway.”

“I don’t care. Go get it. I want to see that you have it.” It’s not my first time at this rodeo, and I’m not falling for the “I swear it’s already in the van” line.

Much grumbling and foot stomping ensued as my young off-spring plodded out to our van. He was gone longer than expected, and returned empty handed.  “It’s not there! I know I left it there! Someone stole it, mom.” He was nearly frantic.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Then, I remembered. “Your dad cleaned out the van while you were away at camp this weekend, so we could drive your sister and her friends to their dance. He probably brought it in. It’s probably right in the cubby behind your bedroom door, where it goes. Go grab it quickly. We have to go.”

Well, it was not in the cubby it goes in. It was not on the floor of his room. It was not in his closet. It was not even tucked into his bed (I found it hiding there once before).

It was not in the upstairs’ hall, nor in the kids’ bathroom. It was not in anyone else’s bedroom. It was not in the entry way, the kitchen, or the garage. It was not in the laundry room, the yard, the dog house, or the dining room (I don’t know why so many things that go missing end up in our dining room).

It was nowhere to be seen. Everyone panicked and began re-searching every room, while I called The Professor, who I knew was teaching a class.

“Where’d you put the trumpet when you cleaned out the van?” I asked, after he answered my call in a hushed tone, which told me he was in the middle of class.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

He sighed, and I knew he was wishing he hadn’t answered the call. “I didn’t see any instruments when I cleaned out the van. Lots of trash, lots of food, several items I couldn’t identify, but no trumpets.”

Crud. He was no help.

Search Round 2 netted no trumpet.

Everyone was stressed out, which is, after all, the best way to start the day.

We were running late, and still had not located his trumpet. “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” was mad and mumbling and demanding to know who stole his trumpet, as he stomped into our van and slammed the door. The child was obviously upset, necessarily upset, and appropriately upset. He didn’t have the materials he needed for his favorite class. He was also exhausted, having spent all weekend at camp.

The thing about playing trumpet in band at school is that you must have the trumpet with you at school to play the trumpet in band at school. If you don’t, the band teacher almost always notices right away.

And, it’s not like a pen or paper or gym clothes, which you can borrow from someone when you’re in a pinch. No one’s carrying around an extra trumpet in their backpack.

As “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That,” who was rapidly degenerating into “He Who Whines And Stomps,” got out of our van at his school, I reminded him to ask his teachers for the work he missed when he left school early on Friday to go to camp.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Ode To The Invisible Trumpet

Suddenly, “Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” broke into a big smile.

“Mom! I know where my trumpet is! The band room was locked when I left early on Friday, so I couldn’t get it. It’s in its locker in the band room!”

Before I could congratulate him on this sudden remembrance, my 14 year old son, blurted out, “Are you kidding me? You had us all search for a half an hour and made us all late to school and the stupid thing was already at school the whole time ‘cause you didn’t even bring it home?”

“Oh Yeah, I Forgot About That” just smiled at him and said, “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.”

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Do you have a particularly forgetful family member? Any items in your home prone to disappearing? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Thank you for joining me here to share in giggles, and for sharing my posts with your family and friends on your social networks. I appreciate all of your support.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – uvsvc

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter Tuesday Tickles – uvsvcTuesday Tickles – uvsvc

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share laughs.

Here’s some tweets that made me laugh in the last week.

Time to get your giggle on.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you get all the laughs!

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a laugh?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

by Gina Valley

Like all parents, I’m constantly asking my kids what’s going on and who did what to whom and who needs to be where & when and what that stain is.

Sometimes, it seems like my job is to know everything about everyone and everything at every moment.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell MeBut, sometimes, I don’t want my kids to tell me.

Top 10 Things I DON’T Want My Kids To Tell Me

#10.  I don’t want them to tell me why all of my son’s clothes, including underwear and socks, are still neatly folded and in the same stacks they were packed in when he returned from a week away at soccer camp.

#9.  I don’t want them to tell me how the dog ended up with bubble gum stuck to her rear end.

#8.  I do not want them to tell me why the chocolate covered almonds are no longer covered in chocolate.

#7.  I do not want them to tell me what is oozing out of the bottom of my son’s backpack.

#6.  I do not want them to tell me why my 2 youngest kids just ran into the bathroom, giggling, with the jar of Nutella.

#5.  I do not want them to tell me how long it’s been since my youngest knew where his tooth brush was.

#4.  I do not want them to tell me why my daughter’s shoe is filled with dog saliva.

#3.  I do not want them to tell me why the brand new soap I put in my kids’ bathroom a week ago when theirs ran out still hasn’t been opened.

#2.  I do not want them to tell me how much the container has swollen up because my son accidentally left a tub of yogurt on his desk for 2 weeks.

#1.  I do not want them to tell me, much less show me, how stiff PE clothes get when they have not gone home to be laundered for an entire semester.

I don’t want them to tell me.

Just five minutes. Please. I just want to sit here and finish my tea.

And, I do not want them to tell me.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

What do you not want to know? Anything oozing out of your kid’s backpacks? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

As always, I appreciate your taking time to read my humor, and am grateful for your efforts in sharing it with your family and friends on your social networks. Thank you!

Please be sure to join my subscription list at the top of this page so you don’t miss a giggle.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot…Gina’s Favorites

You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

While I was basking in the warmth under the dryer at The Hair Whisperer’s grotto yesterday, I was remembering the day I wrote about in my You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot post, and giggling about it. So, I figured that post would be perfect for Throwback Day this week.

Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot

Sometimes, I do something that I’m proud of myself for doing.

This was not one of those times.

I was at the hair place today for a much needed session with The Hair Whisperer. After she thoroughly coated my hair with some sort of magical goo, The Hair Whisperer had me sit under one of those giant, chair-mounted hair dryers.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot...Gina's Favorites EmbarrassmentEveryone knows that the dryers at a hair salon are akin to Sanctuary, and no one under a dryer is to be disturbed. Besides, you can’t hear what anyone says to you when you’re under one of those giant heat spewers anyway.

I planted myself under Dryer #1.  I was alone in the dryer area for the first few minutes, then a woman I’d never met planted herself under Dryer #4. Consistent with the Rules of Sanctuary, Woman Under Dryer Number 4 and I did not interact.

Now, I don’t know if God was testing me, or he just wanted to share a laugh, but at the very moment I happened to turn my head toward Woman Under Dryer Number 4, she sneezed.

It wasn’t a dainty little sneeze like many women do.  Nor, was it a more feminine version of the male free-for-all explosion.  No, this was more along the lines of what a blue whale does when it suddenly needs to clear its blow hole after 2 hours beneath the deep blue sea.

The force of her sudden nasal explosion created, as all the physicists might have expected, an equal and opposite reaction, causing her head to make a rapid acceleration toward the back of the dryer.

It didn’t even take a second for her velocity backward to be suddenly, and noisily stopped by the back of the drier hood, as signaled by a loud “thunk!” and a tremoring of the drier and chair.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot...Gina's Favorites Embarrassment

Before I could open my mouth to ask if she was OK, the force of her head hitting the back of the dryer resulted in what I can only assume was some sort of rebound effect, causing her head to jolt forward, where it, predictably, collided with the front of the drier hood, as signaled by another loud “thunk!” and an increase in the tremoring of Dryer Number 4 and its chair.

I’m not proud to admit that every fiber of my being screamed out for me to laugh.

And, it was not just tempting to laugh. It was almost impossible not to. After all, a sneeze-induced, double head whacking is way past funny. It’s hilarious!

I tried not to laugh. Really, I did. I bit my lip. I thought about that horrible commercial about the abused animals.  I remembered that time my grandpa wore his Speedo to the beach. But, nothing, no matter how sad or horrifying, could remove my need to giggle.

The more I tried not to laugh, the more I felt my body shake. Soon, tears were escaping my eyes. The fact that I shouldn’t laugh was making it nearly physically impossible not to do so.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot...Gina's Favorites Embarrassment

The shell-shocked Woman Under Dryer Number 4 wrangled out from under Dryer Number 4 without touching the hood. I couldn’t help but think she had developed a fear of it, after having suffered through 2 rapid-fire collisions with the plastic crown. I wondered what the word was for a fear of hair dryers. This caused my need to giggle to increase even more.

At that point I realized that The Hair Whisperer had returned to check my warming tresses and was standing next to me. Her mouth was open, clearly indicating that she had witnessed the sneeze-off, as well.

I knew if I made eye contact with The Hair Whisperer I would dissolve into a laughing heap, so I focused on the floor and continued to bite my lip in an effort to maintain control until Woman No Longer Under Dryer Number 4 was well out of earshot.

As Woman No Longer Under Dryer Number 4 crossed in front of me on trajectory toward the restroom, I lost my mind. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sure, looking back, that if I had simply followed the rules of Sanctuary, everything would have been fine. But, I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why. I just couldn’t help myself.

Barely able to contain my laughter, I heard myself, in what must have been a completely involuntary action, say to Woman No longer Under Dryer Number 4, “Bless you.”

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot...Gina's Favorites Embarrassment

She stiffened, and glared at me.

I might have been more taken aback by her giving me the evil eye had I not been so distracted her smock.

The salon staff outfits each client in a black smock upon arrival. The smocks make you feel like you’re at the height of fashion, and they’re great at hiding any wayward blobs of goo during the miraculous transformations the various aestheticians make.

When Woman No Longer Under Dryer Number 4 turned to give me the look I suddenly became aware of another effect of her nostril work out. Not only had the explosion released a tremendous amount of energy, resulting in her double-head-whacking, it had also apparently released an artful display of her nasal…er uh…productions.

It looked as though someone had airbrushed a delicate, glistening map of the cosmos on the front of Woman No Longer Under Dryer Number 4’s smock, and had dropped a couple big blobs into the mix. The bright lights shining from the ceiling made the strands and blobs glisten against the black background.

I almost expected to hear Carl Sagan telling me which heavenly body each splotch on her smock represented.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley You Might Think It’s Funny, But It’s Snot...Gina's Favorites Embarrassment

But, I did not expect to hear The Hair Whisperer whisper in my ear, “I think we might need to throw out that smock.”

But, she did, and I’m not proud to admit that I lost the battle to keep from giggling. I lost it big time. I didn’t just giggle. I laughed. I snorted. I laughed again. I hee’d. I haw’d. I totally lost it.

I never saw Woman No Longer Under Dryer Number 4 come out of the restroom. That might be because I was nearly blind from crying due to laughing so hard. Or, she might still be in there. That’s a shame, though, because I wanted to apologize to her.

So, Woman Under Dryer Number 4, if you’re reading this, I apologize for laughing during what was likely a mortifying and traumatic experience for you.

I admit I thought it was funny at the time.

But, I see now that it’s snot.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you ever done something hugely embarrassing in a public place? Have you witnessed someone else embarrassing themselves? How did you handle it? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Be sure to get first notice about my humor writings by subscribing to my email notices by clicking that lovely box at the top, right of this page. You’ll receive convenient updates when I post on this blog. I promise not to do anything weird or annoying with your email address.

And, as always, thank you for sharing my humor with your friends and family on your social media platforms. I already paid for those buttons at the bottom of the page, so I’m happy when you use them.

And, as always, I appreciate all of your support.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Today, Sons Are Easier

Today, Sons Are Easier

by Gina Valley

I have 4 sons and 3 daughters.

At least I think I do.

When they move fast it’s hard to tell. Sometimes, it seems like a lot more.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Today, Sons Are EasierAs the leader of a pack, I’m frequently asked which is harder to parent, sons or daughters. My answer is always “day” dependent.

“It depends on the day.”

Today, sons are easier.  Definitely easier.

Today, my daughter needs the perfect formal gown.

So, today, sons are easier.

It’s not my daughter’s fault.

It’s not her fault she needs a dress. It’s not her fault she can’t just walk into any mall, and find a store that will rent her an appropriate, perfectly fitting, head-to-toe, footwear and hat included, outfit for any formal occasion like her brothers can.  It’s not her fault that she has to come up with, not only a long dress that fits her and isn’t 2 feet too long for her petite frame, but also doesn’t look like any other girl’s at the event, and yet is similar enough to everyone else’s so as to fit in, but still is unique.

It’s not her fault.

But, today sons are easier.

And, it’s conversations like the one I had today, and have, for your convenience, included below, that make me feel that way.

The Customer Service Rep I spoke with, clearly, was doing everything in her power to help me prove sons are easier.

I think she was quite successful.

And, I wish I was making this up.

Join me about 5 minutes into a conversation about the perfect purple gown…

Me: You have 2-day shipping?

Customer Service: Yes, we have 2-day shipping.

Me: Can you ship this dress in 2 days?

Customer Service: Yes, we can ship this dress in 2 days.

Me: So, just to be sure, because she can’t use the dress unless it gets here in 2 days, you will ship it & it will get here in 2 days or less?

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am, we will ship it & it will arrive in 2 days or less.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Today, Sons Are Easier

Me: Great.

Customer Service: I can process that transaction for you.

Me: Ok, as long as it will be here in 2 days.

Customer Service: Yes. I understand. Here is your total charge, including our free, 2-day shipping. Please expect your package to arrive between February 18 and March 6.

Me:…Uhhh…today is January 20.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am.

Me: …Well, between February 18 is not in 2 days. That’s in 30 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am.

Me: You just told me you could ship it in 2 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am, it will arrive in 2 days or less, after we make the dress and process your order, between February 18 and March 6.

Me: She needs to be wearing the dress in 3 days.

Customer Service: Yes, ma’am. With 2 day shipping the dress will arrive between February 18 and March 6.

Me: Does this dress come with any accessories, like, say, a time machine?

Customer Service: No, this dress does not come with any accessories.

Me: Then, I’m going to need you to cancel that order.

Customer Service: Okay, I can process that transaction for you. I just need to get some information from you. Firstly, what shall I put is the reason you have decided to cancel your order?

Me: …Insanity.

I’m glad she didn’t ask me whose.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Have you had a less than service-filled customer service experience? Which do you think is easier to parent, sons or daughters? Shoot me a comment. You’re already here anyway, and I’d love to hear what you think.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

The Great Meatloaf Project

The Great Meatloaf Project

by Gina Valley

I’d planned to make meatloaf for dinner, but my day had gone anything but as planned.

My family loves meatloaf.

I know that’s weird.

Most kids think meatloaf is nasty stuff, right up there with fruitcake and Brussel sprouts on the desirability scale.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf ProjectI remember, when I was a kid, thinking of meatloaf as some sort of bland, consolation meal we had when there was absolutely nothing else available. But, my pack loves the highly seasoned meatloaf I make. So does The Professor.

So, when I mentioned to my 13 & 14 year old sons that I wouldn’t have time to make meatloaf, I wasn’t surprised they were disappointed.

I was surprised when they offered to make the meatloaf as a favor for me.

They would be in the kitchen doing all the legwork to put the meatloaf together. I would supervise and provide gentle guidance, while working on my laptop, from our nearby family room.

It seemed like the perfect plan.

So, I really should have known better.

Rarely does anything thing that seems like a good plan work out that way. A perfect plan never goes as intended.

The first hiccup in The Great Meatloaf Project was that the recipe was only in my head.

Of course, I had to write down my recipe, as my kids cannot read my mind, no matter how much they think they can. But, I reasoned with myself, realizing the large amount of time it would take to list all of the ingredients and steps, not to mention trying to find paper and a working pen, that I’ve been meaning to start writing my recipes down, anyway.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

And, I had to convert my “3 big handfuls of this” & “a thumb-sized pile of that” & “enough so it smells really good of that other stuff” into real measurements for my sons.  The scientist in me was tempted to use the metric system, but, since most of our measuring devices are of the standard American English system, cups, teaspoons, and pounds won out over milliliters and kilograms.

Apparently, I determined, my 8 handfuls of chopped onions is about 2 cups, and my giant bowl of half ground beef and half ground turkey is actually 7 pounds. Who knew?

It took me about an hour to figure out all of the ingredients and their measurements, and to write them down. It took me another 10 minutes to re-write the whole thing after my 13 year old accidentally spilled his glass of milk across it, resulting in disappearing ink.

I didn’t realize milk dissolved ink. Lesson learned.

I recopied the recipe, and then made a copy of the recopy with our printer. Just in case.

I suggested, strongly, to my sons that they assemble all of the necessary ingredients and needed measuring devices prior to starting The Great Meatloaf Project. They ignored my advice. I don’t know why that surprised me.

I kept both ears alert as I sat down with my computer and got back to work.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

The sounds of two young professional chefs floated out from our kitchen. It sounded a lot like the chatter on Iron Chef.

“You’re stupid!”

“No, you’re stupid!”

“No, you’re stupid!”

I provided them with some gentle, directed parenting, “Hey! Knock it off!”

They were silent for at least 2 seconds, before they slipped into giggling, and what I hoped was the sounds of making progress on the meatloaf.  I was pretty sure I was hearing ingredients landing on the table, but it might have been my son’s taking turns jumping off the counter.

Sometimes it’s better not to know.

At one point my 14 year old asked, “Is the spoon with a capital T a tablespoon or a teaspoon?”

I answered, “A tablespoon.”

My 13 year old said, “Oh, well, it probably doesn’t make much difference.”

I asked, “What doesn’t make much difference?”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. Everything’s under control,” they answered in unison, which every parent knows is a frightening thing.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

I was tempted to go see what they were up to, but I decided it was better to maintain a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” stance.

I heard a crash, and some sort of avalanche. It sounded like they’d knocked over the rice canister, except that we don’t have a rice canister.  I was just hoping it wasn’t the brand new package of bread crumbs. They’d need those to make the meatloaf.

“Was that the bread crumbs?” I hollered.

“Uh..no?” my 14 year old answered, sounding like he wasn’t completely convinced himself.

“Do you need some help?” I asked.

“No! Don’t come in here,” my 14 year old said.

“Just relax, mom. We got this,” my 13 year old said.

I was not relaxed and I did not think they “got this,” but I really did not want to go in there. So, I didn’t.

After all, how bad could it be? The fire alarm hadn’t been triggered, and nothing was oozing under the door. Yet.

I decided to choose ignorance. They say, “Ignorance is bliss,” right? Of course, “they” weren’t going to come clean up our kitchen’s Post Traumatic Meatloaf Mess, either.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley The Great Meatloaf Project

Remarkably, no actual physical altercations between my two budding gourmets ensued during the Great Meatloaf Project, although they nearly came to blows while deciding who got to put in the eggs. And, surprisingly, my head did not explode due to the mess, although I do expect at least a week of breadcrumb-based nightmares.

By my calculations, my sons well-meaning gesture to save me the 30 minutes I’d normally spend putting together meatloaf for dinner caused me to spend about 2 ½ hours of pre meatloaf project prep & post meatloaf project cleanup (after they “cleaned up.”) (how did they get ground beef on the ceiling?!?!) . That doesn’t even take into account my mental anguish, pain, and suffering throughout the ordeal…I mean favor.

At dinner, everyone complimented my sons on the taste of meatloaf they’d put together. It was quite delicious. My 13 year old son said, “Hey, mom, since this project turned out so great, we should help you make the spaghetti sauce tomorrow.”

I don’t think I can survive any more help this week.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Anyone helping you this week? Did you help out in the kitchen when you were a kid? Shoot me a comment. I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner…Gina’s Favorites

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner…Gina’s Favorites

by Gina Valley

Two of my sons made dinner for us a couple nights ago. It was delicious, but our kitchen still hasn’t recovered, and I’m still having meatloaf-based nightmares. So, I figured my Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner post would be perfect for Throwback day this week.
Laugh along with this Gina’s Favorites post.

Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

My kids are helping make dinner tonight.

Right now 12 and 13 are browning meat for tacos.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner...Gina's Favorites Kids CookingYes, I made sure the fire extinguishers are ready to go.  No, I haven’t had a nervous breakdown.  Yet.

I’m trying to smile and to remain positive.  I think I’m actually grimacing and developing an aneurysm.

When I decided to insist that my children start helping more with the day to day needs of our family, I forgot that meant that I’d need to face the results of my children helping with the day to day needs of our family.

They’re still learning.  Having them more deeply involved in the processes that keep our home running has lots of far reaching effects.  It teaches them responsibility.  It reminds them about the efforts made on their behalf.  It’s raising my blood pressure.

Plus, there are some clear benefits to having my progeny help make our evening meal.

10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner

#10.  Mystery ingredients keep your mind sharp.

#9.  No stress about washing the pots and pans.  You have to wash the whole kitchen anyway.  A couple metal vessels pale in comparison to that.  Might have to wash the whole downstairs.  One time, they even trashed our van while browning meat for tacos.  I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

#8.  No serving dish necessary.  The food is already “artfully” presented all over the stove, counter, floor, and ceiling.

#7.  The dog has been fed.  Repeatedly.

#6.  You have no trouble limiting your serving size, as you wonder how many body parts were scratched during the dinner creation process.

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Top 10 Great Things About My Kids Helping Make Dinner...Gina's Favorites Kids Cooking#5.  It will qualify you to be an excellent candidate to appear on Kitchen Impossible or Dr. Phil.

#4.  It’s a great time to inventory your kitchen, as every cupboard and drawer, as well as the refrigerator and freezer, will be left open for easy analysis.

#3.  Dinner conversation will be effortless.  Between the I made this!’s and the What is this?’s all conversational opportunities will be filled.

#2.  Your kitchen floor will have a new, decorative design, and permanent non-slip surface. 

#1.  The following day your spouse will be much more likely to utter those three little words you so long to hear: Let’s eat out.

Maybe I’ll just have a cup of tea.

Laugh Out Loud!

-gina

Are the helpers around your place helping?  What do you wish you had more help with?  Is there a chore you like to do?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.

Photos courtesy of Stock.xchng – Used with permission

Tuesday Tickles – utvcd

Humor Funny Humorous Family Life Love Laugh Laughter Parenting Mom Moms Dad Dads Parenting Child Kid Kids Children Son Sons Daughter Daughters Brother Brothers Sister Sisters Grandparent Grandma Grandpa Grandparents Grandfather Grandmother Parenting Gina Valley Twitter Tuesday Tickles – utvcTuesday Tickles - utvcd

Complied by Gina Valley

I love to share giggles.

Here’s some of the tweets

that made me laugh in the last week.

 

Great tweets from great tweeps:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be sure to follow me on Twitter so you don’t miss a laugh!

Don’t miss a giggle.  ”Like” up my Facebook page, and share it with a friend.

Laugh Loud Out!

-gina

What makes you smile?  Where do you turn when you need a giggle?  Do you have a favorite tweeter?  Shoot me a comment.  I’m looking forward to hearing all about it.